Sempiternal: • A.L.I.V.(d)E(ad)? • - Kuma_Kuroko - 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys (2024)

Chapter 1: Nobody (everybody) knows

Chapter Text

The plane lands after many hours in the air. Most of them wake up, except for Jimin and Yoongi. Jungkook carries Jimin on his back and Hoseok carries Yoongi, although he had difficulty in doing so. Just a step behind Mikhail, goes Namjoon. The first thing he faces with the hatch open, are soldiers pointing.

"Extraction successful. No infected. Code 1301." he enunciates in Russian and the soldiers immediately lower their weapons.

With a gesture, the seven begin to climb out of the vehicle. Almost encircled and cold to the bone. The place looks like a stereotypical military base, very similar to the place they come from, with less tents on the outside and in contrast, a huge well-built building.

"First they will do a physical examination" Mikhail announces without stopping walking and without even giving them a glance. "Answer some basic questions and they will be taken to the shelter. It's protocol."

"And what are we supposed to-"

Mikhail turns and faces Namjoon. The man is not intimidated by the military man. He is a normal man. If he could face Junghwa and Junhan, Mikhail is not going to scare him at all. He is just a man.

He is not a monster. Both in a good way and in a bad way.

"That I must discuss with the council. At most, it will take a month" Namjoon purses his lips. Thirty days is a long time. "Until then, don't let the slightest problem be heard. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir." he replies reluctantly. He supposes it's worse than nothing and being stuck in the middle of nowhere starving and freezing to death."

No sooner are they separated from Mikhail than they are in an examination room. Similar to a hospital office. With the difference that people come and go about their business, but able to observe what others are doing. It is a very uncomfortable and stuffy environment. The difference in treatment is noticeable. Very brusque, no one really seems to have any interest in them beyond wanting them to get the hell out.

Not just in terms of physicality and attitude, it's also about how they are addressed. They only speak English here, so six of them are officially lost and making faces that cause a bad mood in the soldiers and doctors present. Namjoon is the only one who understands, but only halfway: they speak with such a thick accent that it is impossible for him to fully define what they are saying.

So it becomes a situation of pushing, shoving, swearing and insults said in Russian that none of them understand and generally dragging out something that should be easy, simple and quick.

"Koreans are a f*cking pain in the ass."

"Get it over with quickly. No need to keep them here all day. I don't want to deal with them any more than I have to."

"I'll have to do it, so, unfortunately for you, you'll have to do the same."

Jimin gives an obfuscated groan Why are they arguing so much? He is stunned and annoyed by the sound around. It is very shrill because of the quietness of the environment. He covers his ears with his hands and closes his eyes, trying to find calm. Fortunately, someone enters the room: the woman from the interrogation. Seeing them there, she frowns.

"Why haven't you prosecuted them yet?"

"Because they're stupid and don't understand anything we tell them. That's why."

"They're Koreans. Do you seriously expect them to understand your sh*tty accent?" indiscreet criticism, leaning in close with a pout and settling his glasses on his face. "I'll have to write a report on the incompetence in here. Considering that one of the requirements demanded, is to have good command and pronunciation of English."

"My English is good. They're the morons who don't pick up on anything."

She turns her head to Namjoon, whom she remembers spoke English with the nurses without a problem. She gestures for him to come closer. Namjoon is taller than a couple of the soldiers standing there.

"Do you understand them speak?" she asks and Namjoon shakes his head.

"I don't understand anything they say. Barely a little and I can't translate for them if I don't understand either" she justifies pointing to the others. Hoseok waves his hand. "It's not that we don't know Russian, because we don't and we are aware that they are insulting us "he adds with an exasperated, barely concealed gesture. "It's about the fact that we also want to leave and it would be easier if they would try to pronounce better. They don't. They slur their words."

"Speak." she orders and although the man tries hard, it's clear he can't pronounce much of what he says well.

She writes down the names of everyone who has dealt with the seven so far, warning that they will have to test again to keep their position and aside from that, they will most likely have to take another position.

For their present place went to their heads to be in such a safe place. Needless to say, the discomfort they had towards them is even greater now. The inspector stays behind to act as a translator, knowing English and Korean to be able to communicate. The first to pass is Jimin, just to have his report up to the top. Inside the office that is barely a wall dividing everything else, he breathes a sigh of relief, the fuss died down a bit.

"Thanks for helping us." murmurs Jimin and she smiles slyly, kindly.

"No problem. that's what I'm here for, I volunteer" she informs and Jimin balaces where he is sitting, "my name is Vanya Magomedova, nice to meet you." She introduces shaking his hand and Jimin reciprocates.

"Park Ji-Min." he smiles faintly and barely.

Because of his presence, there is no need to even try English. The awkwardness is huge due to having to be almost naked in front of this person, seeing others come and go who might peek equally. Their height, weight, scars, tattoos, all put on several sheets of paper. Drawing blood, saliva and even urine.

The latter fortunately if it was in a bathroom and not in front of them. A couple of huge x-rays and photos to their brain. It's a bit of a long and overwhelming process.

"Okay...now you're going to go over there" he points to a secluded seat. "And you're going to answer these questions."

Unlike everything else, the sheet is indeed in Korean. He doesn't ask how or why, he just accepts it. He dresses in the new clothes handed to him and walks over there. Next to pass is Yoongi. Jimin sits at the table, yawns and reads the questions:

First and last name Age:
Place of birth: Region:
Sex: Blood type (color):
Health conditions Before The Fall:
Family members: Surviving members:
Spouse: Pets:
Place of stay on the day of The Fall:
Travel prior to The Fall: Date travel began:
Were you in contact with the Korean military force:
Were you evacuated from a refugee center? If not, what was the evacuation point at which you were extracted:
Did he come into contact with infected people?

"Why so many questions?" complains Jimin aloud with a distorted face. Not even in his school exams did they demand so much of him. There are others, even sillier. Like number of tattoos, if he allied with any ex-convicts and the like. The only one that makes him sweat is the last one.

In case you are MALE, are you a Peulleieo?

When Yoongi sits next to him, complaining loudly about the whole exam. "They wanted to see me up to my balls and samples of what was going to come out of there what's all the exam for?" he notices Jimin and doesn't understand what his panic is about. The junior takes the sheet from him and flips it over, pointing to the last question.

Yoongi opens and closes his mouth, eyes wide open. It's too specific a question, also strange Why would he be interested in knowing that? He stammers and stands up, because they don't understand each other and don't care, no one says anything to him as he approaches the others. The one being examined now is Jin.

He is safe from the question. He hurries to almost flatten himself on Namjoon, showing the paper and asking:

"What are we supposed to answer?"

Namjoon furrows his eyebrows and takes the sheet. There is nothing else. He just waits for a yes or no by checking the little boxes. Namjoon moves his jaw and shakes his head.

"Say no. No one has to know. They're not going to notice either... Or are they?"

"I didn't get such an internal examination" Yoongi reports and that's a relief. "I guess there's no way... I hope not." he concludes straightening up.

Due to the small number of Peulleieo in Korea, there are not many reports on how they are found to be. Other than the hellish pain it is to find out for themselves. As far as they have record, there are no superficial medical examinations capable of noticing that they have a uterus.

Not to mention that as far as they are concerned, they no longer are. Not even Jimin. They took that part out of their bodies and it no longer exists. It's not lying to put a negative on that question. It is putting the information that they know and consider correct, plus it generates too much suspicion that they want to know about it.

For years they have not wanted to know about it. First it was imperative and suddenly, no longer. The odds of it being problematic are high. Very high. Nothing better than pretending not to know about it.

. . .

"So much trouble for something that could have been done faster," Namjoon complains, tugging at his pants. There aren't any in his size and the only one they could give him is too small. Frankly, it's crushing his testicl*s.

"At least we're ready now... to go to whatever it is they're going to take us to." says Jin overwhelmed.

"It could have been a better start. That's for sure." exhales Yoongi disappointedly. Hoseok shrugs.

"At least it's something." Conformity is their virtue and for this occasion, they want to hold on to that.

They climb into the armored van that will take them to the shelter. It's a good few miles away. What's outside is a snowstorm that barely allows them to see anything. Judging by the calmness of the driver, who can't see anything either, he does this a lot and is not worried about hitting anything.

They would like to say they have the same faith.

The building is just as immense as the previous one, taller and with small lighted windows. It is noticeable that there are many rooms in there. They enter the place and get out of the car. What is there is the same stifling military atmosphere so similar to the den. Jungkook keeps Jimin holding his hand, making sure he doesn't go anywhere alone or get too upset.

They head to where they are directed, receiving four backpacks full of clothes, a towel, toothbrush, a tracker bracelet for "security" and four keys in total.

"The rooms are for two people. You are on the nineteenth floor, west wing" informs the woman noting your names on the list of new arrivals. "Fighting, serious injury and murder are forbidden. Anyone who does so will be severely sanctioned and will diminish their chances of a hearing."

"Hearing?" repeats Namjoon in confusion. She looks at them over the top of her glasses.

"They are entitled to a hearing to go to shelter five, should they feel they don't deserve to be here" she informs and Namjoon wrinkles his expression. That doesn't sound like much of an improvement. In and of itself, it's troubling What level of people are here that they should ask for a hearing? "If anyone has a relationship with a minor they must pass written justification before any approach; sexual relations are forbidden outside the rooms or in the bathrooms."

"Minor...? Forget it" He doesn't want to know. He takes the keys without further ado. All with a key ring that tells you which room they're from. Not adjoining, unfortunately. "Thank you... If they're in twos, why...?"

"Two, in, two" He insists. "When the next ones arrive, one of them will have another roommate."

They look at each other. To have to share with a stranger who is like Ming? As the only example that comes to mind. Namjoon clears his throat and turns away from the locker. Hoseok hurries over and in awkward English, asks:

"Can three of us stay inside one? We have no problem sharing a bed." his awkward smile seems to irritate her more.

"I said only two in each room Don't you understand, is his brain atrophied out there?"

Hoseok backs away, intimidated.

Namjoon urges them to simply go upstairs to see what it's like. On the way up, they see a lot of people hanging out. Talking, eating something or other, playing board games. Of every race there could be. There is no kind of exception.

What there is, however, is separation. Brown people with brown people, blacks with blacks, whites with whites and Asians with Asians. Hardly anyone interacts with any other race. They want to put it down to language differences. It's hard to communicate around here.

However, Namjoon is convinced that many people here speak English as their mother tongue and yet they don't speak to each other. As if this couldn't look increasingly awkward. The elevator is slow, but when they reach the floor, they find a long, bland white hallway. Some people talking from the doors of their rooms, chairs outside to make chatting circles.

They let them pass, not without a glance at them. Taehyung feels especially uncomfortable with the way they do, with one of them giving a cynical chuckle.

"Until someone else arrives... I was starting to get bored of the eleventh floor." Yoongi tries to identify what language it is-German? Norwegian? Sounds strange to him.

They get to the rooms, skipped, but enter one to find out what they look like... And it's pathetic. It's tiny. There's barely half a meter between one bed and another. Thin mattresses as if they were made of foam rubber, flat pillows, a single lamp because the nightstand is shared and a shelf to put their belongings on.

Namjoon picks up the manual on the door. Instructions for the bathroom -which is communal-, meal times, the dining hall -also general-, how forbidden it is for both genders to peep into other people's bathrooms and that the wings are divided between female and male as a precaution.

"In conclusion, we are in the prison" Namjoon reluctantly sums up. "Well... the spare room" He rubs his face with one hand. It can be explained why they don't put three in one room: they're tiny. They barely have air to breathe in here. "Except for Jimin, we'll take turns" They nod in agreement and Jimin looks out the window, not even listening to them talk. "If we're here for a month, the seven of us will be together for that whole month. No going out at night alone, no trying to explore. Together or with a chaperone."

"Do you think it's that serious?" asks Taehyung, nervously. Namjoon nods.

"There's a very bad atmosphere...besides, if they divide by wards, it's because they are aware that there are rapists here" Namjoon points out and bites his cheeks for a moment. "Mikhail warned me that we must be without any problem for them to validate his request in council. So we should... be... quiet."

"Why do I feel like you're saying that specifically for two people?" comments Jin with crossed arms and a strained smile.

The five turn their gazes towards Jungkook and Jimin. Jungkook blinks repeatedly and points his finger at himself, "Why him?" Namjoon nods his head. Indeed, they are the two who worry him the most. Jimin has already attacked people. Even if it's because of the trauma he's carrying around and it's natural, they need to keep it from happening here.

Not until they have a psychologist, a psychiatrist and a therapist in the same room explaining why he behaves this way and why he needs to have a space with women almost exclusively. The only thing that doesn't cause his explosions and aggressive outbursts.

Jungkook for his part, can't control his temper. Now less than ever. So it's a risk they have to keep sufficiently controlled.

"Okay: Jin sleeps with Jungkook, Taehyung sleeps with Jimin, Yoongi sleeps with Hobi and I sleep alone for today" Namjoon plans. "We will rotate in a circle. Next Jin, then Jungkook, Taehyung and so on. Any complaints?"

None say anything, they like this initial scheme. Except Jungkook, who would like to sleep with Jimin, but he'll get his turn. It's a whole month, there's a chance.

"Well... let's settle in as best we can." He exhales overwhelmed, scratching his head and tossing his hair.

Going to the bathroom was an experience in itself. They took advantage of the last showers, with two of them supervising while the others bathed. Few of them minded being looked at oddly for this, even teased. They are rested enough to keep a firm attitude.

The food could have been better, just as it could have been worse. It was in a terrible middle ground. Unpalatable, but enough to keep them from getting hungry. At bedtime, they discover the real reason for not having more than two people in each room: they have watchmen.

Through the bedroom window, they could notice the men keeping watch outside. It is obviously heavier to manage three people than two in one place. It is also worth noting that they lock them inside the rooms and they cannot come out until it is seven o'clock in the morning.

"Can he sleep with you?"

"Sure."

Jimin lies down next to Taehyung, with the taller one hugging him with one arm. He gives him a kiss on the head and closes his eyes, ready to sleep. Jimin hugs him too, nestles his face into Taehyung's chest and is able to fall asleep quickly.

. . .

"The bed is too small."

"And too thin."

Jungkook takes a deep breath, lying on Jin's chest. It's a better pillow than the one they have. Jin took Jungkook's, plus some clothes so he doesn't feel so flat. Between dreams he strokes his back and hair, pleased with his presence and warmth.

. . .

"Your heart beats so beautifully."

"It just beats." mumbles Yoongi with his eyes sleepy and Hoseok almost totally on top of him. He grabbed his pillow and keeps his hand underneath. He's going to wake up with a sore neck from how thin the pillows are here.

Hoseok falls asleep much faster, thanks to having Yoongi for support. He's so soft and perfect for this.

. . .

He inhales and exhales hard, looking at the ceiling. Fingers crossed on his lap and feeling sick. He associates it with being alone and it's unpleasant. Locked in a space so small that it seems to close in over the minutes. He closes his eyes and furrows his eyebrows, he looks for his accommodation, he looks for peace, he doesn't get it and for that reason, he doesn't get sleep either.

Just lying there in solitude for long, almost endless hours.

"We're basically in Guantanamo." mutters Namjoon, who, thanks to the lack of storm outside, can see the amount of military surveillance in the courtyards, gardens and on the walls surrounding the building.

"At least there's no scandal" muses Jimin. "Nor people doing anything to us. It's the best we've had so far."

"For now" Jin points out. "Who knows when the thing happens that breaks the spell."

"I want to not think about it now," admits Jimin lying back on some cushions. "It makes me nervous. I don't want an anxiety attack or to pay attention to Hajun."

"To Hajun?" repeats Hoseok," but if you killed him-well, not even, you ate him." He corrects with an awkward, nervous laugh. Jimin continues to fiddle with the plates under his shirt and squints to the right.

Where Hajun is leaning out, staring at him. He doesn't know why he's there. at least he's silent. He knows it's not real, but still, why does he keep seeing it? A mystery that will not be solved today. He knows as soon as Vanya and four other men in robes enter the recreation room they occupy.

The six of them seem to have seen a Yagtalja able to walk in the snow with no problem.

"We need to... talk..."

Namjoon tilts his head Talk about what, did they do anything? They just slept, bathed and ate. Nothing else.

. . .

"Lying on the form is very serious, it could keep them from getting them out of here How can they think of that?" scolds Vanya quietly, alone to Namjoon as the doctors talk to the others.

"Not lying to us about anything" replies Namjoon. "We literally put in everything that was needed. Nothing more, nothing less What are you talking about?" he asks confused and she gives an exasperated groan.

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about the last question, all of you except Jungkook and Jin are zavodchiki" The confusion in Namjoon makes it clear that, with that word, he doesn't know what he's talking about. "I don't remember what they're called in Korea, in America it's Maiden."

"Ah..." He shakes his head, uncomfortable. "We were, as kids. We were all operated on for not-"

"They're zavodchiki!" he exclaims through his teeth and under his breath. "All five of us" Namjoon continues to deny and she loses her patience. "On all the tests he gives affirmative that they are. This is very-"

"Mr. Kim" The doctor who enters brings with him a chart with several tests printed on it. Vanya falls silent and takes a step back, her nervousness dancing between anger and exasperated. "I'm sorry for the delay, but your situation should be discussed privately in difference to your colleagues" she informs looking up. "I can assume that you have already been informed of the crime you committed."

"I committed no crime: I am no longer a Peulleieo. As soon as I developed, my mother and father extracted it. I didn't-"

"It's on tape, Mr. Kim" Namjoon is left speechless. His face slack, heart racing and cold creeping up his back. "We can estimate that the creature is about two months old" he reports holding up a couple of sheets. "So it is necessary for you to talk to us regarding-"

"Namjoon- Hey, don't you- Hey!"

Initially, Vanya tries to stop him from leaving; he pushes the doctor as if he doesn't care what he says; leaning against the walls with sickly pallor on his face; sweat all over his body and involuntary trembling. Thousands of shivers happening at the same time. His purple lips and teeth shivering.

He is not expecting a baby.

That's not possible.

That would mean he's from Junghwa.

That it's Junhan's.

No. That's not happening.

He doesn't have an Alpha inside him.

That's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real. It's not real-

At the same time, Jungkook and Yoongi come out from where they are, ready to interrupt and fight the issue of being able to procreate, only to see Namjoon fall to the floor, hyperventilating and clutching his abdomen with both arms. A choked and awkward moan, without a way for him to manifest the crisis he feels.

How distressed he is.

He vomits suddenly, scaring them further and if they don't hold him, he would have fallen on that vomit.

Chapter 2: "Easy" decision

Chapter Text

"We must inform you that it is a very serious crime that has been committed here" informs the man with the tablet and reports in hand. "Not just one of you, but all five of you, decided to deny your status as maidens."

"We are not that" replies Yoongi instantly, standing up. "We all had an operation when we were children: they took out that reproductive system" the producer explains and the others nod. Jin moves his jaw, uncomfortable Why would it be a crime to lie about that? "As far as we're concerned, it's not possible that-"

"The blood type they have is purple" He interrupts coarsely and impatiently to Yoongi's displeasure. "And it should be emphasized that that blood type, has a high capacity to regenerate tissues. Regardless of how far it was amputated" he clarifies and puts his hands behind his back. "It has happened many times that the maidens regenerate that tissue. Even if they don't know it or if there's no sign that it happened."

"That's why I can't be a primen: we didn't know that happened" Yoongi defends with a cynical smile. "Besides, I don't know if he noticed, I'll assume he did, because it's in my f*cking face" He taps his cheek, "but this hasn't healed when it should have! How the f*ck was I supposed to know my asshole uterus was going to come out again! After f*cking up my childhood!"

One of them laughs, clearly there is logic to Yoongi's claim. If he has a scar, if everyone has them why would an internal organ come back out of nowhere? Without even having a sign of it.

"The truth" Starts another, more patient and who laughed. "Many of those who were operated on at the time have the uterus, but it is not functional. It doesn't ovulate, that's why they have no signs of anything" he explains and they give a vague ah. Jimin purses his lips Why did his if it worked, does he have it again? "However, the reason they had to say yes, is because it's a much needed resource that we don't have."

"Why a resource?" demands to know Jin, but by his gestures, he won't get an answer.

"Why is Namjoon out? He should have this explanation too, shouldn't he?" replies Jungkook.

They don't say anything either and one of them, the main one and the one who started what looked like a discussion, leaves. Presumably to talk to Namjoon. Jimin puts his hands to his face and takes a deep breath, turning his head to Jungkook.

"No matter what I do, it's going to come back out... I don't want this." he whispers quietly and Jungkook shakes his head.

"We'll find some solution for that," he states. "First... let's go get Namjoon."

Yoongi walks out along with Jungkook and they encounter the strange scene. Which, without context of any kind, just makes them think they did something wrong to him. Jungkook goes straight to the doctor, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, raising his fist and staring at him. The way his expression and presence mutated from a calm, almost confused young man to a menace is to be admired.

Even his voice seems to have dropped a tone, deeper and chillingly echoing:

"What did you do to him? What did you do to him?" he asks repetitively and slams him against the wall, drawing a whimper from him. "I asked you: what did you do to Namjoon, answer me the f*ck before you-"

The weight on his arm makes him push and turning to see who he hit, he finds Jimin with a broken nose. Jungkook stammers, nervous that he broke his nose. Jin and Yoongi manage to put Namjoon on Taehyung's back, all in order to get him to the medical area "He said behave... it's not the time" mutters Jimin, so low he can barely be heard.

Jungkook gasps and slowly releases the doctor, eyeing him warily. Every part of his body tense and ready to attack at the slightest provocation from him. The man straightens his robe, his shirt and looks at him with contempt, looking up and down. He says a couple of things in Russian.

"He must be the baby's father. Ya if he's so afraid something will happen to it."

"Father of what?"

Both Jimin and Jungkook lose their concentration What is he talking about?

"He must be around two months or two and a half months old," the doctor murmurs, passing the reader over Namjoon's still flat abdomen. What curvature there may be is so tiny it's not even noticeable to the naked eye. Jimin squints, watching the woman. Noticing the gleam so mysterious and suspicious in her eyes. "Who is the father?"

"Me" Jin jumps up immediately. "I didn't know that could happen." he mentions, looking for an answer to this specific thing. The woman takes off her glasses and scratches her head.

"The purple ones regenerate all soft tissue. Especially the one they consider urgent to continue with the biological functions" she explains and Jin wrinkles his face. He is convinced that reproducing is not a biological urgency. At least not at that time. "We have found that in some people it develops more than in others."

"Any specific reason?"

"It may come from repetitive sexual contact, but still nothing certain" They see each other, no, that can't be. They have had a lot of intercourse with each other and none of them have had a pregnancy. Unfortunately, they've been raped just as many. They can't stand how twisted it feels to think of that as a possible explanation. "You're within your rights to abort it until you reach the third month," she informs them gently. "You just can't go past that time mark. It could cause serious problems for the womb."

"Why do you need the womb?" asks Yoongi.

"Unfortunately, I can't tell you," the doctor replies. "I will leave you to discuss what you will do." She gets up from her seat and leaves.

Namjoon hasn't said a word. His eyes riveted on the echo screen. The small evidence that there is something there. I would like to deny it. Fool yourself with it. nevertheless, it is there. it is impossible to reject it. He lets out a deep breath. The grip on his hand initially surprises him as he turns, Jin with an anguished expression.

"You have to abort it."

"I know."

"I think that's what we all have in mind," Jungkook scratches his neck, "but... What if they realize it's different? It could be a no-brainer. That they don't throw the fetus away."

"That's why I said it's mine. They won't suspect anything." says Jin and Jimin purses his lips.

"Something they want to get from us." he mentions with a hand on his chin. "Maybe they'll use the fetus to get that out."

"Maybe they'll listen to us if we demand they throw it away."

"Say it's a risk for whatever reason." proposes Hoseok in agreement and Jimin turns his attention back to Namjoon.

"This is what you want Right?" he asks in a soft voice and the taller one nods his head. It's the only thing in his head: he can't have this.

He has never wanted to have a child inside him. From minute one in his adulthood and awareness of having been operated on, he was aware of that. He doesn't like that plan. The idea of having children if he liked it, I would say he still likes it; however, this is a totally separate issue.

Because what is inside him is an Alpha.

He cannot allow it to exist.

He cannot allow it to live.

To cause the same hell he lived through, in other people. No one deserves to live that and the certainty in that desire is what gets some stability in his head. What keeps him from vomiting again right now or fainting from so much running around inside his mind.

"Jungkook almost hit the doctor."

"What?!" He jerks his head up. "Is it that I can't even feel bad without you getting out of control!!!?" he claims sitting up and Jungkook shrugs with a nervous smile.

He couldn't control it. The guy is genuinely unbearable to him. Hoseok laughs and so does Jimin. He knew he was going to react this way and that's why he mentioned it. Aside from having just arrived, they have that it was a strange situation. There's excuse enough. Maybe a first strike.

More than this, it can't be done.

"So you guys are that kind of people" Taehyung raises his head. "Undercover women." sneers the man and Taehyung remains indifferent.

"I can't believe I'm just an asshole, the one who knows Korean!" he claims loudly. "Let's go to the room or something. I don't want to deal with anyone." grumbles Taehyung. Jungkook and Jimin nod in agreement.

They came to try to get a breath of air. Only to be quickly intercepted by one of the groups they saw during breakfast. The divisions here are very sharp. Just like in a prison.

"Come on!" The man chases after them. "Don't be that surly. We can have a good time. I've been infertile all my life. I'm sure it's all right." Jimin looks him up and down and a cynical smile emerges on his lips.

"You have nothing to offer." he assures in a mocking tone. Taehyung holds Jungkook, before he punches the man. The latter grabs Jimin's hand and forces him to grab him by the crotch.

"Check as much as you want, you-"

"Nothing-to-offer." he hisses, his orange eyes bright and riveted on the aching ones of the opponent, who doesn't even have a voice to state how much the grip on his testicl*s hurts.

Jimin squeezes him tighter, making sure it hurts. Moving his jaw, with grunts escaping his throat. Releasing him, the man falls with his hands on his crotch, wheezing. A pair of guards nearby approach.

"Something wrong?"

"Proposal. I said no." he replies in awkward English and the pair of guards leave it at that. As far as they're concerned, it's an excellent way to refuse a shag.

Plus they know how annoying this specific guy can be. Jimin takes Jungkook by the hand and leans against him "I want to sleep for a while." He mumbles sleepily. It's no big deal.

It was so easy... he thinks that, in another time, he would have been intimidated and scared to death by the approach. Right now, he's so little that he doesn't even care about how ridiculous he is. Jungkook kisses him on the head and together with Taehyung, they go back the way they came. Indifferent to the group laughing at the one lying on the floor now sobbing.

"Only the child's dad can be here."

Hoseok and Yoongi have no choice but to stay behind, Jin enters where they will do the abortion. Yoongi reluctantly drops down and rubs his face, staying with his chin in his palm. He doesn't know which priest he spit on in another life, but he can't believe they are so unlucky. It's unheard of at this point.

The only reason he wants to be around, just like Hoseok, is to make sure they do what was asked. Namjoon demanded that the fetus be disposed of and even cremated. A supposed concern for the unborn child. If that is not done, who knows if that thing can survive. It already proved to survive the stab wounds Jimin gave itself in the abdomen, even being removed from the body with womb and all.

Alpha's are monsters at their best. As hard to kill as hunger.

Yoongi notices, snooping around, a guy of average height, slightly overweight and trying to disguise that he's not eavesdropping. "Did you miss something? f*cking asshole." having been noticed causes him to flee and Yoongi snorts under his breath.

"This place is worse than a nest of vipers. It seems like everyone is against us."

"Pretty much like Korea. No wonder." admits Yoongi quietly, folding his arms.

"Shall we try to investigate if they did what we asked?" asks Hoseok quietly and Yoongi feels. They must.

They can't allow an Alpha to be here.

Chapter 3: More snakes in the pool

Chapter Text

"Stop the procedure."

"Excuse me?"

A soldier enters, exposing a chart with a sheet of paper and the doctor, irritated, starts checking what it is. Jin and Namjoon look at each other What's taking so long? Namjoon has no feeling from the chest down. As if his mind refuses to accept that he has an Alpha inside him. The woman whitens her eyes and makes the stretcher go up.

"What's wrong...?" asks Namjoon in confusion.

"You have a week to think about whether you really want to carry out this procedure" she explains taking off her gloves. The military man with his hands behind his back and his eyes fixed on Namjoon. "We don't want there to be post-abortion regrets and also as aware of the psychological impact that can generate-"

"There is no such impact. That's a stupid thing to say by people who don't allow abortions," Namjoon argues at full speed. "Get it out now, I don't want to have one. I've never wanted to have one."

"Unfortunately that's no longer on me, but on the General of the shelter" he explains parsimoniously and between his teeth. The soldier maintains a believing smile at that last comment. Jin looks at them alternately. "If you are still willing in a week's time, I will gladly perform the procedure. Until then, please meditate well."

Namjoon lets out air, abruptly and with panic in his eyes. With the feeling in his abdomen, what is inside, he starts tearing the inner walls with his hands. He covers his mouth with his hand and pales slightly. Jin pats his back and affectionately squeaks.

"Easy... It's not going to happen. You have to be calm." he encourages softly.

"There's... we have to get him out..." he says breathlessly, breaking out in a cold sweat and his whole body shaking.

"We're going to get him out. It's only... seven days" Jin makes him stand up. "Let's get something to eat. Supposedly, there's still window for that." he offers with a smile. The soldier is still standing there.

"This is for your sake" the man suddenly informs and Namjoon doesn't hide his annoyance. "General Aleksov is doing it for your sake, the creature's sake and keeping the scientists in the building under control. Being you, I would only have him."

"I'm not interested in having him and I don't give a sh*t what his damn General might want."

They push past him, with Jin tapping him on the shoulder. The soldier's jaw twitches, watching him from behind. Just outside, with Namjoon buttoning his pants and the top of his robe uncomfortably tucked in, they find Hoseok and Yoongi.

"What happened, is it over already? What speed." Yoongi whistles as Hoseok praises the fact. It must not have taken thirty minutes. Jin shakes his head.

"Let's go see if there's something sweet first and talk about it all together... it's funny."

"Don't f*ck with me, in the middle of the end of the world with a killer infection, they're going to come up with the stupidity of putting the life of a fetus first." retorts Yoongi, incredulous and folding his arms. Namjoon stuffs his mouth with a bag of marshmallows he could have been given.

Definitely the only advantage of him already being hosed that he's on standby.

"Apparently we have a general so pious and interested in human life, he's not capable of allowing an abortion without a second thought" Jin dramatizes with his hand on his forehead and leaning back. "Pure bullsh*t. I don't think that's what's going on."

"The military said something is going on with the scientists and doctors" Namjoon mentions. "That they're using the fetuses and stuff" Jimin slowly opens his eyes. "That I should just let it be born and that's it."

"We can't let him be born." states Hoseo with speed. "And i is another Junhan- NO! WORSE!" He rises abruptly from his seat and gray towards Jimin. "You said they were twins right?" Jimin nods. "They might be twins" he points to Namjoon. "We must get that out fast, as fast as possible. There being the Alpha siblings doesn't suit anyone."

"Hoseok, honestly, it doesn't make me feel any better for you to say that kind of odds." mentions Namjoon with his cheeks full.

"If they have an Alpha or at least the makings of one... they could try to replicate it artificially" Jimin draws attention with his comment. He looks out the window for a moment. Everyone is in the courtyards and gardens. Turning back to the others he moves his jaw slightly. "After all, that's how the first Alpha was made in Korea."

"Do you think they try to make an Alpha here?" asks Jungkook and Jimin shakes his head.

"I don't think they even know... maybe they think there's more genetic content for vaccines and that's why they need the fetus or simple experimentation" proposes the shorter one, wanting to have at least a little faith that no one knows about the Alphas. Their way of reproduction. After all, even they didn't know them until the fact slapped them in the face. "Maybe"... maybe if we ask the General for help, we'll prevent a problem.

"I can try to go talk to him," Jin proposes. "Although I don't think he knows Korean and there isn't exactly a translator here."

"I'll go... later..." mutters Namjoon with puffy cheeks, still eating marshmallows.

"How could you stay so long knowing there was one inside you?" asks Namjoon softly, with Jimin lying almost on top of him. The shorter one gives a soft gasp, opening his eyes.

"I was just pretending that it was okay.... I pretended it didn't bother me... and told myself it didn't matter, because eventually I'd kill him" he replies, Namjoon frowns. Eyes closed and trying to sleep with no success at all. "Eventually he'll go away. Eventually I'll stab him. Eventually I'll be able to say I have nothing of his... it's all I could think of. What little of me needed that comfort."

"How are you feeling?"

"On a cloud."

"Really?"

"Yeah...it's just...pretending it's okay. Put it deep inside you and.... try to breathe."

Namjoon strokes his hair. He got a cut so it's now shoulder length. Jungkook did it with his own, refusing to let anyone else do it. All the men here have short hair. He doesn't want to. He keeps his mane a good while longer.

Hoseok and Taehyung did cut their hair quite short, as did Jin. The most charming thing is that because of that, they get very nice waves. Yoongi at shoulder length, Namjoon with a little more shape. In general, they are shaped so that you can tell there is a hairdresser nearby. Not just a knife to cut it so it's out of the way.

"Do you think I look good?"

"As cute as ever."

"Liar." laughs Jimin listlessly.

"Of course you don't. You look so cute with hair like that.... You're like an albino rabbit. Small, soft, who just wants to eat and sleep." Jimin laughs again at that comparison from Namjoon.

Sometimes, it's amazing how childish and cute he can be. Pitiful at how much he tries so hard to be big, to be mature and strong. Even now that he is so troubled. Jimin senses each and every involuntary tremor the muscular body suffers.

The fear so great that he suffers. He understands it. That's why it was natural for me to come and sleep here with him. He wants to feel understood and how could it not be Jimin? Even when he came to school, it was like that: only he understood how it felt that your body was not yours at all, how someone looked at you as a way to something.

Not even with Jin did he manage to feel something like that. Maybe because he didn't allow himself to accept that it happened and because Hyejun used him as a companion as well as a helper. He had more power than Jimin or Namjoon had with Ming and Junghwa respectively.

It is complicated.

I wouldn't know how to explain it.

Maybe because there is no way to do it.

A couple of hours pass. Jimin sound asleep using it as a pillow and Namjoon trying to fall asleep. Unsuccessful in his attempts. He scratches his groin and a little higher, uncomfortably; shakes his head and lifts it up, with astonishment manifesting itself in a simple question:

Why is it swollen like this?

A groan escapes him, pained and aghast. He lifts half his torso, lifting Jimin who equally sees how swollen he is. As much as a ball. Namjoon gives another groan, louder and making him throw his head back in pain. He clenches his hands and Jimin falls off the bed from the shove he gets.

"W-wait- Nam...!"

More moaning comes, one after another; each one more outrageous until it becomes a scream. Jimin covers his face, screaming alike and as he pulls his trembling hands away, shrieking in panic, long howls turn and drown out Namjoon's cry.

Who sees his flesh split open, his whole abdomen like a broken shell and a couple of children sitting inside him still. Grabbing flesh with their little hands to devour it, babbling, bathed in blood and placenta; one of them laughs, slapping with both hands in a childish and playful gesture.

While the other pulls more of the flesh, even part of Namjoon's organs. The door of the room is bent by blows that do not stop. Namjoon vomits blood, which also drips from his nose. The door is finally broken down and the yellow eyes with their long smiles glowing in the gloom.

His breathing copious, accelerated, but useless at the same time as one of those shadows dives towards Jimin, knocking him to the ground and another one standing next to him, staring at him.

"How pathetic..." he mutters under his breath, distorted. Namjoon ends up dropping his head, with the newborns still in the process of devouring him; one taken by the third figure.

The fourth and fifth, come in to devour what's left of him, leaving nothing behind, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel them. Every bite. Every part of his body is torn away. He feels it. He is able to perceive it all.

How it goes from being something.

To being nothing.

"NAMJOON!"

Namjoon coughs and looks to the right, finding Jimin's worried face. The shorter one says nothing, his eyes watering and his lips twisted. He hugs him tightly and holds him like that for a few long minutes, as long as it takes for Namjoon to stop shaking and breathe again.

Namjoon was suffocating.

He was so terrified in his sleep, he started convulsing.

Jimin had to sit him up and try to help him wake up.

They couldn't get any sleep all night.

During the meal he learned that several more people had arrived. Who knows from where. The only thing that matters, is that Yoongi is aware that eventually someone is going to come into this room, which is a bummer. He volunteered to sleep alone today, all because he needs a little time to himself. Also, Taehyung was very nervous due to stares and the occasional hissy fit. He wanted to be with Jin specifically, he wasn't going to say no to him.

He kept lying down with his eyes closed, a nail was sticking out from the shelf. Long, maybe fifteen centimeters. He keeps it hidden as a precaution and intends to keep it with him if necessary. He listens at the door and doesn't even bother to see who his companion is. He doesn't need that information. He won't see him again after however many days it takes to be here.

"Korean. You're Korean."

Yoongi ignores him. Not knowing what language he speaks. What makes his eyes widen, is that the man covers his mouth and sits on top of her. At first he stays still and then, furiously scrambles to get him off him. He grabs the lamp and threatens to throw it at him.

The guy is pale, but has severe sunburn. He can't identify his nationality. There's nothing that screams he's from a country. European at best. Yoongi leaves the lamp in place and with an easy threatening gesture:

"You touch me and I'll break your neck."

The guy stays seated on the bed. The lights outside go out, so does the lamp; silence reigns throughout the building and Yoongi lies down again. Slowly. Watching the guy. His back is to him, but because of the position of the moon, he could see him if he gets up. The shadow would be obvious.

Yoongi tucks himself up to his head and at one point, frowns, he hears something strange Is he panting? She reluctantly sits up to complain, tell him to shut up and disgust is plastered on his face:

The guy jerks off and does it faster when he sees him face to face. Yoongi lies back down and discreetly, he takes the hidden nail, hugging it against his chest. To such an extent that his hand turns white.

He feels it being touched.

He feels hands sliding down his body.

And as if instead of one, there are hundreds of people around him waiting for the moment he falls asleep to rape him.

"Did you sleep?" asks Jungkook as soon as he sees Yoongi. The older man shakes his head. Huge dark circles under his eyes, wrinkled face and noticeable cluelessness.

"Someone came to the room."

"Ah... Did he do something?" asks Jin and Yoongi gives a groan.

"He was masturbating all damn night" Disgust is exposed in the four present. "I need to take a bath, I don't know if the asshole threw him on the sheet or something."

"He seriously didn't sleep at all?" asks Hoseok and Yoongi shakes his head. I wish. Just as the abnormally shaped guy might have been doing the same thing all morning, Yoongi stayed awake to avoid any nonsense.

He wants to sleep.

He's dead sleepy.

"Namjoon couldn't sleep either," Jungkook reports scratching his head. "He doesn't want to sleep no matter how much we insist" he complains in exasperation. "Maybe you can convince him to sleep for a while."

"I don't think so. I don't have a head now-"

Jungkook doesn't let the man grab Yoongi, it was too obvious he was going to grab him by the neck. He slams him against the wall, restraining him with one arm around his neck and with his right, holding his hands. The man gasps, his eyes wild and one, half blind. The sun battered skin now even more obvious.

"Get away from him." Jungkook warns. The guy doesn't get it and stares at Yoongi no more.

"He's-"

Taehyung scrunches up his face. He has an erection and though he frees himself from Jungkook, who pushes him aside, all he does is reach into his pants. Jin pulls Yoongi. Now it's an urgency to keep him away from this guy.

No wonder, everything is quieter in the women's ward. Even if they are doing the same thing, they are a bit more discreet. They keep to themselves, taking advantage of the time they can spend here undisturbed. Some flirt with them, some directly offer to go to their room; they politely decline and they leave, complaining that they are hom*osexuals.

Ten times better than having a guy masturbating in front of them.

"I don't know if we're going to make it here for a whole month. This is f*cking hell," Jin complains loudly. "Isn't there any way these is shorter?"

"As far as I know" Namjoon yawns. "No."

"Whatever it is, you have to watch out for the one who talked to us in the courtyard, the one who is fixated on Yoongi, the one who was sniffing around when you were going to abort? Anything else?" asks Hoseok tentatively and Jungkook shakes his head. "Good. That's three... Who sleeps alone today?" he asks and Jungkook raises his hand.

"I'll be able to handle it."

"I don't think-"

"I'm not leaving any of you in there. I've already abandoned you in a rapist's pit. Stop treating me like a child who can't defend himself." complains Jungkook in exasperation.

Namjoon and Jin are left uneasy at this. Not only because of the worry, but also because of the likelihood of him doing something to him. Not to mention that he's asking for something impossible. Jungkook is the child of the six. He will thus be indifferent to everything that happens. To where he is.

"You're not the same."

Jungkook tremendously ignores the man who enters the room. The lights go out, the doors close, and all is silent. He does nothing for a while. Jungkook for a moment thought the man was going to be quiet. Evidence that for some reason he is fixated on Yoongi. Jungkook finds it normal with how cute Yoongi is.

On the twisted side possible, maybe he likes that he has a huge scar on his face. His thoughts are interrupted with a punch to the face. When he gets the third, he stops the fourth and violently throws the man against the wall, answering the blows without any parry.

Jungkook growls, sounding like an animal and scaring off those guarding the rooms, thinking that somehow there is a Yagtalja in here or a dog they didn't see. At the same time, the burnt-skinned man laughs nonstop. Just like a madman.

It's a mixture of reactions that makes them pretend nothing is going on.

"A-ay no-"

Jungkook spits blood and moves his jaw, folding his arms as Taehyung tries to see how much he was hit. Not only is his nose swollen, so is his cheekbone. With just three hits, he has that purple in the blackest shade his skin will allow, with greenish areas.

Even with that, a couple of soldiers take out the newcomer with a stretcher, who with his mouth open and his eyes turned, can barely breathe from how disfigured his face was.

"This is not going to be good." exhales Namjoon with exhaustion.

Chapter 4: Just savage

Chapter Text

"Because it was self-defense and the refugee is still alive, there will be no retaliation? This is the only time we will allow this kind of behavior Is that clear?" Jungkook nods, not looking the woman in the face.

He finds it unbelievable that this is the reason they allow it. Jungkook as well as the others already have the typical law embedded in their brains. They are aware that it is wrong, but why? That guy is an abuser and a menace who exposed himself from minute one.

Why should I let him live, why should he be punished for whatever happens to him? He deserves to die. Like any other rapist, he deserves to die. To top it off, one so unstable that, just because he didn't have his would-be victim, he beat up whoever was in his place. Jungkook wants him dead and if he sees him again, he will kill him.

He knows he won't be able to suppress his instinct. It will be an urge so animalistic, so primal, that it will just happen and he won't remember he did it. Like every other thing he does when he's angry. He has no way to explain the anger that the mere mental image of how Yoongi spent the night before last.

With a pig masturbating from looking at him....

By what right does he deserve to live?

None. He doesn't. He's just another monster.

One who has come all this way. Why?

He leaves that small room questioningly, reluctantly closing the door and returning to the common area. In it, he finds Taehyung, Hoseok, Jin, Jimin and Yoongi waiting for him. Taehyung gets up first to greet him.

"What happened, everything okay?" Jungkook shakes his head and pushes his hair away from his face. Jin approaches with a surgical patch.

"Yes. Everything's fine," he replies quietly, mumbling. "They're not going to take it into account because he hit me first. Plus he's still alive... but I can't do it again. If I did, I'd have to go through.... Something? I think. He didn't explain. Just that this is the only time they'll let it pass."

"He hit you," Jin retorts. "That you responded as normal. Much more so with everything going on around "Jungkook adjusts his eyepatch. Jin can only do so much with one hand, "Hopefully, the next one they put in there won't be a jerk."

"No. Let's hope not."

"We should go get Namjoon already." opines Jimin, swaying where he sits. Taehyung nods in agreement and Hoseok jumps up.

. . .

"I was doing you a favor, believe me, with how diminished your population is you should think more about whether or not to kill that kid" Namjoon tries to hold back any comments on the matter. At this very moment he feels something else twist inside his body. "Your government is willing to do anything to increase the non-existent population."

"I can imagine it, however, I don't plan to be part of that project" Namjoon notifies with his elbows resting on the armrests of the seat. "I've been bitten more times than I can remember and it's possible I'll come in sick."

"Not at all. All the children that have been born, are more than healthy" states the man with a sympathetic, fake smile. "Take the last few days you have to think-"

"It's possible that those are the days until I'm three months along. I need to get it out of my system." he chortles. Disgusted. The military man shrugs.

"Take it as a sign that you must have it" Namjoon denies with a permanent smile on his lips, incredulous that he insists. "Our department of doctors and scientists are allowed to use as they see fit any part of the refugees" he comments, wanting to see his reaction. "If you decide to abort, they would use the fetus as they see fit."

"I've already asked them to burn it."

"They won't."

"And if you want to antagonize them so badly, why don't you supervise them? What do they want to do?"

"I know they have a hidden project," he admits and Namjoon clenches his jaw. It must be the Alpha issue. The man signs a paper and puts it in front of Namjoon, daring him to take it even though he knows it's what the medical department wants. "I don't know what it's about. They hide any trace of the subject, but the only thing certain is that it is a threat and experimenting with lives like this is not allowed in any jurisdiction."

"To be clear: this here, it's not alive. It's a thing still. It's just a useless mound of flesh and preventing me from sleeping" he notifies between accelerated and rabid. The military man moves his jaw and clenches his hands together. "And secondly, if you are so concerned, because you must be, I give you the following advice: make them burn everything that may be there and it is not a vaccine. Whatever might come out of that, it's not worth it."

He reluctantly gets up, taking the permission slip from the desk. If he intended to convince him, he took time with the wrong person. If Namjoon is anything, he's foolish and with these stupid pretexts, the less he was going to let himself be convinced. Halfway down the road he notices a somewhat fat man.

Sniffing around. Seeing him, the guy runs off in the opposite direction. Namjoon peeks through the same thing the man saw: entrance to the lab and sample storage. He folds the paper and continues on his way. There is something very strange going on here.

He wouldn't want to get involved at all. Nor does he have the bodily capacity for it. He has two whole days without sleep and if it wasn't for the others coming for him, he probably would have fallen on the floor.

"I already have permission."

Because of how nervous Namjoon is, it is necessary to sedate him. It's something very mild that would pass in a short time. Jin doesn't stop watching the doctor, who clearly has an intention behind it well installed. The clearest way to notice it is that there is only one assistant here and he made the military leave.

That alone raises alarm bells. Secondly, there is the general's admission. Jin keeps questioning Where were these people? Don't they realize the whole mess this virus created? The need for further experimentation with it is nil in his opinion.

There is no point.

The process is done, the fetus stuffed into a cylinder.

Jin doesn't delay in asking:

"Is it easier to take it to the incinerator like this?"

"Yes" answers the woman, taken by surprise due to the sudden question. For a moment she forgot that Jin was here. "Your boyfriend is going to be fine in a couple of hours. You should get him plenty of water. He's going to be thirsty." she comments throwing the gloves and with a smile on her face. His assistant quickly leaves with the cylinder in his hands.

Jin twitches his jaw before smiling, thanking her for her kindness and nothing more.

"I don't know how, but we have to get that thing and destroy it before they do anything."

"The military told us where it is," Jungkook comments crossly. "We said we wanted to say goodbye to the fetus and such nonsense" He shakes his hand dismissively. "It's just a matter of going in there and destroying it."

"I don't think that's the only thing we need to destroy in there. Maybe there's more." echoes Yoongi and Hoseok gives a clap of his hands before waving his body, dancing in place,

"Let's burn it Tutuuuuuuu!" he croons dancing and smiling. Jin nudges him interrupting him; Hoseok leans over his side grimacing and pouting his lips out.

"We're not going to burn anything. We can't draw attention to ourselves" he informs between his teeth. "We must... see more. We have to keep an eye on who goes in and who comes out of there. When Namjoon wakes up, we'll plan what to do." concludes Jin and they reluctantly nod.

All except Jimin, who stares out the window at the doctors talking.

"Sorry." He stammers and runs off in the direction inside.

The pair of doctors grumble and go about their business. Jimin fiddles with the key in his hand. He doesn't know what each one says, it's written in Russian. Now more than ever, he wishes it was English. On his way down the almost empty corridor, he peeks into the guards' office. His head hanging sideways and hair like a light whitish waterfall.

"Hello... Can I get a belt? My pants are falling down a bit."

"Go ask at the locker at the entrance." orders the soldier, flipping channels on the television. Jimin leans on the table next to the TV and she stares at him.

Jimin fiddles a bit with the edge of his pants and the woman watches between his hip and his face. As if orange eyes command her to look at him. She stammers and gets up to go look for something in the lockers. Jimin takes the keys that are tucked away in a drawer and clearly spare. He grabs the belt when she arrives, smiles at her and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you very much, Mrs. soldier-nim." he purrs and pulls away. She reddens and melts in her seat.

"Wow, sometimes you get lucky with normal men." She babbles before turning back to the television.

. . .

Jimin opens the door to her room, looking back for a moment, Yoongi sound asleep in bed and giving light snores. He closes it carefully and goes to where he knows, is the fetus they extracted from Namjoon. There is a strange stench. He smells it. It is very faint, barely noticeable.

And he knows he must destroy it. Eluding the guards is not difficult, his journey stops at the eleventh floor. He must make his way to the next staircase across the entire corridor. It is a curious architectural design that takes time. In the middle of his way he notices... there are no guards.

There doesn't seem to be anyone here.

A door opens and three people come out. He freezes in place. They are the same ones who were talking in the hallway the day they arrived. One points a flashlight at him. He covers his eyes with his hand.

"Look no more!" exclaims the one with the flashlight. "New admission came to play. Wow, he saved us the trouble of having to ask for his key."

"He must be really bored."

"Or he must want to f*ck one of the cops in the female ward."

He takes several steps back, when he notices them very close, he turns around to run back, looking for another way down. He has no time. He is grabbed by the hair, pulled backwards and held by the three of them inside a room. How is it empty? He doesn't know. They didn't even bother to find out what the motivation for the floor division was.

He struggles and tries to get loose, the keys to the lab are left lying on the side next to the keys to the nineteenth floor. One holds him by the legs, the other by the arms and the last one covers his mouth.

"No one's going to listen to you" he reports in a laugh, not that Jimin understands his words. "And it doesn't f*cking matter as long as we're in a room."

He kisses him to shut him up and Jimin bites him instantly. About to bite his lip off. Pulling away Jimin's eyes widen.

Where did his face go?

He doesn't recognize it

He doesn't know who he is

Only that he has no face.

Huge eyes with tiny pupils, hair like strands of burnt copper. Jimin watches him and watches him. How if the more he does, the more details emerge in him. The smile that is literally a cut. Longer and longer until it exposes the whole row of crooked teeth and full of blood; scars of scratches, other prey tried to kill him and could not. There are small eyes around its eyes. Pimples that expel green and foul-smelling pus.

All that in one face, which is almost too small to house him. He inhales and exhales. With its orange eyes full of restlessness. Moving aimlessly in the creature that imprisons him. That multiplies. There are several faces that emerge. That suddenly in their bodies of insects, of praying mantis, have hands that begin to undress him.

They smell bad.

They smell like monsters.

They have a stench that he hates.

At the same time as the feel of their hands. As if they were slimy sandpaper, hands full of grime sliding down his body. His legs, his abdomen, his chest.

Jimin hates it...

Hates it so much.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

Disappear

I hate you

Disappear

Disappear

I hate you

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

I HATE YOU

DISAPPEARS

I HATE YOU

IHATEYOUDISAPPEAR-

He bites straight into the face of the one on top of him, the one who tried to get between his legs. Jimin is unaware of the strength of his jaw. How it rips off the nose, scratches the bone and tears some of the flesh from the face of the man who now screams in despair.

He chews and swallows the flesh, turning in on himself so that he can stand up. The other two, helping the wounded man to his feet. Stunned by what has just happened in front of them.

Jimin stands up, with his bare legs and sweater stretched around his neck. Saliva on his neck, on his ear, bruises on his pale thighs. Imminently frail and yet, full of blood that is not his own. He approaches at a slow pace. His head is throbbing so hard he can't think.

Nothing apart from that he must finish them off. They are monsters. Ones that will devour anything in their path. They could go for Namjoon, now that he is weak. He could go for any of the others, now that they want to be safe.

Namjoon promised to help him live in the human world and he will!

When they get to the human world.

They don't get there yet.

This is still hell.

And he as one of his demons, must keep others from hurting those he loves.

It's a throwback to that which he hates to be. To the part of himself that makes him undeserving of salvation. What is he going to do, though? Cry and allow himself to be raped again? No. He won't let it happen again.

He grabs one by the head and slams him to the ground with such force that he makes him bleed. He strikes again, again and again until he finishes him off. Jimin turns his attention to the only untouched one, who points a kitchen knife at him.

"G-get away-get away.... F-f*cking- f*ckING SAVAGE! YOU SHOULD JUST...!"

He doesn't know how long this monster has been here. Maybe too long. Being happy in his nonsense at the same time, that without needing to defend himself from anything. Jimin finds it so easy to snatch the knife from him. He cuts himself, but nothing serious or that he's even going to notice in a couple of hours.

He pierces the man's neck with the knife. Vertically and in this way, he avoids getting too dirty. He leaves him there, drowning in his blood and the remaining one, bleeding to death. He picks up the keys again and walks slowly down the corridor. He walks down the stairs to the first floor, all the way to the laboratory is empty.

Or at least that's how he perceives it.

He just walks through the mist, unaware that there are people calling for reinforcements to see him bloodied.

He opens the door to the laboratory, takes the cylinder that shines with its own strength and from which comes that unpleasant smell. The fetus inside moves, it is still alive. He throws it to the floor with all his might and grabs the first thing in his path, crushing it more and more until it is held by the back.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I HAVE TO DESTROY IT! LET ME GO!"

"Get him out of here and find out where the blood is coming from."

An injection is placed directly into his neck, knocking him out of breath for a moment. His vision becomes even more blurred, with thousands of red figures appearing. Long gowns moving, with their shadowy hands manipulating everything around and one, trying to take him away.

"LET ME GO! I SAID LET ME GO...! LET.... let... go..."

"He murdered three people."

"Who took him up to that empty room to rape him." defends Namjoon at full speed the complaints coming from the main one in charge of the "law" here.

"Why would he be out of his room?"

"Why are there six other people talking about being abused constantly. Maybe you guys aren't as effective as you think you are." argues Namjoon. The woman clenches her jaw, straightening up in her seat.

"It's not going to change reality, Mr. Kim: your friend will have to stay in the isolation cell until we can determine that he's not a risk," she informs and Namjoon lets out even a disbelieving, rabid laugh. "Not to mention that he has no way to make up for the losses he caused in the lab-"

"Where was what I asked them to incinerate Or am I wrong?"

She says nothing about it, leaving the scene. Namjoon to a groan of annoyance and ruffles his hair with one hand, moving his jaw. He doesn't find it hard to believe that Jimin would take this into his own hands. He's like that. What bothers him, is that he was on his own to get those keys. There's no way he wasn't. What were the others busy doing not to notice that?

The answer comes in the form of an argument not too far away.

"You look at him like that again AND I'LL BREAK YOUR f*ckING FACE IN-"

"JUNGKOOK STOP IT!"

Jungkook's chest can't swell any more from all the air he inhales. It's impossible. A man on the ground, nose broken and groaning loudly. He rubs his temple. Definitely being in here is harder than being outside.

Because outside, at least they could kill all these people.

Not here...

How frustrating to live among pests and vermin that they have to live with.

Yoongi notices the man sniffing around, carrying something in a backpack, hiding too quickly for him not to be suspicious. One more thing to worry about.

Chapter 5: Mind devouring itself

Chapter Text

What you find when you wake up is a dark room with padded walls. Barely enough to be noticeable so that he doesn't hurt himself. He can't get up and though he tries, his hands are tied. He writhes on the bed and tries again, but his body is still affected by the sedative.

"He... help..." he stammers awkwardly. His lips tingle and his body trembles. Jimin coughs and tries to keep his eyes open. Everything is so distorted, is there light? Is it dark? He can't tell. He is not able to comprehend it. "Naaam... Nam-amjo-"

Something crawls up his right leg, something warm that gets warmer as it moves up his calf, that reaches his buttock and then his hip, grabs the elastic of his pants and in a leisurely pace, pulls it down the man's warm skin. Jimin presses his face against the thin, barely-there pillow.

His buttocks and legs are exposed, with a pair of hands holding him down. They sink their fingers in, play with the bulging, spongy flesh. Spread the pair of cheeks apart and Jimin gives a moan: something slimy and warm begins to slide in.

He squeezes his eyes and lips together, compunction in his expression.

They caress his buttocks, pulling it in and out of his body.

They caress his back.

They caress his chest.

Caress his arms.

They caress his face.

Jimin opens his eyes and an anguished sob forms on his face.

The gloom falls away, exposing the formless creature as a huge mass of eyes, tongues and huge, misshapen hands. It grabs him by the face and thrusts its tongue deep into his throat. He cannot breathe, he cannot move. They all paralyze him.

And they start laughing.

They all laugh.

The bitch is already crying.

How much he loves it.

I feel him squeeze me.

He likes to play hard to get.

Jimin the perfect slu*t.

Deeper and deeper.

It fits another one You see?

He's perfect for this

There's no one better than him for taking co*ck in the ass.

Stand back, I'm sure in the mouth too.

Jimin, Jimin, Jimin.

They laugh.

They keep laughing.

He can't feel his hands because of the weight on top of him. his circulation is cut off and so is everything else in him. It hurts.

He chokes, spits, tries to let go, roars, but nothing works. He only manages to vomit into the pillow, releasing blood from the damage to his throat. They do not diminish, they only increase. One after another that appears mockingly. Bigger, with more eyes, more tongues, more phalluses rubbing against his now naked, dirty, scratched body.

They lift him up, spreading his legs so the mass of thick, yellowish sem*n falls to the floor. He regurgitates what is left in his mouth and trembles feverishly. One approaches, almost humanoid, its arms misshapen and large, eyes even in its chest and arms, a huge, upright mouth on its abdomen.

"G-get away from-get away from me! GET AWAY!"

Jimin's hands are tied to the ceiling. They laugh at his moans, at his desperation at that approaching. He sees his penis, which flaccid is the length of his thigh and almost as wide. He squeals high-pitched, panic reflected in his fully awake face. He is grabbed roughly by the legs, squeezing them so hard he breaks the bone. His scream is long and hurts his vocal cords.

His laughter is low, very low and that seems to mingle with the others that only increase the uproar inside his head. The phallus straightens, raised and veiny. With one of his many hands he grasps it, begins to press it into Jimin's open, bleeding, wet entrance.

"NO PLEASE, NO, NO, NONO, POR- NO IT HURTS IT HURTS!"

His abdomen becomes swollen all over, so large that it reddens. He vomits into himself and is forced to open his mouth, shoving something in that he is not even able to make out by this point. The mouth on the creature's abdomen licks and sucks it all over his chest. His legs increasingly broken, hands squeezing and making sure to pulverize his bones.

He falls to the floor, broken and beginning to bleed out all over the underside. He is still conscious. He still feels Why? Why can't he pass out? They step on his abdomen and all the seed they left inside him comes out and they pounce on him again.

This time to devour him.

They don't take long.

It's fast.

It's savage.

Like none of them can bite off big chunks.

It's small bites.

All tearing off flesh. First the skin.

Then the muscles.

Then his intestines.

His face, his neck, his chest, his arms, his legs, his feet, his hands and his head is crushed.

He opens his eyes, takes a deep breath. He can't get up and although he tries, his hands are tied. He writhes on the bed and tries again, but his body is still affected by the sedative.

"He... help..." he stammers awkwardly. His lips tingle and his body trembles. Jimin coughs and tries to keep his eyes open. Everything is so distorted, is there light? Is it dark? He can't tell. He is not able to understand. "Jung... Juuungk- kook..."

Down his leg something begins to crawl... it's warm, getting warmer as it goes up...

. . .

"Why is he sedated?"

"He kept screaming and attacking everyone who came in to stop feeding him" explains the nurse, nervously and Namjoon keeps his brow furrowed. Jimin sound asleep with IV and morphine attached to him. Anyone would think he is fine. That he has a nice sleep and no worries. "Y-however, this is no longer a viable solution. The amount of morphine it takes to keep him that way is too much and-"

"So? He wasn't supposed to be here to begin with!" argues Namjoon who frankly, doesn't know what to do to fix this situation that has dragged on for almost a week and a half. They have no way to solve it by themselves. They depend on this useless prison system and it can't get any more infuriating. If it were up to him, Jimin would be tucked away in a nice room, playing with Jungkook and watching the pair of birds that risk flying overhead.

"You must understand that he is a murderer and so he had to be sent here."

"He murdered three men who hadn't hesitated a damn moment to rape you" The girl backs away, intimidated by the huge presence that is Namjoon and thinking that he would want to attack her. "Until I leave you a piece of sh*t on the floor" he emphasizes with angry eyes. She winces and trembles, clenching the board with papers in her arms. "So take that sh*t down now and leave it to me, before I consider smashing your face against the f*cking wall Do we understand each other?"

"If you threaten the staff, I'll find it necessary to get you in there too."

Namjoon turns to the second in command. He doesn't know if she's a lawyer, manager He couldn't care less! The truth is, he hates the hell out of her attitude. The way she thinks she has power over him. While she doesn't smile, Namjoon can almost sense that she does.

"You think...you can talk to me...like this. That you can talk, just like that... to me."

Namjoon holds a hand to his chest in mock disbelief. His slow, but long strides towards the credulous and powerful looking woman. Namjoon's vibrating voice makes the nurse go into high gear. She doesn't want to be here. she can't stand to be here listening to him.

Being more than she can stand even in this place.

"You can take it as a threat if you want" he informs slowly widening a cynical smile, causing her to be intimidated despite not showing it. "Or a warning" Namjoon corrects himself approaching her, "but the only reason more people haven't died in this sh*tty place, is because I didn't let it happen" he notifies co*cking his head to the side and putting his arms behind his back. "So take it from me, it's in your best interest: get Jimin out of there, pretend we're not the days we'll be here and go on with your life thinking you have control of something here."

"You don't scare me Mr. Kim."

"I should."

He passes on her and decides to go to his next plan: talk to the commanding General.

"If we do a head count, I'd say there's at least a thousand people here-"

"Nothing a couple of flames won't solve," replies Hoseok with a shrug. "Besides, if that counts everyone, the women's ward runs its course and we burn this side. Which is clearly the f*cking problem."

"You think women don't rape or something?" retorts Taehyung acidly. "We have someone who is the living proof that it does happen." Jin judges Taehyung for the comment. This is not the time to talk about it.

"Not to mention that they abuse each other too. Not having a penis doesn't stop them from doing it." Adds Yoongi who would like to smoke.

"What I mean is that they haven't done anything to us and therefore I don't care about them," notifies Hoseok. It's weird to see him this irritated, but at the same time, it's natural when he knows there's something bad going on. He exposed it a while ago with the conflict with Ming. He just disguised everything with a better attitude. "We should burn this place down. With everything and samples."

"Hoseok, stop wanting to burn everything."

"It's the best solution. Quick, effective, no evidence of anything." he asserts nonchalantly.

"Evidence is going to remain if you get your eyebrows burned off. Since you like to see it happen so much," Jungkook grumbles. "No need: we just have to go and get Jimin out of there. Jin stays to take care that no one comes to do anything, we clean the whole building and keep him. Easy." proposes the youngest with a wide and mischievous smile.

"And stand here for taking it all? I want to, get, out, of, here" Jin emphasizes. "We also have to think of the others-"

"The others must think we're dead by now! How long did it take us!?" argues Jungkook suddenly getting up from his seat. "Maybe it was months down there! PLUS how long it took us to come! PLUS HOW LONG IT TAKES US TO GET OUT!" Jin is not intimidated. None of them are intimidated by each other. They already know how they are. How far they will go. How strong they are. They are the same. Like a new species that recognizes itself. "WE MUST LOOK OUT FOR OURSELVES AND NOTHING ELSE!"

"There's a thousand and one things that can go wrong with that. We-can't-do-that." argues Taehyung, grabbing his arm.

Jungkook lets go roughly and rubs his face with his hands before managing, unbelievably to them, to kick the bed apart. It is made of wood, and now the base is completely splintered. Hoseok keeps one hand on his chest and Taehyung hisses.

"Is it just me making it feel sexy?"

"No. Sadly no." mutters Jin, pulling him and Hoseok together. Better to let Jungkook have his tantrum. It's becoming more and more obvious that his angry outbursts are getting out of control. Any anger he has, ends up in something broken. He urges him to get back to having his exercise routine.

The problem with Jungkook's idea, is that this place is not self-contained. It has no way to be. It's clear that getting to grow vegetables and keep livestock on this site is an impossibility. The place is not suitable for that. It is fit to be a prison. One that gets supplies of all kinds.

Even if it could be maintained, they would send reinforcements to take the place back. Even if it means killing them all. There are no high caliber weapons here, just pistols and a couple of rifles from what he could tell.

One way or another, Jungkook's idea is out of the question. It's not even a plan, it's not like he's weighing in: he's reacting. It's precisely that kind of behavior that causes them to not be able to take him seriously a lot of the time. Even when they should.

"Do you think Namjoon will accomplish anything?"

"The truth? I don't think so, but it's best to go throwing out options before doing the biggest nonsense ever imagined."

Yoongi nods in agreement with that. He hopes the man will be able to accept it. Otherwise, he's going to have to set fire to everything in his path until he gets Jimin out of that cell. It's almost ironic to think that, of the seven of them, he's the one who ended up in prison first in all this. They thought it would be Jungkook.

"As I told you at the time: what happens or doesn't happen in the scientists' department is not my jurisdiction. That implies whatever sanctions they put in place" explains the general and Namjoon wants to hang him for being so useless What's the use of him being here? If he can't handle anything. "Pitifully, your friend messed with something as delicate as samples."

"I know. That was the point. I asked for something and they didn't deliver."

"I warned him."

"Yes. Being the most useless General I've ever met in my life," the man looks askance at him, warning him not to take so much liberty in speaking to him. "Look, I don't give a sh*t about this place, what happens or doesn't happen: I want you to get Jimin out of there. Use your authority. You're in this f*cking office for a reason!" claims Namjoon in exasperation and the man leans back, giving a cynical laugh.

"I'm here to keep everyone who arrives from killing each other. The rest, it doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, the near-rape of your friend may have happened, it's indifferent" Namjoon is incredulous at the confession. "It matters is the blood. It matters is the humanity that's coursing through your veins."

He points a finger at him and Namjoon clenches his fists.

"Now, there are three less men to draw blood from, therefore, there are less vaccines in the pipeline and that, is the real tragedy of this story," he explains simply. "Now, I'm not going to deny to you that whatever is inside that department, it has me uneasy" He clasps his hands together and sways in his chair. "The best thing for you is to have someone supervising your friend. You know-"

"Supervising him? How do I supervise him and why would I do that."

"Because it's very strange that you would decide to sedate someone just because you can't control him. The disciplinary measures are strict. He should be unconscious in a corner, not sedated."

Namjoon gets up in a hurry, running outside What did they do? He doesn't think they dared to do anything foolish like drawing many liters of blood from him. There was nothing like that in the room when he went to see him. All the while they were denied seeing him.

Among the infinite number of probabilities, the most unpleasant and absurd one emerges that makes him stop halfway down the hall: Jimin destroyed a specimen, destroyed a fetus... Something they were clearly looking for, almost desperately What if they tried to get another one?

He discreetly chases the person sniffing around. He has something that Yoongi is too uneasy about and he's not willing to let it go. The number of corridors he walks through in simply endless. Up and down stairs. He doesn't suspect that he follows him, from what little he has understood of his behavior, he is that weird and many have him labeled that way.

Odd.

Yoongi memorizes his room number and as he approaches just to try to see from outside, a foul smell pushes him away. He covers his mouth and nose, hurrying away.

He'll come later, when he knows he's not inside... he'll bring an air mask, because he doesn't know how anyone doesn't detect that there's a corpse or worse in there. It smells disgusting.

He estimates that it's about two o'clock in the afternoon or so.

He estimates that it's about two o'clock in the afternoon, he has to get back to the others. They will have finished lunch by now and if they don't find him, they will have a nervous breakdown. It's enough with Jimin in jail for Jungkook to bring the building down brick by brick.

What he didn't expect at all is the blow to the head. It blurs his vision instantly and the blackout leaves him lying on his side on the floor. Eyes half-open as well as his mouth. The man tosses the bottle aside and grabs Yoongi by the legs.

Indifferent to the trail of blood he makes, due to the force of the blow. He just drags him away. He has to take him to a place where he can keep him without being scolded, without the guards saying anything. They said that inside the rooms he can do whatever he wants.

He just needs a room.

And nobody's going to nag.

. . .

"What about Yoongi?"

"He should be here by now."

"I told them not to stay away from each other." complains Namjoon quietly, barely able to grab something to eat, after insisting to the people in the kitchen. It is worth noting that they are also inmates of this place.

It is a prison. There's no way to call it a shelter.

"He probably went to the bathroom or to the room to sleep" proposes Taehyung thoughtfully. "He hasn't been gone long."

"No, but he said he was coming back quickly."

"That with him doesn't exist. Let's go look for him." grumbles Namjoon.

Jungkook is the one who goes all the way to the back, mostly looking out the windows and with his hands inside his pockets. He is sleepy and still hungry. The food is getting more and more tasteless, it's impossible to feel full eating crap like this. It strikes him that there is a trail of blood in one of the aisles. He turns away from the rest, following the trail closely.

He enters the room. Without thinking, he opens the door. It wasn't locked, it barely has a piece of furniture pushed against it to complicate access. Nothing to really prevent him from breaking through.

He hears gasps and recognizes them quite well. He opens his eyes, squeezing the doorknob and his body tenses, his consciousness fading. He only paid attention for a second: he saw Yoongi's body on the bed, saw the bandaged and beaten man on top of him and that this one has no pants on, masturbating while stroking his chest.

He doesn't remember what he did.

He doesn't remember anything that happened.

"KEEP YOUR HANDS UP!"

Only that he has his knuckles open, blood on his face, chest and arms. On the ground, the body broken and destroyed in such a way that anyone would think he used some artifact besides his bare hands to accomplish it. He lets out a deep, hot breath. His eyes trembling, intent on everything and at the same time on nothing. Yoongi reacts just a few seconds later, seeing Jungkook being handcuffed and forcibly taken out of the room.

"Hey...! A-ay... ay..."

He rubs his head ay tries not to get dizzy from the sudden movement. He shivers and scrunches up his face at the dead guy on the floor. He doesn't recognize who. He has no face to accomplish such a thing. He's just aware that whatever it is, it's the guy who stalked him as soon as he entered the room.

It's the same guy Jungkook beat up.

That he was barely out of the infirmary and instead of not hating himself, he decided to beat him up and bring him here, surely to rape him.

Jungkook settled it by beating him up, like almost everything else.

"Relax, a nurse is coming to help you" the soldier announces and Yoongi wrinkles his face. Ah, I wish I knew English. "Do you have any statement to give about the murder, do you know who the attacker is?"

"Jungkook. Boyfriend. He's mine."

The man co*cks his head, confused The one they took is his boyfriend? Yoongi kicks the flesh on the ground and looks at him with deep contempt.

"f*cking piece of sh*t."

. . .

"I was preventing an aberration from happening."

"It was consensual sex."

"You were there? Having a threesome with my boyfriend? Who's gay."

The woman seems to choke on air, taken aback by Namjoon's very direct questions. The man folds his arms and slowly begins to move without caring that she is in the way.

"Listen, I don't care. What you did-"

"It was the second warning. We told him and he didn't obey. He decided to murder someone. Just like his other partner."

"I don't give a sh*t that they killed four people who clearly, didn't deserve to live," replies Namjoon unconformably. "Are they going to sedate him too?"

"The only reason we sedated his partner is because he got violent with those who left food in his room" justifies the woman and Namjoon squints his eyes. "He almost killed the three who came in-"

"Why were there so many people to leave food?" he asks and she falls silent. "Why were they coming so close if it was just dropping off food? What the f*ck are they doing in there."

She backs away, literally running away from him. Namjoon moves his jaw and takes a deep breath.

So they want to keep up the nonsense?

Chapter 6: Caged

Chapter Text

"Problems? What kind?"

"About the information we have to give," Namjoon replies, leaning against the wall. The phone between his shoulder and cheek. "Whatever it is you have to do, you'd better do it fast."

"I already told you: you can't rush it. The meeting with the board is only today. To make matters worse, the reports that have come from the shelter with-"

"They are that Jimin killed and three people who were going to rape him and regularly raped me those who occupy the eleventh floor did you know that? Was it in the report?" Silence on the other end of the line. "And Jungkook killed a guy who wanted to rape Yoongi. I mean, he used self-defense."

"They had to stay out of trouble. From that kind of ambiguity. It's not as easy as he thinks it is."

"Make it easy," he mumbles. "If you don't want everything to go to hell, I recommend you do it. I'm already telling you as someone who wants it himself" He looks around, noticing a few people looking at him. "Listen... For what it's worth or not, Jimin is Peulleieo, maiden in America" The general mumbles something on the other end of the line. "The medical department of this place, they're doing something strange."

"I'm listening."

"He's coming on Friday" Namjoon informs sitting up abruptly in bed and slicking back his hair. It's Tuesday, so it's waiting almost three days anyway. "Not because of delays, but because of a storm forecast that prevents transportation," he says.

"I can believe it. For the first time, they're not sh*tting in our faces." says Yoongi. The weather has been apocalyptic these days. It's unbearably cold for them at night.

"What do we do about Jimin and Jungkook?"

"Jungkook is fine. They let me see him. He's just stuck in that filthy room with his hands cuffed." reports Hoseok and Taehyung squeezes his arms.

"That means they did do something wrong to Jimin. Jungkook is more aggressive than him." mutters the man. Namjoon resolves his hair again and rests his arms on his knees.

"I think I know what they did to him."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"There's no way they know that fetus was from an Alpha. They're not looking for that specifically. They want a fetus of a Peulleieo no matter what" Jin is nodding. That's very true. He said he was the father and there seemed to be no frustration about it. Everything was focused on having the fetus nothing else. "Most likely they want to get the same thing out of Jimin."

The five look at each other, as if that wasn't a bad enough assumption. Yoongi clicks his tongue in annoyance. "There's another problem" His notification makes Namjoon close his eyes and let out a breath, he tries to find patience from where he has none.

"Which one?"

"The guy, the fat guy who hangs around everywhere: there's something strange about him" the producer assures. "I'm convinced there's something wrong with him and we should make sure it's not serious."

"Why us?" replies Jin a little lost.

"Because there are people in this place with lower immunity than us... When I went to bandage, I saw a listing. They have everything by color. There are many here that aren't purple" Surprise is marked in their gazes What's the point of having them here? Alaska was supposed to be for purples only. "I think they send anyone they've murdered here."

"That would explain why it's so much of a prison," Namjoon opined quietly with a hand on his chin. "After all, I doubt very, very much that there were that many people who received the proper injection and got full immunity."

All five agree with that possibility. Not to mention that being from so many places, with the supposedly low rate of purpura, it's a lot of coincidence that there are of different nationalities and there are so many of them. Maybe not infectious people, but blue, yellow or green.

"So... what do we do?"

"Yoongi and I will go check the weirdo's room. We have rapists everywhere and I don't doubt there are barely controlled killers as well. I don't want a sudden break in here" Namjoon clarifies. "You three... get however you can a way to find out what they did with Jimin, a way to monitor him and a place to hide him until Mikhail arrives."

"Are there any restrictions...?"

"No. Do whatever you want."

Hoseok claps his hands and smiles encouragingly. That gives him plenty of room for action.

Jungkook inhales and exhales sharply, trying to calm his thoughts so he doesn't feel like punching things. He hates being angry all the time. That his thoughts translate into rage and can only be relieved through destroying objects or people. How he wishes he had Bam with him. It would be the best way to find peace. Or leave him in Jimin's room so that no one would dare to hurt him.

It seems unheard of to him that people are bent on hurting him so much. Why are they this way? Jungkook tells himself that in part, it makes sense: they are monsters, they are demons. They are trying to destroy the light and what brighter light than their boyfriends? That they are able to reach out to so many good people and help them without expecting anything else in return.

It is depressing that indifferent to those capabilities, they insist on breaking them, on not valuing what they are. Maybe that's why he lives so angry. Because they are very sweet by nature and need to be taken care of. Putting on these airs of a savior, of a superhero, is one of his favorite activities. They help him have peace of mind. Forming movies in his head where he gets to save them all as if he were Iron Man or Captain America himself.

He inhales and exhales again and forces himself to eat some food. No matter how bad the food is, it's a waste to throw it away or have it go bad. A mentality he had as a teenager and now heightened by all the hunger he's gone through out there.

He wonders if having a stable place like this with food and a bed is worth everything they've already been through. He concludes that it is not. He would rather be out there with everyone else, wandering through the snow, than surrounded by all these vermin.

Humanity is no good.

Humanity sucks.

At least all the one that's here and life insists on throwing at it to make them regret it to keep surviving.

"Put, the, password... Now."

The woman types in a hurry, scared that Jin will stab her. Taehyung pretended to be wounded, Hoseok pretended to be the sorry one who hurt him. She's only supposed to be the one taking care of the computers, but she's a nurse too and with everyone eating lunch, she decided she could do it on her own.

Not expecting to be taken from behind and have a knife to her neck.

As she finishes putting in the password, Jin grabs her again, pushing her against a wall and putting her on her back in a corner. He makes her crouch down, pressing her head down and making her cry thinking the worst. "P-please-d-don't-don't make me-don't make me-don't-"

"Shut up and stay there. We don't care." informs Jin reluctantly. "Stay with her, I don't think she's going to stay still."

"Vaaaale." croons Hoseok, sitting down with his back leaning against the nurse who gave a startled squeal. Hoseok whistles and crosses his legs, waiting for Taehyung and Jin to go about their business.

Taehyung is grateful that the folders are in English. Although half the staff appears to be from Russia, it is a "shelter" with mixed expectations. Therefore, it must have a more global language to get around. Explanation of why they were being spoken to in English in the interviews. This is the best alternative.

Find a folder with videos. All listed and perfectly cataloged. Taehyung looks at the date, calculates how long Jimin has been imprisoned and indeed, he gets material. The only problem is that it has a password.

"Another password."

"I-I don't have... I-I'm just overseeing t-that no sick person gets hurt."

Jin, Taehyung and Hoseok gulped for air. They thought she was from the evil group, but apparently not.

"Don't you know how to open the folder with videos?" She shakes her head. "Oh wow... Do you know who does?" she mumbles a barely understandable name and Hoseok purses his lips. "Do you know what's up with the sedated man on the second floor?"

"T-the one with the thick lips? Korean" Hoseok gives a simple yep. "H-he...he...they did something to him. I don't know what. I'm not allowed to know. I-I'm just a nurse. I'm not included in those things. Please believe me." she whines. Hoseok gets up and helps her to her feet.

"You can tell- sh*t, what bad luck to have chosen just the one who has nothing to do with it" Jin complains loudly, embarrassed. "Easy, simple question: can you help us with this?"

The nurse tilts her head, confused as to what she might be referring to.

"This smells like sh*t."

"I told you."

Yoongi squeezes the rag in his face. After making sure the mysterious character wasn't around, they went to their room and once here, they just keep regretting that their noses are going to be rendered useless. Although if they think about it better, after surviving the burrow that was objectively worse, it's no big deal.

This doesn't smell like over a thousand people sweating and sweating, never bathing, only having sex and killing with their bare hands, having corpses lying around.

Nothing will ever beat that.

Breaking in the door is not difficult. There are no cameras here, so it makes no difference if they break it. It can be blamed on anyone else, even the occupant. What they find is, in essence, a normal room. Ordinary. It is individual to the surprise of both of them and makes them wonder more and more What is the division of rooms and floors in this place? It is strange.

They rummage through the few pieces of furniture and Yoongi gets the solution by accident: on the floor, one of the ceramics is up. With Namjoon's help and a strategically hidden lever, they manage to lift it. What lies underneath leads to Yoongi almost vomiting.

There is a long string of things. From human body parts, bags full of blood and other similar items. Most of all, there is a dirty bag with onions written on it. Upon checking, Yoongi has to leave, the smell and the image disgusts him too much.

Namjoon finds what they did not expect to see exactly, rather they wanted to avoid thinking about it and being paranoid: there is the crushed fetus, as well as several others. They are moving and stirring. They are growing. Or at least they're trying to. He can't tell, but he's convinced that this is a lousy sign. He picks up that specific bag.

"Why did you bring it...!"

His claim was "why are you bringing it where I can see it". He can't stand the disgust it gives him. Namjoon squeezes it with all his might, dense drops of black blood fall to the floor as a result.

"Hoseok must have something to burn it with. Let's go. Let's also warn someone who has all that stuff in there."

Yoongi nods in agreement. That they can do. What he can't do is look at that bag again without feeling like his intestines are going to leak out of his body. Namjoon takes an inventory of what he saw. Among it, there are many empty blood bags, also parts of those limbs are severed. Everything worries him.

Because those look "fresh" What's he doing with all that stored there, why are they cut off?

"Alright, with this are all the files locked."

"Juju~"

Taehyung kicks the remaining sheet left on his foot. They used the nurse to bring in one of the doctors involved in the study of the disease, she gave the password and now that she's unconscious, they have her gagged on the floor. The girl has been quite kind, explained in a simple comment: she is a volunteer. What she didn't expect when she volunteered to help, is to be put in a prison disguised as a shelter.

"They have a lot of hidden content," comments Jin in surprise. There must be more than a dozen folders they had to access with passwords. "Let's first make sure what we think is going on with Jimin happens, then we investigate the rest."

"Aaaand we burn down the lab."

"Maybe." concedes Jin and Hoseok gives a squeal of excitement.

"Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you." assures Taehyung for seeing her nervous.

"The best thing you can do, is to ask to be moved. Being here is not worth it. It's definitely throwing away your good faith." states Jin and she nods softly.

As if she didn't know, in this place all her superiors suck.

* . * . * . *

He tries to normalize his breathing. You keep telling yourself that this isn't so bad. It's a closed room. That means no one will come to disturb him. Even monsters need a door. He's also confident that he can handle them with his hands like this. They're not exactly immobilized. Not in a way that makes them impossible to use.

A female doctor enters, he's pretty sure she's the same one who performed the abortion on Namjoon, as well as the ultrasound. She squats down in front of Jimin and smiles softly.

"You made a big fuss...may I know why?" Jimin doesn't answer. "You know... without those samples, without that specific sample, we might not be able to make a huge achievement to save ourselves" she informs in a soft voice. "Maybe it's the key so that no one else has to go through what you're going through."

"I don't think so... there's no way you can use that for anything good. It just takes blood."

"No. We need more than blood... I don't expect someone like you to understand, I mean, you're shallower than icing" she laughs almost cynically. The nurse behind her sways on her feet, "but this thing you did... this single stupid thing... it keeps us from evolving" Jimin furrows his eyebrows a little Evolution? "There could be something bigger. More important and you're keeping us from that by not having more to work with to achieve it.

"To do... evolution. That is: use disease as a good thing."

"Yes. You seem to understand. Too bad. We could have agreed earlier" he laughs. "Well" she stands up and puts his hands in his pockets. "I need those samples and since you ruined the ones I had... Let's make a deal: I'll help you and your friends out of this hole if you give me a new fetus. This one will be better. It will come from a stronger genetic mix," she explains and Jimin's face crumples. "Your perfect immunity coupled with a similar one will be... Just perfect!"

"No."

She rolls her eyes and purses her lips.

"You don't have to make it to term. You having a month or two is good enough for us."

"I don't care. You can't do that. There's no way this disease evolves into something good" Jimin argues, "we as immune are the answer to not dying. Using the virus, using that extra stuff, will just make a mess."

"You're a biologist? What a surprise" he scoffs and the nurse laughs in equal measure. "Don't think you know more than I do" she asks condescendingly. "If you won't take it the easy way with the deal, I'll get it anyway even if it's the hard way."

Jimin continues to shake his head and she gives a snort, walking away. Jimin stands up and lunges at the nurse, biting her on the arm so hard that he draws blood. The guard who comes in to pull him away kicks him in the face.

* . * . * . *

"Not the best condition, but since you don't plan to cooperate..."

Because of how calm and supposedly sedated he is, none of them hold him tightly; Jimin lets go and having his hands free, it's not hard for him to push them off and end up grabbing the doctor by the arm. She throws the equipment into his grip and Jimin bites her, sinking his teeth in.

As a result, she is forced to leave and he is left in the cell again.

* . * . * . *

"I DON'T WANT TO! I SAID I DON'T WANT TO!"

They hold him down tightly to keep him from moving. It is not a procedure that needs sedation of any kind, which makes the experience worse. Jimin squealing and screaming as he tries to free himself.

It feels unpleasant and by the time they are done, he no longer has a voice. "Wasn't it better to sedate him?"

"No. Since he's so insistent on arguing" replies the woman removing her mouth cover. "Make it worth your while."

"IT HASN'T HEALED, HAS HE?! IT'S NOT GOING TO HEAL! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE WRITHING!"

"You can sedate him now."

He screams loudly, injected in the neck. They hold him down until he begins to lose his senses. It was a very large dose of morphine. In any other case, the person would be dead. However, she is aware that Jimin is stronger than this.

* . * . * . *

They look at each other, equally dumbfounded. The audio isn't the best, but there's no need with all the obviousness of the subject matter. Taehyung turns to the girl, who with watery eyes and clenched fists is incredulous that this is happening in here. She knows they're scum, but she didn't think to this level of savagery.

"Is there anything to abort with in here? Believe me when I tell you we don't want this to happen."

"There are... There are ways to do it. I-I can help you." he promises.

Hoseok notices that whoever they brought in has the bite on his arm. That is, this is the first person that Jimin bit. Crouching down and curious, he removes the bandage he is wearing. Wrinkling his face, Jin notices what the opponent is doing.

"What's it like...? Ugh."

"Looks like he's getting hooked don't you think?"

"He's had a fever for a few days now," reports the nurse with her hands in her pockets. "It hasn't been serious and judging by the tests she's had done, she keeps giving that her blood is red. In other words, she's not sick."

They look at each other. Hajun for obvious reasons was capable of getting sick through the bite, let alone blood. Jimin is a rare variant on its own. The possibility that his bite does not sicken, does not contaminate, but is directly lethal but not expansive is a strange detail.

They are not even sure if this is what they think or if there is a biologic reason to explain it. They are just left to make assumptions until they have a competent doctor helping them.

"Let's pretend this isn't a problem, okay? Just nothing is wrong. Nothing." says Jin and the others nod in agreement with his idea. The greatest plan of all.

Leave and hope it blows up in their faces, because there definitely aren't many other options to choose from.

"Yes I have for burn... ar, but what do you need it for?"

"This."

The three of them make a disgusted face and Hoseok turns around, almost throwing up. Namjoon sighs and Yoongi nods, it's just the kind of reaction they were expecting. Jin lifts a small bag, cloth and clean in difference.

"We need to go to Jimin: just as you expected, he had an insemination... He bit two people" he explains and Namjoon raises his eyebrows. That's definitely weird. He takes Jin's bag, which has a couple of flash drives inside. "We saw one of them: she's been tested, but she looks healthy" He shrugs. "Her arm seems to have gangrene, though. It goes all black."

"Aside from the likelihood that maybe it just became poisonous without more, I don't know" Namjoon admits. "Let's do that, first of all. That when he wakes up, he knows there's no risk at all."

And with that understood, they set the dirty bag on fire, get going, and formulate a way to wait for Mikhail without feeling like they're going to tear this place down in the process.

Chapter 7: Clear requirements

Chapter Text

"Hello?"

"Hello!" exclaims Hoseok shaking his hand. Jungkook advances to the entrance of the room, where the nurse enters and searches through the keys, which one to use in order to free him. "We did some... stuff outside and well, within reason, we're at riot time."

"Define that." asks Jungkook. He thanks quietly and rubs his wrists. His skin battered from so much contact. Hoseok shakes his head.

"I'd better tell you on the way and you'd better keep that mini pillow, so you'll bite something. I know you're going to get unbearable as usual."

Jungkook squints his eyes. What a way to put it .

. . .

"And what do you guys think you're doing here? You're not allowed-"

The doctor raises her hands, walking step by step away from Namjoon who threatens her with a huge knife. She slowly walks out of the place, where the nurse is still doing her part and they patiently waiting for her to finish. Jungkook like a scolded child all the way to the back, in a corner, avoiding any outburst of anger that may come.

"You are not allowed to inseminate anyone and here we are." mentions Namjoon acidly and she twitches her jaw.

"How's it going?" asks Taehyung worriedly.

"It's ready." she announces taking off her gloves. She closes the plastic bag and holds it out to Taehyung. For being only a week and a day old, it's really big.

He doesn't know how he could possibly grow so fast. Taehyung is not even able to understand how Jimin has a uterus again. It's one anomaly after another that he won't bother to discover. They are both aghast that the small mass, barely five centimeters long, is moving.

"Yo... you know medicine I-Is that suppose to happen?" he asks grabbing it with barely two fingers. "T-tell me no, please, I beg you."

"You shouldn't! It's not even alive yet! It's...!"

Taehyung throws him to the ground and kicks him several times with all his might. Jin takes it upon himself to fix Jimin and make sure there's no morphine entering his system anymore. Jungkook gets up and walks out, peeking outside where Namjoon is still threatening the doctor.

"That's it. We killed the plague" Jungkook informs and the doctor mutters a curse. "Did we burn everything already?"

"No" Namjoon backs away. "We wait for the General to come, give him an easy list of demands and see if this looks as good with his head doc so happy."

The only thing he can rely on is that the military and that department get along very badly. Therefore, he has the man on his side. With any luck, it will be more beneficial than he himself has in mind.

It takes him about two hours to arrive, the same time it takes Jimin to wake up. His muddy mind is unable to stay calm once he regains consciousness and upon seeing himself free, he tries to run and hide in a corner. Watch his back, prevent them from coming after him.

Jungkook keeps him lying on the bed, forcing him to look at him and convince him that everything is fine. "I-it's... it's always... it's always okay... n-no... I can't..."

"Easy baby, everything is fine." whispers Namjoon stroking his hair. The nurse checks him: eyes dilated to the extreme, pulse through the roof. They help him sit up to keep him from feeling so vulnerable, even restrained to keep him from accidentally trying to escape or hurt someone.

"You're... fine" Jungkook emphasizes a little at a time. Namjoon parts and walks out of the padded room. "You're... very... fine" He grabs his face and Jimin looks him in the eyes. "It's...not...going...to...happen...anything" He smiles softly and caresses his cheeks. Jimin starts to sob. His face reddens, his eyes water. "You're... fine. You're fine." concludes in a whisper and Jimin whimpers.

"I don't want it to happen again." he mumbles in the same tone. Low, desperate, scared. Jungkook shakes his head and hugs him, helping him to hide in his chest so the vulnerability isn't so strong.

"I see you know how to raise a ruckus." Teases the General and Namjoon rolls his eyes discreetly. "Well? I can tell why the whole science department is upside down, one scientist yelling a thousand things at me and I should arrest all seven of you."

"Your scientist inseminated my partner... without asking, suffice it to say."

The look of disbelief on his face is huge. It seems that even he doesn't believe that this is possible to be done. In his mind there was the suspicion, the distant possibility. However, from saying to doing is a long stretch that even he didn't think could be cut. He opens and closes his mouth and peeks inside where Jimin is still hugging Jungkook.

"Okay, I hear you."

"Don't you guys get the feeling that the hierarchy between us changes depending on what we need?" asks Taehyung leaning to the side to watch Namjoon walk away. "If we need business, Namjoon rules, if we need a tank, Jungkook; if we need a damn miracle, Jimin... If Namjoon can't, Jin does, if Jungkook can't, Yoongi does, and Hobi pulls miracles out of thin air too."

"You love to fool around."

Jin sinks his head in on purpose. Still, it's not a bad thought to have. Knowing that every flank is going to be covered and coated in the long run. Yoongi for his part still has a worry in his head: the weirdo they now have in a cell for stealing human parts from the labs?

What was he doing with it, what was he keeping it for? The pottery was very loose, so he was putting it on and taking it off regularly. Very doubtful that there are constant pregnancies here or even blood transfusions. There's something they're not thinking about and it makes him uneasy.

. . .

"We're going to have a room on the second floor. All of us. All seven of us together. They can lock it if they feel like it, I don't care about that," Namjoon begins, elbows resting on the armrests of the seat. "They are going to forgive the four murders that have happened. From the three bullies to whoever attacked Yoongi."

"What a small thing." he scoffs, clearly annoyed that Namjoon is asking for an impossible. The former is achievable, the latter is more complex.

"We did them a favor by taking four mouths off his back. Also a threat that could get worse over time" Namjoon notifies and crosses his leg. "That blood isn't worth that much."

"Do you think you're the only purple ones in the world? Or that it will be enough of you?" the man chides. "There aren't enough of you. Not even by a long shot-"

"We're not f*cking ore. We're people" He argues impatiently and grumpily. "Just because there aren't enough of us doesn't mean they're going to look for ways to take full advantage of us; any more than they're going to look for forgiveness for unforgivable things."

"Murder is unforgivable."

"No to human scum. No to monsters that should disappear," he mumbles, and the military man looks both annoyed and disgruntled. "Put in jail anyone who hurts another unintentionally, anyone who violates another's body, anyone who ends the life of an innocent. It's the most basic thing to know when you're in a rank like yours."

"You are very innocent-"

"Unfortunately, no, of innocent I have pongo. What I do have more than enough of, is common sense" he notifies. Namjoon smiles broadly and believingly at this, tired of these people wanting to tell him that he is inexperienced or doesn't have an obvious view of reality. "Little do I care about this sh*thole. I'll be out of here soon. Just until I do, I want to not have to deal with any more bullsh*t like this."

"And I'll be more than happy not to deal with you again" admits the military man. Being the common and simplest point in this whole conversation. "I'm afraid I'll keep the murder issue on the docket. What I will do, however, is justify it in any way I can. So that in effect, you get the hell out of here."

"And the scientist?"

"She will be the problem of whoever comes after you and whatever orders we get. As I tell you: I have no business meddling in that matter" Namjoon rolls his eyes. What a stupid thing to say. "If a scientist or person with the slightest knowledge of medicine and viruses says they need something, it is given to them immediately and without blinking. We are security, they are the real control," he explains, folding his arms. "That's how it works now. Hopefully it won't go to sh*t again."

"You were there?"

"One day."

"I managed to survive it six years. From the time it started in Seoul" he smiles wide and cynical, with an empty, animalistic, almost inhuman, deadpan leave. It gives him sickening, frightening chills. "And I got them to survive with me... as well as two hundred? Three hundred? People... It's not about them having more power, it's about basic logic. Use it and maybe you won't die." he recommends before getting up.

He leaves with the reassurance that, until Mikhail arrives, they can have a few minutes of peace.

"Why are the rooms so different?" asks Jin helplessly.

"Oh, that's because it depends on the amount of people, the relationship between everyone" answers the one who brought them to the new room they are going to occupy. It's not exactly big, but it has three bunk beds and with that they are pleased. "Families or groups of friends under the age of eighteen are usually placed in these rooms."

"The nineteenth floor...?"

"Gangs."

The bored face draws a laugh from Taehyung and Hoseok directly leans against the wall, laughing. Jungkook throws a pillow at him, annoyed that they're being so rowdy. Jimin needs to sleep, he's in a ball on the bed, with his hand ferried with all his strength to Jungkook's wrist.

Confirming that he's there.

"They are separated to prevent them from conniving at night" he elaborates a bit. "It's also like that on floor two, four, eight, twelve and fifteen" he lists. "Like this one, floor three, six, seven... Ah, then there's floor five, eleven... "He continues and Namjoon pays more attention to him. He is curious. There's the collector of blood and human flesh. "That's where the people who have no one go, as well as those who reported any mental illness."

"They didn't ask us anything about mental illness."

"Because no one was answering that question. By this point, no one knows their diagnosis."

The answer is depressing. Namjoon takes it for granted that there is another factor at work: everyone has post-traumatic stress. It's almost impossible to come out of that misfortune and not have it. The soldier withdraws and they are left alone inside the room. Jimin falls asleep even deeper, his body slack and breathing so dense, but slow, that he appears to be dead.

"Okay, all settled." states Jin with a smile and Namjoon shakes his hand.

"I don't think so. There's still one thing left to know." says Namjoon.

"The what?" questions Taehyung.

"The guy, the collector," mentions Yoongi. "What was he doing with those things, what was he keeping them for, did he do something with them?"

"Should we get involved in that, really?" says Jungkook incredulously. "It has nothing to do with us anymore and we're fine. maybe if he does something important, we won't even be here anymore.

"It's a risk because we don't want infected able to withstand the cold. All because a madman kept samples, someone gets them and uses them," Namjoon explains. Jungkook pouts. That's a good point, unfortunately. "Before we go we have to know what that was-"

"Don't go."

They turn abruptly, all having heard the same request. They don't know if he's awake or asleep, but Jimin cries in his sleep and babbles the same thing over and over again. As if in his sleep, he is getting lonely. Jungkook manages to be released and so climbs on top of him, that Jimin feels his warmth and the beating of his heart. He kisses him on the head and pats his back.

"And I was runnin' far away. Would I run off the world someday?" intones Jin, sitting on one side and tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Nobody knows, nobody knows...

"And I was dancing in the rain I felt alive and I can't complain." accompanies Jungkook with watery eyes, hugging Jimin more tightly.

"But no, take me home Take me home where I belong..." sings Taehyung.

"I can't take it anymore." conclude Yoongi and Hoseok at the same time, watching them from their place.

They are tired of this.

They want to get out of here.

Namjoon purses his lips, lowering his head with watery eyes. Exhausted, fed up, depressed....

There is something he hates about himself more than anything else: the inability he has to make a little bubble for all of them and stop them from suffering. That they stop asking between dreams and crying not to be abandoned, not to feel more pain than the torture they are subjecting him to....

He has no control over that.

But it does not prevent him from hating himself for lacking such control.

Chapter 8: Stopped time

Chapter Text

"Isn't it weird that he keeps sleeping?"

"From what Matthew and Wonho said at some point... No. He stays asleep for a long time himself."

They thought that eventually, Jimin would wake up, but he hasn't and it's morning again. There's nothing wrong with him. His pulse is back to normal, he's opened his eyes a couple of times, but he's actually still asleep. As they were warned, he suddenly started bleeding and they had to put a mattress pad on the mattress to make it less uncomfortable.

Plus it didn't smell bad. Change him, put him back to bed and watch that he doesn't hurt himself when he wakes up. In conclusion, it's standing guard to make sure he's okay. it's the easiest thing so far, which is comical in itself. It used to be the hardest thing.

No one has tried to come and bother me.

Not from those who did at some point.

The General has been kept at bay, just amused at the way Namjoon and his little group got what they wanted.

The doctor in charge hasn't shown off or tried any stunts either. The biggest relief they could have.

After all, none of them would stand to see her and not hit her at the slightest hint that she's going to say something stupid. Namjoon resists the urge to bang his head against a wall. He still can't come up with any logical explanation to the blood collector or why he had half-empty things. Where did he throw them? Did he eat them? From what he's heard, nothing happened to him other than getting hysterical in a cell.

He's not interested and that he stays there as long as possible. On the other hand among something he has heard, is that the doctor in question has become seriously ill and must stay in bed. For today, Friday, it is a curious detail. There are no signs of infection despite the bite already exposed.

Her arm is rotting. Full of black, decaying flesh that stinks. He is being considered for amputation to try to save his life, as unlikely as that is.

"Should we worry that it's poisonous and that if it bites us it will happen to us too?" asks Taehyung quietly. The nurse concludes her examination. Jimin has been more asleep than awake. To such an extent that he has barely eaten twice in these three days.

He drinks a lot of water.

Which is enough.

"Study his saliva and blood a bit... Apart from being immune he has nothing in particular" she assures. She kept Jin aside while she was doing the test. That way they made sure he wasn't going to keep anything and that it was just that: an exam. "It's very strange. I still don't know what he did."

"As long as he doesn't do it again and it's not infectious, it's all good." Hoseok winks at her and the woman looks away soon, somewhat embarrassed.

"Can we go get something else to eat?" asks Jungkook with a full cheek and not knowing how to eat anything from that plate. "This tastes...really bad."

"Does it taste? That's already a miracle!" Yoongi scoffs. He picks up one of the dishes Namjoon brought and crumples his face, pushing it away. "It smells pretty bad. What's it supposed to be?"

"It's a meat pie." says the nurse and Yoongi follows in judging the food. It smells terrible.

"Maybe it's rotten... Let's go get some other dishes." he proposes to Taehyung who nods and jumps down from the bed. Jungkook spits out what was in his mouth and leaves it in the trash along with everything else.

He didn't think this place was bad enough to serve rotten food. He is confident that this will be the last night they spend in this dump and they can go to their true destination of salvation. This was one more hellish stop.

As if more were needed.

. . .

"Don't you have anything else?"

"No. Sorry... You are the tenth person who has told us that it smells bad and tastes bad" comments the man scratching his beard and Namjoon curses between his teeth. "We are preparing something else. We heard that a General is coming here, so we can ask them to send us more food. One that won't go bad for a change."

"Okay... Thanks" he mumbles bowing his head and the man returns to the kitchen. "In short, there's no more food now" Taehyung complains loudly. He is hungry. He needs at least a little something. "Many have come to complain about the same thing. It looks like the food went rotten."

"If they treat the food the way they treat us. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened."

Namjoon laughs through his nose and walks away draping his arm over Taehyung's shoulders. The younger of the two turns his head for a moment, convinced he heard a strange noise, but in the absence of confirmation or anything else, he chalks it up to being his imagination.

. . .

"Hey, good morning!"

Jimin sits up and scratches his head, still sleepy. He ruffles his hair and looks around. He pulls his legs to his body and hugs them. He tries to define where he is. None of them try to talk to him until he is able to speak.

"Where am I?"

"We're still in prison" Jungkook reports," but you're out of the cell and tucked in a decent room... Sort of" he shakes his head. "Do you want anything?"

"I'm hungry." he admits in a low, weak voice. He clears his throat and leans back from Jungkook.

"Are you still sleepy?" asks Jin, mockingly. Jimin shakes his head.

"It's just that I suddenly started having a really nice dream... I want to go back there. Until I'm not here." he explains in a sigh that brings out a faint smile. It's a gesture they miss and it makes them happy to see him again.

"It will pass soon. Don't worry," Namjoon assures. "About the food... there's nothing to eat. It's all rotten-"

"Yes. I smell it from here. It looks like a dead horse is under the floor." he jokes with a chuckle. He notes that he's not quite awake yet. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so giggly.

They chat about silly and weightless things for a while until they are told the most important thing: Mikhail has arrived and needs an audience with all of them. No exceptions. They have no problem obeying, arranging their clothes a bit to look less disastrous in front of the General.

Jimin looks to the right as soon as they step out into the corridor. He furrows his eyebrows. He hears a strange and even familiar sound, but he's not sure if it's real or if it's just his imagination. An overly playful and annoying one. Due to the lack of reaction from the others, he takes it for granted that he did imagine it and keeps walking.

They enter a boardroom. By far the only presentable and even elegant place in this building. They take seats in order, with Namjoon more in front and close to Mikhail. The man looks tremendously annoyed, with his hands behind his back and Vanya sitting next to the center chair at the table.

"Good afternoon." greets Hoseok with a nervous laugh. One that is twisted by the look Mikhail gives them.

He is angry.

Too angry.

"I told them to be quiet. That they were under the radar."

"It's hard with demented rapists and murderers sniffing the back of your neck." says Namjoon without delay. It's not like they wanted to create a ruckus. It happened unintentionally. It's not a peaceful environment that they disturbed. Quite the opposite.

It's already on fire. It's just that they tried not to get burned and in doing so, they shriek to be pulled out of the fire.

"Listen, I don't care. There is a problem. Too big of a problem and you guys aren't helping me."

"If you had left us in... I don't know! The center before here! There wouldn't be such a problem!" notifies Namjoon. "This place sucks and there's no other way to name it. They threw us in a f*cking prison."

"I already told you it's not on me-"

"That's the second General to tell me that." reports the leader with folded arms and a bored expression.

"Are we going out? What's the problem?" interrupts Jin. Without letting them keep fighting, they're not going to get anywhere and he's hungry. Hopefully Mikhail will take them with him right away and they can have lunch.

Mikhail takes a deep breath and gestures to Vanya. He sits down and she stands up with an electronic tablet in her hands. It's been so long, they even forgot about those devices altogether. They feel too disconnected from everything in normal life.

"In order to be able to justify their transfer to another facility, mainly facility 2, the place where their eight peers are, their immunity level was used," she explains. On the projector behind her are the profiles of the seven and a photo of each sample. "The problem is that Jimin's sample brought us an unexpected result."

"Oh yeah?" stammers Jimin. Afraid of what that might mean.

"Yes. It's more... Complex than we'd like. " he admits tensely.

A long string of tests and data is laid out on the screen. Needless to say, none of them understand what is being displayed. Even Jimin, who has a relative knowledge of the subject, is lost. Totally lost. She stops at what appear to be samples in humans.

"We discovered that depending on how you process your blood, it is capable of causing one thing or another" she relates and points to the photo of what looks like a decomposing human. "By putting just a small portion into this body, it began to rot with increasing speed. It's a purple-type immune adult male." everyone's eyes widen and they turn to Jimin.

"A-ah..."

"but, in the case of being treated as a vaccine, it was able to prevent the infection from progressing in this body" He points to the other photo, with a man of about the same age with nothing beyond dark circles under his eyes and some scratches. "He's still under supervision, but it kept the infection from killing him."

"I mean, he was bitten and now, he hasn't transformed. In... ten days!!!?" Namjoon rises from his seat, hands resting on the desk. The six of them just as impressed as he is. Jimin opens and closes his mouth.

"In essence, we can say that his blood is a kind of poison for infectious cells," Mikhail sums up. "No one like that has ever come up. I suppose they have the explanation, but I won't like to hear it." Jimin nods his head softly.

"At the same time, it also works to be a cure. It doesn't make everyone the same as him, but it's a way to become purple," Vanya clarifies. "It's the strangest case of all and... that's why they wanted it right away in section one."

"One? And who's that one for?"

"Mainly for people of high political power or knowledge of medicine, virology and biology" replies Vanya to Jungkook. The man's jaw twitches. None of them could go there even if they wished to. "It is the most guarded and hidden place of all. The General knows about it only because daughter is married to a governor and in there since the beginning of everything." she clarifies pointing at Mikhail with an open hand."

"Wow," mutters Namjoon. "That's more complicated than I expected." he admits and Mikhail looks pleased. Good that he understood.

"The problem lies in the fact that, with the likelihood of being aggressive, there are doubts as to whether it should be taken there-"

"I'm not interested in going there. I just want us all to be together. I can... I can give my blood as much as they want, help as much as they need, I just want to be with them." insists Jimin. With just enough emphasis on what he really cares about. Mikhail stands up again.

"While he is a case in himself, you two" he points to Jungkook and Namjoon. "They have a huge mutation capability as well. There are no reasons why this happened. Nothing we have is clear" he notifies and Namjoon furrows his eyebrows. How annoying. "There is urgency to take them to be studied further."

"Then take us. We're not going to be aggressive where they won't do anything to us and even feed us." replies Namjoon simply. Mikhail shakes his head.

"All of you. Each and every one of you" he retorts almost angrily. "You are a menace. You're a bunch of savages who got here by a miracle and I don't know how much I can trust you. Even if you saved me back in Russia, this is different. There are too many lives at risk."

"What do you need to trust? I can promise you that none of us will do anything if you leave us in a normal place. Not even a spectacular one, just... Normal!" resists Namjoon.

"One weirdo spent the whole night masturbating because he was watching me! All night long!" reports Yoongi. Vanya immediately wrinkles her face. "And if that wasn't enough, he almost raped me: he hit me on my f*cking head and dragged me to do it."

"It's forbidden to allow such things-"

"It doesn't seem to matter enough, and to top it off, we got penalized for stopping him. Because it's losing 'an immune' necessary" Mikhail compunge expression, lowering his gaze. The reports coming in from here report nothing of the sort. Namjoon's information is a complete contradiction that he doesn't know whether to take seriously or not. "Do you need proof of what's going on here?"

Namjoon reaches over to the computer with the projector, plugs in the flash drive and searches through the files they transferred. The first one he opens, is the recording there is of Jimin refusing the insemination and how they force it anyway. He doesn't look at the screen and keeps his ears covered. While the audio is not good, he doesn't want to listen to himself in his pathetic and useless screaming either.

Vanya clenches the tablet in her hands, almost shaking. Namjoon closes it after five minutes and opens another one, where unknown people are being dragged into rooms to be abused, others to be mutilated and almost killed with no one to blame.

All perfectly contained in that those who did that, were purer purples. Therefore, they could not apply those disciplinary measures that one would expect. In the midst of this display of information in their favor, they hear knocks on the door. Banging that is quite annoying even underneath what the computer plays.

"This place is f*cking hell and we've had to deal with this for almost three weeks" replies Namjoon slamming his hand on the computer and glaring in Mikhail's direction. "So is he listening to us now with what we do? Or is he going to keep thinking that, for murdering two people, we deserve to be here."

Vanya opens and closes her mouth before turning to Mikhail.

"Well... w-we should do the interrogation right? That... that's more... specific." the woman comments with a weak, awkward smile. The knocking becomes a little more constant and annoying. Taehyung drapes his arm over the backrest and looks annoyedly towards the door.

"What do they want? Let them wait." he grumbles under his breath, turns back to the front.

"What interrogation?" asks Jin curiously.

"It's one more focused on what you guys answer rather than the facts, giving full context" Vanya explains before Mikhail. "That way we can recognize if they are a threat or not. The problem there has been, is that one or two lowlifes have been able to sneak in because of this... psychopaths in the more specific definition."

Jin shakes his head, it makes sense that they are worried. The same thing happened at the school with that assassin who came in and pretended to be someone else. They are smart people, who know how to blend in and then carry out what they want.

"Listen, we can live with a gun to the back of our heads, even in supervised rooms-"

"Not that What if I want to have sex with you?" retorts Jin offended and Namjoon looks at him wrong. Vanya pales lightly What?

"What I'm getting at, is that you can have a platoon after us if you want. We don't care. We have reason to get out- DAMN WHAT'S GOING ON!" he whines in exasperation from the knock on the door.

"I'm coming." says Hoseok getting up. Namjoon rubs his temples. His head hurts and the door doesn't help. "Sooowry~ We're busy-"

Hoseok gives a whimper so weak and awkward it sounds like he's playing, but there's someone biting his arm, teeth fully sunk into his flesh. He gives a sob and a scream, unable to keep the door ajar. Vanya screams, throwing himself to the floor and the others, getting up with a start. Jungkook doesn't delay in running, eluding the pair of people full of bites, black blood and wounds on the body.

He jumps up and kicks so hard that he kills the one who was biting Hoseok. The dancer screams and cries, clutching his arm. Because of the kick, some of his flesh went into the attacker's mouth. In the boardroom and holding Taehyung by the shoulders, a Yagtalja who tries to bite him. He grits his teeth and pushes it off, climbing onto the table in the process.

Jin uses the chair to push and knock down whoever was coming for him. Yoongi grabs another chair and smashes his head with it. Jungkook closes the door, picks up a piece of furniture and interposes it.

The Yagtalja holding Taehyung stops and moves away, taking awkward, weak steps backwards. Jimin gurgles, making sounds from the back of his throat. Jungkook takes the opportunity to grab him and twist his neck, dropping the corpse.

"What are they doing here?" stammers Mikhail, incredulous. "No... there aren't any-no-no."

"They're from here," Jin says quietly. "It's the clothes they give everyone- but how did it happen?" he retorts and Yoongi ducks.

"This one doesn't look like it bit him. There's nothing." he comments checking it. Namjoon hurries to check and finding no bite, his mind draws a risky, but likely conclusion.

"We have to cut open its stomach."

"What for!" shrieks Jin.

"We have to check what he ate" Mikhail approaches and hands him his knife. "The food, everything tasted bad today" He sticks the weapon into the Yagtalja's belly. "And they all ate it. Everyone. Even those who are not immune" Jimin tightens the knot of the tourniquet he made for Hoseok, promising him that when they find what to disinfect it with so it hurts less, he will bandage it; he comes closer and points to where the stomach is so it doesn't get any more dirty, "they must have contaminated themselves."

"How?" rebukes Mikhail and Yoongi finally a the link.

"The blood? Is that what he did? He threw it in the food." Namjoon nods and upon stirring a bit, details that there is from today's meal.

"Excuse me do you have a profile of who is here?"

Vanya nods and after rummaging around for a while, they get the profile of the so-called picker. Person who turns out to be not only a cannibal, but someone who was taken to prison on multiple occasions for feeding human parts to people on the street. Released from prison on multiple occasions due to lack of evidence at the time.

His main fixation, being pregnant women and from what the prosecution said, was spent around abortion clinics in Kazakhstan. "What country is that even?" whines Taehyung.

WHY DO THEY RUN INTO EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD!!!? They seem to have a hard time being touched by normal people. Not good. Normal.

"All that matters is that if they made it this far" Namjoon stands up and wipes his hands on his shirt. "It's because everything must be infested... Is there an alarm?"

"General's office."

"We have to get there then."

They nod in agreement. Hoseok holds his arm giving a groan. Yoongi beside him. "Stay with me. Nothing will happen to you." the producer promises and Hoseok smiles at him, giving him a kiss on the forehead.

"What a cute bodyguard."

"We can never have a time of peace without them, apparently." complains Jin quietly, stretching.

"No. Can't." Agrees Taehyung doing the same.

Namjoon offers the knife to Jungkook, Jungkook refuses and takes off his jacket, remaining in his T-shirt. He stretches his arms, then his legs and takes a deep breath. Jimin holds out long torn pieces of cloth for him to wrap his fists in.

"Vanya, stay here." She nods, still hiding under the table. Mikhail takes off his jacket, handing it to Jimin who shivers with cold. He rests his hand on Jimin's shoulder. "If you're going to do the same as over there, don't do it unless everything is really bad. I'm purple too. We'll be fine."

Jimin nods. He doesn't want to stay here. Bad things always happen when they split up.

Besides, it's easy, it's just a matter of getting to the General's office at the base. It won't be more complicated than getting out of a burrow and getting to the evacuation point.

Chapter 9: Ready to fight

Chapter Text

As soon as they open the door, they find blood stains in the hallway. The striking thing is that it is not from having eaten bodies or having caused wounds: they are stains made by vomit. Black blood and its foul odor fill the place. Leaving the corridor, there is a dead guard. Parts of his body are missing and the escaping blood is still warm.

Most likely, the people who came in there killed him. Jin picks up the pistol, checks how many bullets the cartridge has and reloads it. It is very awkward with only one hand, but he refuses to ask for help from anyone present.

Jungkook takes the opportunity to change his shoes. He needs to kick harder and with these shoes that are almost made of paper, he doesn't have much to help him with. They are a bit big and heavy, nothing he hasn't experienced before. He keeps close to Jimin and Taehyung.

"Do you know how to get to the office?" asks Jin to Namjoon.

"From here, no. If we get to the common area, I'll already have a better route." he promises quietly.

They move forward and Jungkook kicks to death the one who, unsuspecting, was simply standing in place. "It's so cold that they're going to try to conglomerate. Gotta take advantage of it."

As soon as they reach the stairs to the common area, they find that there are about forty pressed against each other, revealing Jimin's warning to be true. They advance in as much stealth as possible so as not to carry their attention. Namjoon mentally traces the route they need to follow and for once, he is grateful that everything has bars to enter and pass through.

The only thing that bothers, is the fact that the guards are dead. However, how could it be otherwise? They have no blunt weapons and from the shell casings on the floor, they tried to defend themselves. There are also some dead bodies from the gunshots, not counting those who committed suicide when they were overpowered. They discreetly and carefully pick up the knives they have in their clothes,

There is a display of muscle, guts and bones here. It makes you wonder how long they were in there for this whole mess to happen? It happened too fast or they were too clueless.

Through their minds floats the amount of strange sounds they perceived, explained in this massacre. Maybe it started before. They were fortunate enough not to come across any of this at the time. Not far away, there is a cluster of who knows how many. Maybe fifty or even sixty, concentrating on being close enough to keep each other warm. They don't notice them. They are invisible for the moment. They must cross what is essentially easier.

Until it isn't.

Namjoon watches the huge cluster so closely that he does not see those on the other side of the gate. They hear the gate being opened and so they run in his direction. Eating the curse he wanted to shout doesn't detract from alerting them. Jungkook kicks the first one who was just short of reaching Namjoon; Taehyung and Yoongi quickly stab the ones who almost grabbed them and Hoseok eludes another one, who falls to the ground due to clumsiness. Mikhail and Jimin climb up a couple of steps, killing one by one those who got stuck up there due to the narrowness of the hallway.

"GET UP!"

He pushes Taehyung, Yoongi and Jungkook, Jin had already entered; Namjoon closes the gate in time, a second before the whole herd could get through. there are so many that the metal hinges start to creak, causing the wall to break and the gate to threaten to fall.

He and Jungkook put their backs to each other. The bars are close together, there is no risk of being bitten, but there is a risk of being knocked down and getting through. Taehyung joins in to remove the obstacle to climb up. Being the best alternative to reach their destination.

"HURRY UP!"

"I DO WHAT I CAN!" shrieks Taehyung in response to Jungkook. He and Namjoon groan in fright: the grating has just come loose on one side. They push harder, with all the strength their legs and bodies can take up. Jin shoots the one coming through the ground and almost bites Mikhail in the leg.

"Why are there so many of them!" complains Hoseok. Jimin coughs and although he is tempted to roar, he knows that, if he does so prematurely, it could backfire.

His throat won't hold more than twice. So, if it is an achievable situation without it, he must wait. Mikhail uses the body of a Yagtalja and like a rugby player, makes his way through, finally opening the little path that was needed.

Jin shoots the two remaining ones. He has about eight bullets left. The necessary ones.

"On the count of three, you run" Namjoon informs and Jungkook nods. "One... two... THREE."

They run jumping several steps up. There is another gate, so between the cumulus they will make themselves unable to break it. Unlike now. They reach the top. Taehyung and Yoongi close it just in time again. Jin points towards the opposite corridor they should go, making sure there are no stragglers coming at them from behind.

"Which way now?" asks Jungkook panting. Namjoon looks to the right, the left and then up to the ceiling.

"Over there" points to the left. Mikhail looks at it doubtfully. "I don't know why, but there's that sign. It's pretty useless."

"This place was built in a hurry and in the middle of nowhere. Don't be such a complainer to the poor architect." scolds Taehyung with a pout and Namjoon gives a snort.

What's the point of putting a signage so high up? It's absurd. He can hardly make out what to follow.

There's a lot of grunting in the hallway. Mikhail closes another of the emergency grates, which was secured with a master key. That way, even if that herd makes it through, there will be assurance that they won't get through to them.

"There's... a strange sound Do you notice it?" asks Jimin quietly and Yoongi nods in agreement.

"Yes. I hear it too."

"I don't understand how so many died. There are more people from the one I remember. Besides why wouldn't they be in their rooms? In the hallways" Taehyung grumbles grumpily. "Or in the toilet! I don't think eating rotten meat wouldn't make them want to sh*t! And stay dead in the damn toilet!"

"How should I know?" complains Jin under his breath.

"Stop talking so much." scolds Namjoon and Jungkook rolls his eyes. There's a strange sound, he notices it too and it's annoying.

Because it's familiar. Again, it's a familiar sound. He looks around.

"Isn't the lab around here too?" Namjoon nods at Jungkook's question. "Wouldn't something have come out of there?"

Everyone pauses, doubt on their faces.

"You said there were more fetuses, in this place they kill out of nowhere and well... with the Alphas being the way they are what if some more came out? And they brought him here" Jungkook replies. It's such a specific scenario that they doubt the reality very much. "Do you know if any more people have come here who are capable of getting pregnant?"

"There was a pregnant woman about a year ago" replies Mikhail. "However, she claimed it was her husband's." They look at each other again.

With the illusion the Alphas create, they wouldn't blame her for thinking that was the reality. What she thought happened. Namjoon purses his lips and then bites his cheeks, trying to think.

"Let's go towards the noise."

Jimin goes first, trying to figure out what it is. With so much interest here in keeping fetuses in considerable condition who's to say that another Alpha fetus didn't make it here? It's a high probability by all accounts. The other burrows they fell into were small, they were easy to escape even without help if the person was still conscious enough.

The more he removes his panic about the situations he experienced, the more he realizes that they were easy -physically speaking- to overcome. Anyone else in those situations could have done it, and if he admitted to killing, he would have been able to get here! He stops and looks at what's on the ground, making the sound so annoying.

Jimin's orange eyes meet Jimin's big yellow ones. Jin points the gun at him without thinking.

"What is that thing?" asks Mikhail between his teeth.

"An Alpha." they answer in unison.

Jimin walks towards him. It's a boy, like weird thing. He has darker skin, though grayish. His eyes slightly bulging, thick lips and wide nose. The peculiarity apart from his race, he has a deformed leg and because of that, he can't stand. Dressed in tattered and dirty clothes. It looks like nurses' clothes and you can imagine that he killed one of them. He crouches down, arms on his knees.

"Where did you come from?"

"Fe... male..."

"Does that thing talk?" stammers Mikhail backing up a step.

"Jimin don't tempt it so much." complains Namjoon due to the closeness he already has.

"Female... strong... for pups." grabs Jimin by the leg, but he doesn't move from his spot. "Hakim wants female" He smiles happy to be this close, sitting down and not letting go of Jimin. "Hakim with female. Hakim grows... and... he's with female." Mikhail wrinkles his face more and more What is he saying? He speaks in Russian and so the others don't understand him.

Although they assume perfectly well what he is talking about.

Jimin understands him more because of the smell he gives off. Exactly like Hajun's. Trying to sedate him in his own way.

"House of mine. I... house... another dead Alpha. I-"

Jimin gestures to Jin, calling for the gun and shooting him in the side, effectively killing him. Black blood quickly soaks into the ground. He stands up, hands over the pistol again and lets out air.

"There's no more. He smelled like he was the boss."

"I mean, what if there was another-"

"He said he killed another Alpha What's an Alpha to begin with?" he demands to know and Namjoon pats him on the shoulder.

"We'll talk about that later. Believe me, it's not the best time for that story. When we're waiting to be taken out, yes."

Mikhail is left wondering. Arriving in the General's room, they find a strange sight. The man squeezing the bite on his shoulder, next to it, a stab wound. The man hisses and directs his gaze to the corner, where a Yagtalja devours someone. A female body. Taehyung instantly closes the door.

"Why haven't you called for help?" complains Mikhail. "It's the most basic thing! The shelter is completely infected!" claims Cas hysterically and the General laughs.

"Do it with a crazy woman screaming at him, stabbing him and then have something come and eat her" Namjoon kills the Yagtalja and turns the corpse, getting that it is the doctor. Her arm is completely black and her flesh is peeling off. The striking thing is that the Yagtalja avoided eating there at all.

Despite it being one of the usual spots to bite.

"Why did you stab it?" asks Jin pointing at it. Mikhail pushes the man in the chair to use the phone to ask for a cleaning and extraction here. Namjoon translates to Jin.

"The idiot was sick, I don't know what she was hallucinating, just that she must have killed me for complicating I don't know what" he hisses in pain. Jimin checks the knife bite and wound. "It said one thing that the Alphas were going to help."

"Ah, yes, I was delirious." scoffs Yoongi crossing his leg on the seat.

"Help? Someone explain to me what the f*ck an Alpha is?"

"If you get the seven of us out of here together and take us to Hongjoong, we'll think about it." Namjoon taunts. Mikhail rolls his eyes.

"Attention all survivors inside shelter number six," announces Mikhail over the communicator. "Do not leave your rooms until the rescue team comes for you. Repeat: do not leave your rooms until the rescue team comes for you" He hangs up the phone and then connects to the conference room. "We have arrived at the office, do not move or make any noise Vanya."

"Understood." he replies on the other end.

"How long will it take?"

"A couple of hours for bringing in heavy equipment... What do we do with it, does it have salvation?" he asks crossing his arms. The General groans aloud and Jimin shakes his head.

"If he's immune, yes."

"I'm not immune, dammit."

Jimin gasps, slowly backing away. The man groans under his breath and squeezes the bleeding area tighter. He looks around, noting the impression on everyone at his confession. He looks back down at the corpse on the ground.

"The bitch was mentioning that there was something she had to... work on. That it was important in the lab. I don't know what she was talking about" He pulls out the gun in his drawer and puts it under his chin. "It's just there...and that...it's important. Something about the virus being better. That it could evolve..."

"Didn't Don tell you...?" The man shoots up and Namjoon waves his hands. "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE FUNCTIONAL!? ASSHOLE!" he whines in exasperation. Even in his last moments he can't feel sorry for him.

"At least it came out of him that there's something weird going on in the lab and that this is a mess It's not just our doing!" celebrates Jin. "So... When is the plane to leave?

You can tell they don't care about this place at all. Not taking care of what could have been a real risk. Mikhail feels his eyebrow twitch. These people are going to get on his nerves. Jimin sits down between Yoongi and Jungkook.

"That went well" he muses throwing his head back.

"Yeah. Pretty good." Agrees Jungkook with a smile.

They laugh softly and Yoongi sighs, leaning back, Hoseok sitting on top of him and dozing off. The pain in his arm, now bandaged, subsided enough to be quiet. Taehyung sits on the floor, tucked between Jungkook's legs and thus lying on the man's right thigh. Jin lies down on the armrest and falls a little on Jungkook.

Namjoon smiles slightly, pleased that the scare was as minimal as possible and that this was easily resolved.

Chapter 10: A little closer

Chapter Text

"You must let me go with you."

"Why?"

"Because I understand the Alphas better... Much better than you" muses Jimin looking at a dead spot in front of him. Namjoon bites his cheeks. "What information we give or withhold, I must tell you..."

"Jimin."

"Trust me. I know what I will say. Besides" He lets out a deep breath of air. "I don't want you to go there by yourself."

Namjoon bows his head with an amused leave. Jimin puts a hand on Namjoon's thigh and gives it a light, barely noticeable, almost playful squeeze. The usual between the two when they are sitting next to each other.

Right now, they wait for Mikhail to finish the introductions to let Namjoon pass and convince the others on the board to approve his center transfer. They would still need the interview, of course, but that would be the second step. They must first deserve to do it. Especially with the disaster that was everyone's mere presence in shelter six.

The good news is that they are in that testing center. Not in that prison. They can close that creepy, bizarre stage of their lives. Namjoon nods and lays his head on Jimin's head. Yoongi, Hoseok and Jin sit in front; Jungkook and Taehyung to Jimin's left. Jungkook is asleep with Taehyung on his shoulder. They have a long time sitting here.

Apart from being bored, cold and hungry, they are tired. They feel it was too long a day. At the same time, they are unable to deny that this is happening. They need it more than anything.

"Namjoon." calls Mikhail from the open door. His hand is bandaged, he got an accidental cut. Namjoon gets up and Jimin with him, instantly grabbing his hand, squeezing it.

Mikhail does not ask why Jimin is also going to pass. let them be. It's time for them to plead their case as best they can and being seven, it's almost fair that it should be two and not just one. With a sneaking suspicion that it will be Namjoon doing the lion's share anyway.

Hoseok gives a thumbs up and smiles at them, Jin wishes them good luck in a low voice, Yoongi smiles slightly and a little shyly.

When they enter what they find are several screens with different people in focus. Nine people and Namjoon assumes Mikhail is the tenth of them. Five women, four men, each with a bar at the bottom of the screen. Announcing which post they occupy and their country of origin.

An Asian booth, belonging to Japan even though the name is Korean. He takes it for granted that he is the representative of both countries for lack of one. They bow their heads and that already arouses some surprise. The last thing they would expect, is for them to remember that. It was a social thing that hardly those who came out before the biggest disaster remember to do normally.

"I'm Kim Nam-Joon, nice to meet you all" he greets in a loud voice and Mikhail raises an eyebrow, curious of the change in voice. He sounds very firm, sure of himself. "This is Park Ji-Min, one of my group mates. He wanted to attend this meeting to share information during this negotiation."

"Nice to meet you." he says a little awkwardly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all equally" states one of the women. Italian, named Eleonora. "You may take a seat." she informs and they both sit down.

The introduction is the already known: that they have rare traits in their blood, the scientific and medical urgency that this may mean, the possibility of going to another shelter better equipped and located.

"However, you will understand that this privilege cannot be handed over to possible threats to the society that barely maintains itself" she explains kindly. Jimin doesn't understand much of what she says, has only context and assumption on his side. "We expect you to justify a valid reason for interviewing and transferring them."

"We understand" Namjoon agrees. "I would like to start by saying that we are not a threat to anyone. It is unfortunate that the evidence runs against us, as I acknowledge that we killed four people inside shelter six" admitting it now is the healthy thing to do, "however, I want to stress that these were not cold-blooded acts. On the contrary, they happened under very specific circ*mstances."

"Work out your argument." Demands a man of African descent and representing African countries, as well as a few from Europe.

"The first three events were three men who had long been guilty of sexually abusing other refugees," Namjoon explains clasping his hands together in his lap. "At night they ambushed Jimin and because of the regulation that allows sexual intercourse inside rooms, they planned to rape him in there. As you will understand, his act was defensive."

"Has he done something like that on any other occasion?"

"What exactly do you mean?"

"Murder in order to save himself from similar abuse." Namjoon translates to Jimin and he is slow to formulate his answer.

"I don't have a count, but by bad luck, a group of slavers and abusers took over the camp I was in. They prostituted me for several months, he was able to escape by murdering them." he explains as briefly as he can and without wanting to delve into the subject.

It's not even the most important thing right now. The questioner, a blond man and representing Norway, Ireland, Iceland and Romania nods satisfied with the answer.

"What about the fourth murder?" questions Eleonora.

"The day after our arrival, another refugee arrived. We don't know his origin, nor his name: he sexually harassed Yoongi, tried to touch him repeatedly; he also tried to physically attack Jungkook who responded in the same way" Namjoon narrates. Mikhail goes through the security videos. They all confirm what Namjoon explains. "Finally, he knocked Yoongi out and took him away in order to rape him. Jungkook defended him in the way he thought best."

"Don't you consider that to be exaggerated?"

"No."

"These are lives that are lost that we brought here to protect. Just like you," the blond man explains. "Why shouldn't we consider it unnecessary? An excess of aggression."

"Because it would be condoning and allowing that kind of behavior. Personally, we don't consider it worth it" he furrows his eyebrows slightly lowering his gaze. "There are a lot of good people who died because of these people. They don't deserve this opportunity. Much less perpetuate their crimes... There was a cannibal in there and he, he was functioning perfectly fine. Meanwhile, people we know, they're not as lucky as he is."

The morality of the matter is questionable at a certain point Why does Namjoon have the right to choose what is right or wrong? At the same time, that is what they seek to understand. The way he interprets situations. He speaks for others. Therefore, what he believes, so do the rest.

"If a man steals, what would you do with him?"

"Arrest him."

"If a man rapes, what would I do with him?"

"Kill him."

"If a woman rapes, what would he do with her?"

"Kill her."

"If someone is accused of murder, but claims not to have done it, what would you do with that person?"

"Interrogate them, try to find out the situation before acting in any way. As the only precaution, isolate and avoid the possibility of one more murder." answers Namjoon without thinking.

He just gives his honest opinion. What he did at school from the very beginning.

"You seem very sure of your ideals" Namjoon smiles with amused and calm leave. "Has there ever been an occasion when you behaved aggressively in a non-violent environment?" Namjoon translates to Jimin and he twists his lips.

"My... head sometimes goes weird and I... can't control what I do. It happens with loud noises. I was at the epicenter of a bombing in downtown Incheon in freshman year" Jimin confesses and Eleonora specifically twists her face, noticeably worried, "but I don't attack anyone. I'm more of a risk to myself than to others."

"The rest of my group is also harmless. If there is no threat, there is no attack. It is worth noting that Jungkook, the youngest, does exercise routines to keep himself calm. He recognizes his anger issues well. Where we stayed, he never attacked anyone," Namjoon explains, and there is understanding.

They are silent for a couple of minutes. So far, everything they have heard seems appropriate. Either because Namjoon is so good at talking or because frankly, his explanations make a lot of sense. Mikhail knows that the others are convinced that continuing with their move is the best idea.

"With that being clear," says the woman representing the United States. Big eyes, pretty eyeliner and a moon tattoo on her shoulder. "We know there are demands they have for us, despite not having a secured spot. We want to know about it."

Namjoon takes a breath. this is going to take a while .

. . .

"How do you think it's going?" asks Jin quietly, swaying his feet.

"I'm sure it's going well. Namjoon is always good to talk to." replies Hoseok before yawning.

"What I wonder is if those people don't get sleepy. It should be so easy, but they overcomplicate it." complains Yoongi with his eyes closed. Two steps away from falling asleep.

"It's necessary," says Jin. "Without order, it would be like that place. Part of the annoying thing, it's system and we want a system. One that works well."

"How do we know it will work well?"

"We have to trust that it will." concludes Jin and Yoongi gives a grumble.

. . .

"We have a group in Korea. Big. Last time, it was almost three hundred-"

"Five hundred."

"Five hundred people-" He corrects himself immediately, and the astonishment in the others is palpable. "One of our main demands is that they be evacuated. They cannot travel from there to Russia: a good part consists of children under ten years of age."

"Why are there so many children?"

"On the way from Incheon to Chuncheon, we picked up several groups of survivors. Made up of children and teenagers who were taking care of those children. Entire preschool classrooms" Jimin pouts. He imagines that string of babies walking. Hoseok told him a little about the ones who joined on the way to Chuncheon. That they covered their eyes and crouched down to be silent and pretend the monsters didn't exist. "Also some pregnant women gave birth."

"You understand that is too much to ask." rectifies the representative of France.

"Yes. I understand perfectly."

"Five hundred people in one place?"

"We allied with two other groups. Many friends and acquaintances from what was before." clarifies Namjoon.

"I mean, we can split at least a quarter into those two groups" Namjoon nods. "It's a rather complicated and heavy order."

"Indeed, but in contrast to the lives lost in shelter six, I can promise you that those who are there are worth every drop of sweat they may cause."

He nibbles his lip, discreet, anxious. After so long this moment happens and it is stressful to the extreme. He must speak so well, say everything so well. He worries it won't be enough to get the evacuation. That it will be something appealing before what they have to offer in return.

"There are animals too."

"Ah, yes... one group inhabits a zoo. As far as we know, they're keeping it alive."

"That's a miracle." comments the French representative. Namjoon gives a chuckle.

"Many miracles happen there. I can assure you of that."

"Is that all you have to ask for?"

"No, actually there is another thing: we want to be in the same shelter as eight people" Mikhail exhales. This is being overly demanding. "Kim Hong-Joong; Park Seong-Hwa; Song Min-Gi; Choi San; Jung Woo-Young; Kang Yeo-Sang; Jeong Yun-Ho and Choi Jong-Ho. We don't know their location, but wherever they are sent to us, we want them to be with us. They are like family."

"You will go-"

"To a normal shelter. We don't want preferential treatment of any kind."

The silence between the two sides is tense due to the sudden interruption Namjoon makes. Almost anxious to clarify that point. He knows they would not be given the special treatment, however he managed to go to a better place. He must fight for that too. As if that wasn't enough.

"Your demands are enormous," Eleonora mentions with her hands clasped on the desk.

"We have important information."

"That is for us to determine and whether it is valid to meet all these demands."

"We will give it only under the certainty that we will have a chance to go to a better shelter. That is the only guarantee we ask for."

All microphones are muted. Namjoon moves his jaw, uneasy. It takes exactly five minutes before they turn the sound system back on.

"We authorize relocation interviews" Jimin closes his eyes, releasing his breath. Relieved and with a faint smile on his lips. "Regarding your other demands, we want the information you have to give. Plus your full cooperation with the medical procedures."

"It doesn't involve pregnancy, does it?"

"Pregnancy?"

"I'll take that as a no." he says to Jimin who nods in agreement. The confusion in the participants is all too obvious and genuine. Jimin leans forward, taking the speaking turn with Namjoon translating.

"The information we have is about a breakthrough in the virus. It is not properly documented and is not popularly known. It is about what comes from breeding between a harmful variant of the virus and an immune one: it is known as Alpha."

"We possess vague records about it. They are just speculation." mentions the American. Jimin shakes his head.

"No. It's true. Unfortunately. These are very aware and very smart predators" Expressions travel from disbelief to skepticism. "They can make traps, handle infected and even talk."

"Talk?"

"How could a dead man talk?"

"They are not dead. They are living sera results of the virus," Jimin specified. "An immune pregnant woman expecting the child is an unknowingly infected man, she's going to give birth to an Alpha. I know it sounds complicated and even far-fetched, but the truth is it can be done."

"Just like that?"

"And have them search for offspring themselves."

"What do you mean?" retorts Eleonora.

"They are very clever animals, by animals: they will try to reproduce. They are aware that immunes are their method of reproduction. Yagtalja are simple pawns, like hunting dogs. Biting is not useful for them to multiply. They need it to be reproduction" Jimin emphasizes and Namjoon makes many hand gestures, a bit accelerated to keep up with him. Jimin doesn't leave him much of a chance to breathe. "There may be just a dozen of them initially, but that single dozen can throw an entire country if it breeds."

"Are you sure that's the only way they can multiply?"

"Yes. There is no other way."

Namjoon gives him a sidelong glance. That's bogus. If they could do it in a lab once, they could many more. However, Jimin isn't going to risk them trying. He's going to make sure that fact is buried. Founding the fear of how it works.

"They can infect animals, control them; they infect immunes other than purple; they kill the ones they have no use for breeding, and the ones they do have use for, they put them in burrows" He becomes very self-absorbed explaining, as if part of what mind, is lost in that specific memory. "They reproduce endlessly. They cater to one who is the strongest and they manage like a beehive or an anthill."

"And this... Alpha, this species Can it be dominated?"

"No. They only listen to themselves."

Another lie.

"Did you make contact with any?"

"Yes."

True.

"Did I ever get on tape?"

"Yes."

True.

"What happened?"

"I got sick. It hit me and killed him."

Lie.

"Are they capable of learning basic notions?"

"Only what is necessary to understand their "female", i.e.: give gifts to flirt and thus copulate."

Lie.

"Are you sure there is no possibility of controlling it?"

"Very sure."

Lie.

"And they can only arise through birth."

"Indeed."

Lie.

The group stands in thought. Jimin lowers his gaze and drops his shoulders. Namjoon inhales and exhales a little fast. Keeping up with this conversation cost. Eleonora is the first to speak:

"Have you seen these creatures up close? That is, inside this burrow as you call it" Jimin nods. "And you also said you were copulated by one Did you let it escape?" he denies. "What happened?"

"I killed it."

True.

"And he just escaped? Was it a small place?"

"No. There were lots and lots of them, but they died. We collapsed the whole cave." notifies Namjoon without Jimin having time to do so.

"You were there too?" the American woman asks in surprise. Namjoon nods. "Wow... I'm really sorry."

"We are alive. That's all that's relevant."

"At Shelter Six they were trying to study them. They rescued a couple of Alpha babies... he got loose," Jimin reports, interlacing his fingers. "And if he made it any further, who knows what change could happen" he repeats pursing his lips for a moment. "They are not evolution: they are a total death sentence. It must be avoided at all costs."

"We can assume you can give more details of this. In writing" They both shake their heads. "It's... certainly a good amount of information" opines the blond man. "Also something we didn't have Why didn't U.S. intelligence mention any of this?"

"Because no one survived something like this... I can only think of one case. They're in Italy." mentions the American and Eleonora gives a chuckle, shrugging her shoulders.

"Ah, yes, they're over there. Not wanting to know about it" Namjoon and Jimin give each other a look. Jimin vaguely remembers of the subject, having discussed it with Matthew, but not much else. "I don't want my son-in-law to get upset by mentioning this to him. I get the impression he doesn't want to remember it... No one would want to, or would they?" Namjoon shakes his head.

"I feel that in exchange for this information, more details about it and whatever you deem prudent with your expertise, we can conclude as a fair agreement to bring your communities." comments Mikhail standing with his hands behind his back.

"Yes. It is a report I would be interested in reading." confesses the Frenchman.

"All in favor of the extraction of the three communities in South Korea, Chuncheon?" beckons Mikhail. He raises his hand and everyone else follows suit. "This meeting can be concluded. Tomorrow morning you will be given the necessary interviews to decide whether or not you deserve to be relocated."

"In the case of deserving, they will be deposited in shelter two in Norway. It is only a few months old, so it is emptier," the blond mentions, "perfect for the spatial needs they will require."

"Thank you very much."

Namjoon and Jimin make a pronounced bow and as they leave Jimin can't resist hugging Namjoon, doing it very tightly. The opposite carries him and shakes back and forth with him clutching him.

"What happened, what did they say?" asks Hoseok. he jumps up from his seat to greet him. Jimin announces with a smile.

"We convinced them to bring the rest."

"AH!"

Hoseok gives an exclamation too loudly, hugging him equally. The moment they leave the boardroom, Mikhail sees the seven of them hugging and celebrating almost on the verge of tears. As if having achieved that is worth so much more than the interviews they still have to do.

It's tender, in its own way.

Subject: Min Yoon-Gi Blood: Purple
Age: 32 Status: -

"How many people have you killed?"

"I don't know."

"How many do you remember?"

"None." he replies confidently about it.

"Any particular reason?"

"They were faceless people to me. And those who were relevant were killed by others."

"Can you be more specific about it?" asks Vanya, a camera recording Yoongi who leans back in the chair.

"I wanted to kill Namjoon's rapist" Vanya presses his lips together. "I also wanted to kill the one who beat Jungkook: he came with his face destroyed to our shelter. It made me so angry. He was crying and hiding even from us. He was ashamed to be weak... I killed those who were in that community, enslaved people I knew and innocent ente that we then integrated into our group" Yoongi furrows his eyebrows a little. "I was scared to be out of buildings. I remember like that, I almost got eaten and that's why I don't have part of my face anymore."

Vanya looks up and Yoongi lets out a breath.

"I hated being afraid, being weaker compared to what caused me fear... I never wanted to kill anyone" Yoongi bites his lower lip. "I wanted to go home, be with my parents and my brother. Nothing else."

Subject: Min Yoon-Gi Blood: Purple
Age: 32 Transfer: Pass.

. . .

Subject: Kim Tae-Hyung Blood: Purple
Age: 29 Transfer: -

"How many people have you killed?"

"I don't know. I don't remember." he replies shaking his head.

"How many do you remember?"

"None in particular." Taehyung shrugs.

"Any special reason?"

"I didn't kill them myself... It was frustrating" he admits wrinkling his face, Vanya looks up from the form. "Because I just watched Jimin crying over and over again, scared that guy would kidnap him and whor* him out again. He did. He took him. I didn't kill him, I watched him get killed; I also couldn't do anything to help Namjoon, Jungkook when he was beaten... I knew there were these horrible people and I couldn't do anything to make them go away."

"Did you feel it your responsibility?"

"I wanted to take care of those I love nothing more" He squeezes his eyes and mouth before denying. He lets out air and his lips quiver. "I wanted to fight. I wanted to help protect the only thing I have, even if I had to stain my hands with blood just as dirty."

Subject: Kim Tae-Hyung Blood: Purple
Age: 29 Transfer: Passed

. . .

Subject: Kim Seok-Jin Blood: Purple
Age: 33 Transfer: -

"How many people has he killed?"

"I don't know."

"How many do you remember?"

"Only one."

"Any particular reason?"

Jin snorts looking away and Vanya notices that this is the first time he averts his gaze. She notices a hint of embarrassment in him.

"Maybe that person wasn't supposed to die... or maybe they were. I don't know. I keep thinking it's not for me to judge, but who else would do it? She was the leader of a group, a woman who used children to entertain herself by watching them kill each other; she had me as a pet next to her and I was just hanging on because I needed a doctor. Namjoon was dying what else was I supposed to do?" Jin drops his arms and sniffles, lowering his gaze, almost tearful.

Vanya rummages and holds out a box of tissues, Jin refuses and turns it down. Vanya leaves it on the table, as a precaution.

"They were going to kill everyone. Them. The few we had with us, almost all children. At the time I thought, 'keep them from getting hurt, it's worth it, "but then I didn't... I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I don't kill directly. I don't attack. I just... I don't save and... maybe I'm bad because of that, but why should I reach out my hand to someone who's going to destroy everything afterwards?"

He runs the stump across his cheek and sniffles. It's a crisis he's had dancing in his mind pretty constantly. Now more than ever. It's confusing. Contradictory, but in the long run, not something he regrets. He saved Namjoon. He saved everyone on the way to Chuncheon. That's all it's worth, isn't it?

Subject: Kim Seok-Jin Blood: Purple
Age: 33 Transfer: Passed

. . .

Subject: Jung Ho-Seok Blood: Purple
Age: 31 Transfer: -

"How many people has he killed?"

"I don't know. I think several. Maybe very many."

He shrugs, smiling. Vanya exhales, exhausted from Hoseok.

"How many do you remember?"

The tinge of his smile turns cruel, turns pedantic.

"One."

"Any particular reason?"

"It was the first person I killed," Hoseok confesses, crossing his leg and swinging the dangling one. "My hand was shaking so badly" He looks down and watches his palms, "but how could I not kill him? With the gun in my hand, everything falling apart and seeing again that I was raping Namjoon" Vanya raises her head, surprised at that detail. Hoseok starts laughing and dense tears starting to stream down his face. "Seeing...how he was breaking it...and changing it."

He presses the smile and covers himself for a moment before laughing out loud.

"First to endure knowing that, in that place, a girl of eleven was pregnant, throwing her dead baby away, watching her die; then how Namjoon was abused... more than once... I was... I was convincing myself that I was good. That the situation could get better" That he doesn't stop smiling makes her despair and frightens her in equal parts. "What was I doing, not killing him, letting him go on? Namjoon won't even let me lie on top of him now."

Hoseok sniffles and finally his smile cracks, lowering his gaze. He sobs loudly and accepts the handkerchief she offers him.

Subject: Jung Ho-Seok Blood: Purple
Age: 31 Transfer: Passed

. . .

Subject: Jeon Jung-Kook Blood: Purple
Age: 31 Transfer: -

"How many people has he killed?" Jungkook squints his eyes and after a few seconds, he gives up.

"I don't know yet."

"How many do you remember?"

"None."

"Why?"

"When I get really angry, I just act on instinct. Nothing hurts, nothing bothers and I just have to go towards what I have to attack" he explains pointing to a random spot. Vanya nods, writing. "I know it's been a lot of people, but I'm sure I didn't kill anyone who didn't want to hurt me or the others."

"Do you care much about protecting them?" asks Vanya and Jungkook nods euphorically.

"They have taken care of me since I was thirteen. I know there was a lot they hid. A lot of things they suffered without telling me" Jungkook furrows his eyebrows. "And that even now, they think they should take care of me...they don't take care of themselves, for taking care of me. I knew I had to be strong so that when they fell, to protect them."

He purses his lips and meditates for a few seconds.

"But it hasn't done much good you know? I'm always late, I'm always coming when they're getting up off the ground to do it themselves and I'm fine...I'm the only one who's fine" A sad, disappointed smile appears on his lips. "Maybe if I could do more, they wouldn't have so much blood on their hands."

"They wanted to save you from the burden of doing something like that." comments Vanya, discreetly and Jungkook shakes his head.

"You have no idea how frustrating it is to be fine, with them claiming to be fine and knowing that they're not. To know that they had to save themselves from demons that consumed them in front of me" He swings his legs up onto the chair. "From watching...directly...as they were raped, as they were turned into nothing that I remember most and me...unable to do anything."

Subject: Jeon Jung-Kook Blood: Purple
Age: 27 Transfer: Passed

Chapter 11: New space

Chapter Text

Namjoon opens his eyes and does not contain his yawn. He stirs in his seat and looks to the right. In the seats next to him, his six partners sound asleep. Hoseok with Yoongi snuggled against his chest, Taehyung and Jin pressed against each other, Jimin sitting on Jungkook and him holding the dancer tightly. Namjoon stretches his lips and lifts the window cover.

Nothing.

Just clouds and the wing of the plane.

He yawns again and slides a little in his seat. He doesn't know how long they've been in the air, how much longer they'll be in the air. What isn't is that they'll finally get to a place they can call "shelter. "After all that searching, they're finally going to go there.

They had the announcement from all the representatives: they would be transported to Norway, the shelter that is only months old and they are good candidates for the most part. Medical care of all kinds, it is also a key site for blood donation to get the necessary vaccines to immunize the whole planet. Or as much as possible.

They would all be together and one of the more specific qualities, is that Atee*z would be relocated to there at the same time. So they would all be together in a day or two. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, determined to get another long sleep. Why not? He needs to rest.

To enjoy this brief moment where he feels more human than he has in a long time. Tucked into a normal plane, in normal seats, with the normal smell of an airplane. No freighter. No riding in the back strapped into seats or belts because you might fall out.

You don't feel like cattle.

It feels... human.

It's the first vestige of humanity in too long.

You have to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Especially considering how weird his interview was. As far as he knows, his and Jimin's were the most essential to the entire group.

So much so that they seem to have opened up another entry they didn't know existed.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION - RESTRICTED ACCESS
PROJECT: SANCTUARY

Subject: Kim Nam-Joon
Blood: Purple
Role: Informant, donor
Priority: High
Contact: -
Status: -
Age: 31
Transfer: -

"How many people has he killed?"

"I don't know." Namjoon replies simply and Vanya squints her eyes.

"How many do you remember?"

"Four."

"Any particular reason?"

Namjoon gives a snort, smirking and even mocking about it, as if it causes him amusem*nt and pleasure at the same time to think about it.

"I wanted to kill them and make them suffer in the process."

"Were they anything relevant?" he asks quietly, intimidated by whatever might be crossing his mind about it. He's always so good at talking, even when lapsing into annoyance.

This part of what personality scares her.

"Two were military. One was an ex-convict, better said, a pimp" Namjoon clarifies without erasing that very murky expression. "And the last one, I don't know what he was. Maybe a good-for-nothing who liked to ruin lives. I was happy to kill him."

"I need you to be more specific."

Namjoon averts his gaze to the side, not erasing the smile and keeping his fingers interlocked, his elbows on his armrests.

"The first military man, he was one of the soldiers guarding Gimpo, the airport we were initially headed for.... He was leading us there, he confessed that they had Jimin there" he exhales exhausted just remembering it. It is strangely vivid in his head. "That their colonel hated us... that between all of them they had used him as a prostitute" Vanya wrinkles her face slightly. "So I killed him."

"Just because I thought he was telling the truth."

"I know he was: that colonel, Leeseung, told me he did it. Over the radio he was teasing me about it" The Russian writes, doubtful how something this twisted and specific could happen. However, with so many weird situations that have popped up, she shouldn't be surprised. "I wouldn't let him do the same thing again, nor lead us into a trap.... So I killed him" He repeats with a small smile on his lips. "Who I didn't know, I killed him for hitting Jungkook."

"Are there any other traits you can mention about that person? Or how serious the assault was?" replies Vanya. Extra facts that help to further excuse Namjoon's manner.

"Their community was slave-owning. Friends of ours, who were from a group called Twice, were there. She beat him so badly that he couldn't breathe properly, couldn't move or open his eyes. He could have killed him. So I killed him," Namjoon concludes and Vanya nods. It seems less far-fetched to her. "The pimp prostituted Jimin for almost six months to get resources at his expense. He claimed he would make anyone who slept with him immune."

Vanya delays writing that down, trying to get his head around how anyone would believe such stupidity. She finds it hard to comprehend. After all, she didn't live through it, nor did she see the way everything is disrupted the moment you inhabit a space like that.

"I kept it alive..."

He mumbles so softly that it's hard to hear.

"I made sure he was still alive.... When Jimin was well, he and Jungkook too... I asked them what they wanted to do with him. They wanted him to suffer at least a little" he laughs closing his eyes and furrowing his eyebrows, "I know I shouldn't have done that... I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but what else could I do to make them feel that there was justice? That that still exists."

Namjoon licks his lips and bites his cheeks.

"We hung him up to be devoured and then burned everything."

"Do you have any idea of his record?"

Namjoon gives a vague summary of what he remembers of Ming. It's not very specific or detailed. Barely that he was in the same prison as Junghwa and that he had clear pedophilic tendencies. Vanya asks about the latest murder and Namjoon shakes his head.

"Actually, I'm not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I know Junghwa died because Hoseok killed him, but I remember doing it too," he replies doubtfully, "I think it was someone. Someone who was doing the same thing as Junghwa...still, I prefer to think it's him."

"Anyone will tell you it's better to know the reality."

"I don't want the reality. I want to fool myself into thinking that I made it through it," he admits with an almost tender smile. "That if I had enough strength to make it.... That other person, he wasn't good, he was an Alpha."

"I understand..."

"I'd kill those people a thousand times over.... Maybe I'm not a god, not someone with the best morals either" Namjoon slicks his hair back, "but I know what's good and what's bad. I know where that line is and I can say they deserved to die. As much as I can deserve it."

[CLASSIFIED]

Subject: Kim Nam-Joon
Blood: Purple
Role: Informant, donor
Priority: High
Contact: Intimate; breeding carrier
Status: Stable; medium severe
Age: 31
Transfer: Approved.

The place they arrive at, contrary to what they thought, has no snow at all. It is a huge and quite sophisticated building, as well as pretty, with a field that stretches for miles. They felt like lying on their faces in the grass, except that sleeping in the plane would never be comfortable. Not even under these circ*mstances.

They are guided inside, similar to a hotel, where the receptionist asks them for information. The woman calls a translator who can explain everything in Korean. In the meantime, she continues to rummage through what she has to deliver.

"Welcome" she greets with a nod of her head. They mimic the gesture out of inertia. "This is a type two shelter, that is, all who make it this far have a high immunity to SalIn-Yeol disease or have proven themselves worthy of the benefits delivered here Do you have any questions?"

"What will the rooms be like?" asks Jin doubtful to see seven keys.

"They will have one large room with doors dividing each space" the woman explains and Yoongi lets out a breath of relief, leaning his arms on the counter. "These are the only keys, please don't lose them. Inside each one, you'll find the schedules and specifications about food, laundry and common areas."

"Y... Are there other things here?" asks Jungkook shyly.

"They say there are benefits What do you mean?" completes Hoseok and she laughs.

"There is communication with the outside. Internet, cellular networks, everyone is entitled to a cellular device" Jimin leans to the side. That explains what has the poor receptionist so complicated. "Of course, it must be moderated. We want to avoid extraneous or unselected people here. The more secretive the location of this shelter, the better."

"Understood." croons Hoseok.

"And another benefit is professional medical help. We take it for granted that anyone who arrives here suffered a high exposure to complicated situations of an unpleasant nature" Namjoon clasps his hands and bites his cheeks. "They have weekly appointments scheduled and depending on the outcome, their psychologist will determine how many sessions a week, how much effort it merits, etc."

"Ah... Uh."

"It's overwhelming, I understand," she confesses with a chuckle. "However, have no fear: you are safe and this is done in order that, eventually, you can resume the course of your life in the space that best suits you. Except, of course, infected places."

The receptionist arrives with a box. Seven cell phones lined up, chargers and an instruction manual. Likewise, the second one helps her lift large backpacks that weigh almost as much as they do. "Here are clothes, personal items and notebooks to use as journals. Have a nice day."

. . .

"This place is f*cking paradise-"

"Jin."

"IT'S PARADISE!" he exclaims tugging his arm and Namjoon laughs through his nose.

The rooms are not that big, but big enough to make them comfortable. The beds are a little wider than a single bed; clean, white sheets; a small closet to put in what they were given and what they may have brought with them -I wish they had something-; windows with a view of the green field they saw when they arrived; quiet corridors with a few people talking to each other.

The atmosphere is not exactly hostile, but it is not friendly either. The looks they receive are one of doubt. Of obvious distrust and although it is annoying, because if they are here it is evidence that they are not a threat, it is not so critical. They much prefer it to what they have already experienced.

The dining room is huge. Several tables are scattered around and they are forbidden to move. They seem to be the largest group, so they occupy one of the tables that have more capacity. Everything else is full.

The food is good in taste, not so in quantity. They would like to have three of each dish. Not because they have a big stomach, but because they have already been so hungry in the previous shelter.

There is no curfew to be in the corridors, neither in the main facility. The pool and gardens are a separate issue. The silence is quiet, interrupted by the occasional squeak. Namjoon took it for granted that it's some bat flying around.

"Did you read everything?" asks Hoseok sitting on the bed. All crammed into one room. They are sleepy, but still don't feel able to sleep. "It says here that, if you donate blood, more than what they demand from you monthly, they give you tickets."

"So?" asks Yoongi, bored and lying on his back. Jimin gets his hair combed by Jungkook and Taehyung along with Jin practice drawing. Namjoon brushes his teeth, peeking out from the bathroom.

"That, with that, you can buy things: candy, accessories, stuffed animals, ornaments for your room" Hoseok excitedly relates and shows the page. Yoongi opens one eye. "It's a good way to maintain this place. As expensive as it must be."

"They give you good cell phones as soon as you arrive" Namjoon says after spitting. "Blood must be the method of livelihood.

"That worries me," Jimin admits quietly. "Who do they sell it to?"

"To the pharmaceutical companies that make the vaccines." replies Namjoon.

"Ummm... It's still weird doesn't it sound weird to you?"

"No. This time, it doesn't feel weird." says Hoseok with a shrug and Namjoon nods in agreement.

It doesn't feel shady here. It may also influence that he had a good impression of the representatives he spoke to. They look like they are trying to do things right. Who runs this site may be a separate issue: they don't know who he is, nor are they interested in him at the moment.

As long as there is no creation of Alphas and they are not forced into anything, they are comfortable with any action.

"You're naturally paranoid" Jungkook mentions and Jimin pouts, "it's okay. It's normal... For now, let's just enjoy it okay?"

"Okay." Jimin lies down on Jungkook's chest and he hugs him, giving him a kiss on the head.

. . .

"Can I sleep here?"

Jungkook coos, letting Jimin crawl into bed. The shorter one hugs him, hiding his face in his boyfriend's broad chest. Jungkook had the trepidation to ask Why don't you sleep in your bed? These are comfortable, there's no heat or cold, the sheets smell nice and here it's sure they won't do anything to you.

Even so, Jimin behaves as if he is afraid that something will happen.

"There are about four hundred kilometers of grass, trees and flowers," says Hoseok stretching his arms. "At least this time it's a nice place." he says smiling towards Jin who nods in agreement.

It's a lovely place. The weather is also comfortable. They go to lie down in one of the gardens. They run away from the stares, enjoy the smell and try to acclimatize quickly to this level of peace and perfection.

It seems fake.

It looks like a dream.

It looks like eventually something bad will happen.

This time, where that misfortune should be, something spectacular and unexpected happens.

Jungkook, lying on Jimin's thigh and with him stroking his hair, hears a bark. He opens his eyes and turns his head. To the right, running at full speed while barking, the black and brown dog approaches. Jungkook stands awkwardly, almost stumbling and opening his arms to greet the dog. "BAM!"

The canine knocks him down, squealing and moving hysterically against him. Licking his face and rubbing his muzzle. The long, restless tail wagging from left to right. Jungkook ends up on the floor getting those cuddles and cries. Holds him by the face and strokes him gently, slowly.

"Hi" he greets awkwardly and long, pouting. "You're okay" Bam yawns and holds his tongue out. "You're okay." He hugs tightly, sobbing.

He thought he might never see him again.

The others approach, greeting the dog who ends up jumping on Jimin, knocking him to the ground and squealing in equal measure.

"Did it appear alone, is it a Pokémon?" Taehyung looks around. There's no one. Bam seems to have come alone.

They don't think he would be capable of making such a trip. Besides, how could he know they were here? It's impossible "HERE HE IS! HE FOUND THEM!" Going towards the squeak, they find Wooyoung who raises his arms, waving them from left to right.

"HEY! WOOYOUNG!" Hoseok holds his hands to his cheeks, impressed. The man comes running up to them, hugging Taehyung who is the one he held closest.

Seconds later, they go sighting each other: Hongjoong, San, Yunho, Jongho, Seonghwa, Mingi, Yeosang. All of them seem on the verge of tears at the sight of them. Hongjoong in specific hugged Namjoon so tightly that Namjoon felt his ribs crack.

"We thought you weren't going to find them" sobs the distraught man. "We asked...we asked for months to look for them, but they wouldn't listen to us. Y... And they were going to leave, w-we didn't know what else to do to help them. They wouldn't show up."

"How nice," praises Jin co*cking his head, "we came to think they'd been killed halfway.

"No. With you guys, gone is all the trouble of Yagtalja or Alpha" says Seonghwa, shy and also close to tears. "We got to the evacuation point early, we lied to be taken to a good place so we could help you-"

"but that lasted for almost three months," San relays overwhelmed, "it was like a concentration center over there. There wasn't much difference." Taehyung and Jin take a look at each other. Better that than what it was like to live in the sophisticated version of Guantanamo.

"Three months... "Yoongi mutters in surprise. "How long has it been?"

"As of today? It was seven months."

The confirmation that they were there for months surprises and overwhelms them at the same time. How could they have been there for so long without noticing? How could they have even survived it? It seems absurd to them. Namjoon smiles in a way that makes Hongjoong cry harder.

"Thank you for helping us. Without you we would have died over there." confirms Namjoon.

Mikhail made it very clear: Hongjoong pestered ad nauseam to get them to look for them and it worked - they're here! He wipes his cheeks and tries to calm down. Jimin hugs Wooyoung who sways back and forth. He wears a medical patch.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I can't see at all anymore, but I'm alive... I'm sorry you had to help me" he stammers shyly as he breaks away. "I know...you didn't want- I didn't want you to-"

"It doesn't matter" Jimin grabs him by the face and gives him a peck on the lips, startling San, Jungkook, Jin and Yunho. "I'm glad you're okay" Pushes a lock of his hair away and Wooyoung reddens. "What matters is that we're alive. All of us."

"And that we didn't abandon each other to save ourselves individually."

"We are family. We can't just abandon each other just like that." opines Hongjoong with an awkward, broken smile. Namjoon laughs and hugs him tightly, making him cry harder.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION - RESTRICTED ACCESS
PROJECT: SANCTUARY

Subject: Park Ji-Min
Blood: Purple
Role: Informant, donor
Priority: High
Contact: -
Status: -
Age: 30
Transfer: -

"How many people has he killed?"

"I don't know." Jimin presses his arms. He's very cold here.

"How many do you remember?" He sounds his lips and pulls them out a little. It's the same number. Even in this time, he hasn't been able to decrease it."

"Thirty-five."

Vanya inhales and exhales with a little force. Even knowing that, she can't be calmer.

"Any particular reason? Preferably in division from now on. You can elaborate on the details." Jimin licks his lips.

"I... I had to kill thirty-one children. None of them were over the age of thirteen" he elaborates and that's not the kind of details Vanya was expecting to get. "Fourteen Fourteen?" he asks himself seeing a deadpan. "They were girls. The others, they were boys." Vanya bites his lips and furrows his eyebrows.

"Why the difference?"

"They were in different rooms."

"Why?"

Jimin seems to become engrossed in the memory. As if mentioning it brings up that deep, long-ago memory. The Idol half-opens his lips.

"They came from nowhere. They killed the military, they killed the old people, those who had difficulties, they killed the parents too.... They left only young people: women, children and those under fifty? Years old" he muses thoughtfully, not moving in his seat, as if he himself is watching a movie of what is happening. "They killed Leeseung" He fiddles with the plates under his sweater. His trembling fingers barely able to handle it. "They exposed me as immune, also as the only doctor on site."

"Are you a doctor?"

"No. I just learned a lot in the time over there."

"Oh... And what happened to that?"

A strange smile emerges on Jimin's face. Twisted, incredulous, cold, nervous: scared.

"The leader, Ming, he was a pedophile...he loved little girls. He knew others loved them too. Between his men and him they abused them all" His voice in trembling. Deep down, despite having it as a recurring thing from back there, he is unable to process it as normal. He is unable to eliminate the distaste and pain he feels at the thought of it. "Almost all of them were pregnant-I had to help one of them give birth, it was.... it was one of the worst moments of my life."

Vanya lets him breathe a little and gets his attention by giving him a brownie. Having to give details makes him fall into them himself. He remembers the moans he was giving, the despair Chae had at not being able to do it naturally; the consequent C-section, the thought that he died.

It makes all his nerves ache.

"And I killed them when I left.... Because I didn't want them to...keep hurting them."

"What did the children have?"

"They let them starve and put them to fight with Yagtalja. They were entertainment."

Jimin looks down with watery eyes.

"I wanted to help them... I didn't know what else to do."

Vanya holds back what she wants to say. It's not her place - not the time either - to tell him that, in her esteem, he did the only thing he could. Jimin whimpers something else.

"I wanted them to be okay, but how did I get them all out? When I couldn't even handle myself...when...I could barely get out of that room I was in. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think and... I just killed them. Just like Hye."

"Who's Hye?"

"She was a girl who saw me as her dad. Her mom... I helped her with a problem before and she stayed with me" Vanya continues to write down, to the point of turning the page. "Ming loved her. He wanted her as soon as he saw her, I-"

I promise they'll be fine.

Jimin rubs his neck and takes a deep breath, trying to contain it. It's been a long time since he remembered her face. The fact that she was smiling and he couldn't figure out what was going on. Her corpse, for a second, had that innocent smile thinking it would get her out of there. He inhales sharply and covers his face with one hand.

Vanya lets him process it again. A couple of minutes later, she questions:

"Who are the other deaths?"

"Ming... who caused all that... I didn't kill him with my hands, we left him hanging to be devoured" he relates making figures with his hands. "And I was happy with that" he confesses with an awkward smile. "I was happy that... he suffered. That he understood for once-that he felt righteous." Unbeknownst to Vanya, that comment, would later have significance. When the last one to be interviewed, would arrive here.

"You mentioned a general."

"He abused and murdered everyone under his command and control. Leeseung made me inject him with tainted blood...I shouldn't have listened to him. In the end, it's my fault." he admits, rubbing his hands together.

"You also mentioned that you killed someone who loved you very much. Who was it?"

[CLASSIFIED]

Subject: Park Ji-Min
Blood: Purple
Role: Informant, donor
Priority: High
Contact: Intimate; reproductive; direct
Status: Critical; warrants study
Age: 31
Transfer: Approved

Chapter 12: Layers

Chapter Text

Is there something you'd like to talk about first?

"Not really" Hoseok purses his lips and tilts his head. "I think I'm fine. Everything that was bothering me or making me feel bad is gone now, so Super good!"

It's natural to feel that way once you're in a controlled and calm environment. However, as a person who specializes in the field here, I know you are not fine. I would hate to alter your judgment, but there are few options left if you don't accept the facts.

"It's just that I'm fine," Hoseok assures me with a hand on his chest. "Nothing happened to me and what happened to me I don't even remember anymore. Or I already talked about it with the others" He recapitulates counting on his fingers. "Yep. Good. All good. I don't think it's even necessary- Oops, why is he writing while looking at me? That's scary" Hoseok points out leaning back in his seat. "What do you write?"

You come from a traumatic situation that lasted six years of your life, where you found yourself not only in a constant state of danger, but also in borderline situations that pushed what might have been your endurance to the extreme... I'm afraid you have a persistent facade, an irrepressible need to keep up appearances about your suffering.

"That's... not anymore-"

If you don't want to talk today, no problem. I'm no one to force you. On the other hand, I must ask you to meditate a little if it is true that you are well and if it is a good idea to keep everything inside you. See you next week.

"Wow, that's all we had."

"Yes. They let us have it after verifying there was nothing contraband inside." Jimin pauses, his pile of plush dolls in hands. Jungkook raises an eyebrow and asks San:

"Contraband? What do you mean by that? I'm not going to believe there's even a drug problem. At this point, it doesn't make sense." replies Jungkook incredulously. San shakes his head.

"No. There are people smuggling Yagtalja's blood samples and parts" He scrunches up his face, not quite understanding what San means. "It's a mess I don't understand either" San admits, scratches his eyebrow. "It seems there are some people who want to repeat what happened in Korea, China and those other countries."

"What for?"

"What masochism." mutters Jimin walking to his room to put down the plush dolls. Arrange them on the bed and make it look pretty.

"It is" laughs San with his hands on his hips. "The truth is, some people want to watch the world burn. From what I heard in the shelter we were in, there were those who thought it was necessary. A step in evolution or something.

"Assholes." Jungkook snorts and San laughs. He couldn't agree more. Bam yawns, lying on top of the bed and waiting for Jungkook to tell him to get out.

He really likes the grass. He wants to squirm on top of it again.

Do you have something on your mind that you'd like to talk about first?

"Not really... no. I don't quite know what to say." Taehyung looks embarrassed, legs together, hands in between. The psychologist laughs softly and entertained by the honesty.

You can talk about whatever you want and need guidance on. Your childhood, your adolescence, your adulthood, what happened and if you think it ties in. Any wounds or concerns. I am here to listen and help you.

"Well... I have... a doubt" he admits tensely. "It's... I just feel useless."

In what way?

"Out there I wasn't that good at fighting" Taehyung clenches his hands together, tense and nervous. "And I couldn't stop a lot of things from happening. I couldn't protect my teammates when it mattered and I couldn't be strong when they needed it either... I just... I was just... weak..."

You felt helpless and not in control of the situation.

"Yes."

But how possible was it to have control?

"N-no... not much, but I had to do something- I was fine! I was always fine compared to them-why couldn't I protect them from suffering it again? It made me feel useless that, even though I could be strong, I was paralyzed like them..." He takes a breath of air. He keeps thinking about when they got to the burrow that he did nothing but self-deception, wanting to think it was a nightmare instead of trying to fight back, put up a fight, scream. Anything. "And I ended up like them."

The need for control is natural. Especially in a traumatic situation... You are not weak. Nor are you useless. Situations that overwhelm us and accepting them will lead to that feeling being diluted.

Taehyung sniffles and looks down, his heart pounding.

You don't have to hurry. You don't have to think that makes you weak... You're human. One who went through a horrible situation and from which little by little, by giving yourself the love and time you need, you will be able to get out.

"I don't feel like I can run away from that."

From that situation?

"Yes."

Why?

"It's still touching me."

They abused you...? I see... You understand that whoever did that to you is the real culprit, right?

"It's me for not being strong."

Diagnosis: Inferiority complex, post-traumatic stress disorder, need for control (mild), depression (mild).

Appointment Rhythm: Two per week.

Good to see you! You can start anywhere you like.

"Is it just saying anything?" asks Jimin in a whisper.

Indeed. Whatever makes you uncomfortable, uneasy or causes you doubt. Also whatever hurts you. Whatever you think you need to heal... Any option is valid. Even the worries you have.

"There is... something wrong with my head" Jimin taps his temple. "When there are loud noises, when there is a lot of fuss, I want to hit things or people... sometimes hide until it stops" He watches the woman write, nodding as she listens to him. "It's been happening to me for a long time and I've hurt people by accident."

How long has it been happening - before or after the fall?

"After."

Any specific event?

"When Incheon was bombed...the general in charge left me at the epicenter. I hid during the bombing...I hear...the bombs..." He moves his hands around his head. Jimin has never talked about this specifically because it bothers him.

It makes the booms ring in his head again. No mercy. Like bombs are falling all around him again.

Is there something else that triggers these reactions?

"I just...feel bad."

That betrays post-traumatic stress similar to that suffered by soldiers who lived through armed conflict. It's natural for it to cause you to have a borderline reaction, we can work with that no problem.

"I don't want to hurt anyone...I also don't want to scare anyone or be a burden."

Diagnosis: Post-traumatic Stress (Severe).

"Easy. Learning to write again is hard." notifies Namjoon and Jin ruffles his hair before picking up the pen again and trying to write. It costs an awful lot being right-handed and having only his left hand.

"Do you think if I donate blood I'll get something?" he asks raising his right wrist. "It's kind of annoying to be like this."

"What good is a prosthesis that you can't move going to do?" grumbles Yoongi not too far away, with his legs to his chest and the most awkward posture possible for writing in his notebook.

Namjoon steps back and looks at him wrong.

"It's obviously necessary. Just because you can't write with it doesn't take away from the fact that it's better for your balance and comfort. With that, it's enough." Yoongi rolls his eyes. He doesn't see much point in that.

"We should use what we donate to buy more clothes, paint, dye and stuff," Yoongi comments and Namjoon raises an eyebrow, curious. "Jungkook wants to paint, Tae wants to draw, Jimin wants to paint his hair and dress differently... We should take advantage of the fact that they want to do things."

Namjoon goes back to what he does, doodling in a notebook. With nothing productive in it.

Yeah...gotta get them something to do.

Whatever you say, it'll be a secret between you and me. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

"That in itself, makes me embarrassed."

That's normal. However, I suppose you understand that you must try something on you. That's why you came in vinco minutes before.

"It's... it's that I" Jungkook feels too embarrassed and exposed. He knew he was ahead of schedule. He bites his lips and looks away. "I have anger issues."

How do you know?

"Things happen and I want to punch everything. If someone eats a dessert I wanted, if they look at me wrong, if I see them coming and I think they'll do something bad to me... I hit a lot of people. It wasn't intentional, but I can't control it," he says with concern. "A-and I'm afraid it's going to happen to some of my group. I don't want to hurt them."

Acknowledging it makes it easier. After all, it's the first step.

"I know."

Do you play any sports?

"Yes. Boxing. I like to draw to let things out, though."

All right. See? It's very easy.

Diagnosis: Explosive disorder.

"I don't like men touching me."

Only men.

"Yes."

What about women?

"They don't see me that way...they didn't hurt me either. Not in the same way-"

"Lying female." Jimin averts his gaze to Hajun, who is crouched next to the doctor. Hajun tilts his head and his yellow eyes stay fixed on him. "Others touched you wrong. They did you wrong. They are not good. Only your Alpha is good."

Is something wrong?

"Nothing..." he mutters with a frown. "About the other thing... they... they always make fun of me."

Ummm...

"When I cry, when I feel bad, when bad things happen to me, they laugh and... and tell me... things I don't like."

Is that something you hear in your head?

"It's the monsters I see. Just like when I was in Gimpo."

And they are real.

"Yes," Jimin nods his head. He's convinced that at least that part is real. That there is always someone making fun of him. There's always someone judging him and insulting him. Someone ready to mistreat him. "They're there and... I can feel their hands."

Where do you feel them?

"It's... everywhere..."

The contact slides down his shoulder, down his chest and rubbing it. Another down the opposite shoulder. One down his hip, holding his. The one climbing up his leg toward his member. On hisface.

In his hair. On his hands. On his arms. On his feet.

Now that there is silence-

Now that there is peace.

They are always on him when he is not thinking too much.

When desperately, I would like to have some peace with nothing on my mind.

Jimin, I want you to be honest with me Have you had hallucinations?

"Yeah. Well- I was in... I was in a bad place. I-I had no food, I had to run away-"

How lucid have they been?

"I hear them, I see them, I hear them and- I know it sounds crazy, but I'm sure it's happened. That it hasn't all been in my mind," Jimin promises hurriedly, and she hides the sorrow she feels about it. "It's weird, but... I know they're there."

Are they still here?

"Yes."

Are they now?

"Yes." Jimin replies in a broken, anxious voice. She notes that to find out if it happens to him, she's going to stand with his hands on his knees and more upright, as if that way, being I want to, nothing will happen to her.

I need you to describe to me the ones that are real.

Diagnosis: Hallucination (Severe)

"I was supposed to protect them."

Jungkook-

"I'm the smallest, but I know I'm the strongest! All the time they want to take care of me! Treat me like a good-for-nothing! IT WAS MY DUTY TO SAVE THEM AND I DIDN'T!" he claims hysterically and she stands up, anticipating that he might start a fit. "I COULDN'T TAKE THEM TO THAT HIDEOUT EITHER! IT WAS MY DUTY!"

Take a breath and try to calm down. You can tell me without pro-

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Jungkook claims without listening to her. "LET IT ALL FALL APART AND EVERYTHING GO WRONG FOR US! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WE NEVER DID ANYTHING THAT WAS WRONG WHY!"

He brings his hands to his face, gives a groan and pulls his hair, hurting himself, shrinking into himself. Even he is not aware of this strong outburst. This angry episode where he wants to hurt himself more to make up for something he shouldn't make up for.

"I had to save them" he whimpers where he stands, cries standing still and shakes non-stop. "I-I...I wanted to be the one to save them like they've always saved me, but I couldn't do it...and..."

Diagnosis: Hero Complex

He stops, panting and arms dangling. Next to him Bam is panting, sitting on the ground and his tongue hanging out. The dog gives a squeal and collapses to rest a bit. Jungkook laughs and drops down, sitting beside it to stroke its side.

Not far away he notices many people exercising, playing and joking. It all looks so simple and peaceful that, again, it seems fake and he finds it hard to get through it. He feels isolated. As if none of those people are remotely like him or the others.

He rubs his face with his hands. The doctor told him he should have an exercise routine, a meditation routine and a hobby to help him focus. all three came easy for him as far as they go. Boxing, stretching and dancing, painting and composing. Easy. It's his thing. It's what he desperately wanted to get back to, but...

He feels...

Abnormal.

"Awww, you're a big boy, but you still want me to carry you." he squeaks to Bam who doesn't get up when he does. Jungkook bends down, picks up his dog and carries him back in his arms. Bam licks his face and Jungkook laughs.

Have you slept alone these days?"

"No. I don't want to."

Why not?

"I know if I sleep alone they're going to show up... and I don't want to have nightmares again." he explains quietly.

I see... I need your nightmares, if they happen again, to write them down here too, okay...? It's easier for you to write it down than to tell me from what I see.

"You're going to think I'm crazy if I tell you everything that goes through my mind." justifies Jimin in a low voice, embarrassed and scared.

You're a very sane person, you're just very confused still. You must give yourself time to get better. Don't force yourself to be okay because others seem to be okay.

"They are not monsters. They can go on. I don't know how to do it...I don't think I can do it."

Have you done anything?

"No."

What do you do during the day?

"Nothing."

Any particular reason?

"So... I just don't want to do anything."

Painting, dancing, writing...

"I don't feel like it. Namjoon brought me here, I'm trying to fulfill this, but I don't know how to do it."

Diagnosis: Depression (severe)

So, Hoseok What do you want to talk about?

"It's all gone very wrong" Hoseok crosses his leg, nervously. "For as long as I can remember, things have gone very wrong, but now it was stronger and I wanted everyone to be okay" He is aware that he is not given to explaining himself very well and that it is more a jumble of random thoughts than an explanation. "Always people are worried around me, they're bad, they're sad and... I don't like it. I try to be a help to them by reminding them that they can be happy."

What about you, don't you feel the same hopelessness?

"Yes, but if I don't smile, no one else will" He slouches and bites his lips before smiling. "I want them to be happy, I want them to be okay... Jungkook isn't, Jin, Taehyung, Jimin, Yoongi, Namjoon... I know they can be. I know they will be, but I don't know how to help them. I want to help them."

Overriding what distresses you is not the solution. On the contrary, it can cause you more harm and that's what can cause problems Do you understand?

"But... What am I supposed to do?"

You need to worry a little more about yourself. Without putting others first.

Hoseok is runny, he doesn't know how to do that.

What impulse is positivity trending? Do you have any memory that makes you link it?

"When I was seven years old and developed...my parents wanted to hide it in every way possible. They would tell me to be calm- That I was going to be fine. that I couldn't tell anyone." explains Hoseok and she nods softly before tilting her head and saying:

How did that situation make you feel?

"Bad."

Can you explain further?

"I... I don't know What happened? They... they did everything and I didn't know what was going on," he relates, increasingly tense, increasingly withdrawn into himself and his expression tearful. For the second time in his life, the memory becomes lucid. It is eerie to recall the doctors whispering to each other, the one who would not answer his questions and who suddenly, almost completely silenced him by half-sedating him, "I knew there was something wrong with me, that's why I felt sick and that's why I was bleeding, but...I didn't understand."

Did they explain it to you at any point?

"No."

At this point in life do you wish they hadn't?

"Yes."

Do you regret not having that?

"I feel...broken...that it didn't matter if I wanted to or not" Hoseok sniffles and runs his hands over his face, pushing his hair back. "And... that hurt, but I couldn't say it hurt. They didn't want me to say anything. I was supposed to be normal. I had to be like other kids."

Do you hold a grudge against them...? Just because they're not here anymore, doesn't mean you excuse them or that you should overlook that they caused you pain like that. Accepting that they hurt you is okay. So is continuing to love them.

"I know they did it for my sake."

It was a good intention, with a bad outcome... Have you ever talked about this?

"Yes."

With whom?

"My boyfriends."

Several of them are just like you.

"Yes..."

What did you do when you confessed?

"I just tried not to cry because they were crying. I didn't want to make them sadder. I wanted to... cheer them up... it didn't work."

Are you afraid that something bad will happen if you don't stay positive?

"If I don't, those ugly things I thought will come into my head again" Hoseok moves his hand next to his head. "I've never thought about killing myself, but I'm afraid it will come to that if I don't try to be happy and I know others will be the same if I don't help them."

You try to secure your happiness at the expense of others. That's not very healthy for you.

"I really want to be happy... I know that... at some point it's going to happen." you sob and take a breath, choked and tense. Hoseok cries a little loudly, so the psychologist is not surprised when the door opens and Yoongi peeks in to see what's going on. He asks permission to come in and comfort Hoseok.

Diagnosis: depression (mild), hero complex, toxic positivism.

Regularity of appointments: two per week.

"I feel...incomplete, somehow."

Is it because of something that happened before? Or because of what happened on your way here.

"When I was little I started bleeding. My family didn't have money to have the operation done in a place where they would hide me" Taehyung rubs his abdomen unconsciously. "And... a lady... operated on me in the dining room. Until recently I remembered it... I hated it."

Remembering it causes you more or less uneasiness.

"More."

Why?

"I wanted to... Forget it happened. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen that way. I imagined my parents telling me about the problem, my grandmother with me when they would take me to the doctor to get it removed. I was thinking: yes, they asked me if that's what I wanted... but.... It wasn't like that. It was never like that. I just felt bad," Taehyung becomes self-absorbed, getting into his memories, into the arguments, into the confusion, into how he was lied to and the process hurt so much. "And broken."

Do you hold a grudge for that?

"Yes. I just wanted to be told what happened and.... And that it didn't hurt anymore. It hurt so much." He feels like a child all of a sudden. Like his ability to speak is reduced to the barest minimum and he can only speak as he would have said it back then. "And I take that away from me that was mine. I know it was bad to have, but it was mine. They told me it would be okay, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. She was bad and they let her cut me and do those things to me."

He gives a sob. A repeated scene where they knock on the door, this time Jin apologizing for intruding by overhearing Taehyung crying too well. For worse, in the most emotional and loudest way.

"We should try to get him to stand up."

"Wow, how far-fetched. Who would have thought. Anyone would think we didn't try."

Hoseok gives Yoongi a dirty look. The six of them peek into Jimin's room where he lies around during the day, doing nothing and complaining about it, having tantrums that lead to nothing but making him cry with his face to the pillow.

At night and without fail, seeking refuge to sleep with any of them. His reason is always the same: I can't sleep alone, they will come for me. It's a paranoia he admits as such, but it keeps scaring them so much that he is unable to let it go.

They go along with it.

The psychologist asked them to play along.

Forcing him to leave the one thing that makes him feel safe is counterproductive.

He is the only one who has appointments every other day because he is the only one of them who is so severe.

"Yes I'd like to."

Even now?

"Yes."

Why?

"I feel tired...and I don't want to leave that cabin again. It's nicer than any other place. If I died, I know I could get there." admits Jimin hugging his knees. The psychologist bites her lips, worried that only more and more details will emerge the more appointments she has with Jimin.

Chapter 13: Deep

Chapter Text

"Am I supposed to talk about anything?"

Whatever makes you uneasy, whatever makes you feel insecure, some specific feeling. You're free to elaborate on what you say.

"I... I don't know if it's.... Ridiculous-victimizing, talking about it." Yoongi scratches behind his ear and gets the feeling that it's very theatrical to explain what he feels. That maybe he should stay inside himself and not create a fuss. Plus exposing it to someone he doesn't know overwhelms him. It makes him feel exposed.

For example, is there anything you think you can be victimized with?

"When I almost got eaten."

Do you think a lot at that moment?

"Not intentionally. My body just...remembers" You get an unpleasant shiver. "And I freeze. I can't walk. I can't think of anything else. I just..."

However, you have managed to pass a very important test. You're still alive in spite of everything.

"They forced me to do it" Corrects Yoongi, surly and tense in his seat. "I didn't want to- I tried and they wouldn't let me die."

Do you still want to die?

"I don't know. I don't think so... Because here they can't catch me and here they can't touch me." muses Yoongi, doubtful. He doesn't know about himself in this regard. Maybe if he tries, he would go so far as to slit his wrists, even intoxicate himself with pills. To escape from the unpleasant, attacking feeling he suffers.

Let's move on to a less... Delicate. Maybe you look How did it feel to see the scar on your face?

"Bad. I hated them for hiding it."

Hum... Why do you think they did that?

"They thought it would help me "he grumbles in disgust. "That it would make me feel better to think I was unmarked from what happened, but I had to know! It's my face, it's my sh*tty body. It's... It's the f*cking place where I have to continue to exist. They had no right to hide it." letting that discomfort flow is not new, but something she needs. She makes a quick note and taps the pad with the pen.

Don't you like your body?

"No."

Why?

"It's waste."

Scrap.

"It's something that's barely hanging on. I wish they would have let me go..... Instead of letting me go on living in this.... Nasty shell."

Diagnosis: depression (severe), post-traumatic stress disorder, open space phobia.

"Jungkook, you're not helping."

The younger boy shrugs and continues on his way, carrying Jimin on his back to keep him company while he's at his boxing practice. He's hopeful that he'll be up for joining in if he sees him.

Namjoon rubs his temple, hopefully getting Jungkook to pay even the slightest attention to him. It's so impossible these days. At least the psychologist listens to him. He guesses he has to settle for that.

He notices Taehyung. He is engaged in drawing while listening to music with headphones on. Jin reads, Yoongi writes just like Hoseok. It is quite quiet and secluded as they stay inside the room. Occasionally they go out to the garden to do the same, but they haven't had much contact with anyone.

Not even with each other. They find it so hard to be in the mood for that. They have adjusted to life here. It's simpler. They have all this time inhabiting a similar place.

They have more time being normal.

Namjoon questions if they will ever be normal again.

"What if he turns his back on me?"

It's not possible. I need to see your body language and the way you express yourself. Don't be afraid. Nothing you think is going to be mock-worthy is really so. On the contrary, it's most likely part of what you need to work on.

"That... "Jin rubs his forehead, anxious and disgruntled. He's not particularly looking forward to being here, but he's aware that if he doesn't start from now on like everyone else, he's not going to get better and be normal again. If he can do that. "About anything, right?"

Yes. It can be about your childhood. Moments that made you happy or that made you uneasy from before.

"It's just that I'm fine... better than them."

I have here in the report that you suffered a sexual assault during your time in Korea. We can talk about it if you feel comfortable.

"What can you talk about that? Other than it already happened, it's not relevant and not a big deal."

Why is it not a big deal?

"Because nothing happened to me unlike everyone else-"

The sex of your assailant doesn't change that you were assaulted... Something tells me you understand it, that it's something you have inside you, but for some reason you believe it again Why?

"Are you a fortune teller or something?"

No. Rather, I have your report with details that others gave about you. I'm sorry.

"It was Jungkook- No, it was Namjoon." Jin accuses pointing at her and she shrugs her shoulders with a chagrined leave. Namjoon told her that Jin wasn't going to want to talk about this. He was going to ignore it and he's so worried about him, he had to say it so he could get help.

No need to disguise it anymore: do you want to talk about it?

"No."

Okay.

"And Namjoon not to talk about it again. It's not- He doesn't understand because he did have something bad happen to him and he thinks I'm bad about it too, but it's not true. It was-it was irrelevant."

What do you consider makes it irrelevant?

"That they weren't going to use me as an incubator, they didn't break me to pieces, they didn't abuse me in front of hundreds of people and... and it doesn't matter! A woman on top of me is no big deal... She used me, but... it was... nothing."

You consider it was nothing because there was no invasion of your body Is that it?

"Yes. I guess so."

Seokjin, just because it wasn't with a man doesn't change the fact: you were abused, you were used and that's weighing on you Why are you holding on to the idea that it's nothing?

"They are holding on to it. I'm the oldest. I have to be able to do it-"

No, because you're the oldest you have to set a good example and shirking your problems is not what you should do. You must accept the reality, what's inside you, and strive to heal so that they do too.

Jin trembles his lips and squeezes his wrist.

It's not about who is strong or not. Everyone is, but they fall apart and accepting that leads to being able to rebuild. There will be cracks left, true, but none of them are going to hurt... In your case, you don't even want to look at the pieces of you on the ground. You reject it. If you get stuck in denial about your problems, chances are they'll be fine and you won't be able to enjoy that stage.

"I don't want to be a victimizer. I don't want to minimize what happened to them."

You're not going to be like that. You are going to give yourself your place.

Diagnosis: denial (severe), Depression (severe), post-traumatic stress.

Today we can try to talk about how you feel at a body level... What do you believe about your body.

"It's gross."

Why?

"Everyone used it," Jimin justified, slouching in his seat and looking vacant. He didn't say anything for ten minutes and she found it necessary to offer a topic. "The way they liked me best, the way it suited them best... I was just an object for them. All the men who see me, they see me as if I'm something to use."

Do you think they still see you?

"I know they do. If I leave my room, they're going to come. I don't want to go out." she admits quietly, as if it must be a very important secret.

Have you talked about this with any of your boyfriends?

"No."

Why?

"They'll tell me it's okay... that it's not true, but it's the reality... My body isn't mine... I think Hajun kept it" Jimin averts his gaze to the right, where Hajun co*cks his head and smiles broadly at him, proudly, "because I don't feel like it's mine... I don't have anything that's mine anymore. Just the hut."

What is this hut you speak of?

"It's the only place where everything is okay."

I mean, it's a refuge.

"We're all smiling there. We're all happy. No one hurt us," Jimin relates with a soft, tender smile at the simple memory. His hair draping over his shoulder and face uncovered for the first time in this session. "It's a perfect place."

I see... Jimin-

"My body is no longer mine... I think... it stopped being mine when they decided for me to operate on me, without telling me anything" she admits with a broken smile and an empty, droopy, saddened look. "Since...they were...looking out for what was best for me, doing what was best for them...they...they broke me first. They just... listened to me screaming, but they weren't there with me."

He sniffles and runs his hand over his face, lingering for a few moments without moving, mending hard.

"Mom left me alone. Dad left me too. The others left me behind. Leeseung died. Bimmy and Weene left me...and the others are monsters. They are there. They always hear me screaming. They all like to hear me screaming. They like to know I'm in pain and they do it all the time...and those who love me, who can stop it, they're not there" she explains sobbing louder and louder. "I-I... I've never been whole and they just broke me more" Jimin coughs and tries to breathe, but it's hard for him from how hard he's crying. "I'm just a toy to others. I suck and I don't know how to clean myself or... or fix myself. I just...I just wish I wasn't such a coward to die so they'd stop doing whatever they want to me."

You don't- Oh no, Jungkook!

She knows he's always out when Jimin is in session, so she opens instantly. Bam walks by, climbing toward Jimin and trying to muffle the very severe panic attack she begins to suffer, accompanied by almost violent spasms. With Jungkook present, she is able to go for help to hospitalize the very unstable patient.

Last time you mentioned that you hate your body. Is this something new? Just part of the events in Korea with all the trouble.

"No."

When did it happen?

"When I was an Idol I used to see others have.... Something. Namjoon is tall, Tae is cute, Jin too; Jungkook, Jimin, Hobi have that dance, become muscular, but I never.... I was never like that" Yoongi replies, uncomfortably. "And when I started to feel good about who I was even though I wasn't like them, it all happened: they almost killed me, almost devoured me; some f*cker used me until the last second of his life and- I just feel like I live in a body that's a disgusting waste."

Do you want to talk about that?

"It's... No. I don't want to."

When you're more comfortable, we'll discuss it, okay? Okay.

"The others have discussed it, haven't they?"

You're not the others. It's you and going your own way, that's what will make you feel better again. Don't be in a hurry... Did you do the meditation? Good. What did you write?

"Not my best songs." admits Yoongi, nervously. His task is to give the psychologist everything he writes. It embarrasses him for no reason. Maybe because maybe it exposes more of that vulnerability that rank wants to hide.

Who is this one for?

"Jaesan."

Who hurt you.

"Yes."

I see... Yoongi Can you sleep well?

"Sometimes."

Good. You're going to write every time you can't sleep.

"I know I have an urge for control."

Wow, that was fast.

"I know... I was like that since before this happened. The others got used to me, I think" Namjoon crosses his leg and keeps his attention fixed on the vase on the coffee table. The psychologist recommended that, if he was embarrassed, he could not look at her face, but at some point in the office, "but I never had control."

Why do you say that?

"I couldn't take care of them."

You wanted control even of your surroundings, right?

"Yes."

What makes you say you couldn't take care of them? When they got this far because of your efforts-

"It was all of us. Not just me and... I resent that. I promised them they'd be safe. I promised them that everything would be okay, but I only managed to make them feel worse over and over again" Namjoon explains in a flat and seemingly bored tone. "I told Jimin that I wouldn't let them hurt him, but in front of me they raped him... in front of me he just screamed and writhed; he got pregnant by that thing and... I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even stop it from finishing him."

This was a situation of colossal and impossible proportions for anyone to achieve.

"I wanted to get it."

And you have to stop blaming yourself for not making it.

"I can't...I've never been able to do it...it's another reason I hate myself."

Diagnosis: depression (severe), need for control, post-traumatic stress.

"I have the feeling that my body is not mine."

Why?

"When I was little I thrive in school. I thought it was wrong. My mom and dad didn't tell me anything after looking for me. We just went to a horrible hospital.... They left me there. That doctor didn't put me to sleep. I was... Awake..." His voice trembles and uneasiness hangs over him. So vivid the memory. So clear and palpable. As if it were happening all over again and he is his own spectator. "It just... It opened me up."

Do you want me to play music? There's no rush. We can also take a rain check.

"Can Bam come in?"

Jungkook always leaves Bam near the office when there's an appointment. Be it anyone's. He knows his dog behaves like a helpful one and they consider him one. Yoongi above all else, who misses Holly so much. The canine climbs into Yoongi's lap and although it takes a while, he manages to calm down enough.

"I felt him open me up...and I saw him pull that out...it was mine. It was part of me and he took it from me. My mom left me there alone. I didn't understand what was going on. I just wanted my mom," Yoongi whimpers. He still hugs Bam and the crying doesn't stop, "He abandoned me...and let him do whatever he wanted with me..."

Yoongi squeezes Bam by accident, but he doesn't react with more than a slight squeal. His tail still and eyes restless. Yoongi breathes through his mouth.

"They almost killed me...they raped me and did whatever they wanted to me...my...my body is not mine since mom left me over there to be cut." he sobs hunched over and with a swollen face, totally flushed.

The door opens, with Namjoon leaning out and hurrying through, apologizing to the psychologist for doing so without permission. She doesn't complain about it. She hasn't done it with any of them and doesn't intend to.

"Sorry for scaring you guys." mutters Jimin, sitting on the gurney with an IV attached to his arm.

"Easy," Hoseok shakes his hand. "What matters is that you were able to wake up today and not in two months or so." he laughs eloquently and Jimin averts his gaze. They are silent for a few seconds and Jimin turns to Namjoon.

"I can't do it."

"Yes, you can" Namjoon argues instantly and Jimin feels his lips trembling as well as his whole body. "It hasn't been long enough, we're still figuring out what's in you that needs to be fixed."

"There are things that don't get fixed."

"And you're not a thing: you're a person. You can be something even better than you were before" assures the taller one with such conviction that it makes Yoongi want to cry. "Just... let it flow. I know you're trying. You really are. It just weighs you down because it's annoying! It's heavy! But it's not impossible... Please. You have to keep going."

Jimin wipes his cheek and takes a deep breath.

"Can you come with me today?" he asks in a breathy whisper. Weak and awkward.

"As many days as you want." corresponds Namjoon. She takes him by the hand and kisses his knuckles. Hoseok pats Yoongi on the shoulder and Jin bites his lips.

Why must everything still be complicated?

Why does everything have to stay complicated?

Why for once can life be less cruel to them?

He doesn't get it.

It bothers him.

And it ends up hurting.

"Jimin is still bad... and I don't know what to do to convince him that he can get better."

It's a situation that, for your problem, is critical: you can't control it.

"You know, all these years, all I've been able to think about is that I wish I could put them all in bubbles" A tender smile emerges on Namjoon's face, with the image so clear and simple in his mind. "That everyone would have a little transparent bubble to get them safe" He makes the shape with his hands and the psychologist writes without taking her eyes off him. "And nothing happens to them."

How do you imagine it?

"We had a photo shoot like this. We were all in plastic bubbles. I just... I wish it was that simple: that they looked like the little fairies they've always been and nothing happens to them. That they get blood on the outside, but don't get them dirty," he says, engrossed in his plan. In his beautiful unreal fantasy, "because the world breaks us" He lowers his gaze, bites his cheeks and his eyes water. "And so do people. They all enjoy seeing us as we are now: bad, unable to sleep, unable to enjoy the life we won by fighting."

What about you, wouldn't you have one for yourself?

"I must take care of them."

Who takes care of you?

"That doesn't matter." argues Namjoon. He doesn't care what happens to him. He doesn't care anymore. He feels so destructive at the same time as so useless, he doesn't feel he deserves that level of care.

He doesn't deserve to be worshipped by anyone.

They deserved it.

And he couldn't care for them.

"They were like... little lights that... they're gone," he says with almost no air, holding back sobs. "And as much as I try to help them, I can't make them okay. I can't help them. I can't do any of that."

The control you have is limited to your capabilities. To yourself. What you want, it's impossible-

"I could have done it if I had been stronger." he argues foolishly. As only Namjoon can be.

You are strong.

"I wouldn't have been raped if I were strong."

Is it your fault?

"Yes! I should have made sure everyone was okay! Not all fall into that nightmare! NOT LEAVE WITHOUT SEEING JIMIN IN GIMPO! IT ALL HAPPENED BECAUSE I'M NOT STRONG!" she suddenly claims hysterically and she stands her place, watching how bodacious she can get. If it's just like Jungkook breaking things. "I'M JUST A f*ckING FAILURE! BECAUSE OF MY FAULT JIN ALMOST DIED! THEY ABUSED JIMIN AGAIN! JUNGKOOK COULD HAVE ENDED UP EQUAL OR BEEN HIT TO DEATH! IT'S MY FAULT!" she gives an exasperated groan and ends up kicking the table to the side, breaking it from the impact with the wall.

Do you think they'd like to see you hurt?

"No."

That being the case why are you sacrificing yourself like this? You are important. You're very important.

"I'm not. I would be if I could have taken care of them."

You are, but it's something we need to keep working on, so that you learn to put yourself first and not them.

Diagnosis: anger management (mild).

"Namu."

"Tell me."

"If I died would you cry?"

"Very much. To the point of being dry. I could never sleep again."

Jimin turns his head. They put a bed next to the stretcher and so give the illusion that they are sleeping together. Jimin being awake all night for no company was critical to his health. Delirious and with migraine all morning. Namjoon looks at him alike.

"I would cry a lot too if you die...maybe that's why we cry a lot now don't you think?" He raises an eyebrow, not knowing what Jimin is referring to. "Because we die slowly and miss each other."

"What a nice way to look at it" Namjoon laughs. "Maybe that's it" He agrees and takes a deep breath. "If I take my eyes off you, you're going to disappear."

"If you promise me not to do it you... I promise not to disappear." muses Jimin with his hands clasped above his chest and looking up at the dark ceiling.

"Will you really keep that promise?" questions Namjoon and Jimin pouts.

"I don't know what's wrong with my head. It's so strange" he enunciates dreamy and whistling, "it tells me one thing, it tells me another... and in between all that, I noticed that you keep watching us. You don't do anything for yourself."

"I have to look out for you guys."

"No. Right now, we're all looking out for ourselves, because otherwise we can't look out for each other" the singer muses and Namjoon's mouth drops open. "That's why it costs so much right? Because walking alone always hurts."

"Yes... it does hurt a lot."

"When we're well "He turns his head and smiles. "You're going to be just as pretty as before. Everyone will be just as beautiful as before... they're going to be really happy. They'll be able to really live...I want to see them again" He closes his eyes and curls up on his side. "If I see them, I'll be able to reach them. Jin catches up to you. Yoongi catches up. Hoseok catches up. Taehyung catches up. Jungkook catches up with him and I catch up with him... You are the one who initiates. Without you, we wouldn't even be together. You're our beautiful guiding star... shine again. I want to see you."

He begins to fall asleep.

"I want to... follow you again... it will be nice..."

Namjoon watches him sleep, he breathes through his mouth and the heart meter does not show any variation. He can't get to sleep, just thinking about it a thousand times and in the end, he just holds his hand.

Jimin was the last to arrive.

He was the first...

And he is the leader.

"Maybe it's that easy."

In the past he prepared himself to be a singer. To get into that hostile world and the others had faith in his judgment. They let him be the leader. Even Jin being the eldest. They have faith in him even when they didn't know each other too well.

Because he was strong alone and knew how to continue. The only way for Namjoon to deal with this, is to think about it a reboot. Go back to first base: he must prepare himself and when he is ready, go back to take the role they need from him. Become the leader again.

"I wish healing was as simple as being wounded." he mutters to himself.

"Ever since I was a child they decided for me... I'd like to decide for me this time." murmurs Namjoon and the psychologist nods with a soft, pleased smile. "And... it hurts so much" He rubs his chest carefully. "What happened... everything hurts so much, but I don't want it to be the only thing I feel. I want to... feel more. To have more than that."

It's a good goal to have in the long run.

"Do you really believe that someone broken can be put back together... Even if it's tiny pieces and they've been apart for years?" asks Namjoon and she nods.

Anyone who tries to do it can make it. It's the one thing you have absolute control over: what you want to make of yourself.

"I was the only one who... didn't suffer much. I felt empty, but there was no pain; just confusion and loss," he comments in reference to that almost cursed operation at this point. "I felt the same with Junghwa, with what happened in the den...I feel lost, like they hid a part of me and I don't know where to find it."

We will find it.

"Is it selfish to want to save myself?"

No.

"I'm afraid of losing sight of others by focusing on myself."

You deserve time for yourself, just as they give it to you.

"I wish... I didn't hate myself... for wanting to be selfish."

She laughs softly, Namjoon's concerns are so philosophical. It will be complicated, but with his clear determination, she is convinced he will be the first of all to achieve what he sets out to do. That's what the seven of them are looking for:

To stop feeling broken and remember how to live for themselves.

Chapter 14: Hard every day life

Chapter Text

The refuge, with all its facilities and activities, feels like a retreat center for the elderly or for spiritual retreats. There are several chapels. Each with different religions. Despite the recommendation given by some of the local residents and workers, they have not wanted to go to any of them.

After all, they spent six years agonizing there and did not feel at any time that they had any divine help. The most they can believe in is luck and beyond that, cursing creation.

It is what feels most right at times.

They have not taken pains to hide that they are a couple. It doesn't make sense and neither are they strong enough to do so. They are barely able to keep up with therapy sessions and psychological help. They are the only ones who deserve so much work. Even the few who do come in don't have the same level of problems.

What comes with being exposed like this is getting a few looks of displeasure.

"How absurd that having lived through a literal apocalypse where people devour each other or there are super men, they are unable to see a hom*osexual couple." comments Namjoon with a bored leave, chin in his palm and eyes on the large dining room.

"There can be anything missing, except asshole people" mentions Yoongi eating from his huge plate. He is underweight and is allowed to take a larger portion. "At least they don't come over to tease."

"You sang too soon." informs Jin quietly. He straightens up in his seat, a group of three people: two men and a woman, in front of them.

The way they judge them is unbearable for one reason only: they pretend they're not going to say something stupid, that they don't come with the expectation of complaining about their mere existence. Jin is prepared to be the one to respond. Taehyung and Hoseok dedicated in what they write and Jungkook very busy eating the fried chicken on his plate.

"Hello... Do you speak English?

"Yes, I speak English" Jin grumbles. Damn with the languages. One of them looks Asian, but he assumes he's from another part of the world. "What do you need?"

"I wanted to know if you can avoid being in these areas together. There are people eating, there are children... it's a bit rude-"

"What?" retorts Namjoon irritably, not letting him finish and being more aggressive than he should be with his expression alone. "Have a boyfriend? f*ck off. We haven't done anything to even bother you." He pushes away uninterested. He picks up the pair of plates to set them down on a metal tray.

"Everyone here knows they're puss*es," the other one retorts, folding his arms. "It's enough to know they'll do something disgusting." Namjoon lets out a laugh, translating to Jin who raises an eyebrow and shakes his hand.

"What do you think, that we're going to throw anywhere? And here I thought such stupid people wouldn't exist anymore."

"It does exist" mocks Namjoon. "Unlike you, I don't like having my buttocks seen...although I have some to show" he mentions with a smirk and a smirk, embarrassing the man. "Now, lar-"

"Why was he looking at me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why were you seeing me? Are you planning to do something to me or what?"

"You're not that important" Namjoon replies, realizing that he means he thinks she wants something with him. "Get out of here. we're talking about other things.

"We're not leaving. You guys should leave and stop messing up these spaces" he retorts irritably and the woman pats him on the shoulder. "This is a common area! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"Don't bother them so much. Surely up north they didn't have a chance to-"

"EXCUSE ME!?" shrieks Namjoon getting up abruptly, Jin and Yoongi on the defensive and with a string of insults and complaints in their heads. They are not stupid, they know when North Korea is being talked about.

And that they think they are from the North is bad enough. Especially since they know the impression they have here about North Korea: crazy people with missiles who caused all the mess and living in a dictatorship, sycophants of a dictator and almost those who want to destroy the human race.

Jungkook stands up and being bigger than them, plus his mean face, helps to intimidate them.

"What's wrong?" asks Hongjoong. He and the others barely arriving to eat.

"Ah! They brought these ones who are just like them to defend them!"

"What the f*ck are you talking about, get lost, for f*ck's sake!" orders Namjoon irritably. Hoseok explains the situation to them and the offense goes on a rampage. Just like lighting a powder keg.

"No! Get the f*ck out of here!"

"They haven't eaten yet and we're making use of the damn table!"

"We don't care! Get out of here! You goddamn fa*ggo...!"

"Just say it. Just say it." warns Jungkook, grabbing him by the shirt and threatening to punch him. The man trembles from head to toe, with Jungkook's eyes looking almost red. Wide open and that creepy expression.

He says nothing and Jungkook abruptly lets him go. Because of the commotion, several of the shelter workers approach and although they are frightened by what appears to be the start of a fight - or a massacre - Jungkook's willingness not to start a fight relieves them. Especially the psychologist.

She also came to eat and was warned that her patients were involved in a conflict. The second of the trio takes a glass of juice and throws it in Jungkook's face. The man's jaw moves, he takes a deep breath and shakes almost uncontrollably in place. His head hurts too much all of a sudden and he wants to pretend it doesn't.

"A-ay no."

San, Mingi, Yunho, Namjoon and Jin rush to push him away, to put a barrier between that guy and Jungkook.

"What's going on here, why is there so much conflict?" interjects the specialist. Jungkook is still taking deep breaths, looking at the ceiling; he closes and opens his hands.

"They wanted to hit us!" replies the woman, pointing at them. "We only asked them to be decent here. It's a common area. They were watching him and who knows what they wanted to do with him." In part, yes that's what happened.

Quite a bit to his credit, though. Namjoon was born to discuss this sort of thing. He's so used to it that leaving Yoongi in his place, he hurries off to go explain the real picture.

Fortunately, they didn't get any penalties or reprimands for this.

"From the North? Why would they think they're from the North?" asks Jimin in a low voice. Jungkook just opened the polythene package with food. He was given permission to give him food from the canteen and Jimin needs motivation.

Something good to eat is a start in his opinion.

"I have no idea" he admits and Jimin licks his lips. He takes some of the chicken and closes his eyes, chews to his heart's content and savors placidly," but at least nothing serious happened... I didn't even hit them! Can you believe it? If I could control it." He celebrates in relief and Jimin laughs.

"Yes you can. With so much work he does to handle it... Before you know it, you wouldn't even have that drive." he states confidently and Jungkook wrinkles his nose, shrugs his shoulders and smiles showing just a bit of his front teeth.

"Tomorrow they're going to let you out of here... I thought we could practice dancing together."

Jungkook purposely ignores that his head still hurts and it's almost unbearable.

Jimin shakes his head. He doesn't feel like it. Not even a little bit. Not yet. At the same time, he reminds himself that he promised Namjoon to try. It's even something he has to do for himself. He brings his clean hand to the badges hanging from his neck.

"What are you going to do with them?"

"Something... in time. If I ever get to that point."

Jungkook snorts. What an unsatisfactory answer.

"Get the hell out of here. Some of us are trying to work. Your stalker stare won't let us."

Jungkook co*cks his head to one side What does he say? He has no idea. He doesn't understand. Namjoon suggested they all go to the English classes taught here. There are several languages: English, Spanish, Portuguese, Mandarin, Italian, French, Arabic and Korean. All because of the influx of speakers here.

The Korean and Arabic classes are the least crowded by far. Namjoon plans to enroll in the Spanish classes and although it was a recommendation, it feels more like an order.

Learn English and they understand almost everyone here.

At this point, it's a treat not to understand what they are saying. The tone is obnoxious, it's dismissive and disgusted, but without the words and understanding because of the accent, it becomes just an irrelevant mumble. He ignores that person completely, passing them by in the painting workshop, arrives at his favorite corner and discovers the canvas he paints. It is the hut that Jimin mentions so much.

He thought it would make him happy to have something physical. Not just his imagination. There will be a carpentry workshop in a few days. His plan is to build it in miniature once he learns how to work with wood.

His mind is focused on painting. On nothing else. Indifferent to the murmurs and stares he receives.

"You can't come in."

Yoongi tries to enter the room with musical instruments, but a girl won't let him. Inside, Hongjoong is weirded out by this behavior. He is the one who takes it upon himself to pull her aside so Yoongi can pass. He sits at the piano and Hongjoong to the side.

"What's wrong with her?" he asks in disgust.

"I don't know. I thought it was weird that she stopped out of nowhere, but I thought it was something else" Hongjoong admits. "Did you compose something else? Can I see?" he asks excitedly and Yoongi holds out the papers to him.

"Choonhe-nim is going to end up dragging a piano to her office so she can play there" grumbles Yoongi" she insists this is a good exercise or something."

"It is" opines Hongjoong handing over the papers. "It distracts you from a lot of things."

"I thought the point was not to distract from what needs to be healed."

"Well, it helps it come out and it doesn't hurt." He fixes and Yoongi gives a snort.

What a way to put it. He plays for a while, rehearsing what he composed himself. The lyrics become very blurry from one minute to the next. As if they were just a horrible, shapeless blob. He sits hunched over in front of the piano, his face cracking. He brings a hand to his scar and presses his lips and eyes together.

"What's wrong with you?" Hongjoong notices the discomfort. Yoongi shakes his head and gives a groan of pain seconds later. He rests his elbows on the keys, holds his face and tries to keep from falling apart.

Just a trick of his imagination that makes him cry from the sudden pain. Pain spread in bites all over his body.

"You think they'll bring the animals when they bring the others."

"I wish they would. There are so many I want to see... I want to lie on top of that tide of doggies and have thousands of birds walking all over me." he explains and Wooyoung laughs uproariously, San rolls his eyes. What a specific image.

Considering that walking into that room was to see Taehyung and Wooyoung knocked down by dogs, cats and birds, it doesn't entirely surprise him either. The talk gets a little silly in that regard. Saying that maybe the birds would fly away as soon as they let them loose here, that there would be a whole garden full of dogs.

As well as their waste.

"It could be a hundred and one Dalmatians," sighs Taehyung dreamingly. "It would be-"

He hears Bam squeal and turning his head, finds the animal whimpering. He shakes himself and tries to get to where his toy is again, but a girl nudges him with her foot, looking at him with annoyance. Just as he goes for it, the girl directly kicks it and hurts it.

"HEY!"

She shrieks and walks away, as if the threat is Taehyung. He kneels down in front of Bam and checks him. He doesn't have any visible wounds, but he doesn't open one of his eyes properly. It burns. He carries him despite the huge size and keeps grimacing in disgust.

"f*cking asshole." he complains under his breath. San and Wooyoung give each other a look.

"I want eight notebooks." Jin points to the mound to the side. He warns that it's worth one blue ticket each.

It's divided by color. The more blood you donate, the more tickets. The system is pretty simple. Red the lowest, green next, blue in between, yellow near the top and purple the most valuable. One, five, ten, twenty and fifty dollars in parallel. He needs several for himself and for Namjoon, who is too serious about writing and keeping a diary these days.

He doesn't know exactly why.

The salesman wrinkles his face and shakes his head at him.

"I could only give you two."

"Why? There are several-"

"You don't have enough for eight. Only for two," he explains, pulling up only two notebooks with lined pages. Jin frowns and puts his hand on his waist, not letting go of the blue tickets. "Or do you have more money in there?"

"No. It's eight blue ones and it says there it's one for each" Jin argues. "Why can't you give me all eight?"

"You know: those tickets come from having donated blood to help and coming from you, I'm afraid it's not enough." he replies without removing that hearty, fake-hospitality smile.

"Why is it worth less, what are you talking about? It's the same as everyone else." Jin has a bad feeling about this, he hopes it's just his imagination. He shakes his head and gulps for air.

"It's just... it's you. Your blood isn't worth that much."

"It's purple."

"Yes, but you... How pure and functional can that be? We haven't verified that sexually transmitted diseases go away. Therefore, it's more impure and in that, it's worth less... Do you have more tickets there?" He changes the subject radically and Jin can't resist letting out a deformed, incredulous laugh.

"I don't lo- You know what. Forget it." he retorts exhausted.

He goes all the way back to his room, where Namjoon is using the last two pages of his notebook. He doesn't avoid complaining out loud again "Weren't you going to buy something?" he doesn't answer him. She doesn't want to embitter him or have him go find someone to help them.

Jin refuses to deal with these people anymore.

"You can sit on the edge. It's refreshing."

Jimin nods. Doubtful. He takes off his shoes and sits on the edge of the pool. Hoseok gives him kisses on the cheek, standing next to him before he climbs down and starts swimming. He wears normal clothes. He doesn't feel confident about undressing here. It's a pool that everyone uses. Eventually, people would come and see them.

He's not ready for that yet. Jimin shifts his feet back and forth, his eyes fixed on the slowly darkening water. It becomes red, it becomes thick. It becomes warm. Dark hands emerge from the thick liquid, reaching his legs and slowly sliding down Jimin's skin.

Hajun slowly emerges from the water, his hands now resting on either side of Jimin. He stares into his eyes. Yellow and orange clash to see which is stronger. Jimin lets out air and before Hajun can touch him again, playful touches on his thigh snap him out of his reverie.

"What do you think?" asks Hoseok. He rests his arms on Jimin's thighs. He grabs his face, pushes his hair aside and plays with Hoseok's cheeks. The dancer laughs and kisses him on the right palm. "If it was a nightmare... it doesn't happen Yes? You are here with me."

"Yes. I see it" he laughs weakly. "Maybe... maybe if I want to swim... Just don't go too far away. I'm drowning."

"You don't remember like anything?"

"No."

"There's a shallower pool. We can go to that one and we're not at risk." he proposes and Jimin nods in agreement.

The pool Hoseok referred to has several people in it. Mainly some women and children. Hoseok dives in first, just as some had already done seconds before they arrived. He holds out his hands to encourage Jimin to come down and that he will hold him.

The water reaches his neck, so it is deep enough for Jimin. While in the water, Jimin notices that the others are starting to get out.

"Let's go, they're here." complains a lady in a low voice.

"But Mom-"

"I already said we're leaving." she scolds in a low voice. Jimin looks towards Hoseok, who is just as confused.

"I hope they clean up here." complains a gentleman gathering his things before leaving.

In the end, it's just the two of them left. Hoseok shrugs and turns back to Jimin, smiling at him, "Well, now we have her all to ourselves. I should call Kookie and Tae, it's more fun that way."

Hoseok walks out and Jimin sits on a step. He hugs his legs and looks down at a dead spot. They left because they disgust them.....

"They don't disgust. Only I do... Maybe they think I'm somehow making them dirty." he muses aloud. Jungkook and Taehyung arrive just a few minutes later, with Jungkook pushing him into the water and jumping in soon after.

Hoseok laughs and joins the three juniors, pulling Jimin along with him so they can play a bit and all in all, they had a good afternoon. Jimin smiled a lot and that's more than they had accomplished in the three months they had been living here.

Much more.

They showed that with effort and even without adapting to the rest, they can achieve what they set out to do: to remember how to live without that past continuing to destroy them.

Chapter 15: More complicated

Chapter Text

"Are you serious? How far removed from life and common sense you have to be to do that." says Seonghwa with a wrinkled face.

"Yoongi, you could have talked about that another time. Not when I'm eating" whines Hoseok putting the cutlery aside. "I don't want to think about a guy wiggling his balls and rubbing all over just because you turned on his passion."

"And now you made it more graphic..." sighs Mingi disgustedly, pushing his half-finished plate away. Yunho and Taehyung do the same, with expressions very similar to each other.

"They asked what happened back there. I just answered." grumbles Yoongi moving the food on his plate.

"The point is, it was a standard American prison," Namjoon sums up. "Murderers, rapists, cannibals, anything you want to find as an infectious plague of humanity, was there."

"And from that alone I can think how out of place you seven were "Seonghwa admits dubiously. "I just don't understand how you got there to begin with. What made them think it was a good idea to throw them in there."

"I killed thirty kids." says Jimin with a cheek full of food.

"Admitting how many people we killed and how much we'd like to kill them again not that our brightest idea." confesses Namjoon with an awkward, awkward smile, noting that huge mistake. "We should have lied, even though we didn't have the brain capacity for something like that."

"No. I barely knew where I was Did you really want me in actor mode at the time?" argues Yoongi with a frown. Namjoon shrugs and throws up his hands.

"I thought I was dreaming. I wouldn't have been able to get a good touch." says Jin fixing his hair a bit. Seonghwa laughs at that. So co*cky as usual.

"Nice touch of what, weren't we talking about a prison?" asks Yeosang, shaking his head that the food is really good today. San shakes his hand, better to tell him to give up than to understand what they're talking about.

"Anyway, what really surprises me is that you guys lied" Namjoon admits with a shrug. "Considering you guys always try to make it as correct as possible. I'm starting to think we're kind of a bad influence on you guys."

"We knew we had to help them somehow, saying we had murdered people alive would have kept them from taking us to a place that would listen to us. At least we thought so in the beginning." explains Yunho and Hongjoong shakes his head.

"Besides giving those minimal details about you guys knowing more than us, that you had more immunity. It was pretty impromptu."

"It worked pretty well."

"More like too well."

"Anything to say?" rebukes Jin leaning over to Namjoon, who flees, leaning over and on top of Taehyung by accident. "Maybe that super secret moment with Mikhail before the interviews, plus you and Jimin took over two hours in there messing around."

"Say what happened Namjoon."

"Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon..."

Jimin laughs through his nose and finishes his food. Namjoon remains speechless, but annoyed by the pressure the others put on him. How to explain to them that they can't even mention that this is something classified. It's a huge secret that could lose its effect if he goes around venting it.

Even with them. It's a secret of secrets from what they implied. It benefits them, it's the only reason he agreed to it and still won't say anything. He should just let time do its thing before over-explaining.

"And what's that supposed to be?"

"It's like a comic book."

"It looks awful."

Jungkook laughs as Taehyung hits him over the head with a notebook. On the bed Jimin asleep and rolled up in the sheets unaware of what the two are talking about.

"I know it's not very pretty, but I only have pencils to work with "he excuses and Jungkook swings his body in place. "So when I have paints, it will look nicer. Jin and I have said a lot to put it all together.

"You're both screenwriters? That just makes me afraid of whatever they put in." he says with fake drama. Taehyung doesn't take it the wrong way. He knows Jungkook is saying this for playfulness nothing more. For having a prolonged topic of conversation and not going to sleep yet.

Bam advances between the two and hops onto the bed. He does want to sleep.

"It's going to be about a prince who finds an alien in his favorite garden. Their names are very similar, but the alien is shaped like an octopus "Jungkook keeps an uncomfortable and confused gesture. "Then the king must give it salt water so it won't dry out. It grows so big that it can pull treasures out of the sea and give them to the prince. In the end he doesn't want to leave him so he takes him with him to show him the galaxy.

"It's... Peculiar?"

"Only you guys are going to read it. We don't have anything else in mind with it." Jungkook takes the notebook and looks over the drawings. It made more sense now. He had wanted to convince himself it wasn't a squid.

It's an octopus.

Uh.

"Tomorrow I'm going to finish the painting I'm doing. You could go there with me to have paint" proposes Jungkook and Taehyung nods enthusiastically. He hadn't wanted to go there because there are more people. However, if Jungkook is there, it will be great. They will be able to talk, see each other's work, help as much as possible.

"It's a nice date."

"We can do it the other way around" Taehyung doesn't understand what he means. "We do it now and tomorrow all the romantic paraphernalia." explains Jungkook with a smile and Taehyung holds back laughter as best he can.

"I like the plan."

Jimin stirs in bed. He hears an insistent noise, but it's not important enough to make him wake up. Meanwhile, Taehyung half-heartedly holds back moans, rising and falling on Jungkook's manhood. Both with their hands intertwined and eager to start regaining the intimate closeness they have as a couple.

Both with each other and with everyone.

Hoseok hears a clatter. He opens the door next to his and finds Jin with all the stationery on the floor. He offers to help him pick up, already on his way to do so, Jin's frustration is so great that he ends up yelling at him.

"I DON'T NEED THE DAMN HELP! I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF OKAY?! I. I CAN. I CAN." Jin insists hysterically and Hoseok raises his hands, slowly walking away.

It's the first time he's witnessed it.

Not the first time this explosion has happened.

It's all too common, the difference is that only Namjoon and Yoongi have been when it happens. Despite how normal and calm and Jin tries his best to behave, he struggles to deal with his life without a hand. To make it worse, without his dominant hand. Writing is a hassle, bathing, dressing, eating. Everything has been a chaos that he keeps to himself.

And being offered help, being reminded that he can't, only worsens the feeling he suffers from this. Feeling useless and incapable of such simple, everyday tasks.

"I'm... going... to buy... some candies Do you want some?" offers Hoseok with a broken smile and trembling body. Jin doesn't answer him, concentrating on picking up everything nothing else. It takes a couple of minutes longer than necessary.

Hoseok sits on the small couch next to the desk and stares at him for almost an hour, trying to figure out what to do to keep him from feeling pressured or bad by accident.

"Everything you wear you have to put back in the closet for those who come after you to wear," Jungkook explains. He's by far the one who spends the most time in here messing around painting. Everyone comes and goes, but he gets so self-absorbed that at times he does nothing but watch the paint on the brush or canvas dry. "And you have to avoid getting the floor too dirty. I've heard them complain about that."

"And do you make a mess?"

"I clean it before I leave. I feel sorry for leaving it like this." he admits abashedly and Taehyung laughs. It makes sense to him.

He takes all the paint he needs. It's not a lot of colors or brushes anyway. It's giving the sketches some life and then, making them on clean sheets of paper or cardboard. It takes place on the desk next to the canvas that Jungkook paints. It has a little sign on it that marks it as his, so that no one touches it or moves it from the spot.

When he removes the sheet that covers it to protect it, he finds something different from what he left. Taehyung is surprised to hear a constant tapping on the floor. Turning, he half-opens his lips in surprise: the paint is ruined. Someone wrote in black paint all over the canvas.

"DAMN COMMIE RAT."

"Jungko-"

He pulls back, holding his breath and preventing Jungkook from accidentally hurting him. He smashes the canvas, breaks the wood, the tripod and also the table where the brushes were. He turns in the direction of those who were watching them from before. Taehyung is slow to react.

"NONO!" Taehyung grabs him from behind, restraining his arms.

"GET OFF ME! THAT WAS A GIFT! YOU SON OF A BITCH! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? YOU'RE A f*ckING RAT...!"

"He wants to attack us! Somebody help!"whines the girl who clearly did, running outside and managing to get attention fast. Taehyung holds Jungkook back as much as he can, sensing that soon his body won't be able to withstand all of his partner's brute strength.

"JUNGKOOK ALREADY! YOU JUST HAVE TO DO ANOTHER ONE! ALREADY...!"

"WHAT DID WE DO TO ALL OF YOU! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! THEY'RE SUCH...!"

He gives a whimper of pure frustration and although he breaks free from Taehyung, by the time people arrive to restrain him, they find him crying with his hands on his face and lightly hitting his head. Complaining about the same thing in a low, restrained and angry voice:

"It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair..."

His head hurtssomuch.

"You all have to leave."

Namjoon looks up from the book, puzzled that he's being spoken to in Korean and to make matters worse, it's to ask something this ridiculous. It's about a girl his age Maybe? She doesn't look very old. She tightens her arms on the books she carries.

"You don't belong here. You belong in another shelter."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about and I'm busy." he replies returning to his reading. She snatches the book from his hands and sets it on the table to the side. Namjoon looks at her with irritation.

"You people are murderers. You are all a f*cking danger and us, we came here because we deserve this space" she retorts with hostility and disgust in her voice. "I don't know what trick you did, maybe you slept with all the higher ups, but I don't care: you must, leave."

"Get me on the plane if you want to get rid of me so badly. I dare you to do it." replies Namjoon without interest. He stands up and the difference in height is enormous. Also in size.

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes. I dare you to do anything foolish against us. If you really care so much about us being assassins, you wouldn't come here to bother me" He takes his book back. "Don't bother again."

Namjoon wonders how they know they murdered people. Maybe it's the impression they got from the citarices or that they were announced as having just arrived from shelter six. Whatever reason there is, he doesn't care. They deserve to be here. whether they like it or not.

He should be able to get here alone.

He's supposed to be able to get there alone.

But he can't think straight.

Jimin shuffles to the side, curled up in himself and mending deep. He wants to calm down and not start crying in the middle of the hallway. He was on his way to the greenhouse. Hoseok told him it's nice there. There are lots of flowers and he can get lost for a while watching the butterflies. A cozy place.

Or see the construction in that direction. They make a building just as huge as this one. As an annex in case more people come than they can hold.

However, he doesn't know how to get there. He spun around a few times because of the nerves that came suddenly and now he is stopped here. He covers his face with his hands and inhales, exhales, inhales, exhales.

"Are you okay sir?"

He looks up, finds a little girl who must not be more than eight years old. She is holding a cat in her arms with a broken ear, it looks like something bit it and ripped it off. Jimin shakes his head, his eyes watery and body trembling.

"Don't cry sir. There are no monsters around"The girl rushes towards him and Jimin leans closer to the wall."They can't do anything to him! Don't cry!"she asks moving him on his shoulder Jimin sobs."Oh! Tama, help him."She lets the cat so that it slips into Jimin's arms.

He stares at the meowing cat and although she scratches him a little at first, she starts to rub up against him. She purrs and snuggles into him. Jimin relaxes slightly. Slowly, he begins to pet her and the Japanese girl smiles. She sits next to Jimin, her legs stretched out and swinging back and forth.

"Tama is very good. She helped me so the monsters wouldn't find me. She is protective against monsters and ugly nightmares."she reports. Unaware that Jimin doesn't quite understand her.

Jimin has slanted eyes, for her it is enough to assume him Japanese and that they speak the same. Jimin laughs because of the cat complaining that he doesn't pet her for a couple of minutes.

Jimin doesn't know how long he has there with the girl or the cat. Only that the pressure in his chest and the beeping in his head relaxes noticeably. It doesn't last too long. Thirty-eight minutes into being there, with the little girl chattering nonstop, her parents arrive.

Her mother yanks her up off the floor and the cat jumps from Jimin's lap to her owner, snorting at the older lady. Jimin half-listens and half-understands what they are saying and only serves to lower her gaze:

"Don't go near him again! I told you he's someone dirty and bad."

"But he was crying-"

"It doesn't matter! Don't go near him again. He might hurt you. He's a monster like the ones over there remember?"

The girl constantly turns to Jimin. To her Jimin doesn't look like a monster. Not at all. He looks like everyone who was in the group that came here: someone very sad and who doesn't have a companion to keep the real monsters away. Jimin stays in that place.

He thinks that maybe that lady was right to push the girl away. What if he hurt her without realizing it? What if he killed her? He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and twists his lips, the urge to cry about to attack him again.

How can he fix himself? He doesn't want to be a monster.

He doesn't want to be a threat.

"Female."

He gives a choked whimper, feeling like he's sitting in Hajun's lap and not on the ground. He opens his eyes, finding Jin calling out to him, but he can't hear him. The worries inside him are louder than his boyfriend.

Chapter 16: Unconscious

Chapter Text

I have noticed that there have been a lot of adjustment problems. Not on your part, but on the part of the others.

"I'm not surprised. Even in there there was someone like that," Namjoon exposes, crossing his leg. "It just bothers me that it causes real problems.... One of the main reasons we always hide our relationship is to avoid this: people treat people like us differently. The end of the world doesn't change that."

You sound very resigned.

"I'm resigned to it continuing to happen.

Won't you try to change it?

"It doesn't matter what I say or do. The only thing I can handle is that Jungkook doesn't do anything bad and nothing serious happens to others."

You know you have no control over this.

"And it makes me squirm inside like you haven't the slightest idea."

This is the fourth time in a month you've been accused of causing some trouble and there's no proof whatsoever. It's the same group of people: those who accuse them of murder. Namjoon listens to the rantings of the woman who wears herself out explaining why they should leave. As usual, it is totally useless.

Without having harmed anyone or murdered here, they have a clean record with the justification of doing their best to survive, as well as testifying to responsible and understandable behavior. Namjoon clenches his hands and digs his fingernails into his palm. He forces himself to remain calm.

Not to insult. Not to attack. Not to challenge. He must remain as passive as he can. He must let this situation flow for what it is: something out of his control that he must accept for what it is. It is not something serious that will take him or others out of it. At most take away an hour of usable time on something else.

There is no need to control this moment.

To be noticed strong. Independent, capable of anything.

No. Not at all.

He just needs it to end and go on with life as usual.

"HE'S A KILLER!" Suddenly she comes over to push him. Taehyung and Yoongi hold Jungkook discreetly, knowing he wants to put himself before defending Namjoon. He stands between surprised and submissive. "HE'S A DAMN PSYCHOPATH JUST LIKE EVERYONE WHO'S WITH HIM!" she accuses pointing at him and the captain on duty approaches.

So much so that she thinks he's going to do something.

"Miss... I'm sorry to tell you that everything you are saying, can be counted as provocation" notifies the man and she drops her jaw slightly. "Not to mention that you are interrupting with the natural flow of all refugees. If you would be so kind as to stop-"

"I'M NOT GOING TO STAY QUIET WITH MURDERERS LIVING NEAR ME! YOU'RE SOCIOPATHS! THEY'RE ANIMALS! YOU'RE MONSTERS YOU MUST GET THE f*ck OUT OF HERE!" she insists hysterically and the captain doesn't know where to butt in. He clearly doesn't want to deal with this anymore. Much less have to do paperwork about it.

"Miss-"

"ARREST THEM AND GET THEM OUT OF HERE! THEY CAN'T BE HERE!"

"I have no authority for something like this." he notifies with an uncomfortable gesture.

"THEN I'LL GO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO CAN!" she shrieks pushing him away and one of the soldiers present stops her. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!! LET GO OF ME! NOW! IT'S...!"

"You are causing a disturbance, falsely accusing innocent refugees and challenging authority. I regret to inform you that you have to serve at least one month in solitary confinement for these infractions." notifies the captain and that, is what I really wanted to avoid.

It is so annoying to write these reports. If only she hadn't made such a fuss.... Hoseok can't resist laughing and sticking his tongue out at her.

"Have a good time!" he exclaims indiscreetly and walks over to Namjoon. "Let's go to the pool. I want to swim for a while. I'm sure you do too. Let's go." he urges pulling him along with him. Namjoon gives an exhausted sigh.

"Yes. I want to swim."

"Yay!"

"Wow, this being defended thing is weird don't you think?" asks Taehyung loudly, Jimin nods and Jungkook gives a grumble. "At least she's not going to bother for a while.... Shall we go paint?"

Jungkook pouts and follows him. Hands stuffed in his pockets and wary of anyone looking in his direction at the very least. Jin and Yoongi walk away talking and Jimin accompanies them so as not to stand there alone.

"I mean, it was bad, but at least we didn't have to do anything. That made me pretty happy. It means there are good things happening here." comments Hoseok cheerfully. His wide smile of excitement and wet hair combed back.

You seem to fit in a little better than the others.

"Not really. I'm just good at running away from these situations. There are many who have tried to attack me or yell things at me, but.... Coro! So it's no lie that it's almost perfect here." explains Hoseok and the psychologist nods. It's a start. Hoseok has a very strong tendency to freeze and wait for everything to become terrible before trying to escape. As well as upsetting reality to something better."

Right now, he admits that all is not well here and that is exposes that you are trying to work on not seeing it as positively as you are used to.

I've noticed that you've been talking to Namjoon a lot these days. I'm beginning to believe that the two of you are helping each other.

"With him I can talk about what bothers me without it causing a problem. Jungkook is... sensitive. He gets upset about everything since they ruined his painting and broke other notebooks" he explains waving his hand and the psychologist nods lightly. "I still don't know how to deal with Jin, Yoongi is fine, but he wants to sleep a lot just like Jimin and Tae is alone with Jungkook soeeeeee.... Yup, I talk to Namu a lot."

I'm glad.

In other circ*mstances, Hoseok would be planning how to approach, what to say, what to do, how to proceed with each of e them despite feeling terrible and not ready for that. Helping in situations like that is more than difficult, if not impossible, if the person in question is not stable.

Hoseok is not stable yet.

And he's trying his best to be, as he's sick of feeling false joy and hope.

He wants it to be genuine.

He wants it to feel like a reality and not an illusion.

And he can't get that if he's so focused on being self-absorbed in the rest.

It's not going to go away, of course. And if they need help in the moment, he'll be among the first to be there if not the first, but they're not his absolute priority even when sleeping. He is the same. Nothing else. There is no world but himself.

He is not able to breathe.

Everything around him feels closed, hot, sticky, unpleasant. He doesn't know how much longer he can stand being in this place. With his whole body unable to move. His lungs fail him, he holds less air than he needs, and it's a need that gets worse when that crowd of deformed figures at the entrance appears before him.

All of them who want to enter. The door is so small that they can't make it. They stretch their bodies as far as they can, scream, shout, laugh and deform themselves with the intention of reaching him. To crush it, destroy it, kill it. Jimin is not able to do anything to avoid it once they are here.

It's so much that he doesn't even know what he feels.

Pain?

Embarrassment?

Fear?

Terror?

Sadness?

Hopelessness?

Loneliness?

Anguish?

Anxiety?

Panic?

Death wish?

Yes. It's the latter. It's certainly the latter that most closely matches what your poor nerves and existence feel: a desire to get it over with.

He wants so badly to die.

He would do anything to die.

And then suddenly he doesn't.

A light turned on out of nowhere, polar cold that chills him to the bone Cold of death? Maybe. An unpleasant pain that makes his heart beat fast and sob in panic. A rather peculiar phrase that had not come up until now:

I'm afraid of dying.

What if death isn't what you think it is? What if there is nothing? What if it disappears? Monsters disappear after they die What would become of him? The idea of dying is a rest as well as a sentence. One that terrifies him. In his lonely room with the doors closed and the window open, he feels only cold and fear. Shivering like a weak and shattered leaf on a dry tree.

He shivers and looks to the right, where the plush dolls are scattered on the bed, and at that, he realizes a tragedy: half of them are full of blood. He opens his eyes wide and groans. At first he doesn't understand why they are dirty until, looking at his arms, he finds long gashes from the start of his wrist to above his elbow.

They are so deep that he can see his bone. His wheezes become more outrageous. His common sense totally off and not knowing what to focus on: not wanting his dolls to get dirty or to stop the bleeding, ending up in making the already bloody bed even dirtier, ruining the stuffed animals that were still clean and crying disconsolately loudly with only one thing in mind:

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I'M SCARED. N... I DON'T WANT TO... HELP ME... HELP- I DON'T WANT TO..."

. . .

"I see it as a good thing."

"Since when are you Hoseok with your toxic positivity bullsh*t?"

Taehyung shrugs and Jungkook grumbles. They opened up a space specifically for them in the art room. They have their own materials, their own table, their own tripod. All in all, it's perfect. The only annoying thing is that they have to ask any worker to open that space for them.

It was done based on the repeated attacks that Jungkook has had. they are quite passive and not very harmful, but already his psychologist made it very clear how these kinds of events impede his improvement at the level of working out his stress. Also, being a place where they can control these kinds of situations, it is under their responsibility to maintain order.

They can't complain about that. Only about people and their annoying way of thinking. The ones who dare and are so determined to make their existence so hard. At the institution level, everything works so well that it almost makes them suspicious, but they force themselves to let that paranoid part of them fade into nothingness.

Jungkook doesn't like what was done.After all, he perceives it as pouring gasoline on a forest fire. He doesn't know how to fix it, really; however, isolating them isn't a great idea either.They've never liked special treatment and this can be categorized that way.

"I'm just saying it's nice and comfortable.This way I don't have anyone watching what I do either. " Taehyung replies with his hands behind his back, clasped together and long, almost comical strides.

"I don't understand how you see it as a good thing."

"I see it as a half-good thing."

"I mean, you conform."

"I'd rather that than having to repeat everything I did the day before because there are people bothering me" Taehyung explains and Jungkook pouts his lips out in a slight pout. "I just see the glass as half full instead of pointing out that it's half empty actually" he shrugs."I need to stop stressing so much about things I can't control that work or are transitional.At least that's what Choonhe-nim said."

Jungkook shakes his head. It works enough.Hoseok must be on a date still, Namjoon who knows where he's at, he likes to get lost alone, which he hadn't done in a while; Jin and Yoongi must still be together and....Where is Jimin? He assumes that he is with them.

Near the rooms they hear strange sounds that make them feel uncomfortable. It is familiar and unpleasant at the same time. Thinking it would be a problem, Taehyung was about to opt to leave and ask someone else for help.Maybe there's an accident, a problem, and they shouldn't get involved in that.

Not if they want to stay as uninvolved in accusations as possible.

The train of thought varies when they hear better what it's all about:

"JIMIN!"

Jungkook opens the door to his room and nearly knocks down the one that connects to Jimin's room.Taehyung collides with Jungkook's back.The taller one stunned by the bizarre image he encounters.It is bizarre to the fullest extent. Jimin sitting on the bed with his arms outstretched on each side, the huge gashes so deep made with a piece of the broken window glass.

The bloody bed.

The plush dolls messy to the extreme and dirty.

Jimin sobs, staring at it. As much as his watery, cloudy eyes can stand out from what's here with him. He stands awkwardly, staggering to his feet. Jungkook and Taehyung take a small step back that goes unnoticed by Jimin, who is still in his cold shivers and mumbles something that causes Taehyung to feel like crying and Jungkook's heart clenches:

"No...I don't want to die...it gives me...it scares me..." he sobs in a tone so low, so childish and exposing so much vulnerability that they only manage to hold him even if he is not going to fall.

Taehyung wraps his arms around him, so that no one can see his wounds.Jungkook carries him, so he doesn't have to walk and they both rush off to the infirmary with Jimin babbling the same things over and over again.

I'm afraid to die

"He doesn't remember doing it" Choonhe reports, Jungkook leaning against the door watching Jimin sitting on the stretcher. His arms bandaged with seventy stitches in each. "It's nothing strange given his condition.The hallucinations he has are very vivid and override his sense of reality."

"b-but...Are you sure it was an accident? " Hoseok asks, clasping his hands.

"According to what you've explained to me, I was somewhere else.Something like a cave" They give each other a distressed look, they know what he means, unfortunately. "And that whatever came for him, it was too big and too strong. He wanted to die to run away, but as soon as he wasn't, it scared him."

"Y...What do you think of that? "Namjoon asks uneasily.

"I consider that he is still too stunned" he replies with a hand on his chin and his elbow braced."He is so used to borderline situations that his mind keeps him on alert to be safe. The continuous contradiction in his desires is part of the facades he built and now they come together in one thing: he is afraid, not of dying, but of the unknown that may come and may hurt him."

"She understands too much.She's starting to scare me. " Jin admits quietly.

"But Jimin is going to be okay, right?" asks Jungkook still looking inside.Jimin rubs his arms a little.

"Yes. Yes, it's going to be fine.We advanced a step, small and almost without being obvious, but we advanced it" Choonhe specifies with a smile. "What distressed me the most was his suicidal desire, we can say that it is stage almost overcome....I will place a nurse to accompany and supervise him.We don't want him to have such an incident again.""I can keep an eye on him." offers Jungkook and Choonhe denies.

"It can't be any of you. You must concentrate on yourselves and nothing else." clarifies the doctor and Jungkook turns his gaze to her, annoyed."I know he's going to take more work.If you guys aren't well, you wouldn't be able to help him to begin with. Focus on yourselves and-nothing-else." he emphasizes and Jungkook gives a snort.He enters the room and Yoongi rubs his eyebrow."

"We'll convince him.It won't be difficult. Don't worry about it."

Choonhe leaves and they decide that Jungkook can accompany Jimin for today.

"It's more complicated than just wanting it-"

"It's not. It's about accompanying him," replies Jungkook, not letting Namjoon even try to excuse him from leaving him aside. "Why would we put a stranger to watch for him? It doesn't make sense. It's stupid.We should be us-"

"And end up just like him?" argues Namjoon pointing to the door."Listen, I understand your concern, I have it too, but we're not doctors, let alone psychologists.If Choonhe-nim thinks he needs an outsider to supervise him, it's because he must have one!"Jungkook's jaw trembles, he opens and closes his fists, he looks about to attack. "It's only in the daytime.At night he'll stay the same: he sleeps with one of us until he can sleep alone."

"He needs us all the time, not just at night."

"If you're so worried about him needing you: get better, stop wanting to hit everything that takes you against him and so, I'll leave you as his caretaker Do you agree? " he proposes with a cynical smile. Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, severely offended. "When do you think that will be the limit? You could hit him, me, any of us just because you don't like what we say.You're out of control."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not!"

"Jungkook, it stays this way and if I see you try to upset whoever comes to take care of it, the problem won't be with Choonhe-nim, but with me" Namjoon warns and Jungkook starts to turn red. "If you heard me right?"

"It's... you-"

Namjoon steps back a couple of steps, avoiding Jungkook's sudden movement, who feels his whole body burning, his head throbbing.It's insufferable.Jin licks his lips, in the next room and worried about how little Jungkook and Jimin are progressing.

It's safe to say they're in the same place they were four months ago, and that's bad enough. He may not have made much progress either, but enough to lower the dosage of medication he was prescribed.

Jungkook is the same, if not with a longer and worse routine to try to drain that rage he has inside. All with the same sentence:

"It's not fair."

Chapter 17: Shame

Chapter Text

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Aeyoung and I will be your full-time nurse" Jimin tilts his head to the side Full-time nurse? "Due to recent events, it was decided to keep someone close to you. That way, he won't do things he regrets" she explains tenderly. She has a very sweet voice, short hair adorned with a red headband. "As of nine o'clock tonight, I will be retiring, but you have my contact in case you need any help."

"Still... I don't understand."

"I explain." takes place next to the stretcher. "Your condition is very delicate and very fragile, it also merits a great deal of attention. So much so that your colleagues are not the right ones to take charge. Not at that time where they also have their own problems" Aeyoung explains and Jimin purses his lips. "You need to understand that you are in a very delicate position."

"Am I a bother to them?"

"No. Jungkook-san and Jin-san also insisted on helping, though Jungkook was more of a threat" she comments with a chuckle. Jimin can't imagine in what context a threat from Jungkook can be a laughing matter, "Your other colleagues gave me a lot of information about you. They want you to be in the best condition."

Jimin averts his gaze, uneasy and with a constant clash of perceptions inside his head. On the one hand, he tells himself that this is fine. They need their time and on the side, it's better if they are far away. That way he couldn't hurt them when his body commands itself.

The other part of him, the more sensitive and paranoid one, concludes that they are tired of dealing with him. That they are going to push him away at the cost of leaving a stranger here. it is a confusing dichotomy that, if put together, would give the proper thought:

They can't take care of him because it's too complicated, they don't have enough time, attention and knowledge to do it properly; they left the job on someone competent and capable of doing what they don't.

"It doesn't mean you can't be with them or that they will push you away," mentions Aeyoung, who senses doubt fluttering in Jimin's consciousness. "You can go wherever he wants, however, it is for his times of solitude where I will be most attentive and close."

"That's not too much trouble?" Jimin asks with watery eyes and rubbing his neck. Sniffles and tries not to cry. "I don't want to bother anyone. It won't happen again. I promise it won't happen," Jimin babbles. Similar to a child who wants to convince his parents. "I-I take medicine when I need it and also... it's just that I-I can." sniffles and tears well up by accident.

"It's not about something I can control" She insists patiently. "Don't bother. I know my job I'll be very happy to help you get better!" she states with a smile. Jimin sobs lowering his gaze and still rubbing his neck. "I understand that you don't like being cooped up in one space for too long" Jimin nods. "Which is why I've already arranged for us to go out. The garden looks spectacular this time of year."

"You can't be annoyed with us all the time you know that?" Hoseok scrunches up his face a little. He begins to fear for the sandbag. He takes such hard blows from Jungkook, he's going to explode soon. "You're Captain America? That's great. You're going to make the bag fly away." he quips sing-songily. Jungkook stops and gasps.

He wipes the sweat that drips down his face and looks at him with irritation.

"I can be annoyed if I feel like it Do they want to control that too or what?" he claims angrily.

Jungkook is fed up with them wanting to tell him what to do. To the point that he can't even have the most normal emotions. He's angry that there shouldn't be someone else taking care of Jimin. He's angry because they keep saying he doesn't try hard enough to get better.

He does!

He does so much that his head hurts all the time. He gets a migraine because he can't get rid of his impulses in any way. He shouldn't assault people. He tries to handle it and he does. He also restrains himself from hitting furniture or objects, from hurting himself.

Jungkook does so much and still it is not enough. They just insist that he really try and stop feeling rage.

Jungkook does. Why don't they try to understand that? They understand Jimin in his crisis, why not him?

"I'm just trying to say that-"

"I don't need anything you can say! Just- Just leave me alone!"

Jungkook rubs his temples, his head hurts too much. He feels like it's going to explode. Hoseok decides to comply with his request so as not to burden him too much.

Jungkook is a grown man. They can't control him. Nor can they tell him what to do. At most, advise him and try to guide him, but what they do with him is very wrong.

"I just want to help him... not to do stupid things," Namjoon explains and Choonhe shakes her head.

What you are really causing is for his problems to increase. The nullification you create in him is part of the anger. His anger comes from how incapable he is, just as your depression has come from your lack of control. You must let go of Jungkook. You must let him be his own person. Even if he makes mistakes, he must learn from it.

"He could do something very wrong. Something other than a mistake." Namjoon insists and she remains in the same stance. One that is correct, but Namjoon refuses to accept it.

Just as you gradually accept that you have no control over everything in your environment, you must learn that you have no control over Jungkook. Let him make mistakes and help him if the consequences are too great. Let it-grow.

"Jungkook is the youngest of us. It is natural for us to want to guide him."

Guiding is different from overriding. Pitifully, that's all they are doing with their way of addressing him. He is twenty-seven years old at this point. He is not a child.

"He behaves like one." argues Jin, grumbling and crossing his arms.

I'm sorry to say that his problems will remain this critical if they refuse to see that no, he doesn't behave like a child: he's tired of being treated like one.

"I know it bothers him, that's why I don't do it. I swallow what I think of his stupid things or tell him so he won't be so dumb." admits Taehyung and ruffles his hair. Frustrated of Jungkook's attitude. Again, he's the only one he talks to. The others, he ignores.

Would you like it to be different?

"Yes, but not for him, for the others: they love to treat us like children sometimes, especially him. It's so frustrating." Taehyung doesn't know how to make it clear to Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi about the issue. Not without them getting offended or discussing it as if he asks them to shoot him in the chest.

Have you tried to say it for real? Face the problem head on.

"I don't know if it counts how to face it..."

Part of overcoming your feeling of inferiority, is to tell the people you love and respect that you are worthy. That they should respect your individuality and decision-making ability. Regardless of how much it hurts both you and them, you must face them and tell them how much you pity them for demeaning you.

Jimin did nothing in the garden that could be considered different from being in the infirmary room or his own room. However, the space, the ambiance, the smells, the breeze; there are so many aspects that make you feel good. Most notably, there is no snow anywhere.

That brings him so much peace.

Aeyoung stands a meter away, reading a book and giving occasional glances at Jimin. Making sure he doesn't pull out the needles for the serum or otherwise accidentally hurt himself. She is almost a specter during the whole time he was lying on the ground in enjoyment of the cold grass.

After a long while, Yoongi appears. He takes a seat without saying anything and starts writing in a notebook. Slouching and grumbling from time to time as he crosses out everything done and moves on. Jimin turns and stands sideways, watching him.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Not much."

"You're all puffy. You can barely see your eyes." Yoongi narrows his eyes at him, puffing out his cheeks for a moment. "It's adorable. I want to smash your face." jokes Jimin giving a giggle and Yoongi lies back, watching him and holding the notebook ajar with the pen.

"In my dreams, weird things happen. I'd rather not sleep."

"I understand the feeling..."

"Alone or not... I hear something in my head telling me to kill myself" Yoongi muses and Jimin lets out a deep breath of air. "I don't pay attention, but it gets loud sometimes. It becomes unbearable... Especially being outside."

"Why are you here? If it makes you uncomfortable."

"I wanted to spend a little time with you. Even though we're both afraid of different things."

Jimin pouts. That's so true. They have a totally inverse panic of each other.

Yoongi fears open spaces.

Jimin fears enclosed spaces.

Still, Yoongi is making an effort to be here. He would really like to spend more time with Jimin. The only problem is that the two of them being so alike, it makes him sad. It's as if indirectly, with what they talk and convey to each other, it worsens his fragile mental state.

It's a frustrating reason to be apart and Yoongi is certain that Jimin understands that. Maybe that's also why he tries not to be alone with him.

"I think I want to get something to eat," Jimin muses. "The three of us can go." Yoongi nods in agreement. Aeyoung approaches and helps Jimin sit in the wheelchair again. Yoongi places the notebook on Jimin's lap. Inquisitive and curious, he reads that he has been writing it and recognizing Yoongi's patterns, he intones the brief lyric.

I will tell you the story about the little boy I found in the grass
Tired soul as he told me he could hear the children wanting to pass
Sounds of laughter in the air
Still today we hear them

"We can go to the music room and play it. If you like." Yoongi offers and Jimin nods, closing the notebook and setting it on his lap.

Namjoon closes the door connecting his room to Jungkook's. He wouldn't want it to take over Jimin during the night. Not with how volatile they've said he is. Even Jimin can get on his nerves and cause an aggressive outburst.

He forces himself to walk away. To let Jungkook deal with the situation he so claims to be able to handle. On the way to go get a glass of water, he meets Aeyoung.

"Hello Mr. Namjoon."

"Good evening... Did everything go well today?"

"Yes. Perfectly" she smiles excitedly. "There was a little resistance at the beginning, but Jimin was great. He spent the afternoon with Mr. Yoongi. They were quite relaxed.

"Ah, I see," Namjoon doesn't hide his relief. "And Yoongi... Is he okay? Nothing unusual?"

"I noticed him very down. Almost exaggerated, but from the reports I read, at least he's moving around and trying to distract himself. That's a good start." Namjoon nods and thanks her for the information. She leaves and he goes back to what he was going.

On his way back to his room with the glass of water in his hand, he notices that in the next room, i.e. Jin's room, he is with Taehyung sitting on top of him, kissing him with his face clutched. He closes the door to give them privacy.

The dining room is the place where accidentally everyone can meet. It is nowhere near possible for all the names to be known. At most, the rumors that go around. Koreans mostly isolate themselves to one side. Whether they are known or not, there is the corner of the dining room that they occupy. No one tries to go to that area unless they know how to speak Korean at the very least.

It's a long way from the bar where they deliver the dishes. The stretch there is huge. However, the social divide they formed is very strong and is not going to break down unless a miracle happens. Or a misfortune. Both hold enormous power.

They don't want one or the other to happen. They don't care. They know that eventually those people they bother are going to get bored and nothing happened here. Nor have they done anything dangerous or that merits excessive attention. At most, they've made a complaint and that's it.

Almost everyone is at the table, eating; Taehyung, Hoseok and Jungkook wait for Jimin to arrive with their food. He has a specific diet to compensate for his accelerated metabolism. Aeyoung is the one who orders it for him. On the way to the table, Jimin stops. His pulse races and immediately the thought runs swiftly through his mind: this is not real.

It can't be real.

But why does it look so real?

He feels warmth, tucked between the stone walls and the reddish glow of burning fire. Stone tables all over the huge place and the worst part? The hundreds of faces turned towards him. All with yellowed looks and huge smiles. Teeth dirty with blood still dripping down their chins.

"Female must eat... Why is he taking so long to eat?"

Jimin's air catches in his throat, in his hands what is there is Jungkook's torso as well as his head. His arms are missing, his legs are missing, his hips are missing. He drops it abruptly, screaming hysterically and beginning to roar in desperation to get them all away from him. Let them not touch Jungkook's body a bit more. Indifferent to choking on his own blood in the process.

In reality, nothing has changed. Aeyoung puts down the tray with his food and approaches Jimin. As she does, Jimin drops the tray and the sound is shrill. So loud that everything turns to look at him and some even laugh quietly. Jimin falls to his knees and begins to cry clutching his head, spasming and to general shock, give an animalistic roar that some recognize.

"Oh no."

Namjoon, Jin and Jungkook run over without delay. Jimin starts regurgitating blood and messing up more of the food lying on the ground. Aeyoung positions herself behind him, having strength to make him stand up and bend down, he needs to release all the blood so he doesn't choke.

Hongjoong and Taehyung for their part decide to go for help. Both for helping to clean up and to look for how to take Jimin to the infirmary.

Which is starting to become his usual room.

"How ridiculous."

"Did you see how he did?" Jungkook notices who mimics Jimin's convulsions and then laughs raucously.

"Did anyone record it? We could edit it out."

"No. I couldn't record that part." says one clicking his tongue.

"You got some. That's enough, I think."

"We just have to- HEY!"

Jungkook grabs the cell phone and throws it against the floor with all his might. With no room for complaint, he grabs the man by the head and slams him so hard off the table that he breaks his nose and gives him a gash on his forehead.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up SHUT UP!"

Namjoon tries to stop him, receiving a blow to the chest in response. Jungkook gasps and though he processes it being him, he shoves him in a way that could have knocked him down.

"Crazy f*cker-"

He hits the table with such violence that plates, glasses and other items fly off. Some fall to the floor, others scatter. By the time the nurses arrive, Jungkook is shaking where he is, with at least some of his anger drained, but the headache being so unbearable that it makes him cry. Namjoon comes over and grabs his arm.

"I-It hurts... My head." he sobs in despair.

Everyone is looking at him.

Everyone is watching.

Jimin roars louder, he wants those yellow eyes to stop being on of him.

Chapter 18: Starting to vibrate

Chapter Text

"You assaulted two people. One of them, your partner" Jungkook bites his lips, hunched over and looking down at the ground. Embarrassed. "For obvious reasons, he doesn't want to make any complaints against you, not so the other affected" The man in front of him clasps his hands together on the table. "However, due to the study that was made of the whole situation, it was concluded that you were provoked and consequently, the problems you have cannot be handled properly. Not in an inappropriate environment."

"I am not a threat."

"Consciously, you are not," he agrees. From what he understands, he is your legal representative or an intermediary between the refugees on site. He is the one who takes control when there are complicated situations that perhaps merit judicial insight. "However, I must say that you initiated something that we had already sighted and that makes us more responsible for other matters".

"H-how what? I-I didn't mean to-" he scoffed and-"

"Easy, I understand the whole problem" Jungkook breathes somewhat agitated, anxious and irritated. "What I'm getting at is that it takes a division of space. Clearly, you and your partners still not so ready for everyday situations. You don't know how to handle stress.

"It's not our fault others are such jerks." he complains in a low voice, almost a growl. The man can't resist laughing, not varying in his confident, but calm posture.

"The situations you were subjected to are very different from each other" he mentions as he leans further forward. "While you guys experienced real torture and stress in its worst sense, most of the people here didn't have that bad luck."

"No? What part did they get themselves into? I don't understand!" complains Jungkook stressed and feeling like his head is going to explode.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

"Some were in military centers waiting to be evacuated, others in bunkers... The truth: you are the only ones with such an aggressive background "Jungkook feels his whole face press and his head counts down to the explosion. "This shelter was made for people like them. Not like you."

"What do you mean, we don't deserve this?"

"Yes. You do deserve it, however, you are a threat even to yourselves...you need a better place than this." he rectifies and Jungkook rubs his face with both hands. At this point, he no longer knows what to think of anything or anyone.

On the one hand, maybe this man is lying about the latter. It's the best way to keep him alarmed. On the other, he may be honest and think they should be in a more specialized place. One where he doesn't feel like his head is a balloon being rubbed with a pin.

"From now on, you will have to eat in a place that is open and doesn't have a lot of people. In fact, you should avoid crowded places" Choonhe clarifies and Namjoon nods. Jimin keeps playing with a couple of cats in the east garden of the building. They arrived by accident and since they are fed, they don't leave. They are good friends with Jimin and Yoongi at this point. "Part of his panic is due to that. He's scared of loneliness, but he's also scared he's surrounded by crowds."

"Like Yoongi." Compares the taller one and the psychologist nods, "but we're not going to leave him alone for meals. That's not the point... Is there another dining room here? Maybe a place we can use. A greenhouse. Something like that."

Choonhe remains thoughtful and after a few seconds of thinking it over, she concludes on a good solution:

"A small recreation space was started. Let's call it a tea garden. It could not be completed because there are more important things to attend to," explains the psychologist. "It can be there. It's the gated exit next to the pools."

"Anything else, are you sure nothing else is needed?"

"If he continues to stay well on his medication, he should gradually decrease the frequency and strength of these hallucinations" She peeks outside for a moment. Jimin holds the cat with his two hands and rubs his nose with the opposite one. Aeyoung standing by his side, in case he needs anything else. "They won't stop them from happening, unfortunately, but at least we've found that it does him good to have someone very close."

"Yeah..."

Aeyoung was the one who handled the whole thing, while she didn't carry him, she was the one who gave the directions on how to carry him, how to treat him, and she's the one who brought him here. So soon to relieve him, they didn't even realize she did it.

"Jungkook is a little messed up. He wouldn't do that in a normal situation. I really-

"I-I understand. All of us on the staff understand," Choonhe reports. "However, I must say that the next time something like this happens, you will get a warning. You must control yourself... And you must say what other symptoms you have."

"You mentioned a lot of headache."

"Did something happen to your head?"

Namjoon gives a snort.

Jin rises from his seat as the doctor leaves the office. He rubs his wrist and bites his lips, anxious. The man removes his mouth cover and takes a second look at what's in the documents he brings.

"The sunken areas of his skull press on parts of his brain and lead to these migraines" the man explains, noticeably contrite "It certainly doesn't help that he has an explosive disorder. The irritation and the migraine cause the other, so that would explain his behavior these past few weeks."

"But it can be fixed, can't it?" asks Jin, appalled that in the end, it did have a consequence what Junhan? He did. The doctor nods.

"From the X-ray, we found that there are only two serious sinkholes. The others, do not generate any problem" he relates handing the plate and Jin sees it against the light. "I'll assume it corresponds to the thumbs."

"Yes. That must be it..."

"we will make cuts in those areas to resect the skull, remove the dead brain tissue that may be getting infected and in that way, we will fix one of the problems" the doctor relates. Jin's face scrunches up. He knows it's possible, but it still scares the hell out of him. "Fortunately for him: the evidence will be minimal. His healing works fast enough that no one will notice what was done."

"And you're absolutely sure he needs that, right?" retorts Jin. because of how little Jungkook can think fault of migraine, they let them be the ones responsible for making these medical decisions for him. "Then they won't say he has something else."

"Whatever the reason, we must fix those sinks in his head. It's a miracle there weren't the rest of the usual symptoms" The doctor finds it incredible that Jin would want to doubt his diagnosis. The easiest and most basic one he can pull out after analyzing Jungkook with everything and plaques. "With the time he has, he shouldn't remember anyone anymore. It's not just one miracle, it's a string of them."

"I get it, I get it, aish" Jin hands him the x-ray and bites his lower lip. "I'm going to talk to him first. Whether he has the independence to choose or not, he needs to know about it."

"I don't consider that-"

"I can handle a punch. If I don't have a hand, it's because it was bitten off" He shakes his incomplete arm and the doctor scrunches up his face, suffers in a shudder just imagining the situation. "And it's wrong, not stupid: he's going to understand."

Jin downplays part of the situation in the basic: Jungkook has been able to understand pretty well so far, the only fundamental difference, he gets irritated faster than he should, blame the headache.

"That thing about cracking his head open sounds awful," Taehyung mutters as he rubs his temples with his fingers. "I don't even want to think about it. It makes me want to throw up and I'm fine with no regurgitation in over three months, thank you very much."

"Three months?"

"He got dizzy from eating too much." reports Yoongi and Hoseok circles his mouth. Jimin lowers the book he was reading and rests it on his face covering his lips.

"It sounds ugly, but at least we know he'll be okay. Something about him is going to get better."

"You think so?"

"Yeah... I mean, it shows that Kookie isn't bad. He was just a little sick and that's all." Taehyung pouts at Jimin's assumption. Way to give Jungkook innocence even though he broke a person's face.

"We should get him a gift," Taehyung proposes getting up from his seat. "Maybe a small party with something he likes. I'm sure that would make him happy when he comes back.

"If I can say something" interrupts Aeyoung and Taehyung narrows his eyes. "The best thing you can give him, is ice cream" she smiles clasping her hands together and co*cking her head to the side. "Also pureed fruits, fruit yogurt... any semi-solid is good. Especially if it doesn't have anything processed in it."

They look at each other between the four of them. That sounds easy to do. An idea begins to bubble up among them. From making things in various colors and putting them in different molds to make it look more festive.

"I'll organize everything, you guys take care of the food." informs Taehyung who hops off to his room. Jimin exhales, looking dejected. Aeyoung takes a couple of steps closer.

"I know how to make ice cream. We can make it together." he proposes and Jimin nods shyly.

Yoongi and Hoseok watch them go. Definitely having someone who knows how to deal with complicated personalities not to upset and keep busy was necessary from day one.

"Do I really need it?"

"Yes."

Namjoon bites his cheeks. Jungkook suffers a lot from the headache. He knows Jin informed him as best he could, that's not the problem here: he's scared. He's had enough attacks on his head to not be scared of being approached for it.

Fortunately, they let him have the night before to sleep in his own bedroom. Rather: with Namjoon, with whom he went to hide out and hopes to hear at least one thing that will make him feel less scared to the point of crying.

"What if they don't get it right?" he asks quietly, squeezing Namjoon's torso. "And yes... what if I die- I don't want to die" Jungkook sobs brokenly, his eyes suddenly flooded with tears and his lips tight, his whole body tense and the migraine growing to his misfortune. "I don't want to die Namjoon." he stammers again and Namjoon strokes his back.

"I know you don't, but I promise you're going to be okay." he strokes Jungkook's hair. They're going to have to cut some of it off and just hope it can be covered because Jungkook is definitely not going to be okay with those wounds for as long as they last. "Before you know it you're going to be playing with Bam outside, painting some picture... Everything's going to be fine. You're going to be just fine."

"What if I trade for whatever they do to me?"

They say they blame this problem, that he's so bad with managing his anger, that it prevents him from progressing and maybe thus, changing something; also that they will remove dead tissue remnants What if that makes him change in some way? What if he forgets things?

He doesn't want to forget anything else.

As horrible as it is, he is aware that it could mean losing them too.

He refuses to forget.

He refuses to change without permission.

"Is this how you guys felt when you opened them?" his trembling, questioning voice makes Namjoon look down at him. "So... That's how it felt?"

"It was worse. At least you know what they're going to do to you and why... I know what you think this is really scary like this, that you'd rather we didn't know. That I might have sedated you and made everything quick" Jungkook undoubtedly thought about it. It would be less crisis and headache, "but there's nothing worse than waking up and realizing that things happened that you don't understand. That they managed your body... We're telling you, because we want you to know."

We don't want that to hurt, it's between the lines. Jungkook looks up at him.

"Are you going to be with me when I wake up?"

"As soon as you come out of surgery, I'm going to be there."

Jungkook sniffles and snuggles back in.

Jungkook is having surgery.

And he doesn't know how to handle how nervous that makes him.

Even if he tries to seclude himself, Aeyoung won't let him. He somehow ends up in the yoga room. There's no one there at this time of day. Most are resting in the gardens from a day of therapies, study and other things. Jimin stretches, wanting to ease the tingling all over his body.

Bam yawns and lies on the ground, head resting on his front paws. As he finishes his stretch he moves a little silly, but rhythmically. In his mind playing any music even if it is random or forces him to stop to do something different.

Aeyoung pulls out her cell phone and puts music on it, considering maybe that will work for her. Jimin bad looks at her for a moment and a couple of minutes later, tries to find the beat. Incidentally, the nurse repeats it again and this time, Jimin follows the rhythm properly.

His way of moving is very clumsy and barely good enough. It works for the purpose, which is the most important thing: to distract him and get him to release his emotions somehow. That his frustration and anguish comes out in a way that isn't crying or staying hidden in one place to drown.

Jimin is a dancer.

Jimin is a singer.

One who, until now, had not allowed any of that to blossom in him to help him through this cruel stage of his life. Aeyoung creates a playlist so he doesn't need to wait too long. He wants to exhaust himself and he needs to. He has to drain all that energy stored inside him for the sake of it.

Because he stays static, stagnant and now, there is so much reserve that he lasts and hours, sweating, making his body vibrate with exhaustion and at the same time, a slight note of excitement for getting to do this again. It's not perfect. It's not even close. It can hardly be considered good and yet, it is still able to generate in him a slight note of joy and a smile.

He drops to the floor, arms outstretched, sweating profusely and his clothes just as soaked. Aeyoung approaches with a bottle of water, forcing him to sit down so he can drink. Bam approaches and climbs on Jimin, licking him in the face and getting a laugh out of him.

"I told you he was going to be here."

Hoseok enters making almost floaty, dancing leaps. He squats down next to Jimin, holding Wooyoung, San, Yeosang and Mingi very close. He holds his cheeks with his two hands and smiles at his partner.

"Do you want to join us to make yogurt? You'll be able to do the tasting of everything. While we wait for Jungkookie to come out of surgery." he proposes smiling and Jimin delays for a couple of seconds. He was going to say no, but after mulling it over....

He doesn't want to think about Jungkook.

He doesn't want to think that he might die in there.

"Yeah. Sure."

"OK! but first take a bath. You're disgusting and let's pretend I'm not offended that you didn't call me to dance." accuses Hoseok and Jimin pouts.

"You were going to make me look ugly. I did so bad."

"Oh never mind. I'm dancing a bit badly too. It's just a matter of practice... We can pick it up!" Jimin makes a pained face. That's just going to make him feel bad. Insufferable and miserable altogether.

"I think it's not the right time for them to get together on something like this" Aeyoung opines after noticing his patient's expression. "Working on his trust merits that he decides to open up and forcing it indirectly is just another problem. Please don't do it." asks as kindly as she can and Hoseok circles his mouth.

"Ooooh... Okay! You can come see us though" Hoseok informs with a smile. "You don't have to join. That way we talk, you tell us what you think. What do you think- Ah! You can choose the music for us, what do you think?"

"Good..." Jimin muses remarkably comfortable with the idea and Hoseok grabs him by the face, giving him a kiss on the lips.

"Perfect! Now, let's go to make Yogurt after you take a bath. Come on let's go." insist helping him to his feet.

"I want to make blueberry."

"We don't buy blueberries."

"We don't have to buy blueberries." intone San and Mingi to take Wooyoung to task. He gives them a bad look. Yeosang looks at them alternately.

"Can we buy stuff here? Since when?"

"Since when do you arrive- Forget it. We don't have blueberries" Mingi insists. "So it'll just be strawberry, banana and-"

"I have a lot of unused tickets" muses Jimin rubbing his arm. "We can use it. We need a lot of flavors... And we save to make more ice cream."

Aeyoung smiles at him happy that he's putting plans together himself. They are very small things, but that's how it starts. When it gets dark, they are informed that Jungkook made it safely out of the operating room and is now resting in a room, sedated to avoid pain.

Chapter 19: Ground wire

Chapter Text

"Do you like that place very much?"

He opens his eyes and finds Jimin's face in front of his. The opposite laughs, black hair hanging down. Jungkook smiles in return, reaching out to give his hair a tug. Jimin kicks him gently and straightens up. Arms behind his back and standing less than a meter away from the huge willow tree that generates his large shadow.

"I thought you were never going to wake up. You had me worried."

"Where are the others?"

"Waiting for you."

"Ummm..."

"You're a little cruel you know?" retorts Jimin and looks up. The willow tree full of chafed blossoms and resembling a cherry tree or maybe a cercis. "You expect everyone to take a lot of things for granted, you expect them to understand everything, but you don't say what you feel. Not in a normal way at least."

"What do you mean?" complains Jungkook sitting cross-legged. "Is it because I don't want to be treated like a child?"

"Ujum."

"They should understand."

"Maybe," he admits, "but just as they should understand you, you should understand them "he informs with a laugh. "If you want to be an adult, say so; you don't have to prove anything, you already are one; if they insist, push harder until they understand...you can't run away from this by lashing out, nor solve it with a tantrum."

"They won't listen to me."

"How hard have you tried?"

Jungkook presses his lips together and lowers his gaze, furrowing his brows. He's tried all the time, though of course, demonstrated in a slightly disgruntled and odd way. After all, despite detesting being considered a child, he has often allowed himself to be thought so. Especially when it benefits him the most. To get them to agree or support some motion.

The reality is that he is partly afraid to stop being spoiled by all of them.

That somehow, by demanding to be treated as an "adult", the relationship they have will change.

Jungkook is scared to death of change. After all, the sudden changes have been what has made his life such a mess. First with the infection, the infected devouring everyone in their path; changing to a lifestyle with no electricity, hardly any vehicles; needing his brute strength and tempered nerves to keep from dying; adjusting to the possibility of tragedy happening every time he sets foot outside; adapting to changes in his partners' personalities.

The only thing that has remained the same is to be treated as the youngest of the group. The one they must protect and guide without fail.

"Some things need to change" Jimin opines quietly and Jungkook rubs his face, anxious and tearful, "it's for the best" He smiles wide to himself and the breeze stirs the strong willow tree. Jungkook focuses on the hut not far away. Small, flattened and yellowishly lit. "Maybe after that... you'll feel better."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. I just guess."

Jimin hums, swaying in place. Jungkook notices that not far away, there are the others. Namjoon is the one who approaches the fastest, squatting down in front of him as soon as he has him close. Namjoon grabs his face and massages his cheeks.

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind (oh)
Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in
As if you were a mythical thing
Like you were a trophy or a champion ring

"Am I still going to be your baby?" asks Jungkook in a trembling voice.

Namjoon opens his eyes and then scrunches up his face, not holding back the laughter it brings out of him. Yoongi on Namjoon's back folds his arms, rolling his eyes with an amused curl of his lips, muttering a low "as if that could somehow change".

And there was one prize I'd cheat to win
The more that you say
The less I know
Wherever you stray
I follow

"You're always going to be What makes you think you won't be?" asks Namjoon and Jungkook sobs.

"It's just...I don't want...to change, but I also don't want to...feel bad." Jungkook can't keep his voice steady, nor can he keep the tears from sliding uncontrollably down his face.

I'm begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans
That's my man
You know that my train could take you home

"You go out of your way for me, stop being happy for me... I can take care of myself, I can decide for myself." His anxiety seems to make them more amused than it should. Making him cry harder.

"You're just too cute, what a fool you are." taunts Taehyung shrugging his shoulders with a smile.

"Yeah. Like that would make us stop loving him." replies Jin shaking both his hands. Jungkook sniffles and Namjoon wipes his face.

Anywhere else is hollow
I'm begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans
That's my man

"If that makes you happy... Just ask for it."

Jungkook continues to pout, even as he gets up and is led inside the hut, all seated at the round, wooden table with the food laid out. It's all fruits, sweets; there's no meat anywhere. Everything is clean, everything smells delicious and soft.

They laugh, patting him and managing to get a smile out of him in the midst of the silliness. A quiet dinner and when they finish, he takes them to the room where there are different places to sleep. He lies down on Namjoon, whom Jimin also hugs; Jin with Taehyung on another bed and Hoseok and Yoongi on a giant cushion the size of a bed.

Jungkook closes his eyes. Everything shuts down. Everything fades away. The little hut and its willow tree, vanish.

It feels strange.

Though in what way, I couldn't say.

It floats on a cloud. It's fluffy, cool and perfect.

Having his eyes open is not exactly synonymous with being awake. He wanders between being awake and sleeping. He coughs slightly and turns his head, managing to make himself react enough to do so. What is next to him is Namjoon asleep. His cheek resting on his knuckles, his mouth ajar and a book on his chest. It is night, there is no light from outside and the windows are wide open.

Jungkook perceives the colors even more vividly than before, or have they always been like this? As he debates whether he got better, worse or the same, he tries to remember what made him like this to begin with. What hurt his head? It's something important, isn't it? After all, you have him here, lying on a gurney.

He doesn't remember that thing.

It's a dark mist that doesn't exist.

It takes a long time to see Namjoon lying there. Long, long minutes. So long that he falls asleep again and the nurses know he woke up because of the change of position. He reacts again in the middle of the day, at the same time as one of the nurses changes the IV bag hanging on the right side of the stretcher.

"Oh, good afternoon," she greets with a smile. "We noticed he woke up earlier, but without any sound or call, we didn't check him earlier" She walks over and carefully lines him back up on the gurney. She takes a flashlight from her pocket and gently opens his eyelid. "How are you feeling, can you talk? If you understand me, move some part of your body."

"I understand." he mumbles barely coordinated. She nods and puts the flashlight away. Her pupils are very dilated.

"Good. I'm going to sit you down," she announces. "To make you more comfortable. Don't move your head, try to look straight ahead. You could hurt yourself if you move. You still have a very delicate area. Got it?" She speaks very slowly and very softly, it helps Jungkook understand her and not get nervous.

"Yes."

"Good... Oh! He's back, right on time. He must have only a minute or two of waking up" she greets, Namjoon puts the bouquet of flowers down on the table next to the stretcher. "Try to speak slowly and generate as little stress as possible Yes?"

"Understood" Namjoon sits down and she steps back. Takes Jungkook's hand, who pulls him back. "You've been asleep for almost four days" comments with an awkward smile, dropping his head to the side. "From the readings they took of you, they deciphered that you tennis a nice dream... Was it nice?

"Yes... it was nice" he replies and Namjoon pats his hand. "I don't remember... things..."

"That in its own time. For now..." He sends a message in the group chat to let them know Jungkook woke up. "Tell me about your dream." asks Namjoon with a faint smile. Jungkook begins to relate it.

The hut, the willow tree, the atmosphere... it all sounds like a fantasy. Too much like Jimin's, but different at certain points. In Jimin's case, there are fireflies, bubbles of light in the willow tree; the hut is big and cozy with a rectangular table. It sounds like Jungkook learned Jimin's dream so much that he made his own version.

He internalized it as something peaceful, a beautiful and happy dream, one that fills with warmth, and he succeeded. From the readings they took of his brainwaves, he was not only very calm, but rather at ease and happy.

The others enter the room when he finishes his story, greeting him quietly and slowly, one by one, taking places on the gurney or in chairs that are placed nearby.

They spend an hour there, making no fuss at all. Jungkook doesn't say much either. He just watches them. What little he is able to process in the sedation and haze of his mind, is that it's like in his dream: they are all here with him and that makes him very happy.

Jungkook woke up today. The others came to see him, but I was the only one who stayed the night here with him again. I did the same thing as the previous nights: read so he has something playing around him. Silence can be too overwhelming. I know this from experience.

Jungkook told me that he thinks he heard my voice, that maybe that's why he was in his dream and that's why he was so happy. It made me feel tenderness, I won't deny it. It also makes me happy that he is so calm and even dreaming. I haven't been able to dream in a long time. I'm a little envious about it.

He is discharged a couple of days later, making sure that the scars are hardly visible and Jungkook can stay awake without falling asleep on his feet. He has some balance problems at first, however, the doctor assured that this is perfectly normal for the first week.

The first thing he finds when he returns to the room is that there is a huge poster on the wall, three tables lined up, huge jars of yogurt and ice cream in different colors and decorations. Even in a subdued voice, they are celebrating him for coming out of his operation well.

He's never eaten so much ice cream or yogurt in his life, but it tastes so good and makes him feel more years older than ever.

"I think we did too much, though."

"You can put it away again, I think," Hoseok says unsure, not to the same extent as Yoongi. It's impossible for them to eat everything there is. In the end, they got too excited about learning how to do it on their own. "It must fit in one of the coolers-"

"Or we let them help us eat."

Jimin points to the entrance, where the few children in the shelter are peering out. Curious and bright-eyed. The first to enter, is the Japanese girl who carries her cat with her everywhere, rushing to sit where Jimin directs her and taking the glass he hands her.

With that, the others are propelled inside. A couple of them even sit on Jungkook's legs, who jokes about not being bothered by his weight. Aeyoung finds it somewhere between cute and funny that the adults walk around so scared of them, while the children perceive them as strange, but charming at the same time.

There is no way for them to be intimidated even though they say they are monsters. As far as they are concerned, they are not monsters. Their parents are crazy and afraid of things that aren't there.

"He has marks on his face."

"Yeah. Just like anime heroes! Whenever they win a super fight they have marks and look cooler!" exposes a boy with clenched fists and making Jungkook wrinkle his nose with a smile.

"He fought a monster too." A child points at Yoongi, who is left with a mouthful of yogurt. Hoseok puts his arm around the producer.

"And he beat them. Yoongi is super cool isn't he?"

Yoongi raises his head and gives a squeal, embarrassed. Even though they don't understand everything they say, as some of them speak Spanish, Arabic and Thai, it's good to have topics this banal and simple around.

I wonder what the kids will be like growing up. After all, they lived through the worst ordeal anyone can live through. I'm an adult and I felt as helpless as a child, what will it be like for them? The only thing that reassures me is that they are comfortable with our presence.

It means that we are not as savage as we think we are. That those people who are afraid of us, at the same time hold absurd prejudices. If small and perceptive children, children who lived through that misfortune, do not consider us a threat, it is because we are not!

Maybe I give too much credit to children who are not more than ten years old, but at the same time, why not? If what really matters is that, if the most defenseless creature is comfortable around us, we can be trusted.

We are more human than we may realize.

Some who now know how to make ice cream and fruit yogurt.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah... I want to swim or pretend I'm going to."

Hoseok laughs and Jimin holds him by the hand. In case he feels weak, they are going to help him stop and stay sitting on the floor. As soon as they cross the gate to the pool, they notice that there are a lot of people. They are not particularly interested, they were planning to go to the pool they just finished yesterday. Smaller, barely a meter deep and perfect for this.

Hoseok steps aside to go look in the towel closet. Jimin and Jungkook get undressed, staying in a sports swimsuit. In mid-stride, Hoseok is pushed and the towels fall to the floor.

"I'm sorry-"

"What are you guys doing here? What part of the shelter is not for monsters don't you understand?"

Hoseok hisses under his breath, rubbing his chest. Aeyoung squints and discreetly picks up his cell phone. The shortcut button specifically set to call someone from security. When there are conflicts, everyone is required to notify.

Jungkook arrives first, pushing the man away and staying in front of Hoseok to prevent him from pushing him again or trying to hit.

Hoseok picks up the towels from the floor "Is something wrong?" asks the woman in security uniform. The one who came to intimidate Hoseok shakes her head and silently retreats, raging inwardly. Hoseok gives a whistle.

"People love being jerks" Hoseok sighs. "Thank you officer" He bows to the woman and she mimics him, staying at the pools entrance as a precaution. "Thank you my lof~" He gives him a kiss on the lips and Jungkook squeezes his arm. "Does your head hurt?"

"A... little, but it's bearable. It's nothing... Shall we go to the pool?"

Hoseok applauds, celebrating that, indeed, the procedure worked. Remarkable even in Jungkook's simple attitude. Although he lasts a while in a self-absorbed mood, wanting to hit things, he goes through the relaxation routine he has been taught five times already, with Jimin and Hoseok joining him in it.

Getting into the pool and after a while, splashing water on Jungkook's face.

"Oh, I thought there was a bee."

"A bee? Jin isn't even here for there to be bees."

Jungkook ends up laughing out loud at Hoseok's witty comment. Jimin covers his smile and Aeyoung laughs discreetly, entertained.

"Sir."

Jimin pauses, standing with the others and confused as to who he is the one being called. A girl of fourteen? Maybe thirteen. She grabs his hands roughly and pulls him, smiling.

"It's you, the one who made me immune!"

He opens his eyes and pales with abysmal speed. The others in the same stupefaction and realizing with speed what he is referring to: it is the one Jimin told them about in the Russian shelter. It is the girl who was taken by her father. Jimin tries to free himself, but she holds him very tightly.

"You were able to escape!" she exclaims happily and Jimin feels it hard to breathe. "I'm glad you're okay. Dad told me they were doing really bad things to him there, that hopefully you'd get there and you did! I'm glad you're okay!" she assures Jimin.

"I-I...I didn't make you immune, that's-that's-that's not how it works." he says in a broken voice and she shakes her head.

"Dad said you saved us" Aeyoung looks at them alternately, confused. She hasn't been told any of this and it's Weird? It means Jimin hasn't talked it over with Choonhe yet. "And that thanks to you we made it this far- Dad! It's Mr. Ugly Airport!" She tries to pull him, but Jimin manages to break free. Namjoon approaches her, who confusedly tries to approach again.

"Can I talk to you? He's my boyfriend" She nods, curious. They step back a little and Jimin hyperventilates, subject to Yoongi and Jin; only Yoongi talks to him, tells how to get back to normal, reassures that everything is okay. "They did really bad things to him in that place; I don't know how your dad handled the situation, but what he did to you, that was wrong too."

"It hurt, but I'm okay!" she assures , Namjoon shakes his head.

"Do you understand what he did to you?" The teenager says yes. "Well, that's not something that should be forced and he was forced a lot, even when he didn't mean to do it to you" The pout marks more and her father rushes over, acknowledging Jimin equally. "Please try not to thank him for that Yes? It's kind of... awkward and we're still working on it."

"S-sorry," stammers the man, taking his daughter by the shoulders. "It wasn't... It wasn't my- I want to apologize for him. I-I know it's no use, but-"

Namjoon holds up both hands.

"Now is not a good time, okay? Now, no."

He nods and the girl peeks out again. It confuses her that Jimin is crying the way she does. She remembers that it was wrong. She remembers his face so much. So different from all the men in that place, even the ones in her old group.

They were all smiling or confident, strong and firm... Jimin looked as scared as she did and it made her think of princesses locked in storybook towers. Unable to get out. Trapped with monsters guarding.

"You saved him? As a prince?" she asks and Namjoon raises his eyebrows.

"No. He's his own prince, but he's tired yet. We have to give him time." Namjoon doesn't avoid laughing at that.

Jimin saved himself. All that strength he had, he still doesn't get over it. He wonders how much time he will need to hear the story of how these two people got here.

Jimin wanted to come sleep with me. He cried himself to sleep. He keeps thinking he's a monster for what he did. I wish he could understand that it's more complicated than blaming himself and that the only person who could blame him, thanks him.

From what little I understood, the man followed his instructions and they got to the shelter by sheer luck, because there are others full and the girl is quite promising for the future on an intellectual level.

If Jimin didn't convince HIM, they wouldn't have arrived here...

And yet, he thinks he is the villain of this story.

Sometimes I'd like to put him in a glass bubble where he's safe from his own thoughts.

And not to have to help him sleep, because it's hard for him because of how much he cries and the absurd amount of nightmares he suffers.

Chapter 20: Recurring

Chapter Text

Unpleasant feelings are always there.

No matter what he does, no matter who talks to him or distracts him: they happen.

Jimin can feel Hajun panting in his ear. He can feel male hands sliding down his shoulders; he can feel warm liquid on his abdomen, chest, face and mouth even when there is not the slightest hint of it. Jimin can feel the stares on him. He can hear the mocking, cynical laughter.

Jimin can hear Hajun calling him female and he can feel the hand on his abdomen, caressing the area as it did for months due to the pregnancy.

Jimin can feel the baby moving inside him. How it was growing, how it was forming, how it had life and it is as if it is there again. He has resisted every urge to stick something in there. He has done everything he could to avoid it.

And Jimin wonders if it can stay that way. He wonders if this is all a very long, very elaborate and beautiful dream where he is going to end up disillusioned at the end: waking up in Hajun's nest and with it, still having the baby inside him. Waiting for the moment to leave his body and allow a new one to form.

"You are a good female, you can give many cubs."

"I don't want to have them."

"Yes you do. That's why you seduce Hajun" exposes the Alpha without taking his eyes off him. Sitting in the bath tub. "That's why you wait for Hajun. No one else touches you, because Hajun is your Alpha" he smiles wide and pleased. "My female is very good" He strokes Jimin's hair, who closes his eyes and gathers air regretfully. "He is my perfect female."

"Jimin?"

Aeyoung peeks out from the doorway. She is compelled that if she hears no noise after three minutes, she must check. Indifferent to what Jimin does. He must make noises on purpose. Whether to say he is fine or what he is doing. A check was made to make sure there's nothing remotely lethal inside the bathroom and that he doesn't carry anything like that on him.

What she finds is the Idol crying, his head leaning against the wall. She takes a couple of steps in.

"Do you need anything?" she asks quietly and Jimin shakes his head.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I can help you with whatever you need."

"It's just... you can't... help..."

Why is the bathroom full of blood?

The water's not clean.

It's blood.

He feels it drowning him from how thick it is and how hot it is. He squeezes his eyes and lips together, desperate for it to stop growing and overflowing from the tub.

With Aeyoung standing in the doorway, her whole head twisting; her hair now long, greasy and dirty sticking to her shoulders, back and collarbone; her eyes like two huge black sockets dripping blood and her mouth like a huge grin where her teeth are falling out and more of that black blood is sliding to the floor.

None of it goes away.

Why won't it go away?

Are you feeling any better?

"Quite a bit. My head isn't going to blow up like a balloon anymore and... I can contain myself a little.I think. At least that's been happening these days." mutters Jungkook who rubs his neck and shyness takes over as usual.

Indeed, you've avoided a lot of conflicts lately. Even when you've been provoked you've done very well! That's not to say you should stop treatment, but it's important for you to know how much progress you've made.

"Still... I feel bad."

In what way?

"I feel like we don't belong here... that this place doesn't...doesn't work." expounds Jungkook grief-stricken over the matter. It's too complicated for him to explain, but it comes down to something simple.

He likes this place, not the people who live here. He's had enough of people believing themselves superior to them in one way or another. Right now, it's about supposed moral high ground. They didn't murder people, they didn't have complications. They had everything laid out on a silver platter from the very first moment and now it's their fault for having problems from the very first second.

It's very unfair and it screws it up.

If that wasn't enough, he has a feeling they would do better in a smaller place with less people. Yoongi and his phobia of crowds confirms it for him; Jimin and his inability to stop hallucinating confirms it even more.

It needs to be like in the dream: a house in the middle of nowhere, them alone supporting themselves as they know how... sure, they still need these appointments and the therapy instructions, however, the interaction with so many people is unnecessary.

Mostly because they are not good people.

These are people who love to pick on them. Who want to see them in the worst sh*thole a person can throw themselves into.

"I want to get out of here... I want to go home." mutters Jungkook lowering his gaze and with a unique sense of vulnerability.

This is not his home here.

He feels welcome, the others would never leave him unprotected.

Nevertheless, he is unhappy this way and that is something terrible that he does not want to submit to any longer. Unfortunately, Choonhe could not say anything about the matter.

Jungkook scared me today by coming out of nowhere. He asked me to go home. I couldn't answer him in any way. We don't have a home. We don't have a place like this all to ourselves. I would like to leave too, but there is no alternative at the moment. He told me something I've been thinking about a lot too: if we continue to be surrounded by bad people, we won't heal completely.

It's true.

As long as we stay here, we will never really be well.

Because it's just like in Korea. The more time we spent among all those bad people, the more like them we became. Being alone, we'll be just us as we always were.

Jimin keeps his eyes closed. He doesn't want to see what's going on around him. If he doesn't see it first, he won't be able to perceive it with his other senses. He limits himself to the music playing on the player and nothing else. Because of the days he has been dancing alone, with Aeyoung pains nearby, he has been able to manage his body better.

Flexibility is something he hasn't lost even with so much back and forth. Arguably, it's the only thing about his body that has remained the way it is How could it be any different? Having so much stretch with a creature almost fifty centimeters taller and who knows how many pounds heavier.

Jimin gives a yelp, with a bite to his neck. The back of his neck torn off in one bite and the flesh on his arms, being yanked away. He hears the military dog tags on his neck fall off. Opening his eyes, he sees the stone floor and falls hard on it. He turns sharply and seeing the herd of Yagtalja moving towards him, he roars with all his might, thus causing them to move away.

"Jimin!"

Jimin coughs blood and his eyes fix on Aeyoung, who worriedly rummages in one of her pockets for a handkerchief to wipe Jimin's mouth. Fresh red blood leaks out. He brings a hand to his chest, where one feels the hidden military badges.

"What did you see?"

Jimin doesn't answer her, letting himself wipe his mouth and nothing else.

Jimin's hallucinations are becoming more constant for no reason. He thinks he is surrounded by Yagtalja and in the end he roars to feel protected. The only good thing about that, is that when he spits blood he comes out of his own reverie. What a way to "fix" a problem.

I wish I could do something for him, but there is no way to fix his head. It's something he has to do on his own... It sucks. I hate it. I wish I could manipulate thought and erase absolutely everything that torments him.

"You see? If you can dance."

Jin doesn't know how to rate this. Terrifying and tense would be appropriate. Hoseok wanted to convince him that he is still able to dance, missing a hand doesn't change anything. He's already used to it and there's no problem beyond him forgetting it, he feels it from time to time.

And he ends up in overly awkward situations where he drops objects or shakes his arm waiting to get to that thing he's supposed to take. This time, it's about him forgetting and feeling ridiculous dancing like that.

"You need, one, prosthesis." repeats Namjoon for the millionth time.

"I don't want anything." grumbles Jin, who has convinced himself that he will look even more ridiculous with that thing fluttering around in there.

"It'll be losing money." justifies Yoongi before yawning. Hoseok pulls Jin back and they restart. Namjoon puts the music back on.

"That way you have an understanding of your space," Namjoon explains. "Also... if they can be useful. Depending on which one you put on, be firmer than others. you could hold things. Just not letting go of them at will."

"I mean, I'd have like a stick attached there Is that it?"

"It's like prosthetic weapons in games" Namjoon compares for lack of convincing the others and that Jin is going to sweat blood shortly. "It's firm. It's not going to bend or come off."

Jin pauses and looks at him wrong. Of course he understands his crisis. Namjoon shrugs his shoulder and Jin gives a snort. He's going to think about it. Maybe he's going to deign to look at that catalog of prosthetics that Namjoon very kindly left him on the nightstand.

Just maybe.

"You miss your bitter furball huh?"

"Yeah... I wonder if I'll see him soon." mutters Taehyung. He rests his cheek on his right hand.

He drew a picture of Yeontan. It looks nothing like the masterpiece Jungkook did of Bam, drying next to the hut he redrew just to give it to Jimin. It's very simple, almost cartoonish, but that's the way it reminds Yeontan. Unlike the others, who joke a lot about it, he doesn't relate it as something bitter.

Not since the first three months of having him have passed. To him, it's his ball of energy, affection and curiosity that he adores with his soul. He gives a heavy sigh and looks down.

If only Yeontan were here, he'd be a little less miserable in the hostile environment that abounds at the shelter. The children are not a problem. They all greet him and he is cute! He loves children so much. Especially those who, indifferent to not speaking the same way, seek to play with him.

His parents and the other elders, that's what has him deeply uncomfortable and exhausted. That they look at him as a monster. That they look at him the way he looked at the Yagtalja and the Alpha: suspicion, annoyance, fear, deep contempt and longing for his life to end.

He doesn't deserve anything like that - he or any of his boyfriends do.

And yet, here they are, getting it anyway.

"I hate this place."

E... easy, okay? We can find a..."

"I want to go home" sobs Jimin in such a broken and disoriented end that Choonhe as well as Aeyoung don't know what to do to calm him down. "Here...here I'm not well" rubs his cheek with the back of his hand and sobs anxiously. "Here it's the same... it's... it's like there... and... and blood is everywhere."

Blood? What do you mean? What places?

Jimin shrinks in place, feeling warm liquid dripping down his neck Blood? Saliva? Sweat? It must be some of the former, after gnawing, it feels so thick.

"The... the nest... and... and the airport- It's the same here. I can't be here. they're going to kill me-they're-they're going to come for me." Jimin is in such absurd terror that he can't even explain it properly. Not without feeling that he won't be understood or that it will take some effort on his part to make himself understood. To talk and talk about how immense the monsters in his head are. Choonhe writes at full speed about it, he needs all the data he can get.

He must be well.

They must do everything possible for him to recover.

Jimin is so important on an individual level, just like Namjoon, that it is imperative to help him. Not to mention the attachment that has arisen naturally.

Let's take it one step at a time, shall we? What's going on with the nest? Why...?

"Hajun... he brings me food all the time and... and it bleeds, it's raw, I don't want any more raw meat... and... and feeling it on me..."

Aeyoung for his part prepares the morphine injection. The best thing they can do for him, is to sedate him so he can relax little by little. More effective than a painkiller. Unfortunately, he metabolizes them too quickly.

Do you understand that Hajun is not alive? You killed him.

"He's there. He's always there. He's inside me because I ate him."

Pardon?

"I... I ate him. I ate it."

Choonhe and Aeyoung look at each other with the same impression. One of the instructions given a long, long time ago to everyone in the science wing was to find out what caused the drastic change in Jimin. To bring a reason beyond the environment. After all, he is the only one with such an abrupt change.

Ea-eating- I mean, you devoured him like the Yagtalja do- Oh, I get it... that's- Listen... That doesn't mean it's there.

"She lies."

Actually, it's a fabrication of your mind because you're stressed. The you don't like the environment and makes you feel pressured, makes you relate and being defensive all the time. Believe me. It's not here.

"Lie. I'm here. i'm always going to be here to take care of Jimin. He's my female. I can't leave him." states Hajun with a smile and Jimin lifts his head.

He opens his eyes wide and what he finds, is Choonhe with his eye beads several, huge and round; they drip black blood and from his mouth, muscles and bones start to come out and transform into deformed and nasty monsters trying to get to him.

"JIMIN!"

Aeyoung stops him from falling to the ground, startled from his sudden fainting.

"How am I supposed to deal with the feeling and uselessness of not being able to get help when it's needed and can be accomplished?" Choonhe sometimes gets overwhelmed by Namjoon's questions. He's too self-conscious for his own good. She'd say that's his problem above all else. Closes the journal the man handed her, he's the most dedicated to writing what he thinks ay what's going on around him. "It's frustrating to see that there's too much that I can solve, that I can help and it's...not possible at the same time."

Like what?

"Prevent fights between others from becoming more intense, manage to make them feel at home." shuffles Namjoon and Choonhe crosses his leg.

Do you feel insecure here?

"Yes."

Why?

"We can't feel... well, at all at least, because they keep treating us like we're freaks," Namjoon explains as he rubs his chest and looks away. "The most dense and annoying part of it all, is feeling human. I ask myself all the time 'what am I,' because I don't feel able to ask myself 'who am I' anymore... And they just accentuate it."

Social acceptance is important, however, they should avoid paying attention to those things. Especially you, who are so committed to maintaining everyone's image.

"How can I do that if there's no escape? If the whole mass here, wants to attack us, they would be willing to kill us" Namjoon replies obfuscatingly. "It's not that I don't try to integrate, it's that no one gives us a chance. They treat us like savages they will never be able to live with."

They will have to.

"No. They won't and we can't either."

You can't deny yourself the probability.

"I can and I have to do it. I can't demand that others accept this lifestyle. We already survived horrible things and I know I can control one thing: getting a place where we can feel at home" He stands up and goes to get a glass of water, he is a little nervous. "I know that when I get it, I can feel good about myself... finally and without... regressing again."

Why?

"Because they've become a part of me" Namjoon leans against the wall, leaning his head back. The sunlight in the late afternoon illuminates him gracefully. The beige walls that seem so in tune with him. "And I can't be okay if they're not... I know it makes him dependent and it's bad to be dependent on other human beings... Still, I can't let go, not now, not after... so much... After..." lets out air, closing his eyes. "After feeling that we are like a single existence struggling to stand on our own two feet the best way we can."

How do you feel now?

"Lonely."

Ummm...

"I feel like the only one who can do anything... and this time I have to do it." Namjoon squints his eyes. "The others have gone through their own midpoints. They got all the obstacles out of my way... Tae killed a Yagtalja first, Hobi killed Junghwa, Jin got doctors and learned the workings of the groups, Yoongi lived through near death, Jungkook fought tooth and nail... Jimin did the unimaginable and... I've done nothing" He bites his cheeks for a moment. "I was afraid to leave our shelter because I was afraid of becoming a monster and maybe I won't get to be one, unlike them who don't know how to be human again. Not like I can be."

You are diminishing what you have transited.

"Not exactly."

You are... Although at the same time, I understand that you have great admiration for what they have been able to do, right?

"Yes. How I cannot? They are perfect" Namjoon doesn't avoid a soft laugh. "They are the strongest people I know; I think of them as a shell that protected me this far. It's a little silly" He shoves his hands in his pockets, "but I still want to get that replaced. Down to the last detail."

That's your goal?

"Yes. Along with finding out what I am."

You don't know?

"Maybe I'm a very cowardly, weak monster," he exhales. "Or a very strong and determined human. When I have that figured out, I'll be fine."

He closes his eyes and like so many other moments, he senses his thoughts coloring. They have long ceased to be red and black, it looks like a shade of purple or blue. The day he gets what he wants, he will have the name of that color.

Lonely:

I'm f*ckin' lonely
I'm alone on this island
So f*ckin' lonely
Somebody call me

In a moment of eternity
It's neatly packed here
I hate this h̷o̷t̷e̷l̷ ̷ room
I'm floating alone
This loud horn
As wide as the narrowed room
I'm trapped in myself

I tried a million times to let you go
So many memories are on the floor
And now I hate the cities I don't belong
Just wanna go back home

It would be nice to have a way to produce it. I think that's something I'm really missing too and that says, "No, you're not home yet."

"To Kim Nam-Joon and Park Ji-Min."

Namjoon is the one who takes the letter, Jin continues reading and stroking Jimin's hair. He had too many nightmares at night and in the long run, he didn't sleep at all. Accompanying him while he is dozing doesn't mean a problem. Jungkook keeps the picture of the hut hidden and tucked away, convinced that it might cheer him up a bit during this critical time of his mental health.

Namjoon opens the letter, the wording making him lean to the side, making sure to read it alone first. Taehyung tries to peek, but Namjoon and his huge back, as well as his height, prevent him from doing so.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION
PROJECT SANCTUARY.

Greetings to Kim Nam-Joon and Park Ji-Min, participants of Project Sanctuary. It is a pleasure to announce your approval to our project, as well as the beginning of the processing of your companions and yourselves to the facility.

A smile spreads on Namjoon's lips, lightly squeezing the paper. He folds it and puts it away again. He will finish reading it when Jimin wakes up. He too will want to know the good news.

He doesn't consider that this will be functional immediately, at most, within a week. It won't be a heavy wait, at least he hopes not. He knows from experience that everything can get screwed up in such a short time despite the course they have already experienced here.

"Well, what does it say?"

"Nothing they can know yet. Confidential." replies Namjoon. Yoongi rolls his eyes and continues on what he writes.

"You love to play mysterious." grumbles Jin with fake annoyance.

"A little, why would I deny it" he shrugs and takes place on the bed. "Be that as it may... we should call the others. Talk to them some more. They're having trouble with each other too. I'm sure here, it'll be more enjoyable.

"Yop wanted to go to the pool."

"And I wanted to dance." whines Taehyung and Hoseok in the same order. Jungkook shrugs.

"I'm fine as long as I'm with you guys. I don't care about space right now." comments Jungkook lost in his own thoughts. There is no trace of the operation anymore, at most, the hair they cut off.

"Then go get the others... let's eat the leftover ice cream."

Jungkook laughs, gets up and leaves to fulfill what Namjoon asked. Jimin takes a deep breath and from a chuckle in between dreams, squeezing the clean plush doll in the shape of Mang.

Chapter 21: Confidencial

Chapter Text

"You were so sound asleep, you didn't even notice we moved you here."

Jimin moves just like a sleepy cat, unwilling to even be awake and eager to go back to sleep. What he finds is not Jin's room, but the main garden of the shelter. It is a very nice change that he is not going to refuse, but he wants to sleep, so he settles better in Jin's lap. The elder laughs at that and Jimin scrunches up his face a little.

"Ow, we'll have to change the schedule from one end to the other. Maybe you're scared to sleep at night."

"I don't know. I just want to sleep more." he muses in a sleepy voice and getting another laugh out of Jin.

"Frankly, he's never going to wake up." hisses Namjoon. Off to the side are the others, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho eating strawberry shortcake; Yeosang, Wooyoung, Mingi and San playing something on cell phones and Jongho lying on the floor, asleep, getting stroked on the hair by Yeosang. Very occasional. In front of them, Yoongi, Jungkook, Taehyung and Hoseok playing with Bam. They throw a frisbee to each other and from time to time, they throw it further away so that the dog can go for it. This is the first time Yoongi can be seen so active.

Of course, it's his fault that he's now on a mission to be outside longer. Part of the recovery therapy is for him to regain confidence in the outdoors. It's not going so well, he needs huge compelling reasons to distract himself from thinking about it.

Namjoon closes his notebook, takes advantage of Jin having his other leg free and leans back on it. "I have only one hand now, so don't expect me to be able to stroke your hair or anything like that" The older one warns and Namjoon laughs, he just rolls over and dozes towards Jin's abdomen.

"I'm fine like this."

Jin shakes his head and leans back against the tree, reading his book. He's not going to be able to get up when they have to go inside. Already his left thigh is tingling and Namjoon is heavier than Jimin. This is going to be torturous.

Jungkook throws the frisbee too far, so Bam takes his time running for it. Yoongi blows air out of his hand and his legs are shaking from exerting himself for so long in a row.

It takes only those brief, poor moments for Yoongi to feel time stop, his lungs close up, his nerves stop working and his head screams at him that he must go. He is in danger, there are many threats here. All ready to come for him.

He gives a whimper, dropping and bringing his hands to his neck, unable to breathe at all and hearing his face crack like glass. Hoseok goes to sit next to him, makes him open his hands and sit up straight in his seat. Bam puts down the frisbee and climbs into the panic-stricken man's lap.

He lays his head on Yoongi's shoulder and stays there, Jungkook can't resist laughing at the way he looks sideways; Yoongi hugs the animal and breathes through his mouth, awkwardly, uselessly and almost stressful for them watching.

"Relax, it's all right." promises Hoseok gently. Taehyung drops to the floor to rest. When Yoongi is well, they will play again.

. . .

"Suppose it's a dome, which is open on top, but closed around-"

"Do you want to clean up my vomit or something?" asks Yoongi with annoyance. Wooyoung pouts, shrinking in place as he moves his food.

"I was just asking. I wanted to help a little bit. Don't look at me ugly."

"What about a crystal place? For practice." Yoongi rolls his eyes. He doesn't want to listen to plan to solve his phobia of open spaces.

Eventually he can, being rushed isn't going to do any good. Just to stress him out more than he already is.

"Are you going to tell us what the letter is from?" asks Jin and Namjoon is left with food in his mouth. Jin gives Jimin a light tug on his arm, with the other one barely eating. He's still very sleepy. "He's awake now."

"I have to talk it over with him alone first."

"Letter?" repeats Hongjoong. "Do you guys get mail of any kind?" Surprise shows in all of them and some who overhear the conversation, try to decipher everything that is said. Unfortunately they are fixing the greenhouse today, so they have to eat in the dining hall. "Considering we're pretty much dead to the world, it's weird."

"No. Just the two of them." informs Jin pointing a thumb at them. Namjoon shrugs.

"I'll talk to them after the subject.... Jimin!" The named startles and is left with full cheeks as well as a spaghetti dangling. "They warned something. We'll read it after we finish eating."

"Avi- Ah! That...! How many months do we have here? Does anyone know how to count?" he mutters looking at the ceiling for a moment.

"We have six and a half months," Seonghwa replies crossing his arms on the table. "They haven't felt too much. That's lucky" He smiles exhausted and tense. "The only thing they've made it long is-"

He remains silent and wrinkles his face, with something that impacted against his back. It is liquid and cold. He drops his head and turns, not finding who might have thrown it.

"Clearly, children have more intellectual capacity than adults" grumbles Hoseok taking a pile of napkins for Seonghwa to dry off a bit. He takes off his jacket and puts it aside. "Looks like they didn't make it out of high school."

"That's already a lot of praise. I'd say they didn't go to one to begin with," Mingi contributes grumpily.

"They keep throwing things, writing and damaging things" San replies shaking his head. "We're glad you didn't do anything to your doors. We've cleaned ours more than ten times each." he complains scratching his head.

"Scratch the doors?" repeats Hoseok.

San pulls out his cell phone, opens the gallery and hands over the device. Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook look at the same thing: huge scratches with paint on the walls and doors: get out of here, you don't belong here, you're monsters, you're abominations. Sick. fa*ggots. It's an insatiable amount of stupidity. San puts the device away and Hoseok clicks his tongue.

"Did they complain?"

"Yes, but without the person who did it, nothing can be done. Obviously no one wants to take the blame for that," Hongjoong explains overwhelmed. "They've checked the cameras, but whoever it is, they cover them all the time before they do those things. They've had to clean the lens more than seven times."

"You can tell there's not much to do here. They can waste their time being idiots" Namjoon mutters and rests his cheek on his palm. The empty plate in front of him. "Never mind" He closes his eyes. "They can rot as they see fit...they don't even dare to come face to face again. They know we'd finish them off in a second."

"Does that make you proud?" replies Yunho in surprise.

"A little... Wanting to get back to normal doesn't mean I'm going to put up with being made less so again" He smiles broadly and confidently. "Just a little more and everything will be better than ever. Even better than here."

It generates uneasiness and expectation in them how confident Namjoon is that there is "something better. "Jin is convinced that it has to do with the letter and that which he and Jimin are hiding so much. Hopefully it will be unveiled soon, at this rate, he'll have another hand coming out just to bite his nails from impatience.

. . .

Jimin hugs several of the small plush dolls and Namjoon jumps onto the bed, pulling out the letter he received several hours ago already. Jimin leans back against the backrest and waits for Namjoon to read it.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION
SANCTUARY PROJECT.

Greetings to Kim Nam-Joon and Park Ji-Min, participants of Project Sanctuary. It is a pleasure to announce your approval to our project, as well as the start of the processing of your escorts and yourselves to the facility. This may take from one to two months due to the number of people who will be entering and occupying in the estimated territory.

Details to note:

- Behavior in the type two shelter should continue to be good and collaborative.

- All of your companions should be kept in line and unaware of relocation plans ahead of time, in order to prevent the spread of information regarding this project.

- Confidentiality will continue to be monitored by the staff and security of the shelter where they are located.

- The subject(s) to be processed within this project are expected to provide all information they have about Alphas, their reproduction and behavior; as well as to provide the samples they are able to provide.

- One day a week blood samples will be taken from those directly affiliated to the project. Depending on their sex, other types of samples will also be required: eggs, sperm, encephalic fluid. All this for scientific purposes and supervised by the respective providers of the samples.

- No aggression inside or outside the project will be forgiven since the arrival of this letter.

- Mandatory psychological screening of all participants and guests.

Sincerely: Eleonora Bernoulli, head of Project Sanctuary.

"Sounds easy enough" opines Namjoon folding the paper and putting it away in the letter again. Jimin hugs the plush dolls and is partially covered in them. "What are you worried about?"

"What if I mess it up? I'm really good at that..." he mumbles, uneasy.

"You're not going to. Aeyoung keeps an eye on you and knows that whatever you do, it's totally caused by your problems still in process" Namjoon isn't worried about Jimin. He worries him a little more Jungkook. He hopes he won't have any relapse two months from now, which is the safest date. He doesn't trust that it will be any time soon. "Listen," he asks approaching Jimin and he looks into his eyes. "It'll be-okay."

Jimin pouts and Namjoon pulls his face up, giving him a light kiss on the lips and smiling soon after. He is overwhelmed that Namjoon is so confident and doesn't avoid saying": I'm so envious that if you can feel good.... Even when I try to, I just feel bad." he repeats averting his gaze.

"Everyone takes their time."

"What if I don't fix myself? And yes... I'm too broken to be rebuilt."

Jimin bites his lips, waits for Namjoon to say something about it. Namjoon tucks a lock of hair behind his ear.

"Even if so what does it change that I love you and wouldn't abandon you?" He takes Jimin's cheek and strokes it with his thumb. Jimin believes that, because he is incurable or too dangerous, they will set him aside.

That they are going to abound him again. However, it is so unlikely and impossible. He would never give it up. Neither would the others. Indifferent to the fact that they may have to be on the lookout for the rest of their lives. Of course, part of it comes that he believes they still love him for what he was before The Fall and that, if he doesn't return to that, he will be unlovable.

Doubt he understands, accepts and validates.

Even though it is totally wrong.

"I love you being what you are now, baby. When you feel better about yourself, I'm sure you're going to believe me...until then, keep that in mind at least." Jimin nods. That can do it.

"Before we start with this interview I must inform you of the following: you are an eligible subject to participate in Project Sanctuary" Vanya announces, surprising Namjoon who barely finishes sitting down. The camera next to her is turned off, on the contrary, there is one placed on the other side and looking much more sophisticated. "It will not be possible to give information unless you affirm your total confidentiality on the subject."

"It's... Is it okay?" he mumbles a little confused. Vanya stretches out a contract for him and it takes Namjoon almost ten minutes to read it. It's very long. All of it is warnings of what can happen in case of breaking confidentiality. He signs still hesitant, but not thinking it will be complicated to keep it.

"Good "Vanya keeps the signed contract. "I can tell you that Jimin agreed to participate. You can take it as an incentive if you like" Namjoon bites his lips for a moment Did Jimin agree? He came out crying from here. he doesn't know how lucid he could have been for that. "It was discussed before starting with the interrogation that left him in a very sensitive state. If that's what's troubling him."

"Indeed."

Vanya interlaces her fingers and lays her hands on the table.

"Project Sanctuary is a secret initiative started by Representative Eleonora Bernoulli" Namjoon squints his eyes. The Italian. The only one who seemed to take Jimin seriously from the first instant. "In alliance with General Mikhail and Maribeth Alexandra Vaughs" she adds. "This is a specific and secret shelter where the nature of the Alphas and their victims are studied."

"You know about the Alphas?"

"Hardly now. General Mikhail included me to make sure you guys decided to accept, if possible this time" Namjoon gives a snort. He doesn't know what to think Mikhail already knew? "I'll explain further: the only one aware of the existence of the Alphas, was Mrs. Eleonora. Her son-in-law was the first one affected alive and when she applied to be part of this international movement, she started Project Sanctuary knowing that there would be more people like him.... just like you."

"And what does she do with that, why doesn't she disclose it?"

"Because she's afraid they will multiply. She's afraid that people will want to carry out the project of multiplying them en masse... Ms. Maribeth joined shortly after opening the project and General Mikhail didn't have faith that it could be real until he was in shelter six with you" Namjoon doesn't avoid laughing at that. That explains his surprise and confusion so exaggerated, as if he wants to deny it, rather than be entirely in denial. "This is about an effort to study the situation and bury the likelihood of the Alpha proliferating at the sickening rate they have."

"That makes me think there are a lot of victims," he said.

"Yes. Though I must say that none of them seem to have shared much time with an Alpha, unlike you who have greater experience."

Namjoon averts his gaze for a moment. Jimin had entire years with Hajun behind him. Needless to say, that's a very long contact. However unfamiliar he was the first two? Or three first years.

"If you agree to be part of this project you will have the following benefits" Vanya takes a piece of paper and starts reading: "land necessary for him, the companion or companions he wants to bring, thus preventing the lack of privacy that normal shelters have" Namjoon opens his eyes wide A house of his own? "The possibility of inhabiting the safest and most aware area with respect to the disease and its entire threat; contact with the outside world on a continuous basis, omitting of course talk of the project; providing support for the cause of exterminating the Alphas; psychological care; continuous reports of progress in the extermination procedure."

You can see why Jimin agreed to participate. Sounds perfect and reasonable. He assumes they'll want his blood and maybe other fluid samples -or extract his uterus again-, but it's totally worth it if they want to eradicate that specific pest.

The Yagtalja are a problem, but not like the Alphas.

Nothing is going to overcome the deadly threat they are. The possibility of them outnumbering a reasonable number and suddenly, they're the dominant species on the planet.

"Everyone else will be able to go with us? I mean, all my boyfriends" Vanya nods, wanting to gloss over the term. She thinks she misunderstood. "What about Atee*z?"

"They're also admissible. They made contact with the Alphas didn't they?" Namjoon nods. Wooyoung must have one less eye for it. "The project recruits only you two for a reason: you're the only ones who had one inside you, forming."

Namjoon clenches his fists, cursing under his breath. Sure, Jimin had the wound on his abdomen exposing that they removed his uterus, plus he also tells what the doctor did in the shelter. They are more exposed than they would like.

"This information will be totally eradicated as a precaution" Vanya reports, "but it remains current in the project records... I should add what, any experience with Alphas, is valuable and will be well remunerated. So when the time is right, only when you are allowed, you should encourage your colleagues to be collaborative? Do you wish to participate?"

"Yes. Of course I do."

"I got a little scared today."

"Just a little?"

"Yes."

Hoseok kisses him, hugging him and moving between Yoongi's legs. Soft, calm lunges, barely making any noise at all in it. Yoongi scratches his back a little, anxious.

"But I'm glad you're perking up to come out" he admits panting, Yoongi purses his lips and one eye, vibrating with pleasure. "You're doing great."

He covers his mouth and lowers his gaze, chagrined. Hoseok can't hold in his laughter. "Now I'm a damn dog to be told you did well." complains Yoongi and Hoseok pushes his hand away.

"It's just that you're very good, very good," he says in a nasal, mocking voice. Yoongi pushes him off and is left on top of the other. Hoseok grabs him by the thighs and gives light thrusts, barely moving; Yoongi goes up and down on what partner's manhood and keeps a mock annoyance in his expression. "Feels great, baby." moans Hoseok, his right hand moves to the producer's manhood and jerks him off enthusiastically. Yoongi grits his teeth, increasing his pace a little.

With pleasurable shivers running through his entire body.

Chapter 22: Danger

Chapter Text

A pleasant shiver runs down Jungkook's spine, with a goofy smile adorning his face. hands on Taehyung's thighs and barely moving. He doesn't have much need: Jin is the one doing all the work, behind Taehyung who, with misty eyes and lack of reasonable awareness, just moans and asks for what he wants.

So perfectly acclimated and happy to have both of them inside him. Jin rests his chin on Taehyung's shoulder, panting softly and with his hand, masturbating the hardened, wet member, with seminal fluid oozing out of the glans.

Jungkook props himself up on his elbows and Jin pushes Taehyung lightly, thus allowing the younger man to kiss the hot, flushed chest, where the heart beats desperate to pump enough blood. Taehyung squeezes his eyes and lips, his climax coming far away, as some of it remains on Jungkook's chest.

Taehyung collapses on top of him, who laughs a little because of that and Jin smiles slyly.

"How spoiled you've gotten."

"I know I was molested by a woman back there...stuck in the cave," Jungkook mutters, stretching out in the chair, "but I don't remember. I don't remember anything. Just some of the weight."

Have you had any problems having sex these past few months? Or have you not been able to have any kind of activity?

"Yes. Yes I have been able to. I just...I don't remember anything," he admits a little overwhelmed by it. "The same thing happened when I got angry: suddenly nothing exists in my head anymore. They are mental gaps that I don't want to fill, I don't want to think about them, but why does it happen, is it normal?" Jungkook is scared of that part. Choonhe smiles kindly at him.

It is natural for human beings to want to obviate certain events, so they feel safe, so they avoid falling into despair. What has happened to you is more specific: you focus so much on performing an action unconsciously that you override your own thinking. Your capacity of retention stops and therefore, you do not remember it... I consider that the most appropriate thing is that you do not fall into those details. You are aware of the event and that is enough... How did your head feel?

"Good. It still hurts, but it's not horrible. I can take it... and I haven't broken anything in all this time, so I think it's something."

Have you thought about doing it?

"Too many times."

We need to keep working on that then.

"Yes can I?"

Wooyoung can't seem to bear his own excitement that Jimin let him join in those solo dancing sensations. It comes from having warmed up and praying that the other would say yes. Aeyoung puts the music back on and being on par, they start. Neither of them do it equally and Jimin tries to see the reflection. He sees what Wooyoung is doing and decides whether he likes it or not, whether he imitates it or not.

There are a couple of things Jimin liked most about him, a couple of problems he perceived. Tiny things that put his dancer side to work. Being careful, Wooyoung doesn't issue comments regarding Jimin, at most that something hurts or what bothers him about himself when moving. Wooyoung also avoids going to hug or touch Jimin.

Each one goes about his business, without disturbing, without judging, without bothering. It's phenomenal and very enjoyable. After finishing, Jimin drops on top of him, slowly sliding to the floor with Wooyoung laughing.

"Ayyyy... Now my whole body hurts... we need to put a stopwatch on." whines Jimin, his hair messed up in the ponytail he made for himself before starting.

"It would be for the best, we missed the snack."

"AAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY."

Wooyoung laughs and at that moment, he can't resist hugging him. Indifferent to how sweaty they are. Jimin pouts. Too bad, there was fruit salad today.

When we left the rooms this morning, there were things written on the walls and doors. It was pretty disgusting. Miscreants with nothing better to do, I guess. I know Jungkook started looking for a way to fix it and even though my gut started hurting, I left him to it.

This not putting myself in charge of everything is creating physical pain for me. He didn't remember me being so melodramatic.

We mentioned the problem, but again, they have not been able to find out who did it. We also felt that as long as it doesn't get really serious, it doesn't matter. We can fix the damn wall. What I don't think will be avoided is that if I find out who did it, I'll drag them myself to the cells they have.

Maybe with that they won't bother anymore.

You want to burn things?

"People." Hoseok corrects and Choonhe's eyes widen in shock.

You hadn't said anything to me about it until now.

"It's just that" Hoseok pouts his lips, a slight pout and almost teasing on his part. "Until now I hadn't felt the need...it used to happen to me a lot before. Any problem I had: let's burn it all down! Let's burn, let's burn!" he jokes smiling, in contrast to the psychologist who is worried.

In what situations did it happen? Do you think there is a specific reason why you developed this tendency?

"Well" Hoseok blinks repeatedly with raised eyebrows. "I wasn't immune before. It was red. I was normal. Weird problem with vaccines back in the day... So they wouldn't let me go out. They wouldn't let me do anything either. They were afraid I wouldn't heal, they were afraid I'd get bitten and it almost happened once" he admits pulling up his lower lip. Ah, he still remembers that ambush Ming set on them. "You can tell I wasn't special like them."

Choonhe crosses his leg. That explains why Hoseok's samples are much less strong than the others.

"And I realized that the fire could do the job for me. I didn't have to get too close, I didn't have to expend energy, I didn't have to put myself at risk... Just watch everything burn!" he exclaims with a smile. "And so I could help them... they had too much on them and they wanted to take care of those problems "he bites his lips and pulls his eyebrows together. "Burning things-burning people, those who threatened us, was right up my alley. It was the abrasive, lethal force that we didn't have and maybe couldn't ever have."

You worry me that you admit to having the urge to do that now why is that? Do you feel vulnerable again? What makes you feel that way?

"They keep bugging us and it's starting to get...quite irritating."

Burning a person for painting your wall with insults is not a solution.

"I know. That's why I want you to help me get that out of my head." Hoseok smiles crooked and apologetic. "I really want to get better. I want to be well. I want to... feel happy, but I can't. Not with them yelling at me that I'm a monster...I'm not. I know I'm not. Hearing it will only make me think again."

Choonhe nods. That's a pretty good and correct reflection on his part.

You're doing very well Hoseok... I'll try to find a solution.

"Come paint with me."

Jimin is surprised by Jungkook's sudden invitation. He has noticed him a bit distant and he knows why: he wants to stop feeling like a danger. He knows he's very prone to rage and that, while he hasn't hurt anyone or anything else, the possibility is present. Until he feels well in control, he prefers to keep a healthy distance.

Jimin appreciates it. He thinks well of him. He does not want to burden him with his own concerns and problems. It is possible to say that it is an attitude they have taken together: reduce contact to put their health first.

And once they are well, to be together properly.

There are their exceptions. Hoseok and Namjoon are the most common to interact without exceptions; in addition, Taehyung and Jin follow them on that scale. Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin are more isolated.

The ones who undoubtedly, have the most trouble putting their heads in one place, one that is not murky and corrosive. Jimin wants to be confident that perhaps, the three of them could be better and healthier when they go to Italy. There they would have invaluable aspects: privacy, autonomy and no one to press on the wound.

"Paint?" Jimin repeats quietly. Jungkook nods.

"You know they made messages on the wall" Jimin nods. It was a nasty surprise this morning. Not only on the doors, but also on the walls in front of the rooms. "I asked for permission and they said I can make a mural of whatever I want...as long as it's not obscene, rude or inciting hatred."

"Obviously," Jimin scoffs and sits back in his seat, swaying with his legs braced. "I don't know what to paint. I already forgot how to make it pretty." he admits apologetically. Jungkook shrugs.

"It's making something that decorates and looks normal. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece... I made this sketch." he pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

Jimin flips it over, he had it upside down. It's a whale with lots and lots of stars and it looks like there are people on its back. Several notations about the colors, also some more details.

"I can make stars."

"Then I make the whale." he smiles wrinkling his nose.

Jimin laughs and Aeyoung does too, happy that he didn't have to step in to encourage him to participate, instead of just lying here doing nothing, just lying on his bed for lack of desire. Jungkook plans to give him the painting when he finishes the mural. He hasn't been able to do so because he feels it lacks things, but Choonhe scolded him for his desperation for perfectionism.

Finished mural + painting delivered = Jimin happy.

I saw that Jungkook is preparing a mural.

"Yes. It was a good surprise this morning" Namjoon shrugs. "I thought he was going to get too angry. On Jimin's door they put 'whor*' all over the place and he's always more sensitive to whatever happens with Jimin."

I noticed that, among you, there are divisions.

"Yes. Taehyung and Jin tend to hit it off more; Yoongi is incapable of being too far away from Hoseok, they are opposites that attract; I have a kind of soft spot for Jungkook and Jimin" He bites his cheeks for a moment. "We're all seven of us okay in the end, though."

Yeah. I know. It just struck me as curious. Polyamorous relationships don't usually work out because of displacements.

"Yeah... at first it scared me that that would happen, but I realized that we're desperate for each other without exception" he laughs ruefully about it. "We've never had a problem with that. Never. Only...in sex, but that's less relevant. It's fixed soon enough."

Have you ever been able to be intimate?

"Just once. With Jin. I haven't felt like it much."

Do you think it has something to do with what happened at the time?

"I think so...I still don't feel ready to be in a position like that" Namjoon scratches his chest and crosses his leg. "I still don't want to expose my body to that. I'm still in the process of not despising it and considering it a used object."

Good. If we continue the way we're going, before you know it, you won't think of something like that again.

"Jungkook offered to help me paint the wall, but I had to say no."

Why not?

Jin raises his wrist and gives her a bad look. Is this a joke?

"I still don't know how to use my left hand and yes, I like to be a clown to make them more entertained, happier, but I'm not going to bother with this." he replies irritated and Choonhe exhales leaning towards him.

We've talked a lot about it, but I don't see you working hard enough at letting go of that mask of joy and perfection you want so badly to keep around them. They know you, they love you Why do you pretend with them too?

"Because I'm the oldest" Jin doesn't know how to get his point across. With the public he kept a mask, a certain falseness. Nothing too big. Just being more outgoing than he really is. More skilled and confident than he really is. He must be this way because he must set an example of strength to others, give the sense that he is getting by despite being almost as broken as he was on day one. "I must be better than them."

No. You must be you. If you really care so much about what they might think, what they should copy from you: you would leave the most authentic and vulnerable part out in the open and let them know, that, just as you are healed and making an effort for that, so should they. This way, you will only end up hurting yourself and them... if you are not well, if you don't love yourself, you won't be able to love anyone else.

"But-"

Don't you think that's what they deserve? Don't you think that's what you deserve? The best, most charming version of yourself for being well.

Jin purses his lips, feeling his eyes watering.

"Sunbae Do you think this is enough?" asks San putting down the last two cans of paint. Jungkook puts his hands on his waist and looks at the pile. It's almost twenty cans, lots and lots of paint and who knows how much more.

"I think we're still missing paint. It's also the doors." he points to the side and San stretches his lips. Mingi, who places and sticks newspaper on the floor so as not to stain it complains quietly. He must put there, too.

"Something tells me we won't finish today." opines Seonghwa in an exhausted sigh.

"Look on the bright side Something to do!" exclaims Wooyoung excited about this.

"Pass me another pencil, this one died on you."

"Sunbae, there are many pencils why did you use that one?" scolds Wooyoung handing another pencil to Jimin. He's the one sketching on the wall. Amazingly less crooked than he expected of himself.

"It'll take... A week maybe?" opines Hongjoong with his hands on his hips. "Sounds good to me. It's not something we have to spend all day on, we agree on a schedule and all good."

"I hope to finish this one" admits Jungkook reddening. "The one in my room was left incomplete."

"CERTAIN!" exclaims Taehyung holding his hand to his head and Bam barks, thinking he's playing. "I had completely forgotten about that."

"We are more than ten people working on the same thing, it can be accomplished." grumbles Yoongi, who does something totally separate on the wall. To fill the entire white-painted space effortlessly-to cover everything in the meantime-they decided to mix several things. While Jungkook's mural is the main one, everyone can do whatever they like best.

And don't interfere with anything others plan to do.

Are you scared to be around children?

"No."

Do you think you would hurt them?

"No."

Do you like having them around? Regardless of their sex.

"Yes."

Would you consider them part of the hardest moment in the whole experience?

"I think... I can overlook everything I did," Jimin admits in a low whisper, "I can say that everything... I can get over it, I can put it aside, but... The one thing I'll always remember, the one thing that will always haunt me besides feeling them touch me... is that I couldn't do anything for them. I could only kill them...

If it makes you too uncomfortable, we can leave the session until here.

"Sometimes I have nightmares because of the girls" He covers his mouth for a moment, hunched over with the memory so vivid. "Because they were watching me...they...they...they thought I came in to play with them or that I was going to do something else...they were screaming until the last one."

Choonhe was aware that complicated people were coming and yet she is a volunteer to work here. However, it makes her extremely uncomfortable and even sensitive to hear what this group has come. Specifically Jimin with the explanations of what happened.

It's so heavy...

No wonder he feels so overwhelmed. It is the clearest sign that he is a good person. Someone with a deep sense of humanity.

Did you have any contact with them before all this?

"Yes... they called me sonsengnim or Jiminim."

Jimin tries to wipe his cheeks.

"The teachers would let me be there...and sometimes they just wanted to play with me- At one point the glass walls broke, I...I filled them with blood and made them walk to a safe area. I let them bite me so it wouldn't happen to them, I even went back for some that stayed behind" It is even bitter to remember that the Yagtalja are such a banal and minimal threat to him now. He who used to be so afraid of them and find it so hard to fight them. "I adored them... they were... they were the only thing that made me feel good back there."

What's going on now then, why are you having such a hard time integrating even around them?

"I don't want to be a freak to them too. I don't want to ruin it with them too." he sobs in anguish at the probability What if his parents convince them he's someone bad?

He couldn't bear to see more horror in childish looks. In beings who wouldn't hurt him, who never did, and who meant him respite. Just like the animals: Bam and Niuk; Yeontan, Mon, Holly and Mickey who noticed him entering the school. Maybe it doesn't make too much sense, but just when it seems like all the problems are on the table, his head pops up a new one.

"Are they painting something?"

Jimin varies his gaze from the can of paint he went to throw away and to the group of children. They were playing in the garden a moment ago and now, they came up to it which is full of paint. He opens and closes his mouth before smiling at them.

"Do you want to come?" he asks in awkward English.

. . .

Jin doesn't paint. Not even with this running for two days now and the repeated offer. What he does do, is stand by the children to help them with the paints and brushes they may need. As well as praising what they do. First it was five, then eight and suddenly, they had all twenty kids from the shelter here.

Including the girl who knows Jimin.

She has kept a safe distance from him, but Jimin has also forced himself not to get upset with her around. Choonhe has already warned him that, at some point, he will take her to a session. After all, Jimin needs to learn about reality. Not get caught up in misconceptions.

The child psychologist assured that the girl is fine. She has no negative after-effects and no bad image of the Idol. It's just a matter of Jimin accepting it. Eventually she would make it.

"Is it Whalien?" asks Namjoon, looking up from his book.

"Yep. That's why it's purple." informs Jungkook with a huge grin.

"Are you going to put the letter down?" asks Taehyung curiously and Namjoon nods.

"Wait until I correct it a bit. It must be good."

"Everything you do is good." says Taehyung nonchalantly.

"And when it's not, you find out after two minutes." comments Yoongi, dedicated to painting that imperial palace. Taehyung isn't quite sure what he's doing, other than there seem to be dozing people and a huge, green dragon. It's weird.

He's not going to argue with Yoongi's imagination and plans.

That's dangerous.

San, Wooyoung and Yeosang help with the whale. It's too big and making sure everything is even also costs; Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Jongho paint the doors; Mingi and Yunho are with the kids. Bam has also done a lot, a nice footprint path in a clean area, but that doesn't matter if they paint.

It's funny how proud he's barking about getting more paint all over his paws to put them there. It's a very comfortable environment. Especially with the ambient music Aeyoung puts on. Making sure that if they raise their voices too much, it's noticed and they lower it. The overriding rules of the shelter is that stillness.

Being that everyone here has PTSD to a greater or lesser extent.

Jungkook puts down the paintbrush steps back to look at the mural. He already did the people sitting on the whale and to his sketch, he added a pirate ship that is smaller and has little people on it, waving at the huge whale. Needless to say, Atee*z was touched to be included in it.

At the same time, out of the corner of his eye, he notices people at the entrance to the hallway. He decides to ignore them. Whatever they have to say, it must not be important. Had he watched a little longer, he would have noticed that they have something in their hands. There are six of them.

All with the same thing: low-powered fireworks.

The faint crackling sound makes Namjoon look up and open his eyes wide:

"WHAT THE FU...!"

The shrieks are no comparison to the explosive sound they leave behind. So loud in the hallway that it accidentally echoes. Jimin's ears become a never-ending ringing and immediately after, what follows is the uproarious laughter of that group. Proud to have caused such a scare for everyone there.

"LOOK, HE'S CRYING!"

"How ridiculous!"

"I told them at least one would cry."

Jungkook reluctantly drops the paintbrush and walks towards them, the veins in his neck straining as well as his arms. His head throbbing, listening to the shocked and terrified whimpers of Jimin who holds his head, thinking bombs are falling again. Aeyoung and Jin rush to help him sit up and not get hurt, holding his hands.

Namjoon takes a closer look at Yoongi, who is trying to breathe and is having trouble containing his own panic attack: the sound is similar to when the ground fell out from under him, not to mention the laughter that makes him feel ridiculous.

"Relax, you're here. There's nothing bad happening." He holds onto Hoseok, terrified and tries to normalize himself. Bam jumps straight for Jimin, looking for Jimin to hug him to no avail from how oblivious he is to his real surroundings.

"Is he okay?" asks one of the girls, terrified and with the cat tucked into the robe she wears for painting.

"Yes. He's going to be-"

It's impossible not to turn to where the thump came from, as well as the screaming and arguing. Namjoon gets up and goes in that direction, almost trotting. They try to run away, Jungkook won't let them, grabbing one by the hair and slamming him against the wall, knocking him to the ground and kicking him in the side so hard that he breaks two ribs.

The one who tries to defend his companion is grabbed by the shirt and receives a blow that makes his lip bleed immediately. Of the six, two run for help, the others try to help without getting more than being beaten brutally and quickly. Namjoon grabs Jungkook, passing his arms under the opponents, grabbing him by the head and pulling him back.

"GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME NOW! LET GO-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU CAN'T!"

He snorts and rubs his jaw, Jungkook headbutting him and now free, he falls on the one on his back, grabbing him by the neck and hitting him again. Again and again. His teeth clenched, eyes wide open; his knuckles crack, blood splatters on his face, clothes, hands and when security arrives along with a couple of orderlies, the first thing they do is surround Jungkook and inject him with painkillers.

Even at the cost of him hitting them in attempts to free himself.

"Oh no..." Jin mutters, getting to his feet. You don't have to be there to see the problem. They are ten meters away and yet, he hears Jungkook yelling and growling.

"Tell me please what can help us with this?" asks Hoseok to Aeyoung who opens and closes his mouth. Jimin hugs Bam, so they can already take for granted that their displacement is over, not so the restlessness and the possibility of more nervous reactions.

"It's... it's probably..."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Namjoon says to the nurse. He doesn't have anything really serious. His jaw hurts when he speaks, though. "He- they came out of nowhere-"

"He doesn't have a pulse! We've got to get him to the infirmary fast!"

Namjoon is left with the word in his mouth and looks down at Jungkook, who face down on the floor is panting like a rabid, gagged animal; barely numb from the tranquilizer. He curses between his teeth. This is not what they need at this very moment.

"HE ATTACKED US! THEY'RE LIKE AN ANIMALS!" whines one of the pair who fled in time. Namjoon doesn't contain the urge to fight this time.

"We!? We were in there painting! You exploded fireworks that clearly can't be used in here! Not with people with PTSD! Why don't you say that part!?" He provokes with a gesture that surprises those present. They have never seen Namjoon like this.

"We were just playing around. You...!"

"We weren't doing anything!" argues Namjoon, guttural with clenched fists and such a way that startles them. "So they'd come with their imbecilic jokes. They know perfectly well what's going on They've taken it upon themselves to make us look like sick animals all these months! They know Jungkook is unstable, they know Jimin is unstable and they're just taking advantage of it to shut us out... It's not going to happen. Try again and this will be the least they'll worry about."

They turn away from Jungkook and Namjoon carries him, he has to get him to the infirmary as well and hopefully get some way to get a guard with them as well. They have one more month and one more week here.

He's not going to miss the chance to leave because these people, they think they're superior or they can play all the practical jokes they want.

Chapter 23: A lil' bit of light

Chapter Text

"This is the second time you have been here and to make matters worse, on this occasion, you almost murdered the person you attacked Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"I would have wanted to kill them all for what they did." Jungkook is not good at lying and even less so when he is still unresponsive. He doesn't know where he is. He has no mind of his own. He has to go back to the others.

He has to make sure Yoongi is okay.

He has to make sure Jimin is okay.

They both got so scared.

They scared them, they wanted to hurt him, they wanted to make fun of them and he's not going to let something like that happen. A million years from now. He moves his hands, bandaged and cuffed as a precaution. Those who brought him to the office consider him a potential danger to be kept well guarded.

Jungkook is capable of hitting, injuring and even killing anyone who gets close to him. It will be very difficult for him to even recognize others. He wants to hit things. He wants to take out the rage inside him. As if those explosions in the hallway, caused that mess in his head.

Too obvious a provocation, too annoying. He lets out a deep breath of air and notices for the first time who is in front of him. He doesn't see if he has a real face. Not at all:

He sees the image he formed in his mind of Leeseung.

With the military uniform and all. The only difference is that it is one of those dress uniforms. The ones they usually use to go to events and present themselves, where their medals are. With every blink he gives, he becomes different, there is something else in the environment or in him.

"This confession is very serious, Mr. Jeon."

There is blood on the hands of the opponent.

"We cannot allow this kind of threat in the shelter." he informs sternly.

There are several bottles of liquor on the table, also injections and a red dress half falling over the edge of the table.

"I do not yet possess the specific details of the altercation, but you should know..."

His room was dark, with many candles on two sides. It still amazes me to think it didn't catch fire. The bed faced the wall, just to one side of the door. The mattress was pretty good; the sheet was tidied up unless I was in there...

The sheet is rumpled and this place, dark with barely any illumination from the candles.

"That indifferent to them, must be punished for what happened. Four wounded, one who almost died..."

Bloody knives on the table.

Unkempt suit.

"And he's in intensive care indefinitely. The other two, in intensive care for broken ribs, broken arms, destroyed faces... All this is good for an expulsion!"

He is more disheveled now, to the point where you can see his scratched shoulders, shirt damp with sweat. He gets up from the table and Jungkook chases him with his eyes.

"And worse, an exile to any of the affected areas, for being considered too dangerous to be kept" Jungkook opens and closes his mouth Why is he smiling, what's so funny to him? "And you'll be far... far away from here... letting him keep using Jimin as he pleases That's what you intend?"

Jungkook trembles, his teeth shivering and ending up being clenched until they're gritted. Leeseung laughs, mocking his rage.

"So..." He clicks his tongue, not varying his expression. "Come on, give me more excuses to throw you away from here. Stop-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I'M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHERf*ckER! I'M GONNA...!"

He is held by the collar. He squeezes his eyes shut, his oxygen is cut off and close to fainting, he is released. When he opens his eyes, everything is as it should be: the same guy as last time, the white room with just the table in the middle, the papers on the table. It's so normal. So easy. So... indifferent. Still, Jungkook doesn't feel calm.

He needs to hit something because otherwise, he won't be able to stop his head and his whole body from aching.

"I'll take it from here" Choonhe reports with a folder in her hands. "I'm also surprised to have to intervene myself. You know perfectly well you can't deal with patients in a neurotic fit."

"He almost murdered someone. He's not just a patient. He's a threat."

"I'd say the threat is neutralized in the infirmary." Choonhe extends the file and the man reluctantly takes it. "They could have caused a fire or worse, injured one of the children there. My patient reacted as they knew he could and yet they did... He will not go unpunished, of course, nevertheless, you should be concerned about them."

What is in the folder, are images from security footage. You could see how these six people looted the warehouse with fireworks. They are kept there for festivities or outdoor activities. Not enough with that, the premeditation to go and explode them in the hallway that was painted.

Unlike the walls of Hongjoong and company, this time, the camera was further away. They thought there was none: it was the same people, vandals with nothing better to do than disturb others. In keeping with the contemptuous spirit of the collective at the shelter.

"It comes in being a pitifully accidental reaction. Over the top, but normal and not unprovoked. So..."

"You're not going to be able to defend them all the time" he accuses pointing at her with the folder. "One more bad move and there's not going to be anyone to save you from being exiled. You'd better keep that in mind."

"Got it." The man withdraws and Choonhe is left alone with Jungkook. She lets out a sigh, leaning back on the edge of the table and looking heavily at Jungkook who still won't calm down.

"Let go of me. Now."

"No "Jungkook breathes harder. "I'm sorry to say that this time, I don't trust you not to hit me" she admits apologetically. "You heard what he said: this is the last time I'll be able to defend you. Hopefully, it won't be necessary if everything follows its expected course" Jungkook looks up and keeps opening and closing his hands. "I'll have to put you in intensive care," he says.

"Will I be able to hit something there?"

"Only mentally. Your thoughts. No hitting. No tantrums. No nothing. Got it?"

Jungkook gives a low, annoyed groan.

"While it is not his fault, Jungkook should have a three-week sanction. He will be isolated in the rooms in the south wing of the building" Jin was all too ready to complain. After all it's not anyone's fault that those people came to disturb! Namjoon stops him. "You have visiting permission, so it won't be total confinement either. Hopefully, this will help him feel under less pressure and provocation." concludes Choonhe."

"He already knows about this right?" asks Hoseok clasping his hands. "Is he already there? Can we go tell him we're okay? I'm sure he's still thinking it. He's very stubborn."

"In an hour the tour starts" Hoseok nods relieved at that. "You can't bring in any objects that can serve as weapons and you should also avoid subjects that might annoy him. After all, it is intended that he can control his anger, provoking it is not exactly the best method."

"You're sure that nothing is going to bother him there Right?" Taehyung squints his eyes and crosses his arms. "It's supposed to be quiet here and suddenly, there's almost a gunfight, floor and walls burnt.

"It'll be fine," Choonhe promises. "There's no unsupervised access to that area. In this section there is. There's not supposed to be any problems to begin with."

"Underestimating people's bad hearts huh?" says Namjoon with slight mockery at that.

"Expecting the best of them."

"It's better to be surprised by the good, for expecting the bad."

"Depressing."

"It's part of what has to be accepted."

Choonhe wishes didn't have to agree with Namjoon on this.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Jimin nods and Yoongi gives a snort. They give Jungkook a modern hanbok to wear inside this psych ward room. Neither of them like it, but at least it has a window and a TV, plus he can use his cell phone to play games.

Not so looking up whatever he wants, news and other things could upset him and that's what you want to avoid.

More like a psychiatric facility, it looks like a religious retreat. Jungkook has no specific feelings for it. He doesn't love it, he doesn't hate it either. He's just neutral. His only annoyance is that he can't keep the others protected if he doesn't see what's going on. What he's left with is trusting that they'll be okay out there without him.

They can't kill him. That's for sure. At most, they're going to bother them and Namjoon will be able to deal with it. "Sorry to cause trouble."

His mutter is a regretful and hurt one. Jimin shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't consider it Jungkook's fault. Not even when he came close to killing someone. He doesn't consider them to be good people, so they deserve to be in the hospital.

He keeps thinking that for the foolishness they wanted to accomplish, they could have made a fire, they could have killed people or damaged a very expensive building. It can be effectively said that being in the hospital is the deserved consequence of their actions. Yoongi takes something from the backpack Jimin was carrying.

"The kids sent you this. Plus some candy." Jungkook takes the small package and doesn't resist a smile, wrinkling his nose.

They are drawings they made imitating his own. they include heroes, other animals, airplanes, it's lots and lots of things that make him tender. They have messages on the backs and their clumsy signatures. Saying he's like a superhero who catches bad guys, who punishes them and a lot of things like that.

They don't see him as a monster.

Maybe they were scared, but they don't hate him.

They don't fear him either.

And that makes him very happy.

"And these. I told them they were your favorites."

"Ah, there will be no hospital food. It's not so bad to be here." celebrates Jungkook picking up the flan and Jimin laughs, giving it a friendly, gentle nudge.

Despite having Jungkook away and with a time limit to see him, they have managed to handle it quite well. Of course, they also know that he's doing his own foolish things there. He has always done well when he does things on his own. Almost better than when he's in a group and needs to do a lot of thinking.

Fortunately, because of the incident, he has stopped enough harassment. Perceiving them as a real threat makes them run away. They need to run away from them instead of confronting them. They had the peace of mind that, if they eventually did something, they would be expelled. The difference is that it didn't even happen by almost killing someone.

So, if they respond and win, they would be dead and Bangtan, still under the same roof with no problems. Some say it's favoritism, refusing to notice that, in reality, they should just let them be and focus on their own business.

Unlike usual, where everything usually gets worse, they are greeted with a nice surprise a week later. Choonhe announced that the seven of them should go to the new building. There is another dining hall, an auditorium and other facilities they could use, mainly a small miniature zoo to interact with the tame animals.

Even Jungkook had a day pass, which he must make up later, to be there.

Whatever part of the building is open, it is a gigantic crowd. All with backpacks of clothes and personal items just as they got them. The highlight is that they know these people.

"IT'S THEM!"

Suddenly, there's a whole crowd coming toward them. Not particularly reassuring to Yoongi or Jimin, who were nothing short of vomiting. Hoseok and Jin cover their eyes respectively, while those affected themselves cover their ears. Namjoon is the first to be almost knocked down, Jungkook is knocked to the ground and the scandal that is formed is immense.

It is about everyone who was in the shelter in Korea. All three shelters. It is impossible to count everyone who is here. Yugyeom, Minghao, Mingyu and Bambam with Jungkook; Seojoon, Hyungsik and Wooshik hugging Taehyung with all their might; Namjoon with Jackson about to leave him without a single intestine inside his chest area; Jin is dragged away by half of the Twice girls and Yoongi by the other half.

It's a constant babbling back and forth, no one understands almost anything in all of this. Jimin uncovers his eyes and opens his eyes, finding Wonho in front of him. His eyes water and he goes straight to him, hiding his face in his chest as he hugs him. Wonho lifts him off the ground, wiggling him a little from right to left. Matthew does so as soon as Wonho releases him.

"You see!" exclaims Wonho. "You did it! You made it this far!" his elation and smile couldn't be bigger. Jimin awkwardly mimics him, not letting go of Matthew and receiving the hair strokes from him.

"We knew you were coming. Even if you were late, it was obvious you were going to make it."

Truth be told, to have this level of recognition and hope, it was something I needed to hear from them .

. . .

"We were for about three months in a much smaller center," recounts Jihyo, who doesn't seem to know whether to eat or talk. "The food wasn't that good." she assures waving her cutlery and full cheek.

"But... Why?" asks Namjoon a bit surprised. He thought it would be a bit more automatic. That it took them a while to find them, nothing more.

"They wanted to test all of us" explains Momo. "Some psychological tests, make sure we were the group they left over there and not people who had taken it."

"I admit it still hurts to have left everything behind. We had just polished it off." mumbles Jackson pouting his lips.

"We did all the shots they left behind. We literally only enjoyed it for a month." Namjoon almost gets the drink and in fact, it goes up his nose. Hoseok and Jungkook break into laughter, banging the table violently in the process.

"They did everything?" emphasizes Jin, astonished. "How long have we been gone?" he asks quietly to Taehyung who shrugs with raised hands.

"Lasted two years and almost five months" replies Momo. "It was quite a lot, although from the information they gave, they got through their troubles... We don't blame them at all. We dealt with several hordes, but beyond that, no one showed up to bother."

"Yes. Actually, it was all very quiet." emphasizes Jackson in surprise.

"Not so, so, SO quiet. There were still a few thieves and invaders around," Jackson rolls his eyes at Seojoon's intervention, "nothing we couldn't handle on our own. That's the only thing I have to admit."

"They could deal with that." assures Yoongi nonchalantly.

"Not as easily as you guys. We took forever with everything," complains Jihyo. "Y'all made it look so easy."

"Thank you for validating my lack of sleep, dreams and trauma." Namjoon jokes.

"Suddenly a fighter jet arrived, alerted us that they asked for us and that we were to pick up the bare minimum. It was a chilling moment." admits Jennie suffering a shiver all over her body.

"We took the kids up first, then the ones with health issues we couldn't treat, and then we went last," Lisa comments, swinging the cutlery. "It was so chaotic, it didn't get any better here, but at least there's no grunting, no guards, no nothing" she emphasizes with a huge peaceful smile. "It was the best time in a long, long time," she says.

"Only the food tasted horrible." Jihyo repeats.

"Naturally. All the good food they have here." says Chaeyoung with full cheeks.

They laugh a bit for her. At another table, a little quieter and farther away, Jimin talks to Wonho and Matthew. He knows he can't talk about the project, and he wouldn't want to talk about what happened in the den either, but he has the urge to let them know what he knows about the Alphas. With them involved initially.

"Pregn...? Jimin Why didn't you tell us you were a Peulleieo?" asks Wonho quietly, almost hurt. "I think we could have figured it out earlier if you hadn't said."

"It's not something I would normally say. It's not something I'd want to be either. Besides... I wasn't supposed to have a uterus. It regenerated" They both give each other a look. The sudden panic that we could have gotten him pregnant and that he could have gotten pregnant. "Be that as it may... in the end by an accident, we were taken."

"Oh..."

They say nothing for a few seconds. Jimin bites his lips and threatens to cry.

"I was really scared there... sometimes I thought about how they were going to save me." he admits, it's a clumsy thing to do and that the others know. They are aware of the heightened level of hallucinations Jimin came to have How can you blame him? They had them too."

"Al... at least you were able to get rid of that," Wonho says with an awkward smile, lacking an idea of what to say. "You're capable of accomplishing too many things.

"Even getting your eyes color changed. Other than albino, orange eyes." adds Matthew for making a joke. Jimin stretches out a piece of paper to them and lowers his hands from the table.

"I devoured Hajun (the Alpha that was following us)."

Both Matthew and Wonho's eyes widen. Jimin moves his hands, tense and with the sensation of blood on top of him, of flesh on his throat and palate. It is unpleasant, as well as impossible to relieve. If he tried to eat now, all he would achieve is nausea.

Wonho tears up the paper and puts it in his pants pocket.

"You... aren't... a monster." he says slowly and firmly. Jimin purses his lips and runs his hand under his nose.

"How do you know, you haven't seen me in... Two years? Three? I don't know anymore" he whimpers worriedly. "I've been here... fighting to understand... fighting to know if I can be normal again, but I don't know... I don't think I can.

"Not with that mentality: remember, you have to have confidence that you can make it" Matthew mentions. "You've overcome the most difficult and impossible thing of all, what was literally physically impossible. You're here, now, healthy, whole and you got to help us be here. That was impossible.

"What's inside you is possible" Wonho brings a hand to his own chest. "It's the only thing we have control over: what we are and what we will be. If you wish to be someone good, it is what you will be; it is what you have always wanted and have achieved. If you want to be someone without fear, you're going to get it."

"Just... take your time."

"I've already taken time. What if it doesn't work?"

"In there everything had to be done quickly because if it didn't, you'd die" Wonho adds. "Here what's the hurry? Life is long... Why torment yourself?"

He bites his lips, restless and thoughtful.

"Detention? Did you almost kill someone or...?"

"Okay, yes, almost killed someone" Bambam shakes his hand and Yugyeom is left with the word in his mouth. "Why was that? Tell me you at least had a good reason." Jungkook gives a brief summary of what happened, not leaving out how over the top his reaction was.

"The question here is: how much of an asshole do you have to be to use fireworks inside a building?"

"TRUTH!" exclaims Jungkook. "It's just...phew, I hate them. I don't even know how I manage to function in meditation if I loathe them so much.

"Because deep down you don't love being like this," replies Dokyeom. "You want to be like you always used to be" Shrugs. "Going around joking around, fooling around. Nothing to turn you into a bloodthirsty beast twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week."

Jungkook pouts. Maybe so. It's a good explanation. He looks around. Where the others enjoy talking to the newcomers, even Jimin who seems to have a complicated time with Wonho and Matthew.

It's like a new sign that everything can go well. That it really can continue to go well.

It only remains to try harder to keep it up, he mentally tells himself with a soft smile.

Chapter 24: Next station

Chapter Text

Although they cannot move into the dormitory because it is occupied, acclimatized and placed there by the administration, they spend most of the day with the new arrivals from Korea. The atmosphere is much less intense and there is less likelihood of one of them having an anxiety attack.

Having explained that there were some problems in transit and that they have certain medical guidelines helped a lot. As well as having close friends to join in those times of needing time without one another. By the time Jungkook was able to leave his small confinement, he joined Bambam and company without difficulty.

Remarkably, the animals also arrived that same day, so Yoongi was able to complete that big worry he had been carrying around: he can finally hug Holly and hold him close. His dog noticed him strangely, it took him a while to recognize him; however, as soon as he noticed that Yoongi became very nervous outside the central building, he started barking at him and looking for ways to get his attention.

Ways to help him be well again.

Jimin feels a little sad about this. He muses that, if he hadn't been so foolish, Niuk might have been alive for this moment. He would have her here, maybe she wouldn't have had offspring, but she would be alive and he could hold her. In that respect, he considers himself unlucky.

Songie and Paengie for their part waste no moment to be after Jungkook or play with Bam. Hoseok torments Mickey as usual and Taehyung takes Yeontan wherever he goes, with his Pomeranian barking at whatever crosses his path. Namjoon up and down with Mon and the dog, pleased by the attention.

The inclusion of a zoo was quite nice. There's no one who doesn't enjoy the touch zone and getting to see such rare animals as giraffes, lions, bears and some camels again.

"Did you break it...!" shrieks Matthew stopped midway through the tour that was made to explore the entire newly opened place. "What are you telling me for? Now I won't be able to sleep" He rubs his face with both hands. "What- Oh no."

"And I was pregnant..." Wonho adds grimly. "I'm so sorry... I was already finding it strange that she was nowhere to be seen unlike Bam."

"Hajun accomplished a lot of things."

"Clearly and unfortunately."

"At least he's dead." celebrates Matthew unwilling to suppress his glee at that. Jimin laughs through his nose.

"Yeah... at least he's dead..." He looks to his side, where Hajun is walking, the Alpha smiling and pointing at animals with his finger. Just like Jimin thinks he would be.

"Would you win a fight against a bear?"

"Don't be a clown." Jungkook nudges Mingyu who laughs. The pair of bears tucked into their habitats, sleeping in holy peace as they hide their little cub between them. It's an adorable image.

"We're just saying," Yugyeom throws up his hands and shrugs. "If you're willing to fight even six-foot infectees, you can take the bear."

"The bear has more tons. I can't handle that. I wish I could." laments Jungkook with false sorrow, "but what I could do is lie on top of one...

"Of course not."

"Obviously not."

"Then I'm the clown?"

To everyone's horror, Jungkook jumps into the bears' habitats and goes to lie down on them. He crosses his leg and folds his arms behind his head, giving a sigh. The bear, contrary to kicking him out, lifts its paw and drops him, giving a roar similar to a laugh and ending up hugging him with its paw.

Jungkook gives a thumbs up. It's totally worth it. No one from the shelter tries to get him out of there. They're animals used to contact, so nothing is going to happen to them. Especially if it's someone who means no harm. Still, they will keep their guard up. It's one thing for a twenty-eight-year-old adult to fool around; it's another for a child to do it alone at a bad time.

"Don't do what he does. Excuse him, he's inherently stupid." Yoongi nudges the group of children to keep walking.

"He didn't grow up. He stayed dumb. Have mercy." contributes Jin.

"I'm listening to them!" informs Jungkook.

"That's good!" celebrates Jin following along.

"Hey, Jimin" The named one steps forward a little to meet Jiyong. He holds a box in his hands. "This one was brought by me personally. They let me have it because I said it's mine" he explains vaguely. "It was a couple of days before I came all the way here. Her mom died and so did the rest of the litter. I'll assume they killed yours."

Jimin opens the box and his eyes light up. A she-wolf. Tiny and white with brown. Whitish blue eyes and tender whimpers of fear. Jimin takes her from the box and holds her against his chest, pouting.

"Can I really keep her?"

"If you say it's a husky, yes." he whispers and Jimin nods with watery eyes.

Aeyoung says nothing about it. He doesn't think he's ready to take on a pet, but at the same time, he's in need of something else to motivate him to stay active. A dog of his own could be just what they are looking for. Since no hobby remains high enough on their list of priorities.

"Are you sure he's not going to bite me?"

"It would be a tiny bite."

Jin cautiously moves his hand away. He only has one left and he doesn't intend to waste it. Jimin's new wolf, named Hye, doesn't move far from him. She has barely a day and a half with him, but she already has an intense attachment. Jimin doesn't let go of her either, it helps her become more attached.

Bam hasn't stopped sniffing her. He is very curious about her. Jimin has joked that Bam will now be a big brother, after being the youngest of all the pets. Once they are all gathered in the small room, which now feels even tighter, Namjoon takes the floor:

"We can now tell you what the "secret" we have is. Rather it was something confidential and we don't want to end up imprisoned or something" Jin judges him severely with his eyes. He is not interested. He is convinced that he could have told him in one of the many nights they have slept together in all these months. No one was going to find out. "Aeyoung confirmed to me that we can talk about it now."

"The nurse knows before I do."

"She's involved."

Aeyoung laughs at the fake jealousy scene Jin makes. they've already had several. The first two caught her off guard, at this point, she's perfectly acclimated.

"Anyway, here's the thing: Jimin and I got the proposal to join "Project Sanctuary". It's a confidential project that only answers to Eleonora Bernoulli, the Italian woman who was there during the interview" Hoseok pouts a little, he remembers the Italian woman. She was the only one who seemed to be concerned about them beyond the common good of humanity. As if she actually knew anything else. "It's complicated, but the summary is that a relative of yours was attacked by an Alpha in the United States. When there was the first outbreak. From him and the restart of the infection, he created this alternative.

"And what does that alternative do. It's nothing bad, I guess." mutters Yoongi. Holly lying on the side of the chair, shakes her paw from time to time.

"They study the Alphas problem to eliminate them" That simple answer brings interest. So far, there have been only two options: know they exist and study them for the sake of knowing or reproducing them. Nothing else. The idea of wiping them out is what they wanted most. "They also give them a better space to those who collaborate... They promised us a house, also a territory" Yoongi throws back his head in amazement. "The only requirement is to agree to keep it confidential, constantly donate different fluids needed, and have been attacked by some Alpha."

"Define "attack." asks Hongjoong and Namjoon points to Wooyoung brings a hand to his face out of inertia.

"That one counts. Besides, they know enough about them, they were chased because of us. It includes them" he sums up and Wooyoung pouts. "They only told Jimin and me because they need us to keep quiet about the obvious."

"That they can be created and then reproduce sexually" Jimin completes playing not Hye's paws. "We lied on purpose when all the representatives were there. We said they only arise from birth, not from a lab... Besides, we had one inside." Taehyung wrinkles his face, annoyed at that last detail. He doesn't need to repeat himself. He hates it.

"You mean to tell me we should keep the existence of the Alphas an absolute secret, is that it?" Namjoon nods to what Hoseok says, "but what if more of those people run into them? In areas that have not been affected. We've already seen that they can survive practically anywhere."

"We have to eliminate them as quietly as possible. If too many people find out, it would be a matter of time before they know they can be created," Namjoon explains. "If they already made them once after the horrible results in the U.S. What if others know? If they want to do it for their healing, for using them as weapons. There are too many possibilities that we must avoid."

"It's not our problem anymore" Jungkook shakes the toy so Bam can keep pulling it. "And we do what we can. We don't have to worry about it anymore."

"Indeed." Supports Taehyung.

"What a bad time for everyone to come back." complains Hongjoong.

"As soon as they arrive, we already have to leave." Yunho chimes in with displeasure. Aeyoung joins in for a couple of steps.

"They will have a much shorter stay than you," Aeyoung informs, surprising them. "The major difference between them and you is that they will be relocated to the city of choice and without infection once they complete three months. That is what is considered the perfect stay to fit them into society again."

"And why do we have so much time here?" asks Mingi impressively. They have twice as much time. Aeyoung co*cks her head.

"Isn't it obvious?"

They open and close their mouths, look at each other and have no choice but to give a joint groan. It's a good point. Although Hongjoong can say that their group is fine, they would not have been able to have proper interaction with the society at large.

"It's also worth saying that there are certain problems where to relocate. Most of them don't have jobs that can support them. That's why there are so many here... the biggest difference, is that you guys have an idea of what to do," Aeyoung clarifies. "They stayed active on a consistent basis. They can have jobs, resume studies, etc."

"Ah, it's just that you have to work. I had forgotten that." whines Taehyung holding his hands to his face.

"We can self-publish music," opines Namjoon crossing his leg. "It will be easy...I think. At least with a whole house to ourselves. We can do whatever we please."

"You really, really, really think anyone will remember us by this time?" asks Jin, uneasily.

Namjoon bites his cheeks and shrugs.

"No, but... starting from scratch wouldn't be bad don't you think? Maybe... this time it can be just the way we want it."

Doing an absolute reboot doesn't sound like such a bad thing. In a way, it's like showing whatever they really want, without anyone expecting anything from them. It sounds scary at the same time. Maybe too scary. With this in mind, just start the countdown to leave for Italy.

It gave them enough time to finish the huge mural, which would remain even after their part. Not to mention it's a new activity to do for those who crave a little more color in the building. They spent a ton of time with their friends, to the point of almost forgetting about each other because of this.

They barely see each other at night, where Jimin goes to sneak into someone's bed; Taehyung, Hoseok, Jin and Yoongi have a little exchange with each other, having sex every now and then; Namjoon continues in his habit of writing until he falls asleep at the desk.

It's a good last few days, where due to the majority against and willing to go for the jugular, no one bothers them. They were peaceful days.

We're still going to be having sessions, just virtually.

"Oh... I'll be able to be in my pajamas."

Yes... Have you made any progress in sleeping?

"No."

Have you tried?

"Only once" Choonhe purses his lips. Jimin is still unable to sleep on his own, "But... it's... not... so ugly now... not quite... all of it. Strange things still happen. My head is still doing weird things and I feel like crying all of a sudden. I don't know how to control it," muses, Hye playfully not on his lap. "I think a lot about Hye, about the kids, about everything I've circulated...I also think a lot about Hajun and Leeseung."

Why them?

"Did you see the interview they did with me?" Choonhe nods. "Hajun... he loved me very much. In his horrible, childish way" he muses staring at Hye who tilts his head from left to right, playfully. "He's here."

Jimin-

"He's still with me... just like Leeseung" He pulls out the chain that Choonhe hasn't had a chance to see from so close. Jimin keeps them hidden. "The people who love me are still with me, for better or worse" He holds Leeseung's military tag. "They say good things to me. They tell me bad things, but... It's... strange, there's something they insist on a lot."

What is it?

"That he lives."

Choonhe opens her eyes, surprised. Jimin lets out air and furrows his eyebrows.

"That I'm someone very valuable, that I'm loved a lot, that I'm special and so many things that I feel are lies, that they say to make me feel less miserable so I can live" Jimin can't fit inside his frustration. As if somehow, the two of them agreed in their own way to do the same thing. That thing that wakes him up so much and warns him that he is in danger, to cry if he needs to, to ask for help and so on, is Leeseung. At his back like a specter too shy to have the attention. "And... it makes me feel like a bad person."

For killing him?

"Yeah... It's like I hurt anyone who loves me... if I had stayed away, if I hadn't made that deal, the others maybe would have been saved from the Alphas" Jimin's eyes water and Hye shifts uneasily. "I killed Hye; Leeseung wanted to save me and only me when he died; Niuk was taking care of me and... and I killed Hajun even though, in a horrible way, he made me his world... I... I feel bad about that."

You're not a bad person Jimin.

"I feel like one and that if everything hurts me, if so many things happen to me, it's because I'm a bad person." Jimin sniffles and Hye pulls her paws up to his chest, licking her face to take away his sadness.

"I have a lot of songs ready. I know Yoongi is going to help me with everything. Besides Hongjoong and the others... it'll be some good ones. We will have to do. Besides getting back to social networking and stuff," Namjoon says with a yawn. I know a little late, but it's the only space Choonhe had free. "It will be heavy."

Still Are you up for it?

"Yes."

Why?

"Making music is the only thing that made me happy before...in personal terms" he clarifies and Choonhe nods, writing. "Whether they get it right or wrong, it's something I want to do. I know that, if I do it, I'll feel like it's really me again. It's a part of me that maybe has already come back and I haven't been able to notice."

I see... I'm glad you feel that way, Namjoon. I'll be among the first to listen to whatever you decide to produce. From what you've shown me and my low understanding, so very very well. they sound interesting.

Namjoon smiles cheerfully and somewhat embarrassed.

"This place is huge."

"At least they didn't rip us off with it."

The house is three stories. What it doesn't have in width, it has in height, and they consider it better that way. They prefer the relatively enclosed space, full of windows and nice furniture. As soon as they were picked up at the airport, they were brought here. All with a polite note that in a week's time they would stop by to see how they are doing.

And that they need to settle in during that time frame.

Namjoon tasked Yoongi to buy whatever they need for the room they will turn into everyone's studio for the time being, Jin and Taehyung went to the grocery store to have something in the kitchen while Hoseok, Jungkook and Jimin are busy taking everything out of the boxes and bags they were able to bring with them.

The dogs just run around and enjoy the new garden they have for themselves. Namjoon, half focused on his cell phone, keeps thinking about the long goodbye, the promise that they will see each other soon, a thousand other things that seem to point to the improvement he wanted so much.

He takes a picture with the front camera, tilts his head": "I don't look so bad...".

It's been a long time since he took a picture.

And even though it's been a long time, he's changed a lot....

He likes the way he looks.

He opens an Instagram account and uploads the photo with a simple caption: what the hell am I? I guess I gonna found it soon...

He puts the cell phone aside and goes to hug Yoongi from behind, giving him kisses on the neck before checking everything he's added to the shopping cart.

"Are you sure our accounts are still intact?" asks Yoongi, intimidated to go overboard. Everything is so expensive. He barely has any concept of money."

"Yes. They're intact too. In the room I saw the bank cards. Jin took one... with the passwords written down."

"sh*t, passwords."

"You'd already forgotten." Namjoon can't resist laughing and Yoongi grumbles. He hasn't needed that for years

"Well, whatever."

A long list of things later, he finally makes the purchase. He's already starting to ache to get back to the real world. Jin and Taehyung come back with the food, Jungkook, Hoseok and Jimin fill the closets with what little clothes they have and spend the night preventing Jin from even trying to cook.

Concluding in a rather chaotic dinner. It doesn't taste the best, but decent enough not to throw it away. Plus, they're laughing a lot. More than Namjoon had seen them laugh alone for a long time.

"Jimin" The named one looks up from his cell phone. "I have a gift." announces Jungkook walking in with the huge painting. Jimin stands up, almost throwing the cell phone into nothingness.

"I wonder what it is." he jokes and Jungkook wrinkles his nose, finding it just as silly. Jimin removes the paper covering the picture and holds it in his hands. His eyes slowly widen.

It is the cabin from his dream.

It is really the same cabin.

He half-opens his lips and then looks towards Jungkook who shrugs his shoulders.

"So you have a nicer room." He brings his hands behind his back and Jimin nods with watery eyes. He puts down the painting and hugs it, hiding in it.

"Thank you so much... For always watching over me." sobs Jimin and Jungkook kisses him on the head, hugging him back.

"Always." assures Jungkook.

They hang him in front of the bed, where the light will hit in the morning and where he will be able to see him without fail. They stay together, lying on the bed. About to go to sleep. Around nine o'clock, with everyone ready for bed, they knock on the door.

"I'm coming." Jungkook yawns and opens the door, barely noticing for the first few seconds who it is. "Hob...? AH!"

On impulse he hugs whoever is there. Namjoon who walks around with a toothbrush in his mouth is perplexed. He chokes on the foam and brush "HOSEOK!" he shouts even with toothpaste at the corner of his lips. Hoseok comes down wearing yellow pajamas and scratching his belly. Halfway down, he realizes the reason why he was called jumps all the steps.

Almost knocking Jiwoo down once he reaches her. His younger sister clings to him with barely enough strength, almost crushed and destroyed by Hoseok. He can hardly believe it's her, but it must be! How could it not be? If they see her too.

If they too are around him silently celebrating that this could happen.

"I missed you so much... I missed you too much." sobs Hoseok in a broken, high-pitched voice. Jiwoo tries to speak, too tormented.

"I-I thought you were dead-I thought I was never going to see you again." Her voice sounds even higher pitched and smaller than Hoseok's sounds. Breaking away, Hoseok wipes his face with his hand and smiles awkwardly before he snaps.

"I'm not going to disappear again a-okay? I-I'm not going to leave you alone this time."

If she believes that about him, it's because he's most likely aware that his parents died. Just as many thought, Hoseok is the only one who had a real grounding wire. A person who would wait for him.

However, Jiwoo suffered something very different: being well, receiving news of how bad everything was going, knowing how terrible it was and the awareness that perhaps, his family passed away because of it. Away from her home, away from the people she loved, away from everything.

She felt so alone.

She felt so lonely for seven years....

But now she has her big brother back and it's the first of many good news to come.

As if for real, life is starting to feel like life.

Chapter 25: Trying to exist

Chapter Text

Although they didn't initially think it would be like this, Aeyoung came to live with them. She has a room in a dormitory less than fifteen minutes away by bicycle. With their tidying up of the house, a guest room and a room for long-term guests are determined. They offered her to stay there in case she feels she finished her "shift" too late.

Aeyoung appreciated the gesture very much, it makes her feel welcome.

Jiwoo occupies the guest room. Needless to say, the relationship they have still needs to be explained to her, but that will be for later. Not now that he is just recovering from the shock and joy of her older brother being alive, catching up with what Hoseok considers relevant and important to tell each other.

The instruments they ordered arrived, also a string of things Jungkook and Jin buy. Namjoon hasn't paid attention to anything with his cell phone, more focused on getting back into the habit of handling the computer, the tablet, sound equipment in general.

He never thought he could forget how to use a damn keyboard. He hates it. He feels worse than a toddler just discovering it. He knows he must be patient, at the same time, the frustration of not being able to progress at the natural pace he remembers is perfectly normal. If Choonhe reprimands him at the next appointment, he'll be the one to throw the screen out the window.

He has seen that Jiwoo took a couple of pictures with and Hoseok and as far as he knows, he posted them. Saying some short sentence that brought Hoseok to tears.

"A part of me came back. This time, it won't go away again. I won't let the monsters who take it away from me. It will be a beautiful sunflower smiling again."

Hoseok has the final push he needed to heal completely: he wants to be happy with his sister. He wants to be 100 percent happy, just as she feels now.

On the other hand, having instruments to himself makes Yoongi very happy and distracted; they took advantage of a small balcony with a glass ceiling to put the piano there. That way, he gets a little more comfortable with the idea of being in the outdoor space, without feeling unprotected.

Jin and Taehyung have taken great care with the furniture. Taking down and putting up decorations. It is a long task where it causes small and long fights between the two of them over silly things. It is resolved very quickly and without it being chaotic.

Jungkook started with the process of painting his room as he sees fit, so he doesn't finish and throw it away. It's his best escape when he doesn't want to spend more than thirty minutes doing uncomfortable yoga poses that far from relaxing him, stress him out more.

Unfortunately, Jimin fell back into a depressive episode that has him very susceptible and falling into moments of not wanting to move at all. It even demanded that Aeyoung drag him to the bathroom to bathe him even with his clothes on. It was quite problematic and almost painful to watch it happen.

Aside from having already had an almost fruitless session with Choonhe, Namjoon decides it's his time to intervene. Maybe get him to talk and in that way, dictate the next step to take.

"I'm... trying. I really am," Jimin assures Jimin with a broken voice and teary eyes, standing in the tub of almost cold water, his clothes on and wet. He leans his head back against the wall and looks up at Namjoon. "I try. Please believe me."

"I know you're trying," Namjoon assures him. Jimin cries with frustration and it shows. It's very easy to see it. It's precisely what causes such pain in everyone. Jungkook and Taehyung eavesdrop on the conversation, "But what do you feel? Why don't you talk it over with Choonhe-nim? You know if you don't-

"I-It's that" He swallows nervously, too anxious. "I-I don't... I don't want to be taken... somewhere else- I-I'm not crazy."

"We know you're not-why would we think that?" Namjoon is stunned at that way of answering. Having a private nurse, it seems absurd that Jimin would have such a fear.

"Are you going to tell Aeyoung?"

"No."

"You're lying to me."

"Maybe... maybe-"

"If you're going to tell them, I can't tell you."

Namjoon bites his cheeks and scratches his jaw before sighing.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," He specifies and Jimin narrows his gaze again. "You can tell me. I promise I'll keep quiet."

Jimin delays even for a while, as if weighing the possibility of Namjoon lying to him anyway. In Namjoon's defense, he is almost obliged to do so. Nothing short of this can be done with a patient who refuses to cooperate. Besides, you must put his improvement first; indulging his whims that hinder that goal is counterproductive.

"I feel...things...all the time."

"What things?"

"Blood... yes-I feel blood on me" Jimin specifies. His voice doesn't stop trembling and judging by how he sees the water, Namjoon would say Jimin doesn't see it as the clear liquid it should be either. "And... and sometimes I feel like I have Hajun inside me... that he baby is there" Namjoon reaches over and grabs his arm to bring him back to reality. "I feel a lot of strange things and... and I know they're not there, but I feel them... unless I'm still."

"Haven't you thought that maybe, if you say so, they're going to give you some medicine that can alleviate it-or a way to fight that feeling." Namjoon replies and Jimin shakes his head.

"They're going to take me somewhere else...because they'll think I'm crazy."

"It's just body memory. You're still nervous. It's going to be fine... I won't let anyone take you." promises Namjoon and Jimin takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and takes Namjoon's hand tightly.

Aeyoung, who had left her cell phone with an active call and thus listen to the conversation can only give a snort. It's a complicated case. Jimin is well aware of what's going on and what's not, the problem is that he himself doesn't know how to deal with it and it's very complicated to deal with it. Even knowing it.

One of the biggest problems they have with Jimin is his metabolism. After a week, it is almost impossible for the medicine to take effect and they are afraid that by increasing the dosage too much, it will end up hurting him or cause a side effect. Both to him and to his blood.

There are too many precautions to take in his case. So many, that it's a job in itself that he doesn't know if he can deal with.

~ * * * ~

"Oh! I see you've tidied up the house."

"Yes. A little."

Eleonora is a rather tall woman, taller than Namjoon expected of her. She is taller than Yoongi even without the heels that make her Hoseok's height. In person, her accent is so thick that it is charming. It is almost impossible not to notice that she is Italian. She looks around, Aeyoung bows to her and leaves immediately.

Everyone is seated in the living room, leaving a place for the woman. Namjoon is the one directly in front. He is the one who is going to have the biggest conversation with her. As soon as she is seated, she crosses her leg and places her hands in her lap.

"I'm glad to see you were able to make it this far," admits with an affable smile. "Truth be told, I'm not a politician per se. I was an English teacher before. All this big trouble, it's made horrible changes to the world."

"That explains a lot about your patience." opines Jin indiscreetly and Namjoon laughs through his nose. Actually, it does. Teachers - the good ones -, have more patience than anyone else.

"I came to check that everything is okay. I decided to do it myself, since they are the most eccentric group... not to mention they are the only group" Eleonora mentions as a curious fact and they look at each other, surprised. "Usually, they are individual victims. It had not happened that more than two people, were victims, were in the same burrow and all the string of things that happened to them" he clarifies tapping his chin. "You'll understand that I'm curious and concerned at the same time."

"Why...? I mean, I understand that it's worrisome, but at the same time I don't understand why it worries you specifically." clarifies Namjoon and Eleonora gives a stifled sigh.

"It comes down to this: there wasn't a mass of Alphas that big and strong capable of dragging people away just like that. Let alone daring to carry more than two people... they are predators by nature, they don't go after a herd per se, they go after prey" Eleonora explains and Namjoon slowly nods his head. Jimin bites his lips, trying to scheme what can explain it. "The weaker and lonelier it is, the more likely they're going after it."

"They intercepted us being alone" Taehyung suddenly mentions to everyone's surprise. He turns to look at Jin. "When you left to find Chaewoon and Boom... I remember I 'fainted' on the way" He makes quotation marks with his fingers and Jin raises an eyebrow. He didn't know about that. "I remember I had blood in my mouth, they found me outside the train."

"Also that time Namjoon told us out of the blue that something scratched him on the head" Yoongi mentions thoughtfully, slouching from his seat with his fingers intertwined on his knee. "It must have been Junhan. No one was there... And when I saw Jaesan, he was alone in my study... back at school."

"Seonum came up to me when I was unconscious from the transition" Hoseok taps his cheek. "I thought I hallucinated it or it was a nightmare. They turn to see Jimin, who looks down."

"I wasn't... alone, I was with Jongin and Sungwoo, but he" He waves his hand next to his head, "talked like Jungkook. He wanted to convince me to come out from where he was hiding."

"He talked like Jungkook?"

"He imitates voices."

The strange look on everyone's face exposes one thing to him: only Hajun did that. He is convinced that it happened. It is impossible that it did not happen. Although after a few seconds, some of them try to remember if it didn't happen, because they have the impression that if it did, they just weren't aware of them.

"Mimicking voices... that's new," says Eleonora, disgruntled and anxious. "They also mentioned caves-nests, they called it nests."

"Yes. Little spaces of their own-"

"They didn't do that before... My son-in-law, he said they kept them all in the same common area," she explains, modeling it with her hands. "A cell where one side was for women and those who could get pregnant, while the other side was for fertile men" Jin furrows his eyebrows. He is convinced that there was no Peulleieo there. "This capacity for individualism worries me, very much. They are evolving. They've changed a lot since that time."

"Are there any new details that you have noticed?" asks Namjoon, almost afraid that it is an affirmative answer and it is! Unfortunately.

"Some Alphas have had mutations. Animal parts" Namjoon scrunches up his face. "Tail, scaly skin, echolocation like bats... According to the research department, it's due to the needs in the environment" Eleonora adds. "For example, if it is a very closed area, they have that capacity; when there is a lot of competition, there is the tail and so on."

"We didn't have any of that."

"Finally our luck not that bad." celebrates Yoongi and Namjoon rubs his chin, thoughtfully.

"There are... twins?"

Eleonora shakes her head. So far, there have been no twins. Much less have they been able to capture any. Jimin licks his lips, anxious.

"One of the reasons they went after us as a group is because they were siblings. At least two of them," Namjoon explains. "The main one, the one who was the 'Alpha' of the others."

"They didn't have marked divisions before either-"

"Jimin taught his to speak." points out Jungkook and Jimin gives him a dirty look.

"And he was able to do that?"

Jimin nods and looks down. Eleonora looks horrified at the fact of that: they are so capable, they can speak perfectly.

"He..." Jimin takes a breath and lets it out sharply. "He was determined to make me happy. He was... convinced that, if he made me happy, he was going to get me pregnant."

Eleonora is silent for a few moments and moves her jaw.

"They've come too far. Time only makes them more capable... If they are not exterminated, they could pose a risk to the human race in general" the woman points out, uneasy and serious. "The problem we have observed, is their inability to have a clear vision of human concepts. Consent, reality... they are animals pretending to be human."

"They're just stronger monsters. Really, they're not much different. They know how to love. That's more than many humans do."

Jimin gets up and walks away, nervous and ungainly. Yoongi leaves with him. His participation doesn't have much to add here. He lies down and covers up to his head with the blanket, being assaulted by Yoongi, who grabs his hands and holds his front.

"You see it right? To Hajun" Jimin doesn't answer, but that silence gives him away anyway. There's no way he can lie to him. "I can feel it sometimes... though I don't like to say it."

"Why?"

"It's like I make it real... I don't want it to be real..." Yoongi closes his eyes and sighs deeply. Under the bed, Hye and Holly lying on top of each other, sleeping soundly. "It'll fade away... little by little... and just be like every other ghost before."

Jimin pouts, he wishes he felt it was that easy too.

~ * * * ~

"Did you just take a picture of us?"

"Yes. I've taken several."

"I must look dreadful." grumbles Jin with food in his mouth.

"Namjoon." scolds Yoongi. Jungkook just makes a peace gesture with his fingers and Namjoon laughs, taking a couple more pictures.

"We left our cell phones lying around in who knows where...I think of too many photos from there that I'd still like to have." he comments looking at the gallery. There's not much there. A few pictures of him, the dogs and now the four he took while everyone is watching TV and eating snacks. "That's a shame."

"You're not going to post those are you? If you're going to, don't let it show that I'm like this." warns Jin, shaking his wrist and Namjoon laughs, putting an alpaca emoticon on Jin to cover that.

"Namjoon..."

"You can't see the scar. Easy." assures Namjoon, carefully checking that nothing is obvious.

He uploads the photo with the caption, "Family evening. Just a perfect evening. I just really really love them."

He puts the cell phone away and they resume what they are doing, as if it was nothing. Namjoon is the one who takes some pictures of them and Jimin too, playing with his cell phone and thinking it's nothing, getting a picture of Jin yawning, Taehyung with his mouth open while looking at his misshapen painting; Jungkook doing meditation, Namjoon racking his brains to compose.

It's an ordinary day when Jiwoo sends a message, asking Hoseok to demand Namjoon - in that exact order- to check his cell phone and, for once, stop watching nature documentaries or romance movies and turn on the news. Namjoon checks his cell phone as Jungkook flips through the channels until he gets to the news.

The first thing they get, brings out a nervous laugh from them without exception:

"Through an Instagram account, the survival of the seven members of South Korean band BTS was confirmed. Their location or further details are unknown at the moment, but thanks to photographic evidence, fans of the band have started major search and support campaigns for the artists..."

"HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL THAT!" Taehyung snatches the cell phone out of his hands. It's inhuman the amount of activity on Namjoon's account. Not only do there seem to be thousands of comments there.

There are also thousands of tags, private messages, people uploading stories of all kinds asking and begging for more news. In the midst of his rough inspection and the TV playing in the background with multiple newscasts on the same, he ends up turning on a live feed.

"Oh no."

"Are you serious?"

"Tae, close-"

"Hi, we're alive, we're fine: don't worry, we'll talk soon. Bye." He puts the cell phone face down on the table and gestures to them How do you turn it off? He doesn't know how to use Instagram socially anymore. Only to watch cute puppy videos.

"Whoever has less stage fright, figure out how to shut that down." orders Jin and Namjoon picks up the cell phone, rummages through the options. He should say where to close, shouldn't he? It throws him off, being nervous. He didn't have this in mind.

Nuna_13: You're back! We love you!

moonwrts: I KNEW THEY WERE ALIVE!

Ku_ma_Amvlys: it's huge and it's beautiful. Namjoonnie against the world and won.

Snowcat: Yoongi is there???? I want to see my husband please

Snowcat: On second thought: is everyone there? Please I want to see them, I want three grams of serotonin and to see them would give it to me.

Min-ki1197: I LOVE YOOOOOOUUUU

"I had forgotten that..."

"AH! THERE IT IS!" points out Jungkook.

Snowcat: yoongy marry me.

"THERE'S STILL MARRY ME!"

"I'm not going out there." Yoongi warns and Namjoon laughs. He finally gets the button to end the transmission.

"Goodbye. See you another time. We're fine. take care of yourselves. If you notice a lot of traffic or that there is military activity, please stay at home." says Namjoon and finally finishes. From what he notes, he had a humble seven hundred thousand and forty people watching this broadcast.

The black screen instants were quite effective in allowing that number to grow exponentially. Yoongi continues to pass channels, there is more and more news regarding them. Mentioning how curious they are alive, wondering since when and many more.

"Does anyone still remember their email?" asks Yoongi.

"No Why?" Jin sits next to him and Jimin is still engrossed in Hye.

"Maybe we'll get contacts to interview us and stuff like that" mutters Yoongi scratches behind his ear and gives a slight snort. "Maybe...it'll do some good don't you think? If we're releasing music, it would be a way to promote that we're doing it. That we're... back."

"Do we need to put ourselves through the torture that these are stupid questions or very personal?" asks Taehyung with a disgusted look on his face. Hoseok jumps up, exclaiming.

"No!" he exclaims happily. "Because now we're representing ourselves alone!" Taehyung raises an eyebrow. "Without Bang-PD or the company We send us alone! " He turns to Taehyung. "We can decide what to wear, what not to wear, what to eat, when to show them, when to drop the music-we're free!"

"I don't like all that freedom," Jin admits scratching his neck. "We've never had that power before. We don't know how to deal with all the behind-the-scenes. Not without someone magically coming in to support us." he rejoins and Namjoon shakes his head.

"It's always a good time to learn."

Jin stretches his lips. I wouldn't say any time: right now, the last thing they need is that kind of restlessness. Knocks at the door invite Hoseok to go open it. Jungkook stands next to Namjoon, pouting his lips and holding up two fingers for the photo to be taken.

rkive: The (big) little One

"The news is going to explode with you guys!" Wooyoung enters almost shrieking from hysteria. "We hadn't noticed until they went knocking on our door.

"Why you guys?" asks Yoongi.

"Because they think we're the same" He gives a vague ah. Seonghwa gives a snort. "Hongjoong is more electric than ever wanting to do the same thing. We've stopped him all along and we have no excuse anymore. Why did they do it."

"It was just me." points out Namjoon.

"Why don't they want to expose themselves?" asks Hoseok, curious.

"It's... weird," stammers San. "We're not ready for that yet. Not all of us at least."

"I want to!" exclaims Wooyoung. "I do want to... It'll be nice!" he states excitedly, hoping that maybe by being here, others will be convinced to give it a try. "Maybe if there are a lot of people who remember us...m-maybe we do matter a lot and we just don't know it." he replies excitedly, his eyes glazed over.

Seonghwa is not entirely convinced. Partly because he's afraid it won't be an effect like this. Maybe no one remembers them. They weren't that popular. To think it will be that avalanche of attention is too much to believe.

"Even if it's just a few people..." murmurs Jimin hugging the puppy in his arms. "It's nice to have more people there... celebrating you live don't you think?" he smiles tensely, broken and a little hopeful.

To Hongjoong's encouragement and delight, the others eventually agree to his proposal for a group profile. Initially to show that they are still alive. The surprise was very big when it was filled with attention. Lots of news on other social networks, announcing them as another surviving Kpop group and fan pages celebrating with old photos and Gifs.

Hongjoong uploads a second photo, with Seonghwa leaning on his shoulder.

atee*z_official_utopia: captain and second-in-command still present

male_: Always present and ready for you, my captain 🧎.

Ku_ma_Amvlys: They are here too ;;

khps: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

Maybe they didn't show up on newscasts everywhere, but a huge, excited crowd did show up to celebrate that they are still there. Seonghwa doesn't know whether to cry from joy or keep smiling during the live show they do to say hello and reaffirm that they are them.

Chapter 26: More social effect

Chapter Text

Next to make himself an Instagram account and upload photos, was Hoseok. You wonder if it's the famous effect of a celebrity reaches the pinnacle of his career when he dies. Suddenly everyone loves him, suddenly everyone misses him, suddenly he was the most loved person in the world. You feel this is so - or it's just your impression - because of the tide of people sending you messages, photos, tagging you and so on.

Despite meditating on it, he doesn't eat his head off on the subject. He is happy to be remembered and so loved now that he is back. It has motivated him to start composing. Only Yoongi and Namjoon had had such a swollen artistic vein. Now it's his turn and it's fun, in his esteem, what comes out of it.

"We should make solo albums" Hoseok recommends, moving the food on his plate. Namjoon is left with full cheeks and Taehyung accidentally spills his drink. "It would be a nice start don't you think?"

"I don't have the strength for a solo album." mutters Jin moving his food lazily and even depressed.

"I don't plan to go out anywhere like this." Yoongi points to his face.

If you take Hoseok's proposal literally, it implies that it will be a solo debut. Promotions, photos, video, all that stuff that is synonymous with showing his face and he doesn't feel in the power of something like that how could he? Most likely, no one would be interested in seeing him now that he is disfigured.

"Many have already seen you. It's not as bad as this." Jin shakes his wrist and Yoongi frowns.

"My f*cking face is broken what do you mean it's not the same!?"

"At least you're whole!"

"Hey! Hey!" Namjoon manages to stop the fight. On the more aesthetic side, it's almost a fight between leaning on each other and accidentally hurting each other.

Jin considers that Yoongi is not that bad, Yoongi considers that Jin can at least disguise it with a prosthetic if that's what he wants. At the end of the day, they both have a trait that makes them miserable and unattractive to the public.

"It's about doing it at their own pace. When they want to. It's not forcing anyone" Namjoon informs and Yoongi gives a snort. "I had already planned to do it. I just need some help with the music, someone to accompany me because I need vocals and..." he exhales exhaustedly, rubbing his temple. "So... if help is needed, we just tell each other. That's all."

"That makes me think you have something for everyone." mentions Jungkook resting his chin on his palm.

"Yes. I have a lot of stuff, but it won't be now. Maybe when we can all deal with it. At the moment, I just feel like me and Hoseok can."

Hoseok winks at him and Jungkook gives a snort, averting his gaze.

Does it bother you?

"I'd just like to be fine and be done with it."

Um, I take it. It's natural to feel that way, but just as it is, you also understand that wishing for it isn't enough Right?

"Yes." Jungkook bites his lip.

He is very uneasy about the topic. That Hoseok and Namjoon seem to be reintegrating into the life they had before makes him envious. Frank and long envy. He wants to be like that. He wants to go back to that time where one moment he is composing music, then deleting it; he lasts for a couple of hours checking videos, comments and so on; eating out of boredom, watching TV and going out at night to just blend in with the environment.

He wants to go back to that time.

Even to his stress.

He would give anything to go back to that time...

Sadly, there is nothing that can give him this whim.

Jungkook peeks into Taehyung's room. All located on the second floor. They have just returned from the office to draw blood and other samples. Taehyung gave lots and lots of blood for being cooperative and also marrow fluid, saliva, eggs that were drawn with a needle. Overall, he is very bruised.

Still, he's so engrossed in whatever's on his desk, Jungkook finds it impossible not to peek over someone else's shoulder, read what's on the paper.

"Slow dance?"

"JUNGKOOK!"

Taehyung gives a jump of fright. Unaccustomed to his sudden appearances. Yeontan barks, shocked by the scream. Jungkook wrinkles his nose, grinning. Taehyung drops his arms and lets out air.

"Why can't you be someone normal who knocks on the door?

"Because you never knock" Taehyung grumbles. That's true. He has no way to fight this battle. Jungkook returns his attention to what's on the desk. "Are you composing?

"Uh... Yes! It just came into my head and Pufff!" he simulates an explosion with his hands and Jungkook co*cks his head. "I've been dreaming about it you know? Going back to the stage" Jungkook is surprised that Taehyung is dreaming. It's something none of them can do. Just have nightmares. One after another. Each one worse than the last. "And... I want to do that again" He rests his cheek on his palm, looking at his notes. They're messy, they have a lot of scratches on them, and he considers what he's done, pathetic, "just this once."

Jungkook pouts. Yes. I'd like to go back, too.

Today it is raining almost torrentially in Italy. Jimin admires it from his window, legs up on the sill and chasing the invisible paths formed by the breezes. Aeyoung reads on a sofa not far from his patient.

"I hate rain," Hajun comments, Jimin doesn't turn to look at him. "Nest may collapse, it's cold, food and females hide, I get soaked. Rain is very ugly." complains the Alpha in disgust. Hunched next to Jimin.

"I like the rain." he mutters under his breath. Aeyoung looks up, unsure if she heard him speak or if she imagined it. It was such a minimal wheeze.

"I used to like snow."

Jimin squints to the right, where Leeseung is standing. Simple baggy pants, sweater and arms crossed. Watching the rain.

Leeseung likes the snow, what was there before that helped so much to keep him locked in with him.

Hajun dislikes the rain, it prevented him from having a stable place to keep him cooped up.

Jimin enjoys the rain. It is free. It is destructive. It is soothing. It is nostalgic.

It's so many things at the same time and it's lovely.

He gets up from which place and Aeyoung does the same, chasing him at a slow pace. Jimin opens the door to the small glass space, where Yoongi plays the piano with what he's been composing these days. He doesn't ask what he is doing, but he is surprised when Jimin opens the door and just walks out.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever
Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

Jimin stands in the middle of the garden, looking up and closing his eyes. He takes a deep breath and a smile creases his thick, reddened lips. His clothes, his hair, his skin, his whole being is soaked, but it is... cold. The water is cold, it is constant, it is unlike the blood he felt for years splashing on his body, bathing him until it covers him completely.

And if I didn't know better
I'd think you were talking to me now

Unknowing him inside that carcass that still made him feel so wrong and hopeless. He opens his eyes, releasing air and a laughing sob escapes him. Lowering his gaze and staring at what is in front of him. That distant figure so alien for this moment.

A dead man.

Himself.

The me who died in Gimpo seven years ago.

If I didn't know better
I'd think you were still around

Soaked all the same, but smiling without that pain. Without feeling that the whole world is against him and that he can only suffer by continuing to live, at the same time too cowardly to end his life.

What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, you're alive in my head

Jimin had not visualized himself being happy for too long. Who would succeed in resurrecting that about him. Leeseung killed him. Hajun made him fall into oblivion and now that neither of them is here, that it's just him letting himself be cleansed from the heat and blood, he can see it again.

What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, so alive

He puts his hands to his face and sobs, still smiling. Maybe he can do it. Maybe with these beautiful memories building up in his mind, he could. They are consistent. They are not corrupted as usual.

The good times with Leeseung, with Hye; joking with Hyuntae in Gimpo, getting to be with all the kids who called him sonsengnim and sought peace in him; the people who did treat him well, who took him as the help he wanted to be.

Jongin, Taemin, Sungwoo; Jungkook's birthday, the plans they secretly made to be in New Zealand together to film the reality show, the time with his family, his vacation, practicing, enjoying his body, his hair; everything that made him feel so happy.

That love he felt for himself?

It just seems to be there in front of him again, waiting for him to accept it.

Never be so polite, you forget your power
Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

"Jimin?"

He hugs Taehyung too tightly, who drops the umbrella awkwardly and thinking that it will be a bit annoying to be soaked like this. Jimin clutches him too tightly and as he lets go, he grabs his hands and doesn't know what to say. How to express how happy he feels about this.

Only Taehyung smiles at him too.

For it had been too long since he had seen him do it in such a genuine and beautiful way.

"Yes it can work. It can work." He repeats excitedly and as he lets go he runs his hands over his face, pushes his hair aside and looks again at that figure now closer to himself.

And if I didn't know better
I'd think you were listening to me now

"You always can, it just takes us a while to realize it. We like to be late."

He laughs and Taehyung doesn't ask what about, he lets it be. H wants to see him be happy. Even if it's something bad, even if it's a hallucination that shouldn't happen.

If I didn't know better
I'd think you were still around

His lips are trembling and he won't stop crying.

What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, you're alive in my head

But he likes to cry. It feels good. He had forgotten he could feel good. As if something inside him stops weighing. The screams are not in his head. Neither is Hajun's gaze on the back of his head.

What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, so alive

It's just him and himself in his head, for the first time in years and he wants this feeling to last forever. Because it's like being in the cabin with that willow tree swaying in the breeze.

He wants to stay that way forever...

Happy on his own...

To remember that he can be.

That that ability didn't die and that he is, in fact, alive.

"I can't let it die again..." he mutters under his breath.

They don't understand what happened to him. Nor would there be how to if Jimin explained it. The only certainty there is, is that it was something so good that it motivated him to take a picture of himself, as if he didn't mind being full of gray hair, without makeup and soaked, rainy; upload it to Instagram to say hello and....

That night, it became the first time he was able to sleep alone without having nightmares until he woke up in the morning.

"You know I don't-"

"I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BUT...! I-"

Jin bursts into tears out of nowhere and Namjoon sits beside him, bearing with him. He knows he tries. He really does. However, it's complicated. Jin moves his arm and sobs harder. There is no chance he doesn't feel his hand. Just as he lost it.

"You were doing pretty good You knew that?"

"Stop patronizing me" Jin asks through tears. "Tell me... that I'm doing it wrong. That I shouldn't be mad. I... I DON'T KNOW! TELL ME SOMETHING WRONG! Tell me- tell me... something..."

"You're doing great, honey." Namjoon kisses his temple and Jin sobs harder.

Jin doesn't want his understanding, neither his encouragement. He doesn't deserve them. Not with his inability to accept how bad he does everything. However, Namjoon knows that this is what Jin wants: someone to rectify him in his negative and self-destructive thinking. He takes Jin's hand and kisses it, stroking it with his thumb afterwards.

Choonhe has already scolded him enough on the subject. Besides, Jin inwardly understands, but like anyone else, frustration gets the better of him. Namjoon gives him credit: he doesn't shout anymore even when he is accompanied, he doesn't break everything he does even if it's good, he doesn't hide to cry either.

Little by little, he accepts it. At his own pace. Just as he asked.

"Do you think I'm a bad Hyung?"

"I think you're the best I could have asked for."

He leans back from Namjoon and lets out air, rubbing gently on his shoulder. Jungkook has told him this the times they sleep in the same room. As if he needs to reaffirm it for no reason.

None other than the typical affection they regain for each other. One they had lost habit to due to lack of time, due to problems drowning them and now that there is finally nothing to stop them....

"Baby."

"Honey."

"Hyung."

"Love."

"Darling."

"I love you like you can't imagine."

"You're the best Hyung ever."

"I missed you like this... I love being with you."

"I love being here in your arms, it's like being home again."

Affectionate, teasing, ironic, sarcastic?

So many ways to say it and suddenly they came back.

"Namjoon."

"Tell me?"

"It's... silly isn't it? How we're... used to be suffering and now, it's so hard to accept that we love each other."

"Yeah. It's a bummer." He agrees with a laugh. Jin bites his lips and between tense breaths, straightens up a little.

"I love you so much... Don't ever leave me, please... I won't scream anymore- Just... give-give me more time."

Namjoon nods and hugs him tightly, letting him cry as hard as he needs to. "As much as you need.

Namjoon doesn't know how to explain it... beyond that everything that seemed dead, being them and the hard-won peace of the past, comes back to let them breathe.

Jin uploaded a short video the next day, winking and then laughing nervously.

Jungkook flips through the pages of the family album. Pictures of his parents, his brother and himself when he was little. So many things stuffed into these pages that are barely holding up. Jungkook smiles helplessly, at the few pictures he took at fifteen with his parents.

When he made his debut and they celebrated him for making it.

When they asked him to take good care of himself.

When they told him that, if he had problems, he could always call them.

He opens the letter his mother left between the pages. It's simple. A congratulations on his success with Map of The Soul: PERSON. A soft, trembling smile on his lips. He lets out air, closing the letter and the tattered album. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, his mother's voice echoing in his head.

"You were spectacular as always sweetie, even better! Enjoy your success and may many, many more to come..."

His dad's voice on those calls when they weren't even popular....

"I'm so proud of you. Keep fulfilling your dream no matter how hard it is..."

And the letter from his brother.

"You are a lucky star in the life of anyone who crosses your path."

"You are a beautiful gift in their lives."

"You are the most beautiful thing in anyone's life, including mine."

He's been angry all this time, because it adds up to responsibilities that aren't his. Saving everyone, accomplishing everything; blaming himself for situations that weren't his fault: not getting to his parents in time, not saving Jimin, not saving Namjoon, not saving them from the den sooner.

So many things that only made him feel bad and miserable... when he wasn't. He used all his strength to achieve what he intended, he's here safe with the people who love him the most in the world, to the point of sticking with him despite his problems.

They love him.

He loves them.

His family loved him.

He loved them.

He has been a human hero. He fell, he got up and now that he's on his feet...he has only to accept that fall no matter how much it shames him, no matter how much he blames himself for it and not the one who pushed him and kept him lying there for so long.

"You are my fate. No words can express it enough" he sings leaning against the wall with the huge painting he has already been able to complete. For the first time, having only this in his mind: the cabin and its willow tree as Jimin described it, blending with the one he dreamed of. "Salvation that saved a wearied me. Is that easier to grasp?"

Yoongi opens the door, surprised to hear him sing so well and so loud.

"Those few words that saved me I'll be by your side after many nights" Jungkook brings his right hand to his chest, squeezing the fabric where he feels his heart beating. "I'll stay by your side even if my feet bleed... Please, you stay alive."

"None of us will stop being there." murmurs Yoongi. Jungkook opens his eyes and smiles wide at him, wrinkling his nose and by the light next to the angle, Yoongi for a moment genuinely believes that Jungkook is lying on that willow tree and the hut in the distance, is reality.

"Again?"

Yoongi nods, hands to his face. Hoseok slowly pulls them away and gives him a kiss on his eyelid, a place where his fragile skin barely covers his eye. Breaking away, Hoseok smiles broadly at him, co*cking his head to the side.

"There, you're put back together."

He gives an awkward, silly laugh, shaking his head. Feeling it break is so usual, but every time it happens, holding his face in desperation; Hoseok appears. There is no opportunity that I don't get to promise him that no such thing happens. That he should be calm.

Because even if it does happen, he would take every little part of him to put it together and put it together with kisses.

"In the bathroom... I saw myself in there, it's longer."

"Nope. It's not."

"I saw it long. That reached my neck." he stammers. Hoseok denies.

"What scares you?" asks Hoseok. in a soft, patient voice. Yoongi presses his lips together. "Is it because we all upload pictures and stuff, is that what scares you?"

"Something...like that."

"What is it?"

Yoongi puts his thoughts together. "I'm... barely... barely putting up with it... and those who lived through it understand, but... how is it going to be with others? With... with those who don't understand- I'm... not going to put up with them hating me."

Hoseok knows that the proper word is not hate, but a "I won't stand to be scorned and mocked." Let them highlight to him how broken and destroyed he is. To be told he is no longer beautiful because of the mark on his face. Hoseok caresses Yoongi's face again, not emphasizing the scar, but him. His cheeks that are once again plump from eating so much.

"Those who see you, they are going to love you and if they don't: it doesn't matter Do you know why?" Yoongi's teary eyes cause him tenderness. "Because they're not going to change the beautiful, strong person you are. One who could bounce back from the worst and still be here...you're spectacular, Yoongi, more than any of them."

Yoongi can't believe him.

He finds it too hard to do so.

"But if you don't feel ready, don't" Hoseok shrugs and kisses him on the nose. "When you're ready to go into the world again, we can go hand in hand. I'll wait."

Hoseok has always waited for him.

Indifferent to the situation, Hoseok has always been there.

And maybe he's right.

He must know.

Because he has always been there.

"We have a surprise!" announces Jungkook rushing past, with Jimin behind him. Yoongi sniffles and rubs his face with his hand. "We uploaded these pictures and they say very nice things." he assures showing the cell phone.

Yoongi has asked not to show his face and they have complied. They are photos of his back or with any excuse for cover. From flashes of light to clever angles. Several of them, all with reactions and comments. Jungkook sits on the furniture.

""Yoongi is so cool that he came out of hell and is still playing masterpieces. Best producer in the music industry"" Lee Jungkook, Yoongi slouches and covers his mouth, chagrined. ""I can already feel that masterpiece in production. I can't wait." Someone replied, "that you can wait, you can wait. A few months is nothing in contrast to his seven years in there!".

"Aww, that's nice." laughs Hoseok and pulls out his cell phone. Jimin gives him too many signals. A prompt for him to be ready.

""His back is huge" and lots of hot emojis" He puts his hand up, now covering his whole face and wanting to squeal in embarrassment. ""He's a sleepy kitty"; "he's a zombie killing kitty"; "he sure looked super cool and hot killing zombies"" Yoongi squeals low. That's not reality at all. ""I bet anything he was the one killing them because there was him and Hoseok screaming so they wouldn't get killed.""

Yoongi bursts out laughing. That's more believable. He swings into himself and uncovers a bit.

"There's a longer one here" announces Jimin": from... snowcat. It's everywhere" he adds with a chuckle": "Yoongi is one of the reasons I was so happy for years and right now, seeing him alive and continuing his passion brings that feeling back to me. It makes me happy to know that he made it, that he was able to get out of that sh*tty mess and that he's BACK! HE'S REALLY BACK! HE'S MIN YOONGI!" exclaims Jimin to give him the passion he needs. ""And if he could overcome all that stuff that happened in Korea, you can do anything. He's a great man. He's my husband. I adore him. I love him. Anything he does I forgive, even stepping on me; I'd ask for his forgiveness...""

"That's very intense." hisses Hoseok.

""If he brings out music, I'll be happy; if he shows his face, I'll be happy; if he doesn't show his face, I'll be happy. All I'm content with, is knowing that such a beautiful, perfect, good human being is still alive. This is as far as I go. Here I fall. Marry me Min Yoongi."

"Ah. The touch."

Yoongi looks genuinely sorry and touched by the comment and the more they come, the more intense it is. Hoseok takes the picture at the right time. When Yoongi smiles in pure joy and it seems that nothing in his life is problematic.

As if suddenly, the past seven years do not exist. That tiny, tiny moment, saved in two photos. One without the smile and the other, with the smile. Hoseok shares the photo with Jimin and Jungkook.

Receiving in response: "The best photo in the world. No one will survive if we publish it."

"This is going to be a disaster..."

"Nah. I don't think so." Hoseok is unconcerned.

They planned a live one to talk for a while. Atee*z has done several, they've done pretty well. They've been singing and goofing around. They all agreed to be here, even Yoongi and Jin. as they start, Namjoon speaks first, saying hello.

"Sorry we're late, we're busy with work" he excuses with an awkward smile and scratching his neck", but we're here, I guess it's for the best" he laughs silly. "Um... we're a little different. It's been a long time since the last time-"

"Seven years ain't short, Namjoon." grumbles Hoseok with his cheek in his palm.

"It's just a saying."

"One so much that it doesn't apply here."

"Namjoon can't count."

"He forgot how to count."

"His brain cells melted in the shelter."

"Poor Namjoon."

He closes his eyes and keeps smiling. It's only three minutes... three minutes and he's already been destroyed. He doesn't know if this can continue. He resumes the conversation and it's more of a long introduction to apologizing if they're not as they remember, but it's a fact that they couldn't anymore.

When he finally notices the comments, there is a huge variety. There are those who praise how they look, who celebrate that there are seven of them; then there are those who point out details: how big Jungkook and Namjoon are, Jimin's hair and Hye; Jungkook hugging Bam; Taehyung with long and faded hair; Jin and his hand; Hoseok with noticeable tiredness and then there is Yoongi.

Who in all this time, had remained still and tense, now that the comments are amplified and he can notice too many people pointing at his scar, he feels his face cracking.

As if it were glass breaking.

He gives a whimper and to their surprise, starts to cry. He scrunches up his face and ends up getting up. Hoseok stretches his lips, worried "I'll be right back. Just a moment." Hoseok chases after Yoongi to make sure he's okay. He finds him crying on his bed. Yoongi shakes his hands and seems to break down more and more in tears.

"They... they're going to hate me..."

"they will despise me."

"They're going to make fun of me."

"All those eyes are going to hate me."

Hoseok stays with him until he falls asleep. Meanwhile, the live show continues. Hoseok returns much later and the talk is a bit tense. Jimin has been quiet for a while, completely dissociated. Something that is very noticeable. Near the end, he takes a deep breath and looks around in horror.

Getting up and walking away without a word. Aeyoung follows close behind.

. . .

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah... just... head nonsense."

Namjoon purses his lips, complicated to believe it's that simple. Yoongi keeps his face covered with a bandage and Jimin, he's still in his cloud as usual.

Chapter 27: Before the cameras

Chapter Text

"Huh? Why are you covering your face?"

Wooyoung doesn't avoid the question even though it's very indiscreet of him. He lifts up his eyepatch, revealing the black hole left behind. After all, he had part of his eyelid ripped off as well.

"I was offered cosmetic surgery recently," Wooyoung mentions. "I asked for it differently. I just want to have part of my eyelid put in to cover the hole. It makes me cold."

"Good for you." grumbles Yoongi. Wooyoung sways on his feet.

"What I mean is, what does it matter?" He shrugs and Yoongi looks at him with irritation. "At least I like having the brand? I wasn't drowning in a glass of water! Really something bad happened, but I'm fine now and nothing bad is going to happen" He smiles wide and animated. Yoongi furrows his eyebrows. "There will also be no one who can tell me that I'm exaggerating, that I didn't live through anything? I was literally in a trap made by thinking infected! And they were here" He puts his fingers together. "From killing me I'm going to complain all I want that they didn't go after me! That we had to save ourselves! I have my right. Also to shut up anyone who tries to make fun. It's like a privilege." he laughs in amusem*nt.

Yoongi is so envious of how calm Wooyoung manages to be about this. He muses that maybe it happens because he is different. He lost an eye and lived the moment in terror, it's not the same as being almost totally devoured.

Maybe that's it...

Or maybe he already managed to get past the fear Yoongi still has inside him.

"Sorry... I-I'll do it right, just give me..."

"Take as long as you want."

Jimin rubs his face and Namjoon reviews what they have recorded so far. He's kept replaying take after take just for Jimin. He says he can do better - even though the fourth time was already perfect - and he's going to respect him doing it until he feels comfortable.

"Do you think I'm doing it right?" asks Jimin with a red, puffy face, still rubbing his neck with both hands."

"Since the third try, you're doing great. We have a long time without singing professionally" Namjoon sways back and forth in his seat. "It's natural that you don't feel you're doing well... but you are." he assures with a huge smile. Jimin nods his head, sniffling.

"I want to repeat it just the same."

"Good! Take a breath, when you normalize we'll record."

Jimin shakes his head, takes a deep breath and starts vocalizing. Discreetly, Hoseok records the moment and above all, when Jimin sings. He hijacks Jimin's cell phone for a while, sends the video to himself and uploads it without audio.

j.m: working some things.

"You're much calmer these days, Sunbae," San comments, swinging his legs on the bridge. Sitting next to Jungkook, Mingi, Yunho and Taehyung. "I don't feel like you're going to hit me if I cross you anymore," he says.

"It's much more relaxing here...I'd never want to leave," he admits with a smile, closing his eyes and leaning back against the metal railing. There is a small pond in Sanctuary's huge commons. A few geese pass by, swimming and in their own world. "I have to do it to make sure I can be normal, though."

"I think you're already pretty normal." says Taehyung.

"I must know how to put up with asshole people without wanting to beat them to death. That's the next step."

"You have to beat asshole people to death."

"One less won't hurt." states Yunho shaking his hand and Mingi laughs giving him a teasing nudge. Jungkook wrinkles his nose and Taehyung squints his eyes.

"You know what, you're not very normal: you're even more damn beautiful than you already were. Stop beautifying yourself with the days."

Jungkook holds up his fingers and poses feigning smugness. Taehyung laughs, slapping the metal railing. San shakes his head in amusem*nt. Yes, Jungkook is doing much better. Maybe not quite well, but he has gotten better. There is already a level of peace about him. Perceptible and charming.

As he supposes he has always been.

He takes a deep breath and tries to normalize the violent tremors in his body. He contains within him the frustration and lets it out in a simple, low complaint. "I hate this damn complication why can't it be made easier, why must it need two hands?"

He tries again to pick up the pot full of cooked pasta and it starts to over soften. Hoseok enters the kitchen and seeing it so complicated, picks up the pot instead. Jin holds the strainer on top of the sink and waits patiently for everything to fall into the utensil.

"Thank you."

Hoseok opens his eyes, surprised and can't resist smiling.

"You're welcome honey." As Hoseok sets the pot down he gives Jin a kiss on the lips. "Can I help you with anything here? I know you like to cook alone, but I'm starving-"

"They've got me for a cook. I'm not your damn slave. Go chop all that stuff over there and I want it ready before I'm done with the meat." He warns with false imposition. Hoseok makes military gesture before going to wash all the vegetables. Cabbage, bell pepper, onion. A lot of things.

Jin takes a deep breath and Hoseok notices his small, bubbling frustration, but at the same time, he also senses his attempts to accept the help without further ado. Accepting that it doesn't hurt to be wanted for companionship and support.

It doesn't make it useless.

He could do it alone, but it is not synonymous with it being an obligation.

"How was the date with Choonhe-nim?" asks Hoseok, wanting to start some conversation.

"Fine. He told me I'm getting better... and the medication changed. It's less strong now. Maybe I'll stop waking up with a headache and being stupid for thirty minutes straight." he replies, engrossed in what he's doing: pounding meat with a maso to tenderize it. Taehyung goes into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

"But you're stupid twenty-four hours a day, Hyung-"

"YAH! IMPERTINENT BOY!" scolds Jin pointing the wooden maso at him. Taehyung laughs, just short of throwing the water. "REMEMBER WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO AND WHO YOU'RE ASKING TO SLEEP WITH YOU! THAT MEANS YOU'RE JUMPING ON A STUPID GUY'S DICK OR WHAT?"

Taehyung throws all the water and Hoseok ends up falling on the floor, crying from laughter. He can't believe that Jin actually used that move to his advantage. It's almost absurd. He laughs so hard that Yeontan comes in, nervous and thinking something is wrong, barking at the same time as Taehyung tries to wipe the water off his face.

"Jimin-sunbaeeeeeeee... say hello."

"Oh, doing a live one" Jimin waves with his hand, holding Hye in the other. Wooyoung leans back from him, reading the comments that keep coming in. "Are you guys good with Wooyoung-ni?" he closes one eye, stroking the opposite's head. "I know, he's someone I love dearly and they're making him happy with their support."

"A-now he's going to embarrass me." admits Wooyoung pulling away and Jimin laughs.

"It's my best quality. Sorry." He covers his mouth with his hand and Wooyoung shrugs. He notices the comments again.

salas_: WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

beth: HE'S A FRIEND OF HIS CRUSH OMG

_ale: i need context on how this happened please. I want this story. It will give me the serotonin my brain doesnt produce on its own 🧎.

"Huh? They don't know?" asks Jimin in surprise. "We are all friends. Hongjoong is very close to Namjoon.... I think- NAMJOOOOOOOOON! Nam!"

Wooyoung focuses the cell phone upstairs, where Namjoon is looking out and next to him, Hongjoong. Both of them working on getting the instrumental part to work. It's what they're having the hardest time producing. Hongjoong waves and Namjoon squeezes his eyes and smile. Jimin looks very tender from here.

"See?" exposes Jimin. "We are all friends. We help each other a lot over there.... Wooyoung helps me with my depression. I love him very much." He gives him a resounding kiss on the cheek and Wooyoung reddens, eyes wide open.

He didn't think this would happen with a camera in front of him. Jimin laughs and pushes him off his face, snatching his cell phone in what shrieks in astonishment to the side. Jungkook who was watching from afar joins in the transmission hijacking.

"I found them. They were trying to survive. They were adorable," says Jungkook wrinkling his nose. What he finds most adorable now, is the amazed reaction of everyone on the transmission. Rising with the seconds grace to their presence and what they talk about. Nothing too deep or that's going to discomfort. "They wanted to help us in the shelter we had and so we ended up as friends."

"I made it. I just won the lottery." assures Wooyoung retrieving his phone.

"Oh no, I won you." Jimin hugs him from behind and Jungkook slaps his tongue against his cheek.

beth: Jeonlous back in action.

He smiles looking at the comments to his latest photo. There are many purple hearts, many people saying they would like to have a live one to chat with him. Anyway, Taehyung is very happy about this. Tucked in his little corner of peace. Where everyone loves him and celebrates him for being alive.

They don't see much news. They avoid it as much as possible. They are aware that bad comments will come their way and Choonhe gave them permission to do so. I assure them that adapting to the world again does not mean that they have to put up with bad comments, bad treatment, bad moments.

It is okay to ignore them.

It is okay not to seek them out.

It's okay to avoid them.

Whatever makes them feel at peace and safe, that's where they should stay. He even said it in a group session:

"It's what you deserve after suffering so much. Delete the comments that offend you, ignore the news that judge you or try to diminish you. Your peace and stability must come first. Especially in a world as cruel as this one."

Hoseok and Jungkook are the ones who have made their account have activity the most. It is quite a lot. Sometimes he uploads stories. Silly things. Pictures of Holly, the piano, what he composes, his computer. He doesn't consider himself very interesting in that regard.

At the same time, he has so much activity that it surprises him. He knows there has been a lot about his scar, which is why he bandages it as soon as he gets up. That way he feels his face is secure. That it's not going to snap hopelessly at any moment.

Check the messages. Most are hearts, words of encouragement, overall it's pretty happy and makes him feel less miserable. Since the day he saw his scar, he's noticed a very persistent chat and vaguely remembers it's the same person from the long comment.

And the "marry me"

snowcat:

hi Min Yoongi. You are the most talented idol, musician, composer and producer in the world.
and producer in the world. I don't really know how to
start this, I'm shaking a lot, sorry if it's written very
I don't speak Korean, I just study it and suffer from it.

It was a good start, quite funny must say. Also note the last thing. It's a bit formal. More than it should be. I had forgotten all about that whole impracticality thing it got.

You probably won't read this, but I want to say the following.
in case you have one more miracle on my side: I was very concerned to see you run off
the last broadcast, because they were talking about your face and I'm sorry.
I am very sorry if you felt bad about it.

I also talked a lot about it and it took me a while to think "he must feel bad that they are talking about it.
that's why he didn't want to show his face".

Personally, I don't think it's wrong. You are still as handsome and beautiful
as I remembered (and as you looks in my photocards), even more so with his long hair
and the way he smiled at first.

I'd like you to know that, if you0re not comfortable, you don't have to show it, you don't
has to be in front of cameras again if you don't want to. Everyone would
everyone would like to, me too, but it feels very unfair for him to feel bad for fulfilling a request.
bad about fulfilling a request. It's your life and do what you want
with it, including not showing what makes you unhappy.

Yoongi I consider it a tender gesture. He is one of the few people who have mentioned that: the obvious of his discontent and discomfort. They tell him that he looks good, that it doesn't matter, to show up. It's almost being forced to come up more than face despite how much he dreads that possibility.

He left his cell phone for a couple of days and when he returned, he found that more messages came in from that chat.

snowcat:

I almost fainted, if you saw me, sorry to bother.

I want to tell you that you made me happy for a long, long time, too.
when you reappeared. I consider you someone of making great music,
of doing whatever you set his mind to no matter what and helping a lot of people
without even knowing it.

capable of*.

I know what it's like to be unhappy with how you looks. To have a body that
not what I would like, to have wasted time, to think that no one loves you or that there is
or that there's pressure from the outside, but... For f*ck's sake
and that's it!

Getting angry is not wrong. Neither is hating those who hurt us
and pretend we're okay even if they did that to us. No
pay attention to anyone who forces you to do things you don't want to
do or that will make you feel bad. or that will make you feel bad.

I love you. I love you with my soul. I consider you a precious human being
, someone with a very beautiful energy and that should not be
should not be extinguished.

(I started to cry, how embarrassing)

Please take good care of yourself min yoongi, you are too beautiful,
too perfect, too talented, perfect, talented, great, precious,
gorgeous, intelligent.

you are perfect.

Yoongi doesn't consider himself perfect.

Not at all.

What he does consider, is that these kinds of messages make him very happy.

To think that there are people who instead of looking at him with pity, understand and are kind to how much he circulates in his mind.

The last thing he saw, before that person got lost in the tide of private chat, is that them send him a song. A link to YouTube. At the time he was amused, but then he looked it up to listen to it and found it charming.

Literally enchanting.

"I think we're all over the news....

It was kind of uncomfortable to turn on the TV and find that all they talk about, is them and their lives. The few snippets they allow of themselves to the world. They don't have a landline, after all, no one who is important won't contact Namjoon directly should the need arise.

"I was asked to ask them" The seven turn to Aeyoung. "If they would like to accept interviews. There are a lot of people interested. It's entirely up to them, however, they feel it may be beneficial."

"In what way?"

"For those who reintegrate into society" Aeyoung straightens up and Jimin tilts his head, curious. "After all, most of them are normal people or the media power itself... The amount of problems out there are overwhelming."

Namjoon lowers his gaze. He knows what he's referring to. No one has any special patience or respect for them. The idea that they lived through hell, but are slow to adapt is unacceptable. For that they came out of a shelter and must come to put their life together in one fell swoop is a lot.

Not to mention the amount of post-traumatic stress they deal with, which some people label as a threat because they have the disease in them. It's a list of problems that they could certainly help with, if only a little bit. They are a means to an end. They always have been.

"What do you guys think?" Namjoon wants to know the opinion of others first. To know what goes through their minds so he doesn't just choose what he thinks is best. Hoseok smiles at him.

"I think it would be great. Let people know how it really is... let them not keep saying silly things." Adds the dancer.

After all, there is an absurd level of misinformation about the affected areas. Some believe they are a fabrication, others that it is easy to get over it, few give it the importance it deserves. After all, it affected countries that are usually indifferent to most.

These are Asian countries.

They are countries full of people that could shrink and thus have less population.

They are countries with nuclear missiles.

They are countries with bad governments.

Etc, etc, etc, etc...

And maybe... if they tell the truth, at least more people will know the reality in which they must live. Treat it as a world war and its consequences. Not a small accident.

"I'd be fine too." announces Taehyung with gentle gestures. Namjoon turns to Jin, Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin. The former squeezes his wrist, watching the TV and then towards Namjoon. He nods his head. Jungkook pats Bam.

"If he can go, I have no problem." assures Jungkook quietly.

"Can I cover my face?"

"Yes. Of course."

Yoongi nods. The last one is Jimin. Nothing new. Really, he seems to notice too late what they're talking about.

"Will I be able to leave if I want to?"

"Sure."

Namjoon concludes that they can. It will be the first base to start their career again. They send them the list of interview offers and how to make contact. Reminding him that he can't reveal anything about the Alphas that is extraneous to what has been discussed earlier.

Keep the project as quiet as possible.

And remembering how to be in front of the cameras.

Ones that judge rather than enjoy what you have to say.

Chapter 28: Sincere words

Chapter Text

"A song?"

Jungkook nods and holds out his cell phone to Namjoon.

"Yoongi helped me put a track to it. We paid a musician to make the track and I already have it recorded. It's... not perfect, I think; Yoongi said it's okay and I believe in him telling the truth" He scratches his head and bites his lower lip. "So I thought I could sing it wherever we go to...show that if we're making new music. M-maybe get some attention."

"You really want that? If you don't want to do it, it's no problem." states Namjoon, worried that Jungkook will force himself. After all, he along with Jimin are among the most obsessed with making whatever they do, millimeter perfect.

Or what they understand as perfect. It's almost silly, but adorable.

"Yeah. I've been thinking about this song for years.... I hope you like it."

Jungkook sits down, waiting for Namjoon's opinion upon hearing it.

Jungkook was supposed to sing today. I really liked the song and it would be a good sign that we still do music.... He told me before he left that he didn't want to sing anymore. That he didn't feel ready for it. There was no problem about it. Fortunately we hadn't made it clear whether or not we could give music on the show.

Eventually he could. Eventually. The interview itself...

"This is so weird." says Taehyung, getting groomed by the program's stylists. They opted to travel to give a round of interviews on different American shows. After all, they are the ones that are rebroadcast the most and hopefully, it will provide the effect they want.

Few offers came from Korean productions. Those were also accepted and upon further investigation, they are those groups of people who came out at the beginning of the problem. They are settled in Norway, a country that reached out to them from the beginning.

"I'm getting sleepy." stammers Jungkook, shortly after sliding down the chair. The hairstylist laughs, arranging his head so she can do his makeup.

Jin adjusts the sleeve of his jacket. As soon as they accepted, they sent hundreds of boxes of clothes to wear. A very grateful gesture. It's much nicer and stylist clothes. Fitted to what they wanted to wear for the first public appearance.

At the same time, the prosthesis for Jin's wrist arrived and now he has a hand made of a resistant material, but soft at the same time. It is obvious that it is a prosthesis to look aesthetic, however, Jin likes to have it. It is better than having nothing. He has to get used to it so he doesn't knock anything down.

"Would you like us to cover this up?" asks the stylist, politely. Yoongi pouts slightly, seeing the bandage on the table. He's been wearing it all this time, but he's sick of not being able to see, aside from the fact that it makes him itchy, it makes him hot. He shakes his head.

He'll put it on so that the scar won't show....

Or maybe I should just pretend it's gone, like always, he thinks vaguely. The stylist nods and although she puts on him makeup, there is nothing consistent to disguise the gaping break. Yoongi looks to the right, where Jimin smiles with some excitement of his hair in the hairstyle they did for him. It's very simple, but it looks better than having it on his face.

Plus the eye shadow and lip gloss.

"I feel pretty." Jimin admits somewhat embarrassed.

"You always look pretty What are you talking about?" grumbles Yoongi nudging him.

"You're all pretty, you're just insisting you're not." mumbles Namjoon, just as sleepily.

Aeyoung watches them have that little tiff. Silly and cute. Jungkook fell asleep and that's saying a lot. Neither likes the invasion of their space by a third party. Still, they're here, letting each other do it. She senses they were tense, but once advanced, they molded enough to say no, he's not going to hurt me.

She is also well groomed. They asked her to be. So more in keeping with them and not like an employee.

"Kookie, wake up, it's time." announces Namjoon.

The youngest stirs and opens his eyes awkwardly. Aeyoung stares, reaction is to get up and though he crumples his face at the sight of the stylist, he doesn't do anything against her. At most, asking for permission. At other times, he becomes rude out of shock.

Accustomed to the fact that if there is another face nearby, it is a threat.

They enter the studio where they would record the interview. There is a small audience, all women with posters, Army Bombs and colorful headbands. Jimin steps aside, jumping in fright at the sudden shriek. Namjoon hurries to the front:

"Please don't make too much of a fuss! Jimin and Yoongi are sensitive" explains the taller one clasping his hands together. "And they might get sick if they get scared. They should go slowly, okay?" he asks with a soft smile. Having them wave lights, cell phones and signs instead of making noise works well enough.

They take seats on the sofa and chairs. On the chairs, Jungkook, Taehyung and Hoseok; on the sofa, Namjoon, Jimin, Yoongi and Jin. The smiling and excited interviewer does not restrain herself from greeting them from before.

"Thank you so much for agreeing to come. I feel one in a million." she whispers and Namjoon smiles.

"Thank you to you for inviting us."

She nods excitedly and during the introduction, they don't pay attention. They are barely aware of the murmur. The glances over it make them nervous. It makes them feel threatened, but at the same time rationality hits them Threatened by what? They have no weapons. They have no aggressive intentions. They just want to see them and say hello.

They want to know about them.

They want to know what it was like to be them.

"So" Namjoon returns to earth. The forty-something woman with a smile and hands clasped together. "Tell us a little about what it was like."

"Awful." replies Hoseok without thinking and causes some laughter.

"Yes, truth be told, it was the worst experience anyone could ever go through." says Namjoon with a half-hearted laugh. "Suddenly nothing that you are, matters. It only matters to keep you in the light or hide well at night."

"Did they know how to deal with all that? Or did it happen on the fly." Their interest is obvious. They watched videos of her interviews and considered her good.

They considered her genuine in what was going to be done. In what they would talk about.

"We learned at the march what to do," Namjoon says. "We didn't know anything. There was no explanation at any point" Jimin plays with the plates under his pink shirt, his hands covered by the black jacket. "It was a huge problem.... The company tried to get us out fast, but we got caught in traffic and in the end, it couldn't be done."

"The number of evacuation flights were a lot according to the news. Everyone going out to different places and trying to dodge the infection," she relates, rocking back in her seat. "I have one question that I've seen an awful lot of and several of the people here must also be questioning: what happened to the company? And with Tomorrow x Together, who were their co-wokers."

Jin lowers his gaze.

"They couldn't make it. They...died when the infection started in Seoul" The disappointment in some of the people in the audience is obvious. "We made graves for them a while ago. They are in Norway at a place we can't disclose, but both they and Bang PD were given funerals a few months ago."

"I'm very sorry about that."

"We were very lucky to have made it and yet" Namjoon lets out a heavy, tired laugh. "I don't know how possible it would have been to save us all? I got bitten. Everything went haywire and I got bitten. Here I have the scar still."

Namjoon lifts the sleeve of his coat and zooms in on the area. Maybe it's not huge or the most obvious of all, but it is clear that someone bit him there and removed flesh. The woman covers her face with her hands.

"Biting? And are you okay?"

"It was seven years ago! I'm fine. It was the first one... the one I could care less about now." Namjoon admits somewhat mockingly about it.

"We all got bitten." mentions Jungkook swaying. "We also got shot, we got crushed, we almost got burned-what didn't we go through?" asks Jungkook to Taehyung who shrugs.

"Everything bad in the world happened to us."

"Moving on to a more lighthearted topic and I hope, you don't mind," he announces clasping his hands together. "There's a lot of curiosity regarding who else survived. In fact, we made a list of options here" On the screen behind the seats, there's a bunch of pictures and group names. "And we thought they might give us that clue."

"Oops, there's a lot of people." mutters Hoseok.

"We just say the name?"

"It can be a guess if you want."

Jungkook gets up from his seat and from memory, repeats the Du-ddu-ddu dance, causing a few gasps of excitement. The interviewer laughs, backing away. Faint applause and Jungkook sits back down with a smile. Jimin stands up and after adjusting his jacket, dances a bit of "Fancy," covering his laughter seconds later.

Hoseok and Yoongi had the same the same thought, "WOW, FANTASTIC BABY" Hoseok laughs, getting up from his seat and doing some jumping jacks.

"Atee*z already know it's okay. They will come eventually" Namjoon says nonchalantly and checks the list. "Ummm... I'm not going to deny them that I don't remember anything." Namjoon covers his face with one hand.

"What's worse is that he's your best friend." Jin points out crossing his arms.

"At least one you should know." critical Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook prod him with a finger.

"I'm trying to think!"

"Think faster! Come on! You should know one!"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" he claims hiding himself more.

In the end he couldn't say any and they had to say it's GOT7. Jimin took care of Wonho and KARD with no problem, Taehyung revealed that his friends are safe and well. Jin awkwardly hummed "Egotistic" by Mamamoo. The list went on for a long while and in the end, it ended up being a good start to it all. No awkwardness of any kind and exposing what it was like to spend so much time in Korea in his current state.

. . .

snowcat: FAITH NEVER DIES JUST LIKE MY TWICE QUEENS! VIVA CARAJOOOOOOOOO!

heisabeth: They always think of Atee*z. They are your babies😭

CoNA24: Blackpink are still alive, more so than YG. What a way to end a contract.

Byul_loveKM: I want a blackpink collab with BTS pleaserrrrrr. There is no company anymore, do whatever you want.

BPQueens: jungkookxlisa can become a reality.

Solarbyul: Not even hell could stop mamamoo from continuing her kpop reign.

Koreancat: GOT7 is more alive for BTS than it was for JYP.

Felicit: Stray kids???? My kids where?

"Animals get infected too."

"Yes. And they're smarter than infected humans," Namjoon explains. The mixed audience, but with posters just like in the previous program. "They also infect anyone they bite, except the purple ones.

"Speaking of which! We were told that purple or that color spectrum, is the strongest immunity" nods in agreement with the interviewer. "You mean you guys can get bitten and nothing happens."

"Indeed."

"Can you show us what it looks like? We brought in a very trusted doctor to demonstrate this fact."

They stand up and advance the table with the test glasses. Namjoon is the one who greets the doctor, the others bow their heads. They make a cut on their hand so naturally that it causes murmurs. They drop the blood into the glass house and the variation is not only lightning fast, it is also overwhelming in the shade it takes.

"The stronger the color, the more regenerative it will be" Jimin raises his hand to show that the wound is beginning to close in front of them. "That's why it's so important for everyone to have immunity: it helps you survive serious injuries that happen."

"Wow, that's amazing!"

The exclamation brought applause and Jungkook covers Jimin's ears for safety.

. . .

Mochi_Mochi571: Jimin is so sensitive to sounds that they have to cover his ears.

WIN_WINNIE_POOH: Status: liquid

pulgakawii: If you're going to see them, try not to scream. They will scare you and make you feel bad.

LarizaRodriguez138: They have post-traumatic stress, the noises scare them.

Anizjannis: Jungkook is so cute with his Hyung.

LeticiaVegaVenturo: Look how he shrinks and gets scared😭my boy, you have to put him in a little box.

"I lost my hand because they devoured it."

Namjoon hadn't expected Jin to open up to say something, showing the targeted part and then putting the prosthesis back on. He notices it nervously and doesn't delay in taking it by the hand, running his thumb over it.

"I had it ripped off, actually... I had seen many times people being eaten, but... living it yourself is horrible" he admits in a cracked voice, the pair of interviewers gesturing for tissues. "And... the only good thing is that it was just my hand. If Jimin hadn't been there, I might have been killed."

"You could say that no one can survive this kind of thing alone," comments the interviewer. Someone from the staff holds out a handkerchief for Jin. He thanks quietly. "What happened years ago showed us that. I'm not going to name him because there's no need to relive his tragedy, but that person commented on how hard it was to be alone and how much he appreciated having company."

"It's just that you can't go through something like that alone, but you can't live through it with someone who is no good either" Jimin replies and the man waits attentively. "There were... bad people where I was sheltered for two years. People who were capable of cruelly abusing others.... And those people accepted because they were afraid to be alone, because of the danger it could bring."

"So the survival of all of you lies in the trust you have in each other. In the certainty of the good you do." replaces the woman and the man nods to that.

"That's just what I was going to say: as long as humanity and decency prevail, survival is possible."

"Yes. It can be said." agrees Jimin and Jin nods.

. . .

snowcat: MY MAN SO STRONG AND SO CAPABLE OF EVERYTHING!

moonwrts: I'm just dying of pain.

Nuna_13: Jin is someone very strong who keeps going. Even without a hand, he is overcoming any hardship.

"Me... I was almost devoured..."

Hoseok takes him from the embrace and gives him a loving squeeze, leaning back against him. Assuring him that he's here and not stuck in some terrible place. Yoongi bites his lips and forces himself to say it. He wants to get it off his chest.

He wants to expose what happened to him and maybe this way, people will see how strong he is and how much it's costing him to be here.

It makes sense, doesn't it? He wants to convince himself that it does. That maybe with this, he can be accept the mark on his face instead of trying to hide it any longer. Jin could talk about which hand, Namjoon about the bites and Jungkook about when he was beaten.

He can do it...

He can do it.

He can do it!

"There was almost nothing left of me" Yoongi's lips curl downward and his eyes water. "And I felt like I was dying.... Jungkook was there with me trying to keep me from dying, but... I thought I was going to die and I felt like they kept biting me... I almost lost my whole body and in the end there were only scars left."

"How did something like that happen? If it's no bother to ask." The interviewer holds out a box of tissues and asks for drinks to be brought, considering a break so Yoongi doesn't feel worse.

"Some infected were cheating. We fell into them. There were infected everywhere and I couldn't deal with them. Neither of us." he explains vaguely, but enough. They've already talked a lot about the Alphas, so this is harping on the danger they pose.

"But you survived! You're the most impressive person ever! No one would survive something like that. I wouldn't hold out."

"No one would," supports Hoseok. "Yoongi is great." pulls Yoongi's cheek, speaking nasally. Yoongi fails to smile, too overwhelmed, but at the same time with a certain peace inside.

He doesn't even know how he feels. Just that at least it's known now and he won't read anymore of anyone saying it came from some fight or that he did it to himself to be interesting.

. . .

snowcat: HOW I LOVE THIS MAN 😭😭😭😭 I WANT TO FILL HIS FACE WITH KISSES. NEVER LET HIM GO. PUT HIM IN A LITTLE GLASS BOX SO NO ONE CAN HURT HIM GODSSSSSS.

snowcat: i'm crying so hard, that happened to him and he's still there.

snowcat: how he cries 😭 anyone (Namjoon, Hoseok, Jungkook, anyone) please fill him with kisses for me.

heisabeth: min yoongi is the best f*cking thing that could happen to this world. the only man to pray for.

kuma_: ready for a knife fight to anyone who dares to say that he got the scar on purpose.

Nuna_13: I hope he recovers soon from that trauma. You can tell it still affects him a lot

KMLife: I started crying with him, it helps

nomimimi: I'm crying

Jungkook uploaded a picture of Yoongi sleeping and hugging Holly. In itself, it's cute, there's nothing wrong or problematic there. What worried his therapist and prompted her to call him in the wee hours of the morning, was the description:

Jk_97: No, it's not a damn knife wound. To those who say he just wants attention, I hope he was happy with his few seconds of attention and popularity. Yoongi almost died. Yoongi almost died for saving my life and he almost died because I couldn't get him to a place where he could be healed.

To say he did it to himself for attention is as stupid as thinking we are making up everything we say. We lost seven years of our lives. I lost my mother, father and older brother; we all lost our family and country.

Stop picking on Yoongi. Stop invalidating what he suffered and find something better to do with your moronic comments. Clearly nothing bad ever happened to any of you and it's unfair that such stupid people with no empathy are the ones left out of the mess.

f*ck you.

. . .

Have you done the meditation?

"Yes."

And the other exercises?

"Also."

Is there something you want to tell me?

"It's just that" Jungkook keeps biting his lips, visibly frustrated. "I know we can't expect everyone to understand or everyone to be equally empathetic, but why can't I complain? I didn't do anything wrong. I just... I just spoke my mind I didn't even insult them as much as I would have liked!" excuses Jungkook hastily, hopeful that the therapist will understand.

I fully understand that it frustrates you, however, you must find other ways to deal with your anger. Remember that you are a public figure, this kind of outburst can be problematic for you and we don't want that Do we?

"No... Then what do I do?"

Whenever you get frustrated, come talk it out with me. I'm available all the time. At the same time, I want to congratulate you because honestly, with what happened before, it's progress the way you expressed yourself.

Jungkook wrinkles his nose, satisfied. Well, he didn't do entirely badly. He must admit that it's very noticeable how angry he got. Seeing Yoongi crying at the insistence of people saying he "cut his face" and "trying to victimize himself" got on his nerves. He didn't break anything, he managed to keep himself under control.

He just couldn't hold back the urge to curse them all out in public. Now with his head a little cooler, he hopes nothing bad happens.

[BTS's Jungkook leaves a message about his partner Suga.]

[BTS's Jungkook's outburst]

[Lack of empathy and protectiveness among BTS members]

["f*ck You", BTS's Jungkook Gives Important Message to His Detractors]

"Jimin?"

He takes a deep breath and hurriedly takes off the microphone. Even though they cut the recording, people in the audience record the sudden panic attack of the Idol, who becomes upset that he can't take off the microphone and starts screaming, holding his hands to his head, cowering on the ground as if something is coming to get him or if there is something on top of him preventing him from moving.

[Jimin from BTS and his post-traumatic stress disorder]

[Scene of BTS's Jimin in the program - - - - - - ]

[Acting or reality? Possible explanation for BTS's Jimin's sudden reaction]

[Five difficulties that BTS's Jimin has had in adjusting]

[Evidence that BTS's Jimin is NOT faking his post-traumatic stress disorder]

[Ten moments that RM, leader of BTS, has been able to help the members]

"Jimin and Jungkook couldn't come today, they are overwhelmed. I'm sorry." says Namjoon with a sorry smile.

"That's unfortunate, but from here a strong greeting! Also much encouragement for his recovery. We all want to see more videos of him smiling next to his little dog." says the commentator, animated and with several videos playing on the screen behind the couch.

"We are in the process of making music" Namjoon reports and Hoseok nods enthusiastically. Taehyung gives a thumbs up and winks, "we're just... taking a little time to get it right. it's seven years without doing any of this. It's like relearning."

"I imagine it must be very difficult."

"Yes... but the good part is that when we do manage to publish content, it will be complete and quite good. Please look forward to it." he asks with a nod of his head.

"May I know what's coming?" She looks at him over the top of her glasses, raising her eyebrows. Namjoon smiles shaking his head.

"I'll just say that we'll be back as a group," he announces and there is applause, "but.... Also as soloists!"

[BTS will be back! Here RM's interview about their comeback]

[BTS members' upcoming projects!]

[Who's coming first? BTS Members' solo predictions]

. . .

heisabeth: I know you're coming Jungkook's Solo and I'll be here ready to spend my whole paycheck on you.

snowcat: I smell the return of Agust D.... I CAN FEEL IT AND SO CAN MY POVERTY

beth_: I'll allow myself to delululear that in Namjoon's solo there will be a collaboration with Hongjoong. It's never hard to dream.

vante_: Kim TAEHYUNG FIRST ALBUM GO GO GO

moonwrts: PJM1 HERE WE COME

"We haven't thought about collaborations," Jin admits, crossing his leg. "Truth be told, we don't talk to anyone other than Atee*z.... And they are busy with their own projects - they sound great by the way. Wait for them." he comments winking.

"Anyway," Namjoon adds, clasping his hands together. "If anyone wants to collaborate, it's just a matter of looking us up... before we go to our private residence, of course." he laughs the last and there is some more laughter."

"I want to collaborate with Taeyang..." mutters Jimin in a haze, holding his she-wolf on his thighs. He was allowed to have her, just as Jungkook has Bam.

"I'd like to collaborate with IU again, though I don't know anything about her." comments Yoongi. "And with jhope."

"Jhope will think about it." jokes Hoseok.

Yoongi opens the door without thinking. No one can get to the hotel room. They have too much security. The others went out to buy some things, except Jimin who sleeps in his room with Aeyoung taking care of him. He opens his eyes in surprise, finding Ashley Frangipane there.

Halsey.

"h-HI... Hi..."

"Hi," she smiles brightly and her eyes water. "I'm glad to see you well,"

Yoongi lets himself be hugged, somewhat surprised to see her here. He didn't know what to think of her. Whether she was okay or not. They've disconnected from everyone who wasn't in the incident as such. She passes into the room and talks to him.

With Yoongi keeping in his mind the basics: the relief she felt to see them alive, the proposal to collaborate on a big project, something about the soundtrack of a game; the explanation that she didn't want to invade his space or let anyone know she was here so as not to cause bad impressions.

In the end...

"Thank you for remembering us..." stammers Yoongi with the urge to cry.

"I always did! This" She hurriedly pulls out a stack of papers. "I made hundreds of donations to these organizations-they were to send resources to Korea. I was convinced they should still be alive over there" Yoongi checks that they are indeed payment receipts to humanitarian organizations that donate food and resources to help. Both shelters and in-country. Planes flying over and dropping off boxes. "And... and it makes me very happy to know that they are okay."

Yoongi nods and hugs her again.

"What's wrong? I didn't know we had a visitor." Jimin babbles sleepily. Halsey can't resist laughing at him, getting up to greet him.

"Okay, we got Halsey.... Charlie Puth" Jungkook hasn't stopped jumping up and down since the singer called. "IU came out of nowhere" Yoongi raises his eyebrows repeatedly, jokingly. "Taeyang already has everything ready to make his album and wants to sing with Jimin" The named blows a kiss and Namjoon squeezes the smile and eyes. "In conclusion, just-

"How late, who is it?" asks Hoseok between a yawn. It must be ten o'clock at night. They have a chicken complex at this point. They go to sleep very early.

Namjoon goes to the door and half-opens it, frowning as soon as he notices who's there. He just opens it, causing surprise in the rest. "Hello." says Namjoon between awkward, confused and embarrassed. He doesn't recognize who it is. His face rings a bell, but not much else.

"Hello," greets the blond man. "I've been looking for you all day and they wouldn't let me on, I had to do a thousand turns and pleas" he explains with a nervous smile. "Do you recognize me?" Namjoon shakes his head. "Well, Chris Martin, I'm the lead singer of Coldplay."

Namjoon's eyes widen and he turns inside, where the rest have the same reaction he does: what is Coldplay doing here? Namjoon turns back to Chris, a strained smile on his lips. He lets out a laugh and lets him pass.

"O-okay... uh why...?"

"They said if I wanted a collaboration, come get them and I know they have a few days before they leave" Chris replies clasping his hands together and looking at them alternately. "So I decided to come and pitch them my idea. I promise you're going to love it. It's going to be phenomenal."

"We're not going to sing in English!" warns Jin in a grumble.

"Not at all! Not at all! I'd rather have you guys sing in Korean a thousand times. Let it be you guys- Ufff, I just admire your dedication and your work. You guys breathe music and I really appreciate that." he explains between enthusiastic and amazed. Yoongi blushes.

To say he's excited is an understatement. It was wonderful how much they were able to talk to him, that the group song flowed smoothly and so quickly. Chris promised to pay for all the travel and accommodation if necessary, determined to have this song no matter what. Including them in the videos.

In truth, they are not that relevant as musicians right now. This level of decisiveness is charming and gives them hope that the return to music will be one worthy of the expectation everyone has of them.

Chapter 29: Remembering how to live

Chapter Text

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine... strangely fine."

Namjoon laughs and pats him on the thigh. Jimin keeps looking out the window on the side of the large hotel room. Namjoon bends down to give him a kiss on the expanse of skin and Jimin rolls over, laying on his back with Namjoon on top of him. Both arms on either side of Jimin and at chest level.

"Why is it strange?"

"I didn't remember being alive and well feeling so good" he admits in a whisper, stroking Namjoon's cheek. "That worries were so banal... that I should only worry about my jacket not getting wrinkled and trying to apply makeup on my own..."

"Life, in itself, is easier depending on what you do. In our case... it's gotten easier" she assures, sucks on Jimin's finger which he slides across his lips. Jimin presses his legs together, as he pulls it out, Namjoon licks his lips. "Walls, noise, food to forage, to plant, animals to keep, buildings to approve and oversee, architecture, weather... none of it concerns us anymore and so, suddenly it's easy."

"Choonhe-nim told me that I must learn to enjoy life. That I must remember to do that" Jimin mentions rising up on his elbows and standing close to Namjoon. "I think that part of me and I still haven't found each other. We still didn't come together... I thought I was dead."

"I understand the feeling." says Namjoon with a chuckle.

"I want those parts of me back." rubs forehead with Namjoon. "And you said you were going to help me when you were ready."

Namjoon from a chuckle, pressing his lips together with Jimin. The shorter one suffers shivers. He hasn't tried anything with any of them. They've also been able to keep their distance from him. After all, it's complicated since they met again. You have to know what to do, what to say, when to stop?

Nothing that takes a lot of effort. Not when it comes to Jimin.

He spreads his legs and Namjoon slips between them, rubbing his body with the other's in a slow, peaceful and erotic rhythm. Jimin hugs him by the neck, not hiding or being embarrassed by how much his body trembles. That this causes him involuntary fear.

However, even if it is a rediscovery, he wants to remember that sex feels good. That it's not a punishment or something forced. He needs to have it again. Not just for his body's sense of belonging, but to reconnect every part of his being.

In all the haze, he'd forgotten how much he loves having sex.

Being held and holding someone else.

The pleasure that comes from touching skin that gets warm and moist.

Jimin gasps and half-opens his eyes, welcoming Namjoon's kisses and sucking on his neck, collarbone and shoulders. Not bites. He wouldn't do something like that. The bulge of another's crotch rubbing against his, making sure to tease him and that as a first time at this, it might feel good.

Jimin looks towards the door and taps Namjoon on the back, forcing him to look in the same direction.

"No fair." mumbles Jungkook childishly, half hiding behind the door. Namjoon laughs through his nose, resting his forehead on Jimin's collarbone.

"No? As far as I remember, you've been very happy with Taehyung."

"But Taehyung is Taehyung, you are you, Jin is Jin, Yoongi is Yoongi and Hobi is Hobi" Jungkook pouts. "I couldn't do anything with Jimin. I want too." he whines averting his gaze. Namjoon shakes his head.

He's an adult, he repeats to himself incessantly. One who behaves like a child who is denied his favorite toy that he would die if he couldn't have.

"Does it bother you?" he asks Jimin. The shorter one shakes his head.

"I can't handle both at the same time."

Jungkook smiles and closes the door, hops into the room and at the same time Jimin sits down, with Namjoon still between his legs, Jungkook takes place. She grabs his face to kiss him. Hungry, eager and almost desperate for this contact. Namjoon slips his hands under Jimin's underwear, masturbating him and fingering his ass with difficulty because of the position.

Kissing smelling the skin exposing the stretched shirt.

. . .

"My my, looks like there's a bit of a party going on in there" Hoseok sets the cup down on the counter. "Good thing Jimin is already able to let himself be touched" he celebrates with a smile ay turns to Yoongi. "Don't you think so?"

"Let's hope he won't panic with so many walls".

"Ay of course not" he instantly belittles. "It has windows because of that... Aeyoung-ssi, you can have the day off today. I don't think there's any need for you to supervise Jimin."

"Are you sure? They still have an interview in the evening."

"We'll be fine" Hoseok waves his hand, unconcerned. "Besides, you need a day off. What better than to have it in New York. There are good movies in the theater."

Aeyoung laughs, shaking her head. Hoseok's humor is so refreshing and comical at the same time. She takes him at his word, changes her clothes and says goodbye, advising that any problems they can let her know by cell phone.

. . .

He inhales and exhales, hugging the pillow tightly under him. He half-opens his eyes and turns his head, seeking Jin's lips. The older one immediately kisses him, still moving his pelvis to a soft sleepy beat.

"Do you like it?" asks Jin afterwards, pressing kisses behind his ear and on the back of his neck.

"It feels great, Jin." muses Taehyung in a thick, raspy voice. Closing his eyes to enjoy the act more. Jin's penis sliding quietly and easily into his flesh, rubbing his from the inside and pressing the way she likes it.

Jin's chest on his back, groin against his buttocks. It feels so good he could fall asleep from the pleasure, unconcerned with the pressure in his abdomen, the org*sm coming without nagging and without making him feel on the verge of hysteria.

A quiet morning with Jin and nothing else.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why does everyone suddenly want to kiss me?" asks Jimin, his lips tingling from kissing. Having had at least ten minutes of the same with each one.

He loved it. Loved it. It left him in a soft, lovely cloud of peace. Nonetheless, it's very rare.

"Ah, it's just that we felt like kissing you, but hadn't gotten around to it. We didn't want to make you uncomfortable or something." explains Hoseok handing the cup of tea to Jin. the man sniffs it, crinkles his face before drinking.

He has no choice. It's part of his stress management treatment.

"Ow, I'm sorry to have you all worried like this."

"That's okay," Hoseok demurs without concern. "We care that you're okay. we'll know it's so when you sneak into every room without permission to do things." He raises and lowers his eyebrows in mischievous leave and Jimin chuckles, rocking in on himself.

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Then we'll go into your room. Whoever you're sleeping with at the moment." informs Yoongi, barely hanging on to the conversation, more dedicated polishing the details of a song he wants to release.

"Are they that active already?"

"Well..."

Jimin pouts, uh, as if he's not far enough behind. He knew there was friction between them. Especially Jin, Taehyung and Jungkook, more he didn't think it was a common thing between them at this point. Rather than feeling left out by them, he felt rather useless for not being able to do this.

Even resenting the contact so much.

"You guys... Don't you feel anything wrong?"

"I feel it," Yoongi comments. He sighs and rests his temple on his knuckles, moving the mouse with his other hand, "I just... I've managed not to focus on it. Stop noticing it little by little."

"Choonhe-nim told me it would be inevitable," Hoseok admits with an awkward, rueful smile. "I remember that it's not real. That it's already happened and... it doesn't bother. It's something you have to learn to live with without it affecting. Gross right?"

"It sucks." snorts Yoongi.

"It works to not remember everything," admits Taehyung. "It's creating a loophole and Puff! Not so annoying."

Jimin bites his lips. He does remember. Maybe a little too well. He brings a hand to his throat, rubs it gently, and the hands massaging his shoulders make him cringe, chagrined.

"Everything okay?"

"I just had a bad memory."

"There's ice cream."

"Gimme."

They have understood that Jimin prefers to eat cold things. After all, it is the antithesis of what it was like to eat Hajun. Also everything referring to the den, to Gimpo. The cold even though it was outside, it meant salvation in a way. It meant he was not imprisoned or in danger from people. Nature is a much less cruel enemy.

It didn't make him miserable.

It didn't taunt him.

It was just another obstacle.

Hoseok finds it cute to see him eating ice cream, looking like a child just waking up the day after Christmas.

"Thank you."

Namjoon bows and the driver leaves. He would take the packages to the hotel room. A huge amount of gifts came to them. Both from clothing, makeup, food and technology brands, as well as fans. She saw a few things. From letters to drawings and handmade details.

He saw a beautifully made flexible dough Yeontan. I'm sure Taehyung will love it.

He walks hurriedly to the others, who are waiting for him together in one place. He covers mouths, coats and hats. The weather has remained quite unsettled from what they have been able to make out. It shouldn't be snowing or that cold, yet here they are, in the snow.

They finished the interview they did well. It is the penultimate one before they travel to Norway and fulfill the interviews they accepted to Korean media. It will be refreshing not to need a translator. It is especially complicated when they are very complicated terms and clearly, the translator has trouble putting it accurately.

Almost ninety percent of the Korean population vanished, so it's not surprising that there are complications to spare. Hoseok intertwines his arm with Yoongi's.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi nods.

"I'm just sleepy."

Hoseok laughs. He had the opportunity to leave, but he preferred to walk with them. You can tell that, if he closes his eyes, it's to not think too much about how exposed he is, that there are people and sounds nearby, so similar to that place where the ground fell and he almost died.

Taehyung and Jungkook spot a huge cumulus of messy snow. Clearly fluffy. Jimin grabs Bam's leash and seconds later, a squeal comes from Jin: lying in the snow and Jungkook with Taehyung running to get away. Jin gets up, scolding them, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BEGGING TO BE BEGGING WITH!" he shrieks, chasing after them. He manages to catch Jungkook, throwing himself on top of him and trying to keep him pressed into the snow, not waiting for Jungkook to flip him over and sit on his back Taehyung high to it as well.

Namjoon smiles squeezing his nose and smile. Ah, how much I missed this kind of nonsense.

A stupid thing here and there, but nothing that's troublesome or very time consuming. The walk through the streets and park proved a delightful respite. Being cooped up in houses, shelters or rooms is the opposite of what they would want.

They want the balance of both.

Because that's what life used to be like. Going out when they wanted to, being at home or in the office when they wanted to, and being in this perfect and comfortable duality is what makes them happiest.

We strolled for hours and when we arrived we went through the packages. Taehyung loved Yeontan's figure. There are many pictures, all with very cute drawings. Some better than others. Yoongi's eyes sparkled when he saw his. I think he was almost going to cry.

It amazes him that, despite the scar, he is still considered beautiful. He is. That little face is the most beautiful ever made (or one of the six cutest little faces). Jimin was also happy. Many of the drawings had different hair colors, included Hye....

They even made Jin some where he looked like a zombie fighter. Super cool. Overall everything was so good. the food and treats too. I want to stay alert that something bad is coming....

But at the same time, I know I don't have to. Everything is fine and I should just enjoy life.

Chapter 30

Chapter Text

Jungkook has been vocalizing all day. Since they arrived in Norway, he hasn't stopped with the same thing. They have no way to blame him, he has to sing in public for the first time in years. Not only will people be present, the content will be uploaded to the internet, they will also publish the song. He's decided that it's time. There is no more chance to delay it. It is a lot of facts that make him anxious.

At the same time happy. It's the most grateful nerves in a long time. It's something simple, something he can handle, it's not a risk and above all, it's the nerves of going to do something that makes him happy. It's just like his debut.

Rather, it's his new debut and he has to make it the best way he can.

Yoongi has also prepared himself mentally to talk about the project. They announced the topic and because of that, the program will even give them a little extra segment so they can talk about it. With how globally relevant they are now, it's no wonder they left almost the whole program for them.

At the same time, the reappearance of the other groups in the public eye has brought things they didn't expect. Among them, having more of people's appreciation. After all, none of their friends cut themselves short when it came to saying how they were saved by them.

"Everyone, absolutely everyone in Korea was talking about a group in Chuncheon that could help. We were hopeful we could make it and when we arrived, it turned out to be them. It was the nicest surprise of all." Jackson said when interviewed.

"We were about to die. We didn't have any bullets, we didn't have many guns, we were riding in a pickup truck to avoid the whole horde and all of a sudden...everyone went the other way, Jungkook appeared out of nowhere with his dog Bam and took us to his shelter. We were looking for that place. It was a coincidence - the best coincidences! Because it turned out to be true and not a plot by an undesirable group. Suddenly we went from wandering around Korea, to having a home," Jennie and Lisa recounted during the program they attended, asking what their time in Korea was like.

"We were trapped in a slave-holding group. There it happens...the worst thing you can imagine. Forced labor, abuse of power-abuse in general," Jihyo recounted, listing with her fingers, but not wanting to go into detail. "One day Jin and Jungkook appeared. I thought it was a hallucination. In fact, the others wanted to think about it because it... hurt less than being abandoned again. Some time later they came to take us out of there. We lived through absolute hell and they got us out of it. They gave us a home without fearing that they would do something to us when we slept or that we would stop eating for days." Momo and Mina became emotional at that moment, sensitive in remembering that time in their lives.

"Personally I only met Jimin. We helped each other to get to Chuncheon. It was such a long journey that I don't think I could have done it alone...having him with me motivated me to keep going. To think I could take care of someone and someone would take care of me." Matthew recounted, getting a few pats on the shoulders from Somin who smiled weakly.

"They just showed up out of nowhere. Truth be told, I still can't believe they were the people they are. I mean: I had resigned myself to the fact that any thinking person and life, would be sh*t; they became like some kind of spotlight among so much gloom." Jiyong said, with Seunghyun and Taeyang next to him on the same couch.

"We were in the same slave group as Twice. We couldn't see each other. They kept the women apart... humm.... One day, they were going to kill us; Jungkook-Hyung showed up and defended us. I remember it didn't seem real because what was he going to get out of saving us? We couldn't... save Youngjo... but even so, he saved us. He kept us from ending up like him and also allowed him to have a burial. Unlike others." Recounted the ONEUS guys in the interview they did for the radio.

"We were most likely going to starve to death. We were hiding in a shopping mall, only humans from whatever could move because it was synonymous with certain death" Hongjoong explained "Taehyung and Jungkook-sunbae recognized us, even though we threatened them with guns, they agreed to take us with them." Seonghwa continued to talk about it.

"Hongjoong was dying. He needed urgent medical attention and they gave it. They made no demands of us other than to help and offered us to stay. I think it was the best decision we made in that whole process" Seonghwa admits with a smile between excited and saddened "I don't think we can live without them anymore. They are like family. We became very, very close."

Namjoon must admit that it softens his heart how well they speak of them. For obvious reasons, they don't talk much about murders or the conflicts that took place. That would be creating doubt and suspicion on everyone's part. They don't need a second round of being called murderers. Much less collectively.

It is something that happens, but on suspicion that it was done. No one will confirm it. No one dares. They know it's not convenient.

Now being an interview to them, with all those going up and piling up, getting to do interviews that are not famous, but they lived through the same thing and recounting the good they did, Namjoon finds it necessary to talk about it:

"Truth be told, I'm honored that everyone is grateful to us" he admits embarrassed and the interviewing girl can't resist laughing in equal measure. "We had encounters with slavery groups. We were trapped in one for months, Jimin was in one for years" The shorter one nods and shrugs. "So...we wanted to make a place where the same thing didn't happen, because we knew how bad it felt."

"That makes them kind of the heroes of this story," comments the interviewer. "They also sent us this."

On the screen is a video of a huge group of kids. Jimin is covering his eyes, hunched over; Hoseok and Taehyung are pouting. It's adorable, just adorable. It's all the kids from the shelter with drawings and a huge banner thanking them. They're all big kids now. Or at least a little bit bigger.

There's also a greeting from the pregnant women and their children waving at the camera.

"Oh, don't cry Jimin." asks Taehyung stroking Jimin's back.

"Sorry." Jimin stammers cowering.

Hye might have been among them.

Chae too.

All the children in Gimpo could have made it this far....

If only Ming hadn't shown up-

"Huh, so you're finally blaming him and not yourself" Jimin looks to the right, where objectively, there is no one, but he senses Leeseung standing there. The man leans against the sofa and looks up at the ceiling. "We're making progress Huh?" he turns to look at him with a smile. Jimin wipes his face carefully, not wanting to waste the stylists' work.

"I've noticed that many people talk about how you were separated. Why, did something happen?"

"Jimin traveled earlier and that's why he stayed at the airport for a while. In a military shelter," Namjoon explains. Jimin sniffles, nodding his head. "Unfortunately we were never able to get there. Even the news we were getting was that there was a slave-holding group."

"So we left for Chuncheon. We didn't know what it was like there and didn't feel able to risk it. We also had a lot of people with us." Jin crosses his leg and rests his elbow on the armrest.

"Huh? So how are you together again?" she asks confused.

"Gimpo's trip to Chuncheon with BM and Wonho. It was a mess... I also really hated him for leaving me behind" Jimin clarifies, before the question comes up and they can't handle it, "But I understand the context. I wouldn't have wanted them to go there either. If they caught all of us, it was going to be a disaster."

"From Gimpo to Chuncheon is a long way."

"It took us months to get there." Jimin sniffles and plays with the sleeve of his blouse.

"There's a question that swarms a lot and that's why the white hair?"

Jimin opens and closes his mouth, not sure how to answer that one. Fortunately, Aeyoung picks up a microphone and does it for him:

"Human beings when they go through inordinate stress and feel in a constant state of alert, they are able to lose the melanin in the body and because of that, the hair comes out white" he explains and opens his hand towards Jimin. "He was in a borderline situation for years and that's where the gray hair comes from," he says.

"Oh... Oh!" she exclaims in surprise. "Sorry, we thought it was dye" she admits and Jimin shakes his head, he'd rather they thought that, "it looks spectacular, let nothing make you think otherwise" he smiles encouragingly. He is grateful for the praise. "About the music!" he clasps his hands together. "How much time do they have writing, did they really get out of it back there?"

"There wasn't time." grumbles Yoongi.

"There was, time, but there was no energy." clarifies Hoseok.

"Lots to do," complains Taehyung resting her cheek on her palm. "There was feeding the animals, keeping an eye out for approaching herds. In short, the one thing we had the least head for, was to compose. At least that's how it was until we fixed everything up well enough.

"From then on, our star producer did his thing," says Hoseok in a nasal voice, grabbing Yoongi by the shoulders. "He made the saddest, most beautiful songs anyone will ever think of. They were beautiful."

"Can you show us any...?"

"No. We'll just play Jungkook's."

"Well, at least I tried to get more material."

It's not that they despise that Jungkook is going to sing, they know Yoongi helped produce it; the point is that they want to have more than just one song. There's a certain restlessness. The kind they haven't had in years because of his disappearance. The idea that there is so much they need to bring out causes eagerness.

It causes euphoria.

That they have them hungry on purpose.

The interview continues its course and when it is finally the final moment, the presenter announces Jungkook. The man stands in the middle of the stage with the purple microphone in hand. He takes a deep breath, his eyes wandering through the lightstick lights, the smiling faces, eyes shining with excitement. It brings an unintentional smile out of him, hearing the music start to play.

Please stay alive.

He crosses his legs where he stands, feeling big all of a sudden, graceful and perfect. His whole body trembles, his throat goes dry as it fills with saliva; his stomach knots and HE LOVES IT! HE'S SO HAPPY TO FEEL THIS!

When did things start to go wrong?
I can't remember at al
I whisper as I hide myself in this small room
Darkness is my only friend (Only friend)
My hand reaching out for salvation
Am I strange?
A room stained with blood
Please, somebody save me

Discreetly, Hoseok takes Jin's hand, squeezing it affectionately, Jin leans his head on Hoseok's, smiling faintly with the same thought: Jungkook's voice sounds as beautiful as they remember it. Even more so.

Hide in the moonlight
There ain't no miracles
My hopes are humble
Hide in the moonlight
I'm not asking for a lo
But I guess it's too much
At the end of this sleepless twilight
Feels like I strayed through this Nightmare
With my eyes wide opеn
Came like a miracle, look likе a miracle
Just like a miracle, those few words

Yoongi smiles, showing a slight line his teeth, leaning against Taehyung who hums softly, having looped the song. It helps him sleep to listen to Jungkook. The angelic singing so like him.

The way he suddenly gathers strength, holding a hand to his chest.

You are my fate
No words can express it enough
Salvation that saved a wearied me
Is that easier to grasp
Those few words that saved me
I'll be by your side after many nights
Oh, yeah (Those few words)
I'll stay by your side even if my feet bleed

He closes his eyes, with his lips almost close to the microphone, engrossed, with a thousand things going through his mind at the same time. The flood of memories that come to him with this song, with what he's been thinking about for years since it first popped into his head and now finally took shape.

It has voice,

It has melody.

Please, you stay alive

This is the form of what he has been asking the most for years from all those around him, from all those who have wanted to help him and have no ill intentions: please, you stay alive.

Remember Namjoon crying because of Junghwa.

Remember Taehyung being scared and wanting to be stronger.

Remember Jin, hiding not to be seen crying in fear behind Hyejun.

Remember Yoongi, melting in his arms and his breaking inside that padded room so he wouldn't get hurt.

Remember Jimin unable to believe it was real, because it must be a dream to see him again, to be safe; at the moment of abortion, when Hajun laid hands on him.

Please, you stay alive

Just... he wants them to live.

And be with them.

The shadow is growing bigger
But it's okay because you are my big light
Because you are the profit in my life
Just smile like you always do
You resemble me so much
I resemble you so much
At times, I get scared for no reason
Why am I feeling like this?

He moves a little on the stage, having enough ease not to just stand there. Jimin breathes through his mouth, leaning on Namjoon to keep from falling and trying not to cry. He missed Jungkook too much.

How happy he feels to be able to sing, to be able to live his very special and cherished dream again. He feels a grip on his hand, squinting and noticing Leeseung there.

"It's special... Feels good." the military man comments quietly and Jimin bites his lips.

"Will I be able to get there?" he asks Namjoon who lowers his gaze.

"Doubt offends." His teasing reply makes Jimin rub his cheek on Namjoon's chest. He closes his eyes, willing Jungkook's voice to echo in his mind.

At the end of this endless Nightmare
That I don't know if it'll ever end
You raise me up every day
Came like a miracle, look like a miracle
Just like a miracle, those few words

And stay in this moment forever.

Please stay alive

Jungkook made a performance at a program today. I think I haven't seen him this happy for a long time. He looked beautiful on stage and sang in a way I had forgotten he could pull off. It was perfect. Almost so much so, I still think it's a dream.

It's funny how I keep linking the life we have now to a dream. It's all too good to be true. It's the habit there is to misfortunes just when we are well. It's a bit depressing, but I stop thinking about it little by little.

Jimin kept me for almost two hours when we arrived at the hotel. He wants to make music too and having let him drink so much coffee with sugar coming from taking medicine to up his dopamine... wasn't the best idea.

Or maybe it was?

Poor Aeyoung, he won't be able to sleep at all in a few days with Jimin this electric. His manic states are quite dangerous, they can cause trouble, but this time he looked so confident and determined to do something better. To do something he likes that he simply supports him with that.

He has two good ideas. I can sense exactly where they are coming from. I hope he can develop them and they don't sink into oblivion like other projects.

"Well, I have proposals."

Namjoon leaves the stack of papers on the table, Aeyoung helps him with his computer and having everything ready, he starts what is an almost five-hour presentation. To say that Jimin and Yoongi are the only ones in a manic state is to skirt that Namjoon didn't get any sleep either.

"This is our next album."

They look at each other. It's not that it sounds bad, it's just that it sounds complicated to pull off. Namjoon has already prepared one or another music track to start producing the project, but this looks like something that will take many, many months to do.

"Are you sure we can handle something of this caliber?" asks Hoseok. "I mean, I have half an album done, but it's because I've been paying for tracks, also because I don't plan to do MVs-"

"You're going to do Mvs."

"Oh yeah?" he stammers in surprise. Namjoon turns the page on his elaborate presentation.

"I got a record label in the U.S. that's going to sponsor us. They want ten percent of the profits on the album, which isn't much considering how everything moves" Hoseok shakes his head, it's a good point. "They get the dancers, the locations, director and stuff, but the idea has to come from you. You're creative director-the same for everyone."

"What about you?"

"I've already got mine figured out."

Jin plops down in the seat. He still doesn't have even a minuscule idea of what to do with himself. Nothing is coming. Absolutely nothing. Yoongi, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook for their part have plans in mind. Each one very different from the previous one, which makes it more fun.

Only Jin feels very stagnant.

"We already have IU, Coldplay, Halsey- Oops, she, she's coming out next week right?" Yoongi nods. "Then you have to be in America. She offered you to be in the video" Yoongi pouts, still surprised that Halsey would take it so seriously. He thanks her very much.

He also went to see her baby. Everyone loved spending time with that little person. Also seeing how happy she is that she was able to make it through having a child.

"Namu" Jimin calls, "Will it be like before?" he asks uneasily. "With... clothes, choreography-that kind of thing." Namjoon nods his head.

"Hoshi is going to help us with the choreography, though I'd like you and Hoseok to become part of that theme" Hoseok makes a pistol gesture with his hands and clicks his tongue. He's got it figured out. "For now, let's focus on practicing to record...if you have any ideas to include, take away or change, you can say so without a problem."

The afternoon is consumed with reviewing all the songs Namjoon composed. They make some minor changes. Nothing that would make it unrecognizable. There are also recommendations on how it can be arranged, who sings what, how to mix the vocals. In that it became a vote on what the title song would be.

"You named it after "N.O" Right?" asks Yoongi with a smug smile and Namjoon blushes.

"Yes. I came up with it after the tenth beer- Don't tell Choonhe-nim." Namjoon points at Aeyoung who laughs closing her eyes.

Sure, they shouldn't drink, but Namjoon needed that for some things and in his defense, it was only one night. He hasn't dared to do it again. He doesn't want intoxication with the medication he takes.

"It's the best to put" opines Yoongi. "And Dionysus as a side-track."

"Why that one?"

"Because we all want to drink, but we're in withdrawal because we're f*cking depressives." grumbles Yoongi and Jin holds in laughter. What a way to put it.

"Plus we're too inspired." adds Hoseok, wanting to skirt the poetic part of the song.

"I like the combination." mutters Jimin, playing with ON's lyric paper. "I want this one- And the blue hair!"

"Okay Who else wants to bleach?"

Yoongi raises his hand and at that, they start planning outfits. It's a whole day they used to do what usually the company did without much of their input, just enough.

Yoongi came to show me a song he wants on his album. He wants me to collaborate with him. I said yes. I was just happy about the idea of having more work together. Which is kind of silly, we're from the same group.

I know he showed some stuff on a live show and he's very happy even though he didn't put on a smile. It's cute, very cute.

Jin asked me for help, he feels stranded, I didn't know what to tell him and we tried to do something. An idea came up halfway, it will be just a matter of me developing it fully. Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook continue with their own plans.

I am happy for their enthusiasm. To be able to help them in whatever they need. Somehow, I feel fulfilled as a leader. That I am back to being someone who is able to guide them and help them when needed.... It feels good.

Not hating myself, it feels really good.

Chapter 31: Opening

Chapter Text

"Can we come in?"

"Sure sure."

Although the project is with Yoongi exclusively, Halsey lets them in to be during the video clip recording. Knowing that they plan to do productions like this soon, Halsey sees it as a way to help them mold back into this. It's pretty fun to have them there, mainly because every once in a while she hears some exclamation or laughter.

It makes it more fun.

They embellished Yoongi's scar a bit, making it look black and themed with the video clip. It turned out better than anyone could have expected. Even he liked it a lot and Taehyung saw a range of ideas suddenly open up in his mind.

They can only wait for the moment when Yoongi decides to tell them what he came up with. It didn't take too long, everything was almost ready and Yoongi's part was the easiest. It took barely three hours to get everything done.

Despite thinking they would just leave, Halsey invited them to lunch and they spent the whole afternoon together.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Becky."

"Becky G?"

"Ujum. I didn't notice her amidst the tide of private messages, how embarrassing." admits Hoseok with a chuckle. From what Taehyung can tell, it's a pretty long conversation despite Hoseok's clumsy English.

It's a good thing though, just as Halsey appeared, there's nothing stopping other singers he's made contact with over time from wanting to appear on the scene. Even if it's in a small way, celebrating seeing them alive and well.

"She invited me to participate with her in a Coachella performance" Hoseok rolls onto his stomach on the bed. "I think I'll tell her yes. I have time and it'll be fun right? I want to live the same as Jungkookie."

"Eighty times bigger though! Do you have any idea how many people there are at Coachella!" replies Taehyung with his hands on his hips. Hoseok laughs, yes, he is aware.

The biggest difference is that he has no fear of crowds whatsoever. He knows he'll be fine. Besides, he has plenty of time to practice. It's just a matter of letting him know so that a space opens up.

Will everyone go? Of course they will. By this time, they stand as a mass or they don't exist. Minimum two together, that way, there is no risk of any problems.

Jimin keeps his hands on his neck and doesn't avoid smiling, he liked how it turned out and Namjoon gestures at him from the other side of the booth, announcing that it was well recorded and spectacular. Although his body trembles and there is a little voice in his head telling him that he did it wrong, that it was too flat, he decides to ignore it.

If Namjoon tells him it's fine and feels good, he has to trust it a little. At least for this one time. They go to release the song Namjoon composed at the school. Smoke Sprite finally has the form they wanted and well, gotta let him have his glory time before anyone does anything.

Another opener along with Stay alive.

"Huh, I didn't know there were so many people wanting a song from us." comments Namjoon, checking the comments on Twitter (Not used to being called "X").

"It's just that you and Yoongi have no sympathy for me." Jimin pouts with fake sadness at this. He didn't even have a solo song with them before unlike Jungkook, Jin and even Taehyung.

"I'll try to fix it." laughs Namjoon. He joins Jimin to take a picture and Jimin is still pouting.

r.kive: So cute ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Having everything set up and ready to just do it has Yoongi a little nervous. He doesn't know how to deal with what he feels inside him, so he resorted to messaging Choonhe to ask and very kindly sent him a very long message with instructions:

First, identify each of the emotions. The easiest thing about it. Yoongi discovered that he has anxiety, restlessness, nerves, fear, sadness, but also joy and expectation.

Second, identify what actually causes all these emotions and at what level they bother him. Despite the joy, it is overshadowed by fear, restlessness and anxiety. The reason is simple: he hasn't done anything seriously for seven years and you're afraid of not doing it right, he's afraid of disappointing everyone and that's pretty strong.

Third, try to make peace with those emotions that overwhelm, that generate that damage. It is the most complicated part of all, there is no denying that. It is very difficult to handle it. It is not a matter of ignoring it, but of accepting it as something that happens and that you must cope with so that it does not overwhelm you any more.

Fourth and last, do what you want little by little, and in that way, you can adjust to the fact that you have to do something even if you are not in the best condition. If even the smallest inconvenience stops you, you will not move forward in having a normal life. Although, of course, he must first do everything else and so be the minimum maximum of problems to be able to continue.

It took Yoongi a week before he could start, but it was a week he used making music that he doesn't plan to release, just for fun and at the cost of it going wrong, meditating with Jungkook, watching movies with Jimin and Taehyung, cooking with Jin, practicing dance with Hoseok, and composing nonsense with Namjoon, as well as complaining about not being able to drink.

My Universe came out.

My Universe was a success.

They had a small celebration with Coldplay in general, one where Chris gave his guitar to Jin as a souvenir and they joked around a lot. Somehow, the generation gap didn't exist and it made them very happy this time. Also to see the reactions the song got.

Needless to say, it was spectacular from both sides. Army loved it. Coldplay fandom loved it. They started planning for a music video and to include it on Coldplay's upcoming album.

"I wanted to... know if we could..."

Jin keeps squeezing the prosthetic, nervous about having to ask this. With the whole process, an idea came to him, but he'd like a little help and having Chris being so kind and chatty, plus the harmony there, he decided to take the plunge:

"Collaborate. You and I." he proposes pointing at himself and then at him.

"Sure! It will be a pleasure!" affirms Chris with a smile and Jin shrugs with a smile, encouraged.

He finally has an idea and who's in it agrees!

"Let's see... First Jin" Namjoon notes on the board they use to order themselves. "Then Hoseok" The dancer smiles animatedly and excitedly. "Then me, then Yoongi" The producer nods softly, looking away. He's just self-absorbed, but nothing bad is going through his head. "Jimin" He rubs his cheeks and looks towards Aeyoung, who gives a thumbs up towards him. "Taehyung and lastly Jungkook, because he erases absolutely every abuena idea that crosses his mind."

"My creative process is an abusive one Okay?" grumbles Jungkook puffing out his cheeks. He gets a chuckle out of Yoongi standing next to him.

"Well... Main song titles!" says Namjoon animatedly.

"Astronaut!" exclaims Jin raising both arms.

"More and Arson." Hoseok jumps up waving his arms.

"Wild Flower..." Namjoon notes next to his name and follows the list.

"Daechwita and Haegum." says Yoongi from his seat. Namjoon nods biting his lips and turns to Jimin.

"Like crazy and Set me free."

The five turn to see him, the second one appealing to them to say the least.

"Slow dance." Taehyung pulls Yeontan up onto his lap. "And Love me Again."

"Jungkook... Is there something...? Maybe a chink. For now" asks Namjoon tentatively. Jungkook nods and claps his hands before pointing.

"Seven!"

"Seven" He notes in big letters. "Okay" He puts his hands on his waist. "We'll record this after we record everything we have for Map of The Soul- Except Jin, you have to leave in twenty minutes and have everything ready" Jin laughs with a hand on his cheek. "After we do Map of The Soul, everyone will go for their individual jobs. Let's take it as preparation."

"Shouldn't it be the other way around then?"

"No" Jimin co*cks his head, confused. "Because a solo implies that all the weight of the album falls on oneself. On the other hand, the album falls on all of us" Namjoon illustrates this with drawings. A huge stone on a little person and seven little people carrying a huge stone. "If we know how to do it well as a team, if we remember how to do those things, we can do it alone later."

"I'm pretty sure it should be the other way around, but I trust you know what you're talking about." Hoseok waves his hand, unconcerned. He takes a photo to the board, covers the solo names with different emoticons and uploads it to Instagram story.

Causing anticipation and furor over solos is his new hobby.

The best part about working without a company, is that they have no one to control what they do with their free time or the time they deserve off. It's nice to just walk around, enjoy life and not worry about anything other than that.

Other than standing in line and getting their tails handed to them. It's the banal and simple worries they can enjoy. Jungkook sips his smoothie as he looks up at the sky. About fifteen helicopters have passed by now and the sound is annoying.

To cure themselves, Jimin and Yoongi go out with large headphones to cover their ears. That way the noise of the city or the open space does not overwhelm them. Sometimes they leave them out, but today, when it's a longer trip, it's necessary to have them on. It's a relief, so they won't be disturbed by helicopters coming and going.

Aeyoung has the day off, the difference is that he took it to sleep in his hotel room. In a couple of days they return to Italy. They are done with what they had agreed in the US for now and next will be Hoseok with Becky at Coachella.

"Is there a parade today or something?" asks Jin, he lifts his sunglasses and looks up at the sky which is filled with more helicopters coming and going.

"Not that I know of" replies Namjoon with his hands in his pockets. "Be that as it may: let's go fast, I don't want to miss the show."

"We're not going to understand anything." whines Taehyung.

"They said they wanted to watch a movie." criticizes Namjoon.

"At the hotel, with Netflix in Korean," stresses Yoongi. "We already understand a little more le English, but we're not going to be able to watch a full movie. Even if it's Disney."

"We can start from now with the intensive part of the studio and make them all bilingual." proposes Namjoon with a sad*stic and cruel smile on his lips. Jimin blows bubbles in his smoothie, looking away and petting Hye who is in his bag crossed on his chest. That's not going to be able to be done. Ge doesn't have a valid excuse, he just can't, simple as that.

The discussion continues as they move towards where they will watch the movie. No one will stop Namjoon from dragging them, unfortunately. A couple of meters away from the mall, a car crashes in a violent and almost choreographed way. Fortunately it is far away from them, so they were not at risk and can get a little closer to see what happened.

The police arrive unusually fast, as if the patrol car was already very close and came in passing. They barely peek out and it happens in a second so fast and slow at the same time. The seven of them opening their eyes wide with the scene:

Out of the car they opened, three people come out, all straight towards the policeman who tried to help the passengers out; each one of them, biting and tearing the flesh to shreds. The bystanders start running, starting shouting and pushing each other "HEY! HEY!" Jin and Taehyung are left in the tide, even separated from each other. They are too many people running the same direction and they push too much. Jungkook holds Jimin and Yoongi tightly, as well as Namjoon holds Hoseok.

Hoseok falls down and if Namjoon didn't cover him, he would be crushed or even die from the pressure. It's just too many people. Jungkook on his part clutches Jimin and Yoongi, who are also trying to stay with him for their own good. Jimin hugs Hye tightly, preventing the bitch from running away or dying from the pressure.

"NO!"

Hoseok shoves the Yagtalja that bit Namjoon on the shoulder in the face; despite doing so, all he manages to do, is to get a chunk of flesh ripped off. Namjoon holds back the groan of pain as best he can. Hoseok helps him to his feet with difficulty and standing up, they realize what's coming: it's another wave of people, but mixed in, there are the Yagtalja biting and knocking down several of them.

"Run... Run! Now!"

Namjoon pushes him, not allowing him to stand still. Hoseok holds just as tightly to him, managing to get in the same sync. It doesn't take them long to guess where the others must be. They must follow in the crowd.

And take shelter before this opening becomes more dangerous.

If it isn't already.

Chapter 32: Kid's play

Chapter Text

"sh*t!"

Jungkook manages to pull them with him to an open and not so crowded establishment. The three of them breathe shakily, eyes wide open with the same question transiting their heads: is this really another outbreak? Here? Jungkook tries to peek out again, but the crowd seems to have this street as the only way to go.

"Are you guys okay?" asks Jungkook, Jimin nods, settling his headphones. And petting Hye to calm her down. Yoongi does the breathing exercises he's so learned for this moment. He needs it urgently so he doesn't have a panic attack.

Jungkook doesn't bother to roughly grab a long sleeve shirt nearby, using it to wipe the sweat on Yoongi's face, his neck and check that she doesn't shake too much.

On his side, the crowd half dissolves when it's a huge crossing in different directions, allowing Jin to stand in one place without being carried by anyone. He looks around, somewhat dizzy and dazed even. "TAEHYUNG! TAEHYUNG!" he calls out, indifferent to bumping into some people. He must find him.

He's sure he saw him not too far from him as the tide carried him away. It must be around here somewhere. In five minutes, he locates him, halfway up a pole precisely to be higher. He shakes his arms and the man comes down from his place, running towards Jin.

Taehyung holds him tightly by the right forearm, thus making sure that, indifferent to the force that may be against him to go in the desired direction, he does not move away from him. They know they must get back to where they were. Most likely the others will still be at the same point. Now separated, the sensible thing to do is to stay in the same space.

Jin pulls Taehyung with all his strength, thus preventing Yagtalja from knocking him to the ground. It was a split second where he could detect their approach. They take a look at each other before they start to run and push whoever is in the way.

Namjoon and Hoseok for their part are in the same process, trying to keep as many people from diverting them and checking where the others are. Namjoon is especially worried about Jimin, Yoongi and Jungkook. Those three together are the most dangerous time bomb with the characteristics present now.

Scandal.

Crowd.

Danger.

Open space.

It looks like some kind of bad co*cktail.

The vibration in his pocket sends him rushing into a small empty shop, answering the call. Hoseok gasps with his hands on his knees. He had been a long time without this amount of tension in his body. He had lost the habit by now.

"Are you all right!" Aeyoung's voice had NEVER sounded this worried "Where are you! Shall I come get you? Can I-"

"No, nono, stay in the hotel" Namjoon orders hurriedly. "This can escalate very, very fast: stay there, I need you to tell me where the evacuation points will be, which way we can go so they can let us out- How big is the infected space. There are too many helicopters.

"According to the news, a quarantine zone was made. They are letting out those who don't have bites. You have your IDs, you will be able to leave without a problem once near any checkpoint" she explains with the necessary speed not to tempt fate with the signal. "It looks like the hotel is not in the area, but I can't say for sure yet."

"We split from the rest" Hoseok says loudly, Namjoon activated the speaker. "We find them and then tell you where we are? Any suggestions?"

"Avoid biting as much as possible. That way the process of letting them out won't take so long. IDs or not, you want to avoid hassles at checkpoints. Letting out someone bitten while leaving others behind tends to cause disaster."

"Okay. Thanks. We'll call you later."

Namjoon bites his cheeks. He feels like a messy massaging toy for Yagtalja Why does he always get bitten? It's unbearable at this point. He burns and feels the slight fever caused by this small involuntary injection of the virus.

"We'll find them fast," Hoseok assures him, takes a scarf from the counter. "And we'll get to the evacuation point right?"

"Yes. We will this time."

Hoseok laughs involuntarily. This is back to first base. To the first level of the video game. The difference is that having won this game before, it helps tremendously to be ready.

They rummage through the store, getting a couple of things that can serve as a weapon if needed. A thin metal cylinder for hanging clothes, leather jackets that can prevent them from being bitten and changing their shoes to stronger boots.

Namjoon takes advantage of a small food stall lying on the street, but he has a huge knife. Seconds after picking it up from the ground, he plunges it into the head of the Yagtalja that tried to bite him.

"Yeah, let's get there." He rectifies by craning his neck.

. . .

"Everybody up to the roof! Get up there!"

While he doesn't plan to be a savior for all these people, of which there are too many, he won't leave them to die either. Hopefully, that many helicopters is a sign that there is someone keeping the infection from spreading. Synonymous with help coming eventually. He pulls down the metal curtain of the shop and adjusts the gloves on his hands.

"Right or left?" asks Yoongi. There are many Yagtalja scattered about, but there are so many people still, they don't have time to notice them specifically.

"Either side, minus changing paths. If we go straight ahead, maybe we'll find the others," Jimin says, checking his cell phone. The news about the sudden infection is helpful in delineating how screwed they are. "There's an evacuation point relatively close to here, we have to-"

He lifts his head, hears... something. He feels it, too. As if something inside his intestines is moving. Jungkook snaps his fingers in front of him.

"There's an Alpha here."

"An Alpha?" repeats Jungkook with a frown, "but-"

"I can sense it," he muses quietly, dropping his arm slowly. His orange eyes glowing in a clear direction. "Maybe it senses me too... it might be coming this way."

"Is it very close?"

"I don't know how to measure that. I'm sorry..."

"We have to find Namjoon first." Yoongi concludes. He has something very special in mind.

Jungkook nods. They feel that the best idea is to go the way they came. After all, Namjoon ducked and Hoseok was on the ground, meaning, maybe the crowd didn't push them all the way. They must be over there.

. . .

Fortunately, the conglomerates finally give way. People are hiding instead of running as one mass. So it's easier to move, just as it is to get a fix on the others. Jimin with his white hair and fluffy sweater make it very easy to spot.

"Jimin-ah!" calls Taehyung, making him look back for a moment. Jimin lets out a nervous laugh, it doesn't take long for them to catch up, neither to visualize Namjoon and Hoseok.

A thunderous sound fills the air. On inspection of the surroundings, there seems to be nothing until it comes like a buffalo charging at an enemy. Taehyung is the stricken one, now stuck to the wall with the huge, grayish hand on his neck.

"LET GO OF ME...!"

"Female... Female-you, female."

Taehyung tries to free himself from the grip on his neck, sçhe can't breathe and starts to see black dots. Jin kicks the huge man, failing to do more than push him a little, but not knock him down. He is gigantic, just a little smaller than Hajun. It focuses on Jin, its yellow, violent eyes fixed on him.

Jin grits his teeth and keeps kicking. It doesn't matter if he gets his attention, all that matters to him is that he lets Taehyung go. Jungkook takes advantage of this moment to jump on the Alpha's back. He locks in a headlock and with that he gets to his feet, trying to get rid of Jungkook. He shakes, roars and shouts grumpily.

Jin and Yoongi help Taehyung to his feet, who barely catches his breath and staggers unable to keep his balance. Namjoon gasps, his clothes and face dirty, he looks around. Just when he needs a gun store, he's in the most adorable, soft corner of America.

"Does this explode?"

"No, but it'll do."

Namjoon grabs one of the sprays Hoseok gives him and runs to the Alpha. Jungkook drops it and Namjoon lights the lighter in front of the Alpha, making it squeal in pain. They are not immune to fire, much less one coming from a chemical.

Jungkook grabs Yagtalja's broken leg on the ground and stomps on it. Once like that, with the bone broken and pointy, Namjoon stops and Jungkook drives the bone into the Alpha's head.

It is so strong that he resists for a few seconds, moving and trying to pull it out, but in the long run, it doesn't work, falling limp to the ground. The seven look at him there, not breathing and not moving. The amount of noise in the environment increases.

"W-what's wrong?" asks Yoongi looking around.

"There's no Alpha to guide them, so now they walk as they see fit and to where it's warmest" says Jimin. "I mean..."

Jungkook breaks the car window, opens the door, pulls out the whole dashboard and turns it on without waiting a single second. They get in Taehyung, who is still dizzy; Namjoon in the passenger seat, Jin, Yoongi and Taehyung in the passenger seat and Hoseok next to Jimin in the open suitcase.

The first of them rummaging and celebrating loudly when he finds a firearm. He fills the cartridge and hands it to Hoseok.

"Google Maps works, where am I going- sh*t!"

A dog jumps into the car. Namjoon pulls out half of its torso and grabbing it by the scruff of the neck, throws it out without a second thought. It happened to hit a pole, thus breaking its spine. Hye barks and Hoseok is forced to shoot at the dogs that come running after them. "The right!" exclaims Yoongi, with the map on his cell phone. Aeyoung sends them the exact direction of the evacuation site. Jungkook swerves in time to avoid hitting a wall. It was a sharp turn.

Jimin picks up the fire extinguisher and throws it, Hoseok manages to hit it and the white cloud throws the dogs off, they sneeze and turn away. They close the door at the back and kneel on the seat, looking at the map just like Yoongi.

Removing a couple of Yagtalja that they must run over, they reach the entrance of the place. The military armed and covered as necessary make them get out of the car and after a quick check, the inevitable happens: Namjoon has to stay.

"He's immune, nothing will happen."

"We can't let him through, we're sorry. He must be at least two hours until what-"

"In two hours this could be on fire! " Jin claims. "We have to go...!"Jimin turns sharply.

"Another..."

"Really?! Wasn't it just one?!"

"If you don't want to die, we have to leave" Namjoon assures "All of you. You included. Before we-"

A loud and thunderous roar echoes everywhere. Soldiers with their guns raised and uneasiness in the air. They pass by at the same time as they fire into the Alpha's abdomen, discreetly and unnoticed, Jimin grabs the combat knife on the belt of one of them; Jungkook does the same with a grenade. The lack of habit and certainty is obvious in their deaths.

Destroyed by blows and with hardly any effort. The problem is, after that Alpha, come a huge reservoir of Yagtalja, running and roaring in their ragged tone. Jimin collides with someone and what he finds is the childish face of a girl. Her huge dark eyes, watery and reddened with panic. Hair in little braids and colorful beads on the end.

"T-the monsters are going to eat us." she sobs as if it's somehow normal.

And Jimin just links it to the fact that she's had so many nightmares about this. She hides in her mother and who must be the father, hugging them, trying to get them to move forward, that they can get past the people who also want to flee, but up ahead they won't let them. They can't let anyone infected out.

"Jungkook." calls Jimin and the opposite nods seconds later, understanding what he intends. Jimin clears his throat and readies the knife in his hand.

Namjoon doesn't stop him. It wouldn't do any good and it is also necessary. They alone couldn't handle all of them, let alone the countless amount of people here. Yoongi taps him on the arm.

"You have to tell Eleonora now.... You remember what she said right?"

Namjoon opens his eyes wide and then turns to the front.

Jimin lines up in front of the Alpha, seconds before the Alpha can attempt to raise his fist or make any attack, he roars from the back of his throat. Guttural, thunderous, imperative. The Alpha pauses, his eyes wide open and shifting to a much more passive stance.

"Alpha...? Female. Alpha female" he says in confusion. The Yagtalja halted and at bay. "Feeemale... weak.... Alpha fuer..."

Jimin thrusts the knife into his forehead and pushes him off, falling to the ground and sitting on top of the spasming body. Though he feels the blood in his throat, he forces himself to roar again; the Yagtalja squirm in their places, backing up just enough for Jungkook to unlatch the grenade and blow them up.

Hoseok in quick thinking, managed to get the few nearby soldiers to wake up and make them keep firing, not to stop firing and thus perhaps, prevent all those Yagtalja from escaping and contaminating.

As well as make more safe way for those who arrive late or those waiting to be rescued. Jimin trembles where he stands, releasing dense red blood. He looks back at Hye sitting restlessly on the ground and then toward the outstretched hand next to him.

"Not so scary now."

He can't resist laughing lightly, feeling tired. He takes Jungkook's hand and stands up. The younger one wipes his mouth, face and hands. Jimin lies down from him and Jungkook carries him almost instantly, it is obvious that Jimin is not going to hold on much longer.

Everyone's exclamations and celebration have a small space, sudden, full of relief and smiles, thankfulness for helping and doing all that. Even the soldiers, inexperienced in the matter, thank and celebrate what they did.

"Both bodies are already on their way here" Eleonora announces from the video call "We are hopeful that, with these specimens, we will manage to get a way to locate the others and eliminate them... it will be a job that will take years, no doubt, but it's a start."

"Worse is nothing" Namjoon rubs his neck. "Are we going back to Italy?"

"Right away. I have more than five scientists wanting to break my neck if I let anything happen to Jimin or you. Now that you have one more bite, there may be changes in your blood." Eleonora mentions mockingly and Namjoon rolls his eyes "Don't worry, everything is under control."

"Well, I can say that it is."

Unlike Korea, the infection has not spread. Extensive searches are being done for others infected outside the cordoned-off area. All is well. They also implemented confinement in surrounding cities to prevent it from becoming massive. A second incident and who knows if they could handle it.

Namjoon puts the towel aside and peeks into the next room. Hoseok, Taehyung, Yoongi and Jin asleep in a corner, snuggled up with each other on the bed. It's adorable. He hangs up the call and goes to be in his own bed, where Jimin and Jungkook sleep as deep as leads.

Namjoon turns on his cell phone again and decides to make his journal entry here. His is at the hotel. Aeyoung has already picked up everything and will be at the airport when they go.

There was an outbreak today.

It was so easy.

We have grown a lot by the looks of it Can you call it growing? I don't know.

The only thing that is clear to me is that at least this time, we were able to stick together, find it easily and work it out. We didn't need anyone, just ourselves.

In the most individual sense of the word: Jimin was able to do it without a problem waiting for the right moment; Jungkook was alert, but not overly alert; Jin was able to act without paralyzing; Yoongi remained calm and Hoseok didn't burn half the city.

We are strong. We are stronger than I thought we were. I am very happy that this is so. Now back to business as usual. If this was a test to verify that we will not forget how to survive.... We passed it!

When have we not been able to achieve something? Never. Only in RUN BTS when the games were rare. I still wish I had won that chicken coupon.

Chapter 33: Distinction

Chapter Text

How are you feeling?

"Sleepy... it's strange."

In what way?

"It feels like the whole day today was a dream." says Jungkook, not knowing how to explain what's inside him. Both in his mind and in his chest. Like a diatribe unable to be resolved.

Is there anything that makes you happy?

"Nothing went wrong, we were able to help each other... it makes me happy that none of us got hurt." he smiles wrinkling his nose, hands resting between his legs and shoulders shrugged.

How are you feeling?

"I don't feel anything special. It gave me a little scare" admits Taehyung shaking his hand from is side to side," but overall, there's nothing to worry about. I was able to sleep well last night; I was hugging Jin, but I do that whether I'm scared or not" He shrugs and leans back in the seat. "It was strange going back to what happened."

Are there any concerns that came up because of the situation?

"Not really... That Alpha was huge! Plus It came out of nowhere! I think it bounced my brain inside my head" he grumbles sulkily about it. "Still, everyone was right there with me. I knew nothing was going to happen to me. Maybe that's why even now I don't feel like I care."

But you freaked out at the time.

"OF COURSE!" shrieks Taehyung. "Having a six-foot guy and over ninety kilograms of pure mass come running out of nowhere to grab you by the neck is the worst" Choonhe shakes his head, it's a good point. "Still... I really do feel good" he says sincere and genuine. "There was nothing I could do at the time.... There was when I found Jin!"

What was it like?

"We got separated from the others, people were pushing us and at the end we were at a huge intersection. I found him fast and grabbed his arm really hard" relates Taehyung gesturing, holding up his own arm as an example. "Jin didn't say anything to me. I think he was thinking the same thing. I held his right arm and he didn't care."

True, he doesn't like being held there.

"He was quiet too... Actually, it was silly. It felt like an easy thing to do.... Am I really weird for thinking so?"

How are you feeling?

"A little tired still, but nothing worth mentioning" replies Hoseok. "The urge to burn things came back" he admits with some bitterness in his voice and smile", but nothing he couldn't control. It was Jungkook who threw the grenade, not me, I stayed away from it as much as I wanted to. It was an "Oh, I'm not being an arsonist again! Yay!" moment," he dramatizes before laughing openly.

Do you consider that you might have any problems because of the situation?

"Ummmm... No. Not at all. I think everything is fine. There was nothing new or anything I haven't already experienced" Hoseok explains thoughtfully. He doesn't want to be too parsimonious, after all, that just causes Choonhe to bring out some lucubrations and he can't do his job well. "Even if I try to say something that would make me uncomfortable, other than the obvious, there's nothing."

Just to rectify: it made you uncomfortable that it was repeated in a place that should be safe, not to mention that you're worried that there are Alphas in places like that, just waiting to come out of their lairs.

"Yes. That," Hoseok nods quickly. "But it's not something I can control! So I'm only a little bit worried about it. I don't want death and destruction everywhere. I don't want more people to live through what I did. That's all." Choonhe nods.

"I had some... weird moments, I don't think they were panic attacks, but something happened. I was doing breathing exercises the whole time," Yoongi relates in a low voice, barely mumbling, hunched over as usual and cross-legged. "So as not to be a burden to others. We had to run, so I wasn't going to lag behind."

Does that make you feel any specific way? Taking away the fear and trepidation that the situation caused you.

"It made me feel proud of myself" Yoongi scratches behind his ear for a moment" because I thought I would relapse. I could hear them growling...it was so loud, but distant at the same time. As if they were suddenly incapable of hurting me, of biting me." he explains barely, not knowing how to elaborate on the matter, but Choonhe understands without much complication.

Do you consider that this is because you were reliving an experience you knew how to handle or because you were accompanied?

"It IS because I was accompanied" He accepts without even thinking about it. "Had I been alone, I wouldn't have been able to be okay" Yoongi bites his lips for a moment. "I don't feel capable of being that independent. Not yet at least. T-The truth... I don't think I can be okay in a situation if I don't have them with me.... I know I'd die if I'm left alone."

I understand...

"I know I shouldn't be dependent on anyone," he mutters, lowering his gaze, "but I don't think I can change it. Even trying all this time, I don't think I can stop needing medicine, companionship and being away."

"At that time, we hadn't had to deal with anything really... strong. So I didn't know how useless it was going to be I was quite surprised that I didn't need help!" admits Jin, surprised at that fact. he looks well rested, with no trace of dark circles under his eyes and no puffiness on his face. "Everything flowed pretty well, I even remembered that I didn't have a hand. Usually I'm slow to notice and try to use it, this time it was... a good bat.

Do you feel anything else? Maybe some restlessness.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. I just don't want any more Alphas to appear" Jin crosses his leg and raises his lower lip, his brow furrowed. "I know I won't be able to deal with that- I wasn't afraid to face one! I kicked it several times and didn't stop until something could be done."

And that made you feel good.

"Very much so. As much as I wanted to kick one of them.... It was like making up for that anger somehow. It turned off something I didn't know I had turned on inside me," Jin explains, running his hand down his neck. He could identify it as rage. An immense frustration that twisted his intestines and urged to resolve itself physically. "To have been able to get out without a problem... yes. I feel very good. Very satisfied."

"Hajun was there. He was praising me for what I was doing."

Could you see him there?

"Yes. You were perfectly there," replies Jimin, looking to the side, where the Alpha is crouched. "He kept complimenting me on being the strongest female any Alpha would want. That I don't let them win...that territory is mine. At least that's what he says."

I see... How did the experience of meeting another Alpha sit with you?

"I... don't... know" Jimin purses his lips for a moment and shakes his head. "There was something inside me that I didn't know how to interpret, even now I don't understand it very well. I think it's Hajun."

Why?

"He was telling me to kill them. To not stop roaring. To not stop fighting-"

Rage and violence are human feelings. There is nothing wrong with them. It's okay to identify it as a part of yourself. Especially in this situation: it causes you rage and a feeling of active defense to meet an Alpha. As opposed to hiding or crying. You learned to fight them.

"I don't want to be a threat."

And you're not. You saved a lot of people with what you did and that, is to be admired. The key to this situation, is that you must learn to accept that even that unpleasant part is part of you. It doesn't mean that you will let it loose or that you will attack everyone, but that you are able to control it and use it to your advantage when you need to. The best example, is this situation.

"I don't know how to do that. I attack people without realizing it." reports Jimin, anxiously.

How long has it been since it happened?

"I-I don't know, the last time was back in Norway when we got-we arrived... I thought Hoseok was someone else and-"

That means it's not even a reflection for this moment, no one has told me anything about you attacking him Or have they been hiding things from me?

"No."

So, our next job is to learn to accept that this anger, this force inside you, has little that is monstrous about it: it is very human and very necessary to feel safe. That maybe one day, you will be able to sleep alone.

"I just... I was scared of the idea that maybe they'd gone too far apart. That maybe we'd get separated again and have no way to find each other." muses Namjoon with his eyes closed and his hands in his lap. He is sleepy. Not for lack of rest at night, he just felt it too little for the effort that went into the day. In conjunction with the entire examination process to ensure that they are not carriers of the disease.

Did you give orders?

"Not really."

Right. Unconsciously, you didn't feel the urge to put yourself in charge and be the one handling the situation.

"You all did very well" He narrows his eyes and his voice is a tiny whisper barely audible over the team's microphone. "I was afraid for Yoongi, Jimin and Jungkook, I was afraid something would happen to them for being in this situation again, but the three of them were fine.... Jin and Taehyung together is a strong mix, even if they don't know it. I was relieved to see that they were fine."

Do you consider it is thanks to how little they were exposed to the event or is there another reason?

"We are strong," Namjoon states with certainty. "It was confirmed again and it made me happy to know that I wasn't wrong to think so...I was scared of the possibility of it all happening again, but at the same time, I was thinking that it wouldn't be so terrible. There is nothing horrible enough to bring us down now. We accomplished so much... How was a simple outbreak going to kill us?"

Ummm... too much confidence. Also a little self-centered on your part.

"Believe me, I noticed" laughs helplessly", but... when you have a monster of yours even for a few seconds and you survive it, when you get this far, when you achieve all that we are achieving... it's complicated not to have the impression that we are capable of many things. Even surpassing events like that.

That's true. Just keep it at a level where it's not dangerous for you. It's good to be confident, but it's not good to be self-centered or too arrogant. That could cause you to fall not only into the urge to control, but also to distort reality.

"I won't. Take it easy."

"We ran many, many tests so far," Eleonora announces, with the seven behind her. In the next room, the corpses of the Alphas being dissected to examine every last organ inside. "Some of them compared to normal human specimens and scientists' guesses, claims they are adults."

"They grow very fast" mutters Namjoon crossing his spleens. "Most likely no more than five years old or barely seven."

"They mature that quick? "Namjoon nods and the Italian woman doesn't keep her annoyance. "Be that as it may, at least we've discovered different things. From gland secreting hormones, the density of their bones, the amount of heat they are able to withstand and how much damage it is possible to inflict on them until consequences are achieved."

There is a lot of damage to carcasses. They couldn't care less. A twisted part of Jimin enjoys this. Watching them being ripped open, having their organs removed, going through even the most intimate and rotund of it. It's what they deserve.

"Until each and every one of them is gone..." muses Leeseung quietly, crossing his arms next to Jimin who keeps his hands clasped behind his back.

"Baby."

"Um?"

"You can move a little."

Jimin settles better on the bed so as not to disturb Namjoon who wants to read for another while longer. Jimin falls asleep seconds later, deep and rock-like, Namjoon just reads with the night lamp on. The dim yellow light in the room where only the two of them are.

Something climbs under the sheet and Hoseok laughs at the kisses on his chest. Also under his shirt comes that. He stretches the fabric and finds Jungkook's round eyes. The younger one smiles and the dancer forces him out, takes him by the face and kisses him on the lips.

. . .

He yawns and turns off the TV. He pulls back the sheet so he can tuck Taehyung, who is in an awkward position on the bottom of the bed. Jin doesn't even bother to move him. He molds himself to the space Jin and Taehyung leave for him. He lets out a deep sigh, curled into a ball and falling into dreams smoothly.

Chapter 34: Soft flow

Chapter Text

Jin's song, Astronaut, was a hit.

Although it caused him some embarrassment, Jin couldn't help but get teary-eyed from the support he received for it. There are those who don't know that they were at the scene of the most recent outbreak in the United States, so they were even more appreciative that Jin was so willing to go and perform at a concert.

There are all extremes: those who consider that they are overreacting and then, those who consider that after living through something like this for any length of time, it warrants a break of months and months to recover. It's quite ironic, Jin would have wanted to have that much support at another time.

When he wanted to drown in his sleep and not wake up again as a useless mass with no apparent purpose.

It's a surprise that they will all be at the concert. They will sing the group song after Jin has had his unique moment. Invitations have been pouring in from music festivals and programs, asking them to perform at them once they make their respective debuts. Namjoon is the one who filters each offer, checking which ones are good and which ones are not.

After discarding the ones that would involve an awkward interview -since the program's track record is bad-, he spread out the offers for everyone to choose what suits them best.

They already have choreography, they already have half of the group album done, they are making a lot of progress and it is even comical for them that it is going so well. to have another meeting with Alphas, with Yagtaljas itself?

It was like a dream.

Finally, it was what felt like a dream. It creates a layer that protects reality, reaffirming it as just that: reality and that, the nightmare that begins to be left behind. Little by little.

"No, we're not going to say who's next. Maybe it's Jungkook, maybe it's Namjoon, who knows, but that information won't come from us. "Hoseok says with his cell phone clamped, fixing his hair with one hand and keeping his eyes on the comments. Taehyung laughs through his nose. "And what are you laughing at?" scoffs Hoseok nudging him with his hand.

"That, if it was Jimin, you would already know in what specific order we will make debut." laughs Taehyung and Hoseok joins him in that.

"Ay, that's right, you sure couldn't hide anything."

M-harder- Namjoon-

snowcat: And that sound in the background?

"It's just that even now he's not good at hiding things" Taehyung mentions, he and Hoseok totally ignoring the string of comments confused by the sounds. "If he's scared of something, it shows on his face.... Although he's more attentive now and says them."

"Therapist-nim made him do it, that's why he does it" Hoseok scoffs. "Otherwise, he'd still be as closed off as usual... Oh, I'm sorry, what are you talking about?" he asks with a frown. He checks the comments and the first thing he catches among the fast and countless amount of them, is:

Nuna_13: but are you guys okay?

"Yes, yes we are fine" says Hoseok with a broad smile. "Jimin is a little bit more sensitive. Just like Yoongi, that's what's up."

Spread your legs wider baby, so we can't both get in- Good.

Heisabeth: BUT WHAT A PARTY IS GOING ON HERE???????

"Jimin had more time away and trouble, so that's why he doesn't quite know how to cope," Taehyung explains sparingly. "He's got him all white with fear... Ah, here's a hint: he's going to paint his hair. Who knows what color, but it will be pretty," he promises, circling his fingers and pursing his lips.

Again, they ignore the comments.

"I think he's awake," comments Hoseok getting up. "We can go say hi to him, see what he's up to."

sh*t Jungkook, don't squeeze so hard.

snowcat: f*ck WHAT?!?!?!!?

pulgakawaii: THERE'S SOMEONE f*ckING THERE???????

lam_style: WHAT DID I MISS????? AND THAT SOUND????

rico_caroship: YOU ARRIVE LATE AND THERE'S SUDDENLY SOMEONE PULLING

LarizaRodriguez138: I'm relieved to know that I'm not hallucinating the noise?

Heisabeht: I don't understand anything 🧎.

You like it when I do it, th-that's why you move more- Ah....

monwrts: JUNGKOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

CoNA14: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE🔪

Natsume-sempai: EXPLAIN NOW EXPLAIN NOW EXPLAIN I NEED CONTEXT

ssahi16: aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA

anizjannis: 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

JJk_forever: they watch p*rn they are just watching p*rn. I refuse to let them be with anyone

Norma_G_: tHEY R CRAVING MY BOOOOOOOIIIIII THATS HOW THEY SOYNDLIKE.

"Ah, here's Jimin" Hoseok focuses on Jimin, who is sitting on the floor, several bags of dog treats around him and his she-wolf sitting. Eager and watching the treat in the singer's little fingers. "Aww Training?"

"She's already broken more than three pairs of Aeyoung's shoes" The nurse looks away with a pout and fake annoyance. "She's very spoiled...just like Yeontan."

"Don't talk about my baby. He does behave himself."

"Yoongi's peed clothes would say otherwise."

Y-you feel very good, Yoongi.

"My baby was just playing." justifies Taehyung.

Just Yoongi? What a stunner that has you doing it with two at the same time, baby. You missed a lot of practice.

"I don't want another Yoongi drama, so don't even mention it." asks Hoseok rubbing his chest with a smile. Hye jumps up and catches the cookie that Jimin threw softly.

Uuhmg- N-Nam-

Snowcat: FRIEND IS THAT JUNGKOOK LIVES MY DREAM

Heisabeth: make him see stars for me 😔.

Kumairu: squeze Namjoon's mantit* for me 😔😔😔😔

"I really wanted to do this today because in a week's time you will have important news" comments Namjoon scratching his neck and walking around with his cell phone in his hand. "It won't be very long" he laughs chagrined. "It's just a notice and maybe show some what else...like my studio. I decorated it well. It's shared with Yoongi still. We haven't been able to change at the moment."

Min-ki1197: WHATS BACK THEEEEEREEEEEEEEEE.

Nuna_13: my observant little eye found something back there.

AnaivicDiaz1: NAMJOONNNN SHARES AND LETS SEE WHAT'S GOING ON BACK THERE

Namjoon is too engrossed in talking to notice Yoongi and Jin in the kitchen, with the producer holding Jin's face. Jin leans against the counter, leaning on the lower one "Didn't I just come to get a drink of water? This beautiful face seduced you." Jin jokes, but Yoongi doesn't let him insist too much, kissing him again and coming up to the counter, holding Jin with both legs.

Snowcat: I ARRIVE AND THE FIRST THING I SEE IS JIN'S BACK AND YOONGIII EATING HIM MOUTH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Snowcat: I'm dying, I'm melting, I can't anymore, I can't stand it.

Heisabeth: they eat so well in that house...

Yoongui_love: What are they talking about? Nothing is going on back there.

"Back there?" Namjoon looks back, finding Taehyung practicing dance in the open door room, not far away Hoseok correcting him. "Ah, that's better, pay no attention to him." He doesn't even think to look towards the kitchen, he walks up the stairs still talking about his own.

"Chris gave me his guitar... it's for decoration, I can't play it yet" grumbles Jin ruffling his caramel colored hair. "Now that I know more English, I can talk to more people, I talk to him, I congratulated him on his concerts. We are friends." he replies with an excited smile about it.

The cell phone placed on a cradle to keep it still. With one hand less, it is more complicated for Jin to do things while talking. Besides, he tries to eat and that's better with the cell phone on the tripod. He makes an exclamation at the same time that a knock sounds.

So he ignores it.

So do the moans in the next room.

You're doing great honey, really good.

Byul_loveKM: THAT'S HOSEOK!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

WIN_WINNIE_POOH: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Heisabeth: I can't wait to be the one who rides it 🥵.

Do you like to ride me? You keep squeezing me.

C-shut up o- Uuhgm.... Ah, Ah... n-no ha- AH! Ho-Hoseok!

"This tastes really good." celebrates Jin with his eyes closed, clapping his hands and shaking his head.

snowcat: AND WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE MUST ALSO TASTE VERY GOOD.

boraheee: That's just p*rn playing in the background. That's not them

moonwrts: THOSE APPLAUSE SOUNDS COMING FROM THERE

AnaivicDiaz1: the intensity

marcebellamy: if you don't cheer me up like that while we're in bed, that's not the right place.

"Bam, Paege and Songie are mine" informs Jungkook with the cell phone on the table, leaning on his two crossed arms. "Hye is just Jimin's. Although he and Bam love each other very much too... Ah! Yes, the schedule" He wrinkles his nose and shrugs his shoulders. "I know it's a long time yet, but have some patience please. We've had a long time without dancing together, we've lost a lot of synchronicity."

Snowcat: I'll wait for you until the last day of my life my prince.

Nuna_13: take as long as you need. We will always be here

Min-ki1197: who comes art says

Eriuniverse: 💜💜💜💜💜💜

Heisabeth: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Natsume-sempai: 💜💜💜💜

moonwrts: a month, a week, you name it I'm waiting💜

AnaivicDiaz1: 💜💜💜

LarizaRodriguez138: Take your time. We will be waiting. 💜

"Jungkook..."

"Uh? Jimin-ssi?"

The man gets up from his seat, Jimin approaches, having a wrinkled and puffy face. He takes a sharp intake of breath, leaning against the wall.

"What's wrong, did you have a nightmare?" he asks worriedly. Jimin nods and rubs his face with his hand, brushing his hair aside for a moment.

"You're... alive Aren't you?" he stammers deep inside, barely comprehensible. "You're... you're here Aren't you?" whimpers Jimin, distressed. "You were dead in there... and there was no one- I-I got scared Why weren't you there with me?"

"I was going to go quickly, I just wanted to talk for a while because the images and dates were already released" Jimin whines, looking away. "I'm coming, wait a second..."

Jungkook hits the screen, not realizing that he just disables the camera, but the live is still perfectly on. So is the microphone. He goes to Jimin, taking him by the face and stroking the wet cheeks.

"You're all right. You know that, don't you? It was just a nightmare" Jungkook replies and Jimin bites his lips. "You don't have to be so scared. With the pulse you have, you look like you're about to have a seizure."

"I-it's that-there I was always alone and what I dreamed of had happened" he anxiously replies. "D-don't leave me alone. I don't want to wake up alone" JImin stammers taking him by the arm. "Please."

"I thought you were a little better about it. I'm sorry" Jimin nods, he doesn't mind that it happened. He just asks him not to repeat it. "Okay, let's go to sleep!"

"Hey!"

Jungkook carries him. He remembers to take his cell phone. He puts it in his pocket and moves forward with Jimin towards the rooms. Second floor, last door on the left. His room. The least used, it's Jimin's, as he usually moves to any other room. He closes the door behind him and Jimin laughs, leaving on the bed with a barely strong throw. He shuffles over a bit and remains seated. Jungkook takes off his pants, leaving them lying on the floor next to his jacket.

He crawls on the bed, staying on top of Jimin. The shorter one grabs his face and joins lips with him, his tongue in the other's mouth seconds later, the anxious, but slow and passionate kiss they share, eyes closed and heart in one rhythm. They pull apart and Jimin holds him by the face.

"I love you." muses Jimin softly.

Jungkook smiles with shining eyes and makes him lie down on the bed.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." Jimin giggles, taking in the kisses on his neck and the caresses underneath his clothes. The hand sliding down his abdomen and the other, down his thigh.

The live one shuts down due to low cell phone battery,

"Did you guys do this intentionally?"

"What thing?" asks Namjoon after swallowing his drink. Hongjoong shows him the cell phone.

[BTS members in a relationship]

[Photos of BTS's Suga and Jin kissing]

[Rumors of a relationship between BTS members]

[Proof of the relationship that BTS members are in]

[Overheard Jungkook and RM of BTS having relationship]

Namjoon opens his eyes and then looks towards the rest, who have no idea why such a big scare from their leader.

"There are a lot of rumors running around..."

"Yes, we know. It's hard not to notice" Namjoon says with an awkward laugh, scratching under his neck. Jungkook plays with the music playing in the background, dancing from his seat. Jimin sways in the chair, self-absorbed, "but part of us wouldn't want that to be all the talk.... There's a lot more we're doing and I don't think our relationship is that important."

""Our" relationship." Repeats the girl interviewer.

"Yes. I mean... What we have all together is no big deal" The woman looks like she's going to have her eyes bulging out of their sockets. Namjoon makes it vague at the same time as very clear, which is quite strange and frustrating. "Considering there are more important things, like what we're going to publish and that sort of thing."

"You can't help but be curious, especially since you guys have never had a public relationship." explains the woman holding back the thousands of things going through her mind about it.

"It's private." says Yoongi.

"And it usually happens that any trace of private life that is given, the artist is judged by that, so it wasn't a good idea." explains Hoseok and shakes his head with an uncomfortable gesture. "We are singers and we just started that life again. We didn't want to make it the most important thing, putting the music aside and still helping with what brought us to this point."

"But we can we came to announce it directly. Without it being misunderstood somehow" Jin shuffles softly and the interviewer nods euphorically. "Because at this point besides being in the most private place possible, we want to be comfortable. Hiding it is already overwhelming."

"And we don't know how to do that. Clearly." Taehyung adds sipping water while looking away.

"We're boyfriends. All seven of us."

Jimin hadn't said anything in almost twenty minutes, stopped halfway there. As if he barely knows where he is. Namjoon points at him with folded hands and shrugs. The interviewer furrows her eyebrows and points at them all.

"All of them?"

"Ujum."

"I mean."

"We have a polyamorous relationship."

"Went through the time together and alone."

They decided to shield themselves from such a horrible experience. After all, it's the excuse they need. The best one to throw. There are many who hide behind the same thing. Even Eleonora's son and his partner, who are also celebrities, used it as justification for the relationship they have, being male and at that time, not so well seen.

The laws work in favor as well. Thousands of specific regulations for this. Where even underage people can stay and be partnered with another adult as long as there is no harmful manipulation involved. It's not something they like. As soon as they heard about it, they wanted to have a say in it, but they don't want to lose the safeguard they have.

It's none of their business either.

And now everyone knows they're a huge relationship.

~ * * * ~

"They won't stop talking about it," Hoseok complains checking the news. "How annoying they are."

"At least they'll stop bothering a lot of people-"

"Lisa's not going to put up with another edited picture of her with you anymore." says Taehyung with a chuckle and Jungkook smiles uncomfortably. That's true. They even got an award a few days ago. Apparently they're the best couple.

For some reason he still doesn't understand?

"Be that as it may," sighs Namjoon, turning off the light. "We have to make sure the album is the best. So, they're going to let this news go."

"Are you sure?"

"Not really, but it's the only thing we have at hand" Jin laughs through his nose. "Anyway, at least it'll be pretty obvious what we do from now on."

"Yeah..." exhales Yoongi with his eyes closed. "It'll be fun to see what theories they come up with. In and of itself, they're being pretty intense about it-"

"Hajun shut up already."

The comment makes them fall silent. Jimin rubs his face and looks to the right, where Hajun squatting down keeps babbling the same thing over and over again.

"Did you take the medicine?"

"Yes." he replies to Hoseok who pokes his lips out. "It's just... Can we sleep?" he asks anxiously.

He hugs Jin and hides his face in his chest. He doesn't want to listen to Hajun anymore why can't he shut up? He wants to be happy that he can be like in Korea: without hiding their relationship and what he feels. He should be happy, but-

"You're just my female," says Hajun. "Just mine. Hajun is Jimin's Alpha and Jimin is Hajun's female."

How much I wish he would shut up.

~ * * * ~

He hums, sitting on the ground and the snow coming to accumulate on parts of his body. He doesn't know how long he's been out here, but he doesn't feel like going inside. If only to be with the others. He takes a deep breath and tries to concentrate on himself.

On what he is supposed to appreciate as part of himself, but he finds it simply unpleasant. Because of that taint inside him, he sees himself as a threat, not good for the rest, but selfish and violent.

"We've always had that rage inside" He squints, seeing himself not far away. Wearing the thin blue sweater and pink hair. Hands behind his back as he looks up at the sky. "We hated when they made us less...we hated people who didn't want to listen to what we had to say...we hated a lot of people."

"But I didn't want to hurt them-"

"No, but we hated them" He insists without taking his eyes off the sky. "You're so mean to me...you won't let me feel hate, I just have to hide it and pretend I'm the purest and most peaceful thing ever born... I'm not" he retorts turning to him and Jimin purses his lips. "Set me free."

Chapter 35: Travels

Chapter Text

"They haven't stopped talking about it."

"But hey, at least they've also talked about the upcoming album and the songs we dedicate to each other."

Yoongi gives a snort, Hoseok's bad mania of seeing everything positive seems to be returning. Hoseok finds it somewhere between amusing and strange. Many have become acidic and heavy since the announcement of their polyamorous relationship. It was to be expected. They weren't with the idea that it was going to be a rosy, perfect world where it would pass over.

Quite the opposite.

At the same time, Hoseok must say that he did not expect the level of support they have. Especially from the LGBT community. They are among the most famous belonging there, as well as linking -finally-, several projects that they have dedicated to each other and no one had noticed.

It's lovely. It's quite warm to belong to a certain collective and that they don't seem to be aware of complaints, just to celebrate that they have more representation. Another aspect that came up is the fact that the Korean population decreased so much, it's on the verge of disappearing, so: it doesn't matter whether they hate them or not.

They don't, they know it doesn't suit them, they just complain a lot about it or try to disguise it with unfunny jokes. At the end of the day, they only care about the people who were with them inside Korea. Other Koreans and their opinions, they can be as horrible as they want.

"Okay, we can start now!" Hoseok jumps up from his seat and Yoongi grunts under his breath, having no choice but to stand up. The others enter wearing sportswear, it's time to practice the choreographies that will go into the video clips.

Just inside, Jungkook and Jimin stretch, Taehyung ties his hair carelessly and Namjoon sets up the camera on the ceiling to record. He will make corrections later. If Hoseok doesn't kill them.

"Are you sure you can?" asks Jin. Aeyoung sits by the door, opening the book she brings in her hands. Jimin nods his head.

"Yes... Yes I can." he affirms, shaking his shoulders.

They will have to dance in front of an audience, plus record it and have everyone watch. Jimin has been mentally preparing for this. On top of that, he has been rehearsing on his own for months. He reckons he reached a decent level of dancing in this time. He has remained positive about it, dodging sour comments that his mind may throw out to make him feel bad.

Hoseok is the one who has learned the choreography the best. Despite being busy with his own album and what he wants to do with it, the choreographer who wanted to join the project so enthusiastically taught him personally what she did. Hoseok made some arrangements to make it more their own and now, all that's left to do is to rehearse it.

As well as all the choreographies they have had. If they think of doing a concert, they will need to dance. Not to mention the new ones that will come. Hoseok and Namjoon have too many plans for the song "Dionysus". It's unhealthy how much they keep thinking about it.

"And... now."

Aeyoung turns on the sound system without even looking. When she was told that she would be an Idol nurse and be with the whole group while they reform, she didn't expect it to be so easy.

Just that it would have good music in the background.

"Let's go to the beach."

They look at each other, weirded out by Jungkook's sudden request. Namjoon takes off his headphones and leans more on the island, Jimin releases Hye, who runs off to play with Bam in the garden.

"Go to the beach?" Jin repeats. "Why do you want that all of a sudden?"

"Because I'm sick of the cold and I want to go to the beach. Besides, I want to swim in the sea. Let's go to the beach." Jungkook insists and Namjoon frowns slightly, squeezing part of his neck for brief moments.

It's been a long time since I've been in a hot area. Even here in Italy, they weren't placed in a hot region. It seems unheard of that it can get cold. Of course, it is a mountainous area. It is possible to get to the beach, it is several hours away by car. Jungkook balances on his feet, resting his hands on the back of the sofa.

"Let's go to the beach." insists Jungkook.

"Are you sure we're not going to melt? I don't think we know how to exist in the heat anymore." mentions Yoongi mockingly, without stopping what he's doing at the computer, in the most uncomfortable position possible. Besides the pronounced hump. Diagonally, a keyboard to use from time to time.

"Precisely because of that. I want us to go to the beach. We need that." replies Jungkook.

Taehyung and Jimin give each other a look, shrugging their shoulders. To them, it sounds pretty good Why not? Being stuck in the house all the time isn't good either. So go out in the garden and use the pool. The cold prevents it from being exactly relaxing to use. It's almost a torture and obligation during the first hour to acclimatize.

"We still have a lot to do-"

"We'll do it after we go to the beach Come on! We haven't gone in almost eight years for this moment!"

Namjoon wanted to argue, but he's right on that point. They have been so obsessed with staying in cold areas, that the beach is almost a myth. He looks over at Yoongi who is still going about his business, as if he doesn't notice. He meditates for a few seconds, maybe it's not the best die for him, who is against open spaces.

"Okay" Hoseok and Jin turn sharply to Namjoon, "but first we have to buy an RV."

"Why the RV?" asks Jin, raising an eyebrow. It's a bit of a strange demand. Jungkook doesn't pay attention anymore, rushing to his room to start arranging his backpack, what to bring for Bam and buy beach clothes for everyone.

Since they don't have any of that. No brand has sent them summer collections or anything like that.

"Because if Yoongi gets overwhelmed, he can go in there and not have to leave or stay here." explains Namjoon going back to what he does. "And it wouldn't be bad to go...we could see fish. Dive for a while. It'll be fun and no sweater for once in so long."

"We're paler than a damn sheet of paper," Taehyung complains, standing up. "Ah, I already want to get sunstroke and hate the sun." He goes to the kitchen to help himself to something to eat.

Jungkook wants to go to the beach. The others, except Jimin and Taehyung, were not very convinced about it. No wonder. We have something in our head that says:

Hot = bad.

It's that simple and stupid. Heat, Yagtalja only survive heat and I think they also wanted to avoid it because of the way the den felt. However, we can't pretend to be stuck in the house all the time, it's not good either. The beach is a different heat, a normal, natural one.

Not the forced one of being in a cavern who knows how many feet underground. Choonhe at some point mentioned to me that it is also good to be on the coast... it calms the nerves a lot. Maybe we need that... Maybe? Something other than the perpetual winter we went through for eight years.

Getting an RV was pretty straightforward. Sanctuary took care of all the paperwork and after getting a map for it, they set off for the coast. They didn't hide it, so no wonder Atee*z wanted to come with them.

They took it willingly and perhaps, foreseeing it, they had two motor homes with which to transport themselves. They plan to stay for a week on the coast, seeing in the well-appointed motor home. To the point of sleeping seven or eight people.

Cramped, yes, but not needing a hotel and staying near the beach as a main goal.

They arrived quite late, around three o'clock. However, that didn't stop Jungkook from rushing out, pulling Taehyung and Jimin with him to celebrate them being there. Their pets, poor things, didn't know what to do, feeling the sand on their paws as well as the heat. It didn't take two minutes for Bam to start panting. He is not at all used to the heat.

He's lived in the cold all his life and suddenly, his owner brings him to this. That makes him want to hide in the RV.

Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi and Hoseok come out in a line, with the first of them wearing sunglasses and lingering for a couple of seconds looking towards the shore.

"Yep, I don't know how the f*ck to live in the heat anymore. This is going to be tricky." Namjoon folds his arms and gives a snort, Hoseok breaks into laughter, considering the comment so silly.

To say they enjoy the journey here is complicated. After all, it's not like they're exactly comfortable at the start. It's more of an adaptation to an environment they hadn't visited for too long. Fortunately, and to their general surprise, the three Bangtan juniors are enjoying the moment almost to excess.

They run here and there, build sand castles, spend hours diving, and have to be dragged out of the water because otherwise it is impossible for them to get out of the water to eat.

Yoongi also had a better time than I expected. He sat for almost an hour, with his eyes closed, without falling asleep. Navigating deep in his mind to seek peace in areas that needed this resonance.

Jin, Namjoon and Hoseok just enjoy themselves normally, talking with Seonghwa and Hongjoong who is keeping him at bay.

The others in their group are just as chaotic and scattered as Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung. No wonder they are the group that makes huge sand castles, plays in the water and makes futile attempts to catch fish with their hands. Only Hye dares to jump into the water without being pulled in directly.

Bam was a huge drama. His screeching is unbearable and annoying, but in the end, he also has to be taken out of the sea like his owner. For a first day, with Aeyoung taking pictures of everything, it was pretty good and predicts to continue just as well the next day.

While everyone is sleeping and without anyone noticing it, not even Jin and Hoseok who are sleeping with him, Jimin leaves the caravan, walking towards the sea and swimming for no reason. Bam and Hye wait on the shore, a little uneasy and anxious, watching him swim away.

They should bark, warn the others, but they don't know if it's a good idea. Jimin launched himself. Maybe that's what he wants.

Chapter 36: Into the deep

Chapter Text

At first, it feels like a senseless impulse. Similar to the suicidal thoughts that flitted through your head from time to time and haven't surfaced again in quite some time. The water is terribly cold. It feels like little needles in his body, but it's a sensation he likes against all odds.

Despite the fact that he has no diving glasses, he opens his eyes. There is very little burning in his eyes - or has he reached that level of insensitivity? Even though it is late at night, the moon provides an enormous amount of clarity. The further he moves away from the shore and approaches the small reef nearby, it is possible for him to see corals and more fish.

Just like early on with the others. The biggest difference is that now he doesn't come up for air as often. He keeps holding and checking among the corals. What is the reason?

No reason.

Jimin just does it.

He pulls his head out of the water, some of his hair sticking to his pale skin. His orange eyes contrasting greatly with the dark firmament and its white light. A faint smile emerges, the corners of his lips lifted delicately.

Jimin likes to feel cold.

This cold.

One that comes from being enveloped by something bigger than him. It is akin to death, but at the same time, he senses his heart beating at the normal rate. At times, the thought of staying here arises. Lost in the water as if something fantastic will come for him Why would it be impossible? If there are dead people coming back in their battered bodies and humanoid creatures capable of love.

Why would it be impossible for something to emerge from the sea and take him to something similar to that cabin, but even further from reality? As if the laws of existence itself do not bind him.

Jimin sinks slowly, closing his eyes and reaching the bottom. Sitting on the sand. He opens his eyes slowly, the orange of them, still twinkling in the discreet, faint gloom. His cheeks slightly puffed out from holding air. Jimin looks around, his whitish hair shining in the moonlight.

Fish approach curiously, playing among the strands and some, lingering beside him. Thinking it's another coral, thinking it's not something they should run away from. Jimin picks up the small crab in the sand, holding it in his palm and laughing at it.

It looks so small. It's almost funny. The animal hops up and swims back to the sand, swimming away. Jimin releases the air bubbles and stays in place.

"You are my female."

No.

"You are theirs."

No.

He smiles with a shrug, hugging his legs and with a current stirring his clothes, his hair and slightly his whole body. Watching as the sea stretches out in front of him and eventually, becomes just a huge penumbra.

Realizing that, even here in a force as large and constricting as the sea, where it pulls you in and could lead you to die inside, it doesn't belong to the ocean. Just as it did not belong to Hajun. Nor did it belong to Leeseung. It doesn't even belong to the others. Much less to those who so much marked property in his body, preventing him from sleeping and now, from being at peace. He belongs only to himself.

He belongs to no one else.

His alone.

And it is good that it is so.

He can make the decisions about himself. What he wants or doesn't want to wear. What he does or doesn't want to do. Who he does or doesn't want to kiss. Who he does or doesn't want to love. Whom he does or does not want to touch. Who wants to feel or not to feel... He is not an object, he is a person and even more, he is Jimin.

I rather be lost without the lights.
Lost without the lights
I'm out my mind...

And for the first time in many years, he is happy to be so, listening to himself in his head with what will be the songs he has made for his album. The clearest manifestation of how alive he is and the person he is.

Namjoon gets up about five minutes after Jimin came out. At first stay, he was scared not to see him where he fell asleep. Going outside, he saw him swimming quite far in the sea and although he wanted to go for him to take him out, he forces himself to stay quiet. Jimin knows how to swim, he didn't show anything strange during the day, Aeyoung claimed that he was fine and beyond everything, sometimes he needs his space to look for his own happy moments.

Like when he spent almost two hours in the rain or in the snow, making figures and meditating in the unbearable cold.

It is as if Jimin's mind and body reconnect with each other once he is surrounded by forces he cannot control, but they do not harm him. The ocean is perhaps the third in that string. Namjoon wants to bring him back, indifferent to the thought.

All to then realize that it's falling back into his cursed need to control everything to make it the way he wants it to be. Looking for feasible excuses to do so. After a long time of anguish, in fact, he sees him stick his head out. Bam and Hye are very calm. In case something bad happened, they would bark or try to go after him.

They did so when they thought Taehyung was drowning in the afternoon.

Actually, there is no reason to be worried.

Namjoon sits on the sand and forces himself to remain there without doing anything. Jimin is fine. Jimin didn't ask for his help. He is doing what he wants and he doesn't have to control him.

"Why are you awake?" Namjoon bites his cheeks and Hongjoong sits next to him.

"Jimin wanted to take a night dip. I'm waiting for him to come out or for the alarms to say he needs help." He points to the pair of dogs starting to doze off. Hongjoong laughs through his nose.

"You want to go take him out don't you?" Namjoon grumbles. He doesn't need to feel exposed by Hongjoong. "Wow, even therapy doesn't manage to heal the controlling nature Huh?" he jokes playfully and Namjoon rolls his eyes.

"This time it's justified."

"Yes. It is."

"The important thing is that I controlled it."

"That's true too."

They are silent for a while. Hongjoong dozes where he is, sitting.

"Why are you here?" asks Namjoon, realizing how strange it is. Hongjoong opens his eyes and exhales a little loudly.

"I had a nightmare and wanted to escape from it. Here the water sounds more, so I can be calm. I had a long time without having nightmares." admits the contrarian.

"Any particular reason?"

"Enclosed spaces."

Namjoon gives a soft hum.

"My room is full of windows, I always have them without curtain. I don't mind light coming in in the morning: I just want to realize I'm not locked in," he explains in a faint, heartfelt murmur. "We were so long locked in the studio, waiting for them to come and get us... it makes me think I'm there again. I dreamed everything that happened and it's like going back to first base." Hongjoong drops his shoulders and looks back out to sea. "We weren't making a sound...so this works out pretty well."

"How overwhelming it sounds."

"It was."

Again, silence. Namjoon dozes a little sitting where he is. Maybe he'll fall asleep here and end up with a cold... if he can catch a cold. He doesn't remember anymore. Hongjoong does come close to falling into a deep sleep. Namjoon licks his lips and gazes raptly at the sea before tapping him on the shoulder.

"Are you happy now?"

"What a complicated question." grumbles Hongjoong half asleep.

"I think my therapist secretly hates me because I always ask him existential questions" Hongjoong laughs through his nose, that he can picture perfectly, "but then again are you happy?" he insists. Hongjoong pulls up his lower lip.

"Yes. I think I'm starting to be now. Everything is going well, we can make music again. We don't have a company breathing down our necks with every step we take" he shrugs. "And aside from the nightmare, everything is going great." he smiles ruefully and slyly. Namjoon nods his head.

He's sure everyone will tell him they're happy.

And yet, Namjoon is not sure if he is happy. Maybe he is and he can't tell the difference. Hongjoong doesn't make a move, just remains meek and still when Namjoon approaches and presses his lips together. It is a lazy and unreasonable act as far as he is concerned. It almost seems like a dream. They part and a second later, Hongjoong yawns, drawing a laugh from Namjoon.

"Sorry, I'm sleepy."

"It's okay." Namjoon pats him on the shoulder and prompts him to lean back from his shoulder. "I'll wake you up in fifteen minutes."

"Ummhg..."

His mind goes blank. He thinks of nothing. He just looks out to sea. He enjoys the sound. He waits for Jimin. That's all. He doesn't even ponder that the only reason he has kissed Hongjoong several times, is to be in trust again with other men around. Knowing people who have a liking for him and have the slight chance to get close, won't hurt him.

Having Junghwa present like a shadow climbing on his shoulder, ready to abuse his body is one of the reasons why he still feels weak. Somehow, Hongjoong remedies it. It lets him know that there are good people and have hope that there are more people like him.

People who won't hurt him and he can speak up without fear.

As well as not needing to expose himself strong or domineering, not needing violence at all.

Jimin comes out of the water a good while later. Soaking wet and with his clothes still on. He tilts his head, watching the scene. Namjoon gestures to him, waking Hongjoong who sleeps so deeply seems downright ugly to him, so he let it be. Jimin sits next to Namjoon, resting his head on the opposite shoulder.

"Why did you go swimming at this hour?" asks Namjoon quietly. Jimin yawns and closes his eyes.

"Don't you get the feeling that you need something a hell of a lot bigger than you hugging to discover things about yourself?" Namjoon finds it almost poetic. Normal coming from Jimin in his huge existential crisis between being a human or not. He lays his head back on his partner's, getting wetter in the process.

Maybe tomorrow I want to go swimming" Jimin laughs through his nose. "Would you be here waiting for me?"

"Yes. I'll keep you from drowning if you accidentally fall asleep."

Namjoon kisses him on the head. Jimin sometimes gives the answers that need to be heard.

"Namjoon spent the night with Hongjoong."

The sequence of everything suddenly shutting down is funny. Hongjoong opens and closes his mouth, chagrined and confused. Namjoon shrugs his shoulders and throws up his hands. Jimin just laughs discreetly, aware that this will be a fake and funny drama.

"With Hongjoong?" Jin repeats, standing up with his hand on his waist. "After refusing to sleep WITH ME. You're the worst man to come out of Korea, Kim Nam-Joon" Hoseok bursts out laughing, falling off the chair in the process. Jungkook tries to hold in his laughter. "Okay, okay, I get what's going on. You'd rather be with him in the sand than with me in bed-"

"It's an inflatable mattress, not a bed. Even sand is softer than that." says Yoongi drinking from his glass, pretending not to pay attention.

"But what's worth more is me! ME!"

"Nah, Hongjoong is cute too. He's younger too."

"Respect me!" Jin smacks Jungkook on the head, who keeps laughing helplessly. Taehyung elbows Seonghwa.

"What about you, aren't you going to stand up for getting your boyfriend taken away?"

Silence forms again. Seonghwa opens and closes his mouth and then looks towards Hongjoong who can't blush anymore. "Why did you tell them!!!?

"IT CAN'T BE FOR REAL THEY'RE FRIENDS!" shrieks Hoseok covering his mouth and having his face red from laughing so hard.

"OF COURSE THEY ARE!"

"LONG LONG LIVE MY PARENTS!" exclaims Wooyoung with his arms raised.

"LONG LONG LIVE PARENTS!" Supports Jimin raising his drink, Jungkook soon after and Yoongi equally. Namjoon turns to Hongjoong.

"Don't be so shy, you know perfectly well that a lover doesn't come amiss."

"NAMJO-"

Hongjoong wants the earth to swallow him up or maybe Namjoon will finish him off. The rest feels so little in contrast to this. Wooyoung approaches alone to record that Namjoon seems just short of knocking him down and rendering him totally unconscious. They exclaim in surprise and some amusem*nt at Namjoon pulling him up and laying on top of him.

"Envy eats at me." admits Jimin resting his cheek on his palm.

"Is there a line? I want some too." says San pouting.

Namjoon's eyes widen and he is forced to laugh. Even if it was a vague moment, Hongjoong squeezes him on his chest. He gets up in a hurry and goes to lie on the beach. He needs to get the heat off. Wooyoung sends them the video and they carry on as normal for the rest of the day.

They didn't count on a few more people coming. Wonho and Matthew the main ones of them, with Jimin going to jump on Wonho as soon as he got the chance. The man absolutely panics from the kiss on the mouth, seeing not too far away Jungkook deflate the beach ball due to how hard he squeezes it.

"Jimin! We already understood that you love the giant bear! Let him go!" scolds Hoseok from afar, making strange figures to Yoongi on top of him, as he fell asleep on the sand and even the scandal of all together doesn't wake him up.

"Namjoon has Hongjoong! I have Weene!" justifies Jimin without much concern. "Help me make them jealous!" he asks kissing him on the cheeks.

"It works out better for me!"

Jimin exclaims, aghast at being suddenly charged by Matthew. Hongjoong gets patted on the back by Seonghwa. He has the feeling that he caused a mess when he just wanted to sleep in the sand like a drunk with no family.

Despite the location in the middle of nowhere and not being able to reveal where they live, they had a good week with more company. It feels very similar to the shelter in some ways. It makes them feel at ease. As well as having the necessary privacy, with everyone at a safe distance so as not to disturb each other by accident.

Much less hear what might be going on.

"I-I was just ju-ju-playing- Ummgh..."

He sticks his tongue out, gasping for air, pressed against the wall and with Jungkook tucked between his legs. The man grabs him by the jaw, sliding his tongue inside the other's cavity and moving his pelvis in a strong rhythm, relentlessly penetrating his white-haired partner.

Next to Jin and Hoseok with Taehyung between them; Yoongi underneath Namjoon who has him pressed on the poor mattress they bought. All the pets outside and playing with each other without disturbing their owners inside.

Chapter 37: Debut

Chapter Text

The last few days have been about reviewing the final details of the album. Sleeping is almost forbidden for them. They spend it on re-recordings, revisions and other details that are pure paranoia. At the end of the day, not much change is strictly necessary and even if they do, the songs remain essentially the same. At best, with a better high note for the occasional break or better realized visual.

The great fortune here is that they have nothing to do with the recording and editing process of the main video. That would be catastrophic and straight up, nothing at all would come of it.

The only thing that has been done with that, is to change the track every now and then and on the off chance that it would happen, the label editors just keep an eye on their cell phones, in case another email comes from Namjoon with another new track.

Finally it's the last day. It will be out in a few hours. Jimin and Jungkook keep an eye on what's being talked about on the internet. All social networks flooded with countdown, data, news, instructions. It's huge the hype around them.

"Do you think they'll like my hair when they see the pictures?" asks Jimin quietly, scrolling past the endless posts. There's a lot of fanbase around each one.

It's kind of nice of them. That's how they remember the many, many photo shoots done back in the day. Bringing back some desire to have some hair color. The best thing about now, is that he has no impediment to use all the dyes he wants. After all, gray hair colors very easily.

"They're sure going to love it," Jungkook leans back from him. "There's a lot of bets on what color you are. Most think you stayed the way you are, some are asking for you to have it pink."

"Ah, pink... I'll think about it." he laughs lightly, putting his hair over his shoulder.

Hoseok with help from Yoongi and Taehyung arrange a table in the middle of the room. They put out food, some small posters that the dancer prepared by hand in the evening. Celebrations with names of the songs and other decorations. A simple detail to make the surroundings look nicer. It is a celebration after all.

"There are many offers to present to us." comments Namjoon, glasses on and eyes narrowed. His mail has never been so full. You can tell he is now responsible for managing it all. Fortunately he left the issue of physical merchandise and discs in the hands of another agency. He was going to explode otherwise.

At the same time, though, it's no wonder the offer came in. Everyone wants to be involved with his return to music. Everything has been going so well, it's practically impossible not to assume success and millions of dollars to come.

They haven't stopped shaking all day. They announced that they would do a live countdown to the song and album. Namjoon didn't want to see pre-sale numbers. He knows he has expectations and doesn't want to hurt himself that way. If it's less than what he expects, he would burst into tears.

"There is no Music Bank or anything like that anymore. We should think about accepting various proposals" mentions Jin finishing getting ready. "I got a proposal to organize concerts. In the U.S.A." clarifies the elder and Namjoon leans back more in the chair.

He sees the others so engrossed in the matter. It is clear that they want to return to this way of life and in part, it is prevented because there is no country where the way they remember it was done. He scratches his eyebrows without removing his glasses and ends up waving his hand at Jin, giving his approval on the matter.

Let Jin deal with it, he will keep the internal management and music efferent part. Jin can take care of the social stuff. Namjoon can almost feel that, from afar, Choonhe celebrates him for still managing not to take over all the heavy responsibilities.

"Time for medicine." announces Aeyoung with a glass of water in hand and the pill in the other. Jimin scrunches up his face looking at his two hands.

"Can I take it later...?"

"No. Never. That would make me have to start from scratch" Aeyoung replies, quizzical. Until now, Jimin has never been defensive about his medication. This is the first time. "Is there a special reason?"

"It makes me sleepy and I get silly the first hour. I don't want it to happen now" he replies in a groan and throwing his head back. Aeyoung bites her lips lightly. "I-I'm sure I can take it after we make the transmission. It'll be a two-hour delay no more. It will be one time. Just once."

Aeyoung purses her lips. It's true that it will be problematic if he doesn't react on the transmission. It will be within the time spectrum where it will affect him. He is a public figure and among the instructions received by the project regarding this particular case is to try to make him as unsuspicious as possible. Jimin has already given the fair and necessary information. Therefore, to open the door to a possible misunderstanding and for his image to decline is dangerous.

It's not more important than their health, but if there's a little fight between the two.

"Just one hour." warns Aeyoung and Jimin smiles. He sets a timer on his cell phone and continues with what he's doing. The nurse reports it without hesitation to Choonhe. She must keep her in the loop.

Luckily, she doesn't disapprove and considers it just a hint that they should distance the doses. Jimin has improved quite a bit. Enough so that such a concentrated dose is not necessary. She was going to announce it at the next session they had, but apparently, because of work, it will have to be a pleasant surprise at the next session.

With fifteen minutes to go before they start the transmission and one hour and fifteen minutes to go before the "debut", there is a knock on the door. Taehyung opens the door and smiles square, finding Atee*z at the door. They are wearing party hats, carrying a cake and balloons.

"Happy debut!" exclaims Wooyoung cheerfully, holding a medical patch with a flower drawn on it.

"Now I feel super bad that I wasn't there when you guys brought out Halazia!" admits Jin with a nervous smile.

"It's nothing. They weren't even here." mentions Hongjoong shaking his hands. Relaxed about it. "Besides, they sent that huge arrangement-"

"And they promoted us. Free promotion, the best kind" Jongho adds, Hongjoong looks down on him for the comment. "That tide of fans cheered by you guys made it stand out more. My voice was effectively avenged." he celebrates by clenching his fist.

The tricky part of singing again is that they lost vocal practice. Especially severe on those who usually hit the high notes. Jimin had who knows how many sessions crying over not making it, Jin more than one tantrum ending in tears out of dissatisfaction; Jongho directly felt that he should stop trying and that he was not going to be able to be a singer anymore.

Encouraging them to keep trying was costly, but in the long run it was achieved and well. He was a little hurt by what Hongjoong demanded for the song. Out of stubbornness he did it, even with the offer to lower the level a bit and change the song structure to something simpler for him. Jongho was very stubborn. He wanted to get it. Especially after crying so hard for it. Halazia was a hit. It attracted a lot more people thanks to the constant mention - as proud older brothers - of Bangtan and the fandom's own interest in dispersing it.

"Anyway" Seonghwa leaves the flowers on the table where the food is. "We have to be together now. Next time, they'll be when we release a new album."

"Fine by me." says Yoongi drinking a milkshake.

In small talk and ordering what they brought, it becomes time for the broadcast. There's quite a bit of surprise that they're there, but there's no lack of excitement and joy at the same time. It's a whole hour of talking about what they've produced, Hongjoong and company teasing each other that they heard the songs first hand and saw them being written, eating, throwing things at each other, fooling around at one point or another. Discreetly, Jimin disguises with a grape the pill he takes once his cell phone vibrates in his pocket.

"Someone asks if you wrote the songs in Korea." mentions Mingi, the one closest to the cell phone and thus, can read.

"Oh, well," Namjoon scratches his neck with both hands, elbows resting on the table. "We were on our way to Russia. It was a... kind of a strange time. I didn't have much to do and I had a lot to think about. Part of the album is...what I was feeling at the time."

"Most of the songs are frustrations. I think it's more of an overlong cry." opines Hoseok half-jokingly about it. "Ah, Jiwoo is scolding me for not sending him the songs to listen to." he laughs swaying in place.

"What part of this album isn't us having a thousand frustrations on top of it?" Yoongi peels the tangerine, not even bothering with anything else with his depressing comment.

"Stay isn't frustration." defends Jin.

"Filter either." mentions Jimin playing with the straw in his glass.

"Or Friends." assures Taehyung.

"The second is because Jimin is already back to being... him." Yoongi manages to swallow the word: horny. He doesn't want to expose any intimacy. "And the third one is also his, other than you just know how to make pretty music. He obviously has no traumas."

"You see? It's not all frustration," Taehyung points out, raising his hands. "Just enough and just enough. Just a little bit more-"

"And that those were mostly done when we got here" Namjoon adds. "Oh, two minutes left."

They put some things away in a hurry and Aeyoung announces when there are thirty seconds left. They get ready and as close together as possible, they start counting backwards once there are ten seconds left.

"Three... two... ONE! ENJOY IT!" they exclaim at the same time, clapping their hands.

They turn off the broadcast at the same time as San sets up the TV with the live video. Wooyoung flew to the top of the sofa. Jimin and Jungkook also rush, ending up on a crowded sofa. Music and dancers opening the video itself. Namjoon holds Jin's hand tightly, biting his cheeks, tense. Jin whispers in his ear": quiet.

I can't understand what people are sayin'
Who and what do I need to follow
With each step then again grows the Shadow
Where is this place I open my eyes no
Maybe Seoul or New York or Paris
I get up, unsteady on my feet (Yeah)

"THAT MAKEUP IS GREAT!" exclaims Mingi stomping his feet. Taehyung smiles square and shrugs.

"It even looks cooler than I remembered." says Yoongi impressed.

"Sexy double expression." Jungkook slurps air and Jin smacks him upside the head.

"The color blue." Wooyoung nods making a circle with his fingers. Having started with Jimin and Taehyung is the best choice of all.

(Look) Look at my feet, look down
The shadow resembles me
Is it the shadow that's shaking
Or is it my feet that are trembling
Of course I'm not unafraid
Of course it's not all okay
But I know
Awkwardly I flow
I fly together with that black wind

"RM! RMMMMM!" exclaims Jungkook raising his arms, Hoseok and Taehyung join him. Namjoon squeezes his eyes and smile. As cute as ever.

"JIN'S COMING!" exclaims Jimin lowering Jungkook's arms so that the screen can be seen.

(Hey, na-na-na-na) Gotta go insane to stay sane.
(Hey, na-na-na-na) Throw myself whole into both worlds
(Hey, na-na-na-na) Can't hold me down 'cause you know I'm a fighter
Carried myself into this beautiful prison
Find me and I'm gonna live with ya

"HEH-OH!" they sing in unison, matching the television. Aeyoung does the favor of recording at times. She knows the material will be well appreciated.

(Eh-oh) Bring it, bring the pain, oh yeah.
(Eh-oh) Come on up, bring the pain, oh yeah yeah
Rain be pourin', sky keep fallin'
Everyday, oh na-na-una
(Eh-oh) Bring it, bring the pain, oh yeah yeah

"JHOOOOOOOOPE!" exclaims Yoongi seconds before it's even on screen.

Bring the pain
It'll become my blood and flesh
Bring the pain
No fear, now that I know the way
Breathe on the small things
My air and my light in the dark
The power of the things that make me, "me"
Even if I fall, I come right up, scream

"SUGA, SUGA, SUGA!" exclaim Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jungkook and all of Atee*z. Yoongi covers his eyes and smiles, embarrassed.

Even if I fall, I come right up, scream
That's how we've always been
Even if my knees drop to the ground
As long as they don't get buried
It's going to be just an ordinary happening
Win no matter what
Win no matter what
Win no matter what
Whatever you say, whatever they say
I don't give a uhh
I don't give a uhh

"I DON'T FIVE A f*ck." shrieks Yoongi, frustrated that Namjoon wouldn't let him put it on.

(Hey, na-na-na-na) Gotta go insane to stay sane
(Hey, na-na-na-na) Throw myself whole into both worlds
(Hey, na-na-na-na) Can't hold me down 'cause you know I'm a fighter
Carried myself into this beautiful prison
Find me and I'm gonna live with ya

"NO ONE HOLDS JIMIN-SSI!"

He is squeezed by Jungkook and Taehyung, smiling broadly. Namjoon said that he's the one who fit that pre-chorus the best. That it should be his as much as Jin's.

Where my pain lies
Let me take a breath
My everythin'
My blood and tears
Got no fears, I'm singin', oh-oh-woah-oh-oh-oh
Oh I'm takin' over
You should know yeah

"Who asked the angel to sing?"

Jungkook ends up with his hair messed up by all of them. Jimin gives him a resounding kiss on the cheek, leaning back from him somewhat exhausted and seeing what they rehearsed so much. For a moment he was afraid of stepping on Jungkook's foot.

Can't hold me down 'cause you know I'm a fighter
Choosing to descend into the dark abyss
Find me and I'm gonna bleed with ya

The video ends and they exclaim clapping. They don't know anything about how he is in that premiere, in views, in nothing; on the side it is announced that all the new music is available and suddenly, to general surprise, Namjoon bursts into tears, covering his mouth with one hand and having to pull away a little, not being left alone.

"It's okay my love" Hoseok squeaks hugging Namjoon and stroking his hair. "You did perfect" kisses him on the temple. "It will be a sure hit."

"Whoever doesn't love it, has no taste." states Hongjoong.

"These are the best songs you've ever made." states Jungkook with a huge smile and eyes shining with excitement.

"You did everything we wanted to say. They're great. They're perfect!" exclaims Taehyung.

"You did it perfect... you're great Namjoon." says Jimin sleepily, almost asleep hugging him and with his chin on the other's chest.

Namjoon is not quite understanding what it is that he does that makes him feel this way and it takes him a couple of minutes to understand that it's the vulnerability that causes him to expose himself. Those songs are like having put his intimacies on the table in a discreet way, but so deep that it's terrifying.

UGH is all his anger. His desire to fight, to destroy, to kill; the impending superiority of having managed to destroy communities at will.

Stay is the longing. The desire so blind and heavy to want to keep them with him. That none of them be missing. May they all stay with him and not leave him.

Zero O'Clock as the reminder that life goes on. Regardless of not having a clock, twelve o'clock at night will come and with it, a new day. Despair and faith at the same time in that time.

Respect for the people who bothered him so much, who did not want to respect him because of his age, because of his supposed lack of will.

Louder than bombs... the hope that something better will come, that their voices and wills are stronger than the rest. Pain, success, anguish and hope intermingled in a painful and proper way.

Black Swan with the imminent fear of not being able to make a living from what he was passionate about in the past.

The eternal as the discovery of being more than seven people against the tide...

AND ON.

The strength.

To stagger without stopping, but to stand up indifferent to any adversity.

Just being stronger for knowing how to resist and get up again.

There is so much in these songs that feels more exposed than ever.

Chapter 38: Fragile peace

Chapter Text

He massages his neck and stretches in his chair before looking to the right. Jin and Jungkook asleep on the couch, one on top of the other and giving each other occasional touches, as if trying to annoy each other in between sleeps. As silly as it is adorable. He turns off the TV, covers them with a huge blanket and goes upstairs with his cell phone in his hand.

Map of the Soul: 7 has been a resounding success.

So much so that they had to apologize on what more merchandise is produced. It's a crazy thing that Namjoon didn't see coming and it almost made him cry again. There is no one who doesn't do top down analysis below all the songs, the bonus video they released of Black Swan and not ask for some sort of confirmation of part of everything they think about it.

Namjoon prefers to give terse comments. Without showing off too much and let people have a chance to think what they want. At most, prevent them from straying into thinking wrong and bad things about them. It is inevitable that it will be said, not so that it is taken as an absolute truth to be disproved.

He peeks into the other rooms to turn off the TV, tuck in whoever is lying on one end of the bed and the like. It is difficult to get into Jungkook's room, as there is a string of dogs lying on the floor. Bam belly up and stretched out on the end. Namjoon has to balance to close the window to keep insects out.

Hoseok sleeps with half his body on the edge of the bed.

Yoongi curled up on one side of the huge bed.

Jimin and Taehyung in Jimin's bed, sleeping in deep silence with Jimin holding his arm.

By the time he reaches his room and intrudes into his bed, accidentally waking up his dog, Namjoon can rest with an immense level of peace inside him. As if any trace of insecurity regarding his ability to continue making music is vetoed from his system.

He can still do it.

He still knows how to do it.

Those melodies inside his chest did not fade away.

Junghwa did not kill them.

Junghwa could not devour them.

They survived. They were there all along, shyly hidden for protection.

"We've always been there," he opens his eyes, finding himself there, "but you didn't want us to be out there...because we weren't useful.

"You weren't."

"No... And it's better that way: we would have died."

He sighs deeply, closing his eyes and falling asleep in a few minutes.

~ * * * ~

The album continues to do very well, to the point that we've been invited on over fifteen more shows to perform. Everyone else is fine with it. They are so excited about a public performance. Even Yoongi has been practicing being in front of a lot of people so he can do it (he's adorable, we've gone to over five parks where there are a lot of people so he can get acclimated).

We've been practicing with headphones, so there won't be any problems with the applause and there will be a little practice beforehand to make sure everything is functional. It's a level of effort and excitement that they didn't have. That I saw off and now it's shining again. They themselves so happy to note how they are still the same as before.

Just much stronger, capable of more things. Even pick themselves up after the very shattering and miserable fall we had.

It's funny that I noticed a pattern in everything that happened: first we fell, because of it we broke and being like that, we became contaminated with the evil of others. It turned us into real living dead staggering in a disgusting limbo; we let ourselves fall on the worst side, going into a war and then, being worse than wild animals.

I wonder what's next? Just standing? To have gotten the dirt off our backs and rearmed?

Are we the same?

Are we even alike?

So much has happened that I can't tell if we are a better version of us or a worse one. Maybe a pathetic one (suffering) or a brilliant one (understanding life itself better). In general, I don't know. I can't even say I know what I am... I don't consider myself a who yet...

When will I be able to feel human and alive again? Not even with this spark inside me so alive, is that far-fetched and far-fetched feeling possible.

~ * * * ~

"I understand you have a busy schedule, but this situation is just as urgent." mentions Eleonora as she guides them through the halls of the research headquarters. This is not the first time they have been here. They came to meet the doctors who would be examining their samples and that sort of thing. After that, a nurse was sent to collect everything requested:

Blood, sweat, saliva, brain fluid and eggs.

"I figured. He doesn't usually call us in for a little tea in the evening sunlight." ironizes Namjoon and she from a soft chuckle, but the urgency is stronger than that little pleasant situation evaporates like water.

"And that's...will it be mystery until you get there?" asks Hoseok curious and with his hands behind his back. Eleonora stops in front of a door that demands her identification in addition to having two armed military men watching.

"We caught four Alphas alive."

They look at each other with the same horror, Jimin holds his breath. He can't feel them, are they so closed in? It is impossible to perceive. She opens the door and passes through, closely followed. As Eleonora announced, there are four Alphas in the room. All securely strapped to the wall, inside tempered glass boxes at least sixty centimeters thick. Regardless of whether they crash into them, they can't break it. Jimin grabs Jungkook by the arm, hopelessly nervous and burning in his throat.

"Why are they keeping them alive?" asks Namjoon, uneasy. Eleonora crosses her arms.

"We wanted to find other weaknesses, besides testing in life how fast it starts to secrete hormones. That is, to manipulate its prey," Eleonora explains. "We need you to be the ones to help us. Not only because you have more intellect about it, it's because we know you won't try to kill them. You are good candidates."

"There are no more candidates?" asks Jin slightly displeased. Eleonora shakes her head.

"As soon as they got close, they tried to kill them. From the translators we have here, we have deciphered that most of them are called used or reclaimed females, plus they are no good" Eleonora explains. "We'll be watching and it won't be closer than two meters."

They look at each other and finish with some resignation. They said they would collaborate and to refuse now, would be to add fuel to a fire that should remain small and almost extinguished. Hoseok offers, with the feeling that he will be the one who can best deal with that pressure. He wouldn't dream of asking Yoongi to come in. Least of all Jimin.

He shakes out his arms and wearing the protective jacket he was given, enters the box. The Alpha in question, long and not very stocky, stops his hysterical state to look at him. He sniffs the air and although he tries to get closer, the chain won't let him. The doctor at the computer quickly notes how long it took, he also begins to make himself a component log.

"Can you talk to him? Don't move from your seat, just talk." instructs Eleonora from the microphone. Hoseok bites his lips and speaks seconds later:

"Do you have female?" he asks in English, not knowing what else to do.

"Female... I want female... female... female... pretty" He co*cks his head, his arms hanging slack. Eyes dilated and the surge of hormones beginning to bother Hoseok. "Female...weak.... strong hatchlings" he smiles broadly and Hoseok takes a couple of steps back, uncomfortable. "Female-"

"You can come out now."

Hoseok hurries out, taking a sharp intake of breath once outside. He takes the glass of water approached by one of the doctors, who starts asking about how he feels, what he can say about it. Eleonora listens carefully to what they explain to her that they need aside.

"Okay... Kill that one" she orders without concern and a couple of soldiers go straight for it. They shoot him in the chest and a count is made of how long it takes for him to die. A simple act like that, after a lot of calm: it is certain that he is not interested in keeping them alive. "Now, one of you two have to go in with her.... Try to see what happens."

"I'll go." Jungkook offers instantly. Jin does remember what happened. He doesn't.

He doesn't care.

He enters the space and puts the same distance he saw on Hoseok. The Alpha watches him closely and gives a purr, smiling wide. She's tall, but also wide. Medium size if you have to qualify. Small chest, large hips, elongated eyes and straight hair. Hormonal response takes a little longer, unlike Hoseok and the Alpha male.

"Do you want hatchlings?" asks Jungkook with his hands tucked into his jacket. The Alpha nods and laughs.

"Male... good male" she purrs happily. "Kkta wants a good male" stretches her arms. "Come to Kkta."

"Okay Jungkook, thank you very much."

She walks out without looking at her again and is killed a couple of minutes later. Eleonora straightens up and crosses her arms before turning around and looking directly towards Jimin.

"There's something I was going to ask, but we delayed it until we have specimens" Jimin points to himself. "We need you to serious your howl. You paralyze them. That can be very useful for pulling people out of burrows."

"What if it's not fully functional?"

"It works on the infected and here are two test subjects to find out."

Jimin purses his lips. He doesn't even need to approach them as such. He takes a sharp intake of breath and enters the room that is shared for the last two Alphas. They have several artifacts attached. Mainly in their heads so they can read the reactions this will do in their brains.

Jimin clears his throat and with the pair of soldiers behind him, ready in case it backfires, he gives a loud roar. He feels the throat raspy and for worse, blood coming. He raises the sound when he notices some resistance from pair of them.

"Thank you." he smiles awkwardly at the soldier who holds out a glass of water and a towel for the blood.

The pair are left alive, but a medical team moves in to begin amputation of their limbs. Adding extracting the teeth as a precaution. Eleonora guides them out, not considering that they should be there holding the scene any longer.

"I will send the report to your home" Eleonora says once they are in a break room. "We have a plan, along with General Mikhail, to use both hormones and sounds against them. Jungkook's information on this is very functional and would decrease the risk of loss."

"Have they lost people?"

"By bringing in those four Alphas, at least eleven people died."

They are silent, considering it depressing and at the same time, wishing it had been worth it. Eleonora is clearly not happy about this event.

"The only good news I have from that, is that we were able to save sixteen people confined in that nest" she reports running her hand over the bridge of her nose. "Thanks to a lot of the directions you guys were able to give us.... I called for a plane to take them, I know they missed their flight. I'm sorry."

"As long as it helps in some way, no problem," Namjoon says with an apologetic smile. "Do you think everything they have planned can be done?"

"Holding out hope for that is the best we can do."

Jimin plays with the badge under his shirt and gives a deep sigh. It's fortunate that they won't have to sing for another two days. By that time, his throat will be fine.

He has a lot on his mind right now.

There will be a lot to ramble about during the flight, on the way to the hotel, at the hotel....

Uh, there's so much time to think.

Chapter 39: Reflectors and ovations

Chapter Text

"Are you feeling bad?"

"No. I'm just thinking things. I'm fine."

Namjoon squints his eyes, not knowing what to think about it. Jimin might be lying. He usually does after all. However, he decides to leave him alone. Him being quiet and looking out the window isn't exactly a bad thing. In case he behaves strangely, he will ask again and insist.

Jimin, on the other hand, is looking out of the window. The clouds fluffy and orange from the sunset. They would arrive in the United States after dark. So bright lights will be able to. So different from the stars that could not be seen in Korea with the clouds so thick and nights in hiding.

"What's sad about female?"

Jimin doesn't even bother to look at Hajun, who is in the front seat, sitting sloppily and awkwardly. He doesn't fit in this world. He doesn't fit among the furniture, among the vehicles. He doesn't really belong in this world.

"Maybe it makes you sad to know that you can never get rid of that stigma."

Leeseung is also outsider. Despite his human and normal body, his simple and comfortable clothes, it is as if he has no place in the normal world. In the world of the living and conscious. Somehow, he lost the way to belong in this world of normality.

Of being... human.

Even though he tried to become one again.

Hajun has never been able to stay in this world.

The question Jimin asks himself is: Do I belong to this world? Can I really inhabit it? They come from asking him to give roars like the beasts that made a nightmare of his life; he is able to feel them close, he is also able to command the Yagtalja as if he were one of them.

Is he really human?

Does he belong to this world?

Maybe he does. So long pining for the normal world made him forget that it is also horrible. The way they are judged, the way they are belittled for a thousand different reasons. Each one more imbecilic than the other. For what they lived through, for saying they lie, for seeing them as murderers, for believing them a pest; xenophobia, hom*ophobia, racism; hate for doing it and nothing else.

This world is not a fairy tale. It never was and facing it again makes you rediscover it. Of course, it is much more discreet and less aggressive than what you experienced in Korea. That is a fact. However, why would it be impossible for him to adapt to such a destructive world? He has already done it once.

His anguish has never had to be to adapt to the whole world again. Worrying about fitting in and being a threat. The threat is them. The crowd. Those who look at him and judge him. Just as it was in Gimpo. He has always had himself and no one else, so he sits just to his right, comfortable and acclimated in this ancient environment that Hajun and Leeseung are unable to fit into.

What he has to achieve is...

Be one with others.

With those who truly are the world of peace he so idealized and missed. He turns his head, finding Hoseok, Taehyung and Jungkook goofing off, being that he can walk around the plane with no problem; Jin and Yoongi sleeping with their mouths open and the biggest headphones ever, Namjoon working on his laptop, wanting to finish his album

"It's always been there. What you're really looking for."

Jimin purses his lips, his hands together and his heart beating a little fast. It must be true. That must be what's so hard for him to accept: that no matter where he is, the environment and the masses are not going to be kind to him.

They never have been. From minute one, he has been rejected unless he consistently showed his worth. Whether it was on the strength of his abilities or a value that others brought him at the cost of using it.

With his family it wasn't like that. His parents and brother simply loved him. He didn't have to expose himself to be useful, artistic, anything like that They just loved him! Weeding out everything he accomplished, expressing their concern regarding his decisions and yet, they never stopped him from pursuing what he aspired to.

And with his boyfriends it's the same. It's indifferent that he can sing again. That he can dance again. That he can be the same as before. The person they really fell in love with to begin with: for them, Jimin is Jimin and they will love him any way they can.

That's the world I needed to go back to and it's there, isn't it? Now that they all have time, that they're better off, that they can focus on the more personal part of themselves?

It's there.

It's in that place that I've been looking for.

Maybe...

Just maybe.

"Are you sure you're not going to tie your hair back?

Jimin nods. He can do it with his hair down. The show they came to arranged for them to dance in a huge square and booked from before. They have an audience of three hundred people and although they hear the slight hubbub, they force themselves to remain calm.

They feel a comforting and familiar tingle throughout their entire body. They know they have experienced this before. They know this is something they've missed. Jungkook of all people is the one who looks out the most. He wants to go out now and start.

Even if he ends up crying, he wants to come out.

"Do all the microphones work?" asks Jin. Everyone's is lapel this time, but nervousness has him too fidgety and wanting to check everything.

"Yes... Did they take the medicine?"

"Yes." they answer in chorus and Aeyoung laughs, approaching with a tray of small cups with purple liquid. They look at her with a scrunched up face.

"It's just juice with two drops of valerian in each. It lessens the nerves. There's nothing serious about it." she reports with a chuckle. Jimin takes it with some hesitation as does Yoongi. They hope they don't fall asleep.

They doubt that it is only two drops. It's impossible that something in such a small amount would help.

Unless he is saying it as a placebo effect. They trust that there is something and in reality, there is nothing there.

They announce that they can start now. It's going to be one shot. Whatever comes out is what's going to be. After all, with an audience here, it would be a little strange to go for something more perfect. They take it as a sort of one-song mini-concert. As soon as they set foot outside, the exclamations appear. Yoongi adjusts his headphone. The slightly muted sound works quite well.

There are lots of posters, people with bouquets of flowers, with albums, huge banners, cell phones recording and Armybombs everywhere.

"Wow~! The time has come!" announces the head of the program. "We bring with you the big return to music. Here we have with their title song ON to B-T-S." she exclaims making way and the music begins to play.

They have all the MV dancers and that gives them confidence. It wasn't hard to mold back in. Taehyung and Jimin nudge each other and when it's time to start, Jimin notices that Taehyung is shaking terribly.

Even with that, he starts singing. His voice steady and his footsteps too Where did the shaking go? It simply vanished.

None of them would know how to explain what it feels like. The way nerves, shyness and any kind of impediment to enjoying this moment, vanishes. As if it never existed to begin with. The tiredness is no bother. Neither is the sweat. Much less the heat. Following the rhythm of the melody they practiced so much in the dance room at home and when they made the MV.

It's a moment that is so painfully short. Before they know it, they are with their arms on each other's shoulders, eyes on the sky and drenched in sweat. Namjoon gasps, looking towards the others who have similar expressions. Disbelief at having succeeded and disappointment at having finished, intermingled with the enormous satisfaction of having succeeded.

Those with the drums start to play, noticing that feeling. Jungkook is the first to go, fooling around as he dances with nothing choreographed next to the choreographer -save the redundancy-, Jimin pulls Taehyung and Jin with him to do the same, playing and jumping while celebrating the moment, being recorded by the camera in transmission.

Namjoon stays behind even when Yoongi and Hoseok go to join in. He just watches them with utter adoration and a huge smile on his lips.

Finally...

They are finally well.

They're finally back the way he remembered them.

Are they different?

Yes.

But that's what they had lost.

It's finally back

Today we're performing live with an audience. We have about forty bouquets filling the room. We were sad not to accept the ones we were given. The ones that were small we put together in a giant bouquet. We were also given stuffed animals, even clothes and food. Everyone who was there (even men, which I didn't really expect) was very nice.

They even tried not to be an unbearable fuss over Yoongi and Jimin. They did it only because we encouraged them to do so when they were drumming.

I have no way to explain how happy it made me. It was like having a huge spotlight on me again and that contrary to being to judge me, to seek me out or hurt me, it was to admire me in the most genuine way. What made me most happy when it came to making music.

I want to perform again. I want to do it a thousand times more. With more people. In a bigger place. More costumes, more songs. Did I feel this before? I don't think I appreciated it the way I should have. Right now, I feel like I might die if I don't perform soon.

My body hurts. Everything pricks me. I'm still not used to this level of demand. It was one take, still: WHAT THE HELL! WE DID IT RIGHT! WE ARE BANGTAN AGAIN! THE REAL BANGTAN!

Maybe this is who I am. This is the "thing" that I am. The "what."

I'm a person who likes to make music.

Although... Who I am, I don't know yet. Just that I want to do a thousand things now even though I don't feel any specific part of my body.

It's been too long since he's had Jimin this energetic on top of him. Feeling Jimin's small hands undressing him is something he's missed and has his excitement running high. Jungkook holds him by the back of his neck no more. Eager and desperate for more of the touch. Jimin rocks back and forth on his crotch, still rubbing himself.

Breaking away, he gasps in exhaustion and pulls Jungkook's shirt off, squeezing the flesh in his wake and massaging it at the same time. Jungkook giggles, willingly receiving the kisses on his neck.

"Jimin-ssi is very eager?" he asks amused and Jimin doesn't answer him, self-absorbed and wanting more contact. "If you don't answer me I don't plan to do anything."

"Don't be silly! I thought you'd like to have me riding you!"

"Sure I would, but I also want signs that my rider is feeling well."

Jimin laughs through his nose, hugging him and letting himself be kissed on the neck equally.

"Do you want me to knock your ass out or what?"

"Harder." whines Taehyung with a crooked, eager smile, his eyes misty and Jin between his legs. The man clearly sulking. He grabs him by the collar and Taehyung moans louder, his back bumping steadily against the wall he's leaning against. He sticks out his tongue for a moment and Jin grits his teeth.

Taehyung is going to suck him dry.

"Y-Yoongi-"

Hoseok tightens his lips and eyes, holding back the outrageous moan soon to escape. Yoongi's forehead resting on the back of his neck and the producer's incessant gasps. For a few moments, he lies completely still; he stands up and even without catching his full breath, he spreads Hoseok's buttocks, seeing where his penis enters and misses. He massages them and moves in and out again, causing moans from his companion.

"It-it feels...so good..... Yoongiiii~" Hoseok smiles, hugging the pillow under him and giving an exclamation at the spanking Yoongi gives him.

"Don't be so outrageous."

Oh, so we're in for those today, Hoseok a chuckle with bristling skin. It had been so long without happening, he had forgotten that sometimes Yoongi plays the plaintiff.

His high-pitched, long moans sound in time with Jungkook's groin against his buttocks. The younger's strong hands clinging to Jimin's hips, squeezing him. Jimin keeps looking down every now and then, as the member slips in and out of his insides, bloodless and not something that hurts him.

It feels good, it feels so good.

Jungkook grabs his legs, making him pull them up to his shoulders so he can bite the pale, spongy thighs. It's just barely tooth grazes, he doesn't want to scare him or cause bad reactions. Jimin squeezes the pillows under his head, with a long org*sm and that whitish seed, pooling in his abdomen.

He clicks and pouts Why is Jungkook pulling away? Jimin turns him upside down and exclaims, eyes widening from the fast, hard penetration, just reaching org*sm. Jungkook gasps with a drooping head and a smile. He presses his hand on Jimin's shoulder and with the other, holds him on his hip.

The way his name escapes Jimin loves it and even though he just finished, he can continue. He has a lot of ability to continue. Without thinking about it. Without even mulling it over. Jimin realizes there is a second pair of hands holding him. He looks up, finding Namjoon who co*cks his head to one side, as if asking if he doesn't mind too much if he joins in.

He scoots in a little, even with Jungkook's restraining grip. He reaches up to Namjoon's hip, undoes his belt and caresses the skin to seconds later, start licking the penis with barely any hardening.

"You're doing great baby." praises Namjoon with an ecstatic smile and stroking Jimin in the hair. With the shorter increasing in his attentions to the hardening penis, rubbing lightly on his cheek until it occupies his mouth.

Jungkook grabs Namjoon by the nape of his neck, kissing him instantly. Namjoon allows Jungkook to direct the contact; he gasps and holds him by the nape of his neck equally, his other hand in Jimin's hair to gently direct him in rhythm.

As they separate, Jungkook is left with saliva on his lips and a cumulus of it falls on Jimin's back. The blue-haired one having to stop, lying on Namjoon's thigh as he receives the onslaught. Namjoon laughs helplessly. He thinks they look adorable.

Chapter 40: Alive

Chapter Text

7. Love again in this Slow dance

"You look beautiful."

Taehyung smiles square, letting himself be hugged and shaken by Namjoon. The contact ends with a kiss on the temple and Taehyung shrugs. The video clip director announces that it's time to record.

He bites his lips in place, dressed in gold and with faded hair. He takes a deep breath, counts down and the music he made starts playing so he can lipsync.

It's going to be good...

Just fine.

"From the others, I felt a bit useless. Jungkook is... worse than a soccer player, Namjoon too; Jin was taking over everything, Hoseok too and Yoongi became super intimidating" relates Taehyung to the interviewer of the program he attends. "It took me a long time to realize that I'm different from them. I am...me. In my own way. In my own style. That's why my album is nothing like theirs."

"Personally, I'm more of a jazz fan, so you were a blessing to my ears" Taehyung smiles charmingly, co*cking his head to the side, "but it's certainly very different from the projects done so far."

"I'm glad you see it that way."

"Did you think about it in your time in Korea?"

"No, not at all "He shakes his head. "Back there... I was very weak" he laughs somewhat ruefully, "I couldn't think about anything but being safe or calm. Composing didn't come to me at the time. It came here... when I knew my nightmares couldn't come true."

"Oh, so this album-"

"It's everything I've thought about since I came here... I didn't have anything I did in the past. It's new. All of this...it's the me that's here now and knows it's not useless and is loved." he concludes with enormous peace inside him.

When it's time to sing, he notices that among the audience of the program is Jin. The man shakes the Army Bomb with his prosthesis and in his right hand, a small sign:

"KIM TAEHYUNG MY HUSBAND."

He tries to hold in his laughter. He must have known he was going to do something silly like this. He closes his eyes and leans against the microphone, listening to the music starting to play. Feeling the weight on his back. Small, just like him before the whole mess.

We are not useless...we are different.... And we are loved for it.

Am I thе only one like this?
Are you okay if I'm with somеone else?
Let's take it way back, slowly
Make it feel better, yeah, make it Forever

Taehyung keeps thinking about how much his album was talked about. Calling it strange among the rest that's been released. The quietest, the least danceable, the one that doesn't seem to fit and Taehyung knows that precisely because of that, his album fits where it is among the others.

Because he has always been the little foot so different from Bangtan.

Don't say it's okay
Said I'm alright, said I'll be fine
I'm sorry, they're all lies
Please don't leave
Please don't go, so far away

Choonhe told him that was his biggest problem: trying to be the same as everyone else when he loved himself as different as he was. With his tastes and eccentricities.

I wish you would love me again
No, I don't want nobody else
I wish you could love me again, again

In the end it became simple: he had to love himself again. Taehyung had to understand himself again. He had to be Kim Tae-Hyung again.

I wish you would love me again
No, I don't want nobody else
I wish you could love me again, again

And that he could only ask of himself in a soft tune, a slow dance with that self of himself that had fallen and could not get up again.

6. Just MORE Arson

"IT'S SUPER COOL! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!"

Hoseok laughs, half chest lifted off the bed, naked and full of marks. Jin's arm around his waist and the older still asleep. Hoseok is busy answering his sister's messages, congratulating him on the release of his album.

Jack in the Box is officially exposed to the world. A world that loves him in all his splendor. He released only one video for now. One that he made with the help of Jungkook, Yoongi and Namjoon. Both for aesthetics and to have someone to honestly say if he was doing it right or wrong.

He wanted extra opinions, maybe make some adjustments, however, everyone agreed that it felt like him. Like that facet that no one really knows, not even Hoseok and wants to experiment with. To know it in all its glory.

"Nervous?" asks Becky with an excited smile. Hoseok nods, but waves his body before nudging her hip, grinning.

"Yeah, but it's part of the experience, right!!!?" Becky nods in agreement and a couple of minutes later, she steps onto the stage.

Hoseok applauds her from backstage. She is still as he remembers her: energetic, vivacious, so charming and talented. He braces himself as his time to enter approaches. Hoseok closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. With that soft little voice in his head talking to him. That part of him that is genuinely deranged for letting so much pass for normalcy.

A sort of illogical buffoon that, in part, helped keep him sane.

Get out of the box this time.

He steps onto the stage and the exclamations are immense in consequence, singing and dancing in front of such a large audience. He manages to visualize Namjoon and company in the front stands, the six of them cheering him on so enthusiastically that they look like just another fan.

They are just another fan.

Because the six of them are the ones who love Hoseok the most and there is no one who can compete with them.

Yoongi is here, which Hoseok appreciates too much. Indifferent to the crowd, he wanted to come to support him in this small return to the stage and that is the first step to his solo career.

Just as Hoseok has always been there for Yoongi through thick and thin.

Yoongi is always there for Hoseok in the same conditions.

He just fixed the little makeup on his face. He wanted to make a similar style as he had in More's video. He has read a lot of reviews about it. Some say it's not him properly. However, they want the jhope from Airplane, from Daydream and.... that person is no longer here. As close as it is, it's something that died.

Not so it's been totally erased from existence. It's still present. Just in a stronger, rawer form. More able to be honest with what it feels. The discomforts, the dislikes, and smiling even if it's with distaste and derision.

It's more honest.

More human, perhaps.

Hoseok returns to his dressing room, noting that he's left a glove behind. As he enters, what he receives is a huge exclamation. "HAPPY DEBUT!"

Hoseok bursts out laughing, clamped to the door and falling awkwardly to the floor. The six of them there, including Jiwoo, Becky and the dogs that barely fit in this now tiny space. They have a huge cake decorated like their album. He goes to blow out the candles and claps with the others. It almost gets knocked down by Bam and Hye. The she-wolf is huge and they can't pretend it's a dog anymore.

However, he doesn't stop laughing and enjoying this moment. Hoseok hugs Jiwoo tightly, shaking her a little.

"Thank you for being here."

"Always." replies Jiwoo tenderly.

"I personally had a lot of problems, it was possible for me to get infected and I wasn't as strong as others." explains Hoseok crossing his leg. The solo interview for his album. "So I used fire to defend myself. There was a lot of...bad things happening and in the end, I didn't want to be a burden."

"It sounds a little complicated."

"It was complicated as hell! It was insufferable!" he laughs indiscreetly. "MORE is the main theme and Arson comes after because it's something that helped me.... At the same time it's part of me that I managed to overcome! Especially having written and sung it. That's super behind me."

The interview continues and for when he should sing, he chose Arson.

Let's burn
To my passion, burn
To my hopes, burn
My life, burn. Every day I ran
Couldn't stop back then
I burned it all And I wanted it all

Truth be told, he hadn't realized how much he had missed rapping. Especially live.

I shower in petrol (Oh)
To set a fire (Oh)
On my feet, on my legs (Oh)
Even hotter, run my way (Oh)

Much less the absurd amount of thoughts he could let flow through it. The strength, the inevitable comparison that he has always wanted to see things burning in his life and lived it.

We burn bright together
All day
Rational accomplices
Arsonist was fun (Heeh)
Got nothing to fear
One second ahead, f*ck off (f*ck off, f*ck off)

Fire no longer scares him. He considers it a part of him that he can control and that only a small part of it comes out at the moment.

If anyone asks me
"Right, I lit the flame"
Now I ask myself, choose what
Do I put out the fire, or burn even brighter

And the best thing is, it's not a dangerous fire!

It's one that glows.

And it likes to live like that... Shining like a sun capable of hurting, but without hurting; One that can be strong and gentle at the same time. One that was broken, but is already put back together again.

5. Being an Astronaut

"Isn't that far-fetched?"

"I think it's a phenomenal idea."

Jin nods and releases air through his lips. He planned his entire video clip, but he can't let go of the slight trepidation it gives him. Yoongi pats him on the back and goes to where the rest of the staff is. They will be extensive recordings, but he is convinced that they will be phenomenal like the song itself.

Yoongi balances on his feet, convinced that, after this: Jin will have the confidence to do more work on his own. He will realize how capable he is.

"I felt I wasn't a good Hyung, that I should do more for them" he explains as he watches the photo shoot flash across the studio screen, the interviewer listening intently, "but- uff, it was so ridiculous" he laughs ruefully, leaning back a little. "I realized, super late, that they didn't really need me.... That I was going out of my way to be something they didn't need."

"In what way?" she questions confused.

"I thought they needed evidence of being strong even in adversity: jhope wanted to make them happy, RM wanted them to have a direction; I thought my role was to make them see that we were strong and we didn't need to! Because in reality, we needed to remember that we could be weak."

"You can say then that you dedicate this collaboration to them." concludes the interviewer and Jin nods with a soft smile on his lips.

"I dedicate my whole life to them... we saved each other many times, but in the long run, without them I wouldn't have survived, if I hadn't had them with me, I wouldn't have had the will to live anymore." He turns his attention to the audience, where Jungkook is. The younger one with his eyes wide and a smile that camouflages his sentimentality.

When he has to sing, he feels awkward. He feels a little... alien, but the more the music plays, with Chris appearing as a special guest that no one expected, Jin feels his body trembling, with a smile rising on his face the more the man encourages him.

You and me, an unending history
Oh, you became my universe
The story of us
Like that asteroid drifting by without a destination
I, too, was just drifting along
Every dream I found in the darkness
Starting anew this story

It's as if your body moves on its own.

As if that dead weight on his back doesn't exist and instead, he can hear his own laughter echoing in his head. What convinced him to remain an Idol to begin with. It wasn't taking care of them:

It was having fun with them.

With Taehyung.

With Namjoon.

With Jungkook.

With Hoseok.

With Yoongi.

With Jimin.

When I'm with you
There is no one else
I get heaven to myself
When I'm with you
There is no one else
I feel this way I've never felt

It's all about having fun. Enjoying life and that even with a thousand insecurities, worries and problems, you can still go on. When he couldn't sing well, when he couldn't dance well, when he felt less....

They amused him.

They made him feel loved and belonging to that world.

And he had lost that... he had forgotten to have fun.

You and me
Like a star that doesn't shatter
Becoming your dream
To travel throughout the universe
Just as the Milky Way shines upon the darkest roads
You were shining towards me
The only light found in the darkness
On my path to you

However, he is purified. Gone are the traces of the pollution that clouded his senses, that made a cloak around him and created so many responsibilities he didn't need. Now, laughing and jumping on stage with Coldplay playing, he smiles broad and playful.

In the evening in the hotel room, a small party. Several photos of the performance and the news that he would be at the next Coldplay concert.

4. Make a Daechwita with the sound of a Haegum, maybe that will cure my AMYGDALA

Namjoon gave him a gift: he organized a small concert for him. A performance in a rather big club. He could present his whole album there. Everyone was happy with the proposal, the tickets were sold out instantly. It's not something he planned, he didn't even have it as a possibility.

And far from angering him, the prospect of performing his new music excited him.

Right now, they're fixing it up to go on stage. He hears slight fuss even from here.

"Do you think I'll do well?" he asks with his eyes closed, half asleep.

"Of course I do," Namjoon affirms without even thinking about it. The stylist steps aside to give them space. Namjoon reaches Yoongi and grabs his hair. He bleached it to record parts of his first MV. It was the last to be done, despite being the first to be revealed. Namjoon combs it carefully. The one he can pull off. "Even when everything goes against you, you are able to pull it off. You're awesome."

Yoongi gives a laugh, dozing even more from the fondness of the touch.

"We'll be in the audience. If you get nervous, head down. We'll be there." he concludes with a kiss to Yoongi's forehead.

The rapper nods softly and when he opens his eyes, he finds Namjoon's calm and smiling face. "Thank you for having so much confidence in me... and taking care of me... even if I called you a son of a bitch.

"I'll never stop even if you stab me in the stomach." he promises.

The concert itself was pretty funny. Too many people shaking their heads when Daechwita sang, pulling out cigars when Haegum sings; it's a very funny sequence. Even though it's not his best idea, he left Amygdala for the end. He considers it the most appropriate. He runs his hand over his face, sweaty and his face stinging.

The concert itself was quite funny. Too many people shaking their heads when Daechwita sang, pulling out cigars when Haegum sings; it's a very funny sequence. Even though it's not his best idea, he left Amygdala for the end. He considers it the most appropriate. He runs his hand over his face, sweaty and his face stinging.

"Truth be told, I feel like my face is breaking into pieces" Yoongi admits and Hoseok becomes alert; the rapper from an airless laugh. "And it's been like this since we got here- No, since I understood that I was branded like this" He runs his finger up and down on the scar, "but.... Maybe it's good" He drops his arm. "Maybe I'm just leaving a shell of me that doesn't have to be here anymore? It's... a dead skin" he muses scratching his ear. "One that I am no longer."

He has stopped running away from the situation. He lets himself break completely. Let every part of his face and body simply fall away instead of calling for help to make it stop. It's not bad. It's not that his body breaks: it's that the skin on him does.

The one Jaesan touched.

That one that the Yagtalja touched and bit.

All that goes away.

He feels them less.

It perceives them less.

Because he no longer has that in him.

He is able to understand that... That's not there anymore.

And when he starts singing, even if he starts crying at the end, it's something he needed. Maybe a cathartic method of getting over it.

I don't know your name
How you feelin' lately?
I don't know your name, your name, your name
Travelling to memories
Things I wanna erase
How you feelin' lately?

Yoongi wanna erase it all. Not even have it in his mind. Still, it's impossible and he has to live with it. Despite the contradiction: Yoongi likes having these memories for one reason only. It's the same one everyone has told him: it lets him know he's strong.

1993. The month I was born
My mother's heart surgery
A whole lot was happened back then
Don't know why things are so hectic
I'ma bring back my memories, I can't even remember
Let's unpack them, one by One

It seems unbelievable how his life has been so full of hardship, but he's still here. He suffered too much. Yoongi can't even remember how many times he has cried about it. Yet... It makes him feel strong to remember it! To be aware of everything that was in front of him.

The bеst choice
Then the sеcond-best choice
Third-best choice, choice, yeah
Things I never ask for
Things that are outta my control
Let's put them back in, one after another
Yes, one, two, yes, one, two

And he could win. The choice not to die in spite of everything was the best choice. To continue was the best choice even though everything around him, it made no sense, it was not within his power to stop it. Just survive it.

I don't know your name, your name, your name
Come on, let's erase them one by one, yes, one by one

And somehow... the only thing I had really lost, was the sense of identity. That I was a somebody and not a dead man walking around alive. Broken to the core.

My amygdala
Please save me, please save me
My amygdala
Please let me out, please let me out
My amygdala
My amygdala
Save me from here, hurry and get me out of here, yeah, yeah

And they saved him.

Just as he saved himself.

Yoongi says goodbye crying and as indiscreet as only he is, Hoseok comes on stage to hug him tightly.

3. SEVEN of us in 3D, always saying "Standing next to you".

He always delayed his own album.

He didn't feel it was right.

That it was perfect.

Delaying it now is... almost a habit, something he would like to do just to annoy. However, the awareness that he could die any moment.... And that he won't. There are many, many things he wants to do in life. His album became a sudden priority with the same dilemma: it must be perfect. Maybe that's why he wanted to rely on different collaborations.

And it worked out pretty well. He even found it weird that Namjoon didn't say anything about it. That he left everything he wanted to do up to his discretion.

So... weird.

So free.

Huh, so just feels so excited So it'll be a surprise even for them! And when he has everything ready, when he can show them, the reactions delight him.

The wonder and excitement, contrary to the disappointment he'd feared he'd get.

"They took care of me always" he smiles wrinkling his nose, hunched over and still rocking in the seat. "There was someone who hurt me? Namjoon was never that upset."

"well, in all their interviews they have mentioned that you are still the maknae" the interviewer mentions and Jungkook nods, he relishes the piercing he got a few days ago. On his lower lip and near the corner of his lip. "Although also that you saved them many times."

"Yes! It's just that... I had the feeling that they didn't take me seriously, but maybe I didn't even understand the situation properly" he admits thoughtfully. "They left me aside sometimes, they wanted to take care of me, but at the same time... they relied so much on me to keep them alive- Wanting to stay alive, that, in the long run, we saved each other."

"Yes, it's just that... I had the feeling that they didn't take me seriously, but maybe I didn't even understand the situation well," he admits thoughtfully. "They would leave me aside sometimes, they wanted to take care of me, but at the same time... they relied so much on me to keep them alive- Wanting to stay alive, that, in the long run, we saved each other non-stop" He wrinkles his nose again. "Even when I felt I failed, they'd say I saved them..."

Singing alone he has the same thought: the way everyone interprets situations and how hard they had to work to understand each other. To realize that there was no displacement, that there was no mistrust... that inwardly, it never happened.

They just looked out for each other by putting their chest in front of the barrel of the gun.

And treating life itself as a battlefield is what wounded them.

In the end only one thing mattered: they were next to each other.

You know that all night long we rock to this
Screamin', I testify this lovin'
All night long, we flock to this
Screamin', I testify that we'll survive the test of time
They can't deny our love
They can't divide us, we'll survive the test of time
I promise I'll be right here

Just as Jimin now, despite his hatred of scandal, is in the audience watching it.

Standing next to you
Standing in the fire next to you (oh)
You know it's deeper than the rain

It's always been about standing next to each other, getting back together, still loving each other.

It's deeper than the pain
When it's deep like DAN
Somethin' they can't take away

The only thing that mattered. The only thing that survived intact and the only thing that kept them going.

2. Set me free, let me act Like Crazy

"Will you join me?"

Jungkook nods, somewhat confused. Jimin asks him to accompany him to go to the middle of nowhere. To the ends of the territory they were given. Near a small cliff. To his surprise, Jimin removes the plates from his neck and with them rolled up in one hand, uses a gardening shovel to open several holes in the ground.

He places each plate in a different hole.

Stopping when he must with the Leeseung plate.

Jungkook keeps a safe distance away and turns around to give him the privacy Jimin needs.

"I know you did a lot to take care of me...and that world broke you" he murmurs running his thumb over the letters on the shiny metal. "In another life, in another circ*mstance... maybe I wouldn't have hated you like I did... all I know, is that I thank you so much for giving me what you gave me. The good things, of course."

"You brought me all the way out here for that?" asks Leeseung, sitting in front of him. Jimin shakes his head.

"No. Just to prove to you that .... you were right: I got out of there and survived."

He smiles wide and sincere, causing Leeseung to do so as well, lowering his gaze as Jimin places the plate in the hole and coats it. He stands up and looks at Hajun, also standing next to the small place that can be considered a grave. He says nothing, as if he lost the ability to speak.

He takes Jungkook's hand and swings it tightly, walking to the car beside him.

"Did you want to say goodbye?" asks Jungkook in a low voice. Jimin looks up at the sky.

"Yes... It was something I needed."

He looks back for a moment. Hyuntae, Inho and Leeseung waving goodbye. He turns back towards the front and leans back from Jungkook. It's something he must leave behind....

That night he slept alone.

Sporadically he tries and sporadically he succeeds.

Until close to the day he takes out his album, he realizes that the only reason he sleeps with the others is because he wants to keep them company. He doesn't need to. How long has he been like this? Maybe longer than he can count.

The only thing he is certain of, is that he hasn't seen Leeseung or Hajun since.

"Can I still talk to you?" Aeyoung is surprised by the question and ends up nodding with a smile.

"Sure. I don't have any problem."

Jimin hugs Aeyoung and she is surprised. Jimin never makes contact with anyone other than his boyfriends. Hardly stylists can with care. Much less a hug. She reciprocates affectionately, patting him gently.

"Stay happy and healthy. If you need help, just ask."

"Of course." replies Jimin with a smile.

He opens his eyes, his head to the cloudy sky dropping a big storm. He likes to stand in the rain from time to time. It's so relaxing.

"Look at me now" Jimin hums, closing his eyes. "I won't hide anymore, even if it hurts" feels a soft, familiar pressure on her back. "Going insane to stay sane... Raise your hands for the past me."

"Now set me free."

He lowers his head. Uh, it's so funny... In the end, the last thing holding himself back, what he really is, was himself: wanting to take care of himself from the pain, repressing that person he wanted to be again. However, he assumes that's not going to happen anymore.

"It's not something I wanted to say, but I was sexually abused over there..." comments Jimin dropping his head to the side. "It happened quite a bit, unfortunately... to the point where I didn't feel like a person at all."

"It must have been... terrible. Especially since you were away from the rest."

"Yes. I know that with them, something like that wouldn't have happened to me" Jimin replies with immediacy and looks up at the ceiling for a moment, "there was someone who helped me. Besides Wonho and BM" He adds and notices the stares of the others in the audience. "His name was Leeseung. He was a colonel."

"Oh..."

"He didn't survive...he literally died taking care of me" Jimin purses his lips. "He thought there was no better person than me. That I was a lifesaver. Even now I don't know why he thought that way" admits with a shrug, "but I do know that... he was someone who helped me not die without being able to do the same for him. Even with bad things he did, I remember him a lot for what he did right."

Maybe it's too soft of him to "forgive" him. To want Leeseung to live like this is like a weak and barely clear memory. However, it is the Leeseung he remembers fondly. The one who was kind, loving and truly helped him. The one who he can say, existed when he just wanted a smile from him and let him hug him to pretend he was Jungkook.

Leeseung was his first taste of everything in that eternal disaster: the good, the bad, the human, the strange. He was so many things and even if he doesn't have the badge hanging around his neck or its ghost in his mind, he has it in his memory.

Maybe that's why he thinks about it even now as the music starts to play and he waits for the moment to dance along with the dancers and so on. Deep in his thoughts, with so many shadows in the hallway.

As the loud music I get faded out
A cliché story like a drama I get used to it
Have I come too far to find the me that you used to know
Yeah, I know You know I know

One that transited and now can finally get out of there.

I'd rather be
Lost in the lights
I'm outta my mind
Hold onto the end of the night
Every night
You spin me up high
The moon with you in its arms
Let me have a taste

Among bright lights, colors, sensations and so on that there seemed only things of dream, things of being full of drugs and hallucinations. It is real. Now you can jump on any of your boyfriends and be kissed, caressed and praised by them.

Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin')
It's gon' be a good night Forever you and I

Feel the loving tanto, your breaths warm, but real and lovely. Let life itself seem like the most beautiful and perfect dream, a perpetual night with flashes of seduction and affection that you so longed to have dancing in your mind and making your body dance.

This will break me
This is gonna break me
No, don't you wake me

Jimin knows he's broken.

Jimin knows he can't be like he used to be.

But he's a new being.

One that can be gentle as well as savage, charming as well as horrible, constructive as well as destructive... He doesn't need to be saved from himself, not now that he's found the rhythm in which he dances, not now that he can hold himself and dance to the same tune.

I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me
Don't you try to save me
I need a way we
I need a way we can dream on

Long to stay this way.

He longs to go on seeing as a madman who is loved just as he is, even with all the blood he had on him and now there is none; who was used by all without mercy and can scoff that none of them are here in difference to him.

He longs to remain a winner of all the good in the world. The just reward that life has set out for him after pushing him to the limit so much. He has peace again after seven years of being a savage who moved for survival.

Today he can finally rest and smile in peace for his life that continues just as those who were left behind and those who are here, asked him to have.

And what he wants for himself.

1. I'm just a Wild flower

Jin and Hoseok debuted. It was a big hit. I don't think I've ever seen people on social media theorizing about a thousand things at the same time. Saying who would be next, who is more in line with some song. It's quite a comical process to follow.

Hongjoong has helped me with some things, mainly because I have no idea who to ask for help anymore and I stress myself out. That's the bad part of doing it independently. You don't have anyone.

We have friends though, so it's not really true about "having no one."

I've gotten several offers for interviews with presentation and the truth is... I don't feel like being in interviews. Not that they are televised like the rest. All the songs on my album speak pretty well is what I think, also the commentary I made in the various written interviews.

There is nothing I want to say. I don't need to say it anymore. I feel that overexposing it will only make it less mine and more others'. Anyone who doesn't get it at this point may never get it.

At times I feel somewhat narcissistic for not wanting to talk about it, but why should I expose something that is mine alone? Why should it be selfish to want to keep this to myself? The more the days go by, the more I realize that it is not something that others can understand, only those who live here with me.

The rest, have a version of me that is much more diluted, less genuine, perhaps. It's not something I really care about Why should I? They are not what matters. They are the world that loves me one day and hates me the next. One that I conform to, but I don't belong.

I am like a winter flower: surviving the most turbulent, including these demands that want to destroy my nerves.

Jimin has started sleeping alone. I didn't realize it until now. The last time I was told about it, he was sleeping at least twice a week in his room. That's a good start.

Jungkook got a piercing, the fear of it getting stuck in my skin is huge.

Jin is composing with Yoongi. I think he is starting to gain confidence.

Taehyung has been asking me a lot about his album. It's kind of cute.

Yoongi's performance was great. I think it's the first time in too many years that I've seen him crying out of happiness that he got it right. It's cute. He didn't let go of me all night. He needed some comfort. He was feeling overwhelmed.

I accepted a proposal to introduce myself as Yoongi at another venue. This one is a little bigger and open, it will also be a little earlier, but it should be fine. It will be a month from now. I have to get ready for that. It's got me excited. I want to show up a lot. Just that. maybe talk to people. Like at concerts. Just no interviews.

I have a therapist for a reason (I love you very much Choonhe).

Eleonora talked to me today. The help we gave with the Alphas has been working. They have managed to get more than fifteen dozen people out of nests that are scattered around an area of Korea. It is very complicated to locate them even with the readings that are being taken.

It will be a never-ending job... I am glad to have helped and to continue to do so.

However, it is no longer my business to worry about this. Just for my presentation. I'm still going to donate blood and whatever they want, that way everyone will have immunity and not be like Hoseok those first few years. What is no longer my business, is how you handle it anymore.

That's not my problem.

It's not my business.

Just the music...

Because I'm a person.

I'm a musician.

I should only care about the music and those who help me create it.

Namjoon gasps, trembling and watching everything around him. The people who came, selling out, people he let in because it didn't bother him at all. The place is packed and more importantly, there are lots and lots of people he knows. Twice came, so did Atee*z, Jackson....

His boyfriends, of course, are here. Yoongi downstairs with the others as soon as they finished the collaboration. Jungkook is the most dramatic one along with Jin, squealing and dramatizing that they are nothing but fans.

Though of course, they are fans of each other. Namjoon smiles, slicking back his long pale purple hair, takes off his headphone and laughs with the microphone in hand.

"Well, that was a nice experience," he comments between gasps. "Wow, I thought my voice was going to die halfway through what was I thinking when I wanted to present this here?" Namjoon laughs at himself and causes a few chuckles from the others. "This is the last song... I saved it for last. I consider it the most important one.... You know? The thing I've asked myself the most this year, almost every night without fail is: who am I?"

He leans against the piano Yoongi played.

"I know I'm a musician. I know I'm a person, but in the long run, I didn't know who I was..... Do you, do you" he hums jokingly and draws another laugh. "And I think right now, I'm realizing that answer" Namjoon smiles broadly, sweat rolling down his face. "Thank you so much for helping me" He nods his head. "Now, for the last song: who went out of his way to tears to help me make this perfect. Jiminnie."

The Idol appears doing some jumping jacks, waving his hands and causing squeals of excitement. Namjoon hugs him and gives him a kiss on his forehead while rubbing his right arm. Jimin snuggles in for a moment and pulling away, he pushes his hair back.

Painted light blue and matching the clothes he decided to wear. The music starts. "I hope you like it very much.

Flower field, that's where I'm at
Open land, that's where I'm at
No name, that's what I have
No shame, I'm on my grave

Jimin applauds him with a smile. Namjoon was so worried about not being able to do the more melodic parts and going out of tune. He is doing well despite the clear tiredness. He has almost two hours of singing.

When your feet don't touch the ground
When your own heart underestimates you
When your dreams devour you
When you feel you're not yourself
All those times

Namjoon has too many things on his mind. So many that it is impossible to focus on them all. The truth is that the vast majority of them are the string of memories of events that brought him to this point. There are too many of them. So much so that he becomes self-absorbed and mechanically sings what he wants. It's contradictory to the level of effort and heart he puts in.

No matter what it takes
Oh, let me be myself
Oh, every day and every night
Persistin' pain and the criminal mind
Nights the beating of my heart kept me up
The mournful crescent moon hung beyond the window

He looks towards Jimin who improvises a little dance, loose and tender, getting a huge laugh out of him

I do wish me a lovely night
Over my status is an oversized life
Desperately holding onto a balloon drifting by
I ask where you could be right now
Where you go, where's your soul
Yo, where's your dream?

He strokes his chin and Jimin brings the microphone to his lips when his moment arrives:

Gonna scatter across that sky
Light a flower, flowerwork
Flower, flowerwork

Many are impressed by Jimin's strength for this. After all, they didn't expect him to be able to pull it off considering the amount of time he's had without singing. However, even though the veins in his neck swell, he puts in all his effort and comes out spectacular.

With more than one person taking photo of Namjoon and how in love he looks with Jimin for this.

Gonna shine across that sky
Light a flower, flowerwork
Flower, flowerwork

He looks towards the audience, getting Jungkook and Jin who give a thumbs up, jumping a little in place. Notifying him that just as they imagined he did spectacular! Namjoon is back in the spotlight.

Where's my end finally gonna be?
Everything's so exhausting, from A to Z
When's this wretched mask finally gonna come off?
Yeah, me no hero, me no villain
I'm barely anything
Idling repeats, memories turning vicious
Lying in a field, I set my sights on the skies

In his mental spins and pirouettes he arrives at the question he was looking for, the blissful "Who is it".

Paused and turned out to be gloriously barefooted
Nothing was ever meant to be mine
And don't tell me like you gotta be someone
Because I'll never be like them (Light a flower)
Yeah, my start was poetry

"I am Namjoon... I am someone who is alive... I am someone who wants to go on living..."

My one and only strength and dream that protected me so far
Burning fireworks to flowerworks
Boyhood to eternity
I'll stay in this barren field
Ah, I'll return someday

"I'm someone who wants to enjoy the life I'm living."

We went to the beach again. This time we were alone. We don't talk much. It's weird, but that's the way it is. We didn't do much either. We swam for a while, we also cooked -I had never peeled such small potatoes before-, and we ate around a small campfire. It was very quiet. Very quiet. Jimin asked for something very strange, but at the same time, we couldn't say no to him.

Speaking for myself: I was thinking of asking for the same thing. Maybe the others are the same. I have no way of knowing. We didn't talk about it after that question. We put out the campfire and stared at the sky. They are very beautiful today. Very bright.

"Let's stay together forever" asks Jimin looking at the campfire. "Come what may... may, if the world falls again, let us never part. Let us not fall with it. Let's just be us."

Namjoon nods, leaning back against him. Neither says anything. Silently accepting a lifelong proposal that would defeat only when, as they sleep, they find themselves in the dream hut and the earthly world is no longer theirs. Many years from now.

So distant unlike the campfire burning in front of them.

Just like the worries they once had.

Now, they only enjoy the most basic and simple thing: they are still alive.

And they can smile without regret.